A Christmas Blessing (22 page)

“It won’t be easy,” he said, his chin resting atop her head as she nestled against his chest.

“Easy is for cowards,” she said bravely.

“Anything this difficult may be for fools,” he said dryly.

She stepped back and looked up at him. “Do you love me?”

He cupped her face in his hands, then slowly, so very slowly lowered his head until his mouth covered hers. The answer was in his kiss, a consuming, breath-stealing kiss that seemed to last forever and said
yes, yes, yes
with each passing second. The touch of his lips branded her, the invasion of his tongue claimed her as intimately as she knew his body would some day. Relief and so much more washed through her, filling her with wild exhilaration.

Convinced at last, she dared to insist on an answer to her earlier question. “Do you love me?”

“I thought I’d just told you,” he said, a satisfied smile on his face.

“That was just a clue,” she said, deliberately dismissing the kiss to taunt him. “A very good clue, but not conclusive. I want proof, Lucas.”

His eyebrows rose fractionally. “Oh, really? How far can I actually go under the circumstances.”

“I’ll let you know when you’ve reached the limit.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of, we’ll reach yours and test mine beyond endurance.”

She stripped him of his shirt with slow deliberation. When his torso was bare, she caressed the hard muscles of his arms in a deliberately provocative gesture, following the shape, learning the texture of his skin. “I’d say you’re strong enough to take it.”

His gaze narrowed. “Do you have a wanton streak I ought to know about?”

“I suppose that’s one of the things you’ll learn eventually,” she taunted him, delighting in the flare of heat in his eyes, the unmistakable catch of his breath that hinted of sudden urgency.

He reached for the buttons of her blouse then and easily freed them. Beneath the cotton, her breasts were fuller than ever and extraordinarily sensitive. He swallowed hard as his tanned, callused finger traced the pale, rounded flesh, arriving in time at the already throbbing nipple. He leaned down and flicked over the sensitive bud with his tongue. A gasp rose in Jessie’s throat as she clung to his shoulders.

With her eyes closed and her head thrown back, there was no knowing where his caresses would come next or how shattering they would be. With each exquisite, daring touch, her body responded in ways she’d never expected it to.

Far too soon, she realized the torment she was putting him—putting both of them—through. There would be no tumbling into bed, no tangling of bared arms and legs, no press of bodies on fire. She had underestimated how difficult it would be to call a halt. Her newly awakened body throbbed with need. Luke’s muscles were tensed with the effort of holding back. His eyes glittered with dangerous emotions.

She covered his hands with her own and stilled his touch.

“Enough?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“Not nearly enough,” she replied, still wondering at the discovery that there could be so much more than she had ever experienced with Erik. “But we’re dangerously close to the point when I’ll lose all reason.”

“How long will it be before I can hold you through the night?” he asked, his voice filled with hunger and perhaps just a touch of awe that such a day would, indeed, finally come. They’d reached a turning point and moved on. There would be no going back from this night. They both recognized that.

“There’s been no one in my life, Luke. Not since Erik. I saw no need to ask the doctor about this,” she confessed with regret. “A few weeks, I believe.”

Luke’s expression turned grim. “Just about long enough to put out the wildfire we’re about to touch off when everyone figures out what’s going on.”

Jessie’s confidence faltered for a moment. He still hadn’t said the words she’d demanded of him. Every action, every touch told her he loved her, but she wanted him to say the words, wanted to hold the sound of them in her heart. “Luke, exactly what is going on?”

He glanced from her bared breasts to her face and back again. “I’d say that’s plain enough.”

“Just sex?”

“Darlin’, there’s no such thing as
just sex
, where you and I are concerned. I knew the instant I laid eyes on you years ago that it would be like this between us.”

“You know what I mean,” she said impatiently.

He pulled her back against him, close enough she could feel his warmth, could feel the steady, reassuring beat of his heart.

“We’ll work all of that out,” he promised. “One step at a time, Jessie, we’ll find our way.”

He still couldn’t seem to bring himself to say the words. But for now, it was close enough. It was a vow that whatever lay ahead, they would face it together.

* * *

Harlan was still at the breakfast table when Luke arrived downstairs in the morning. He knew the instant he looked into his father’s eyes that he was upset about something. Luke had a sinking feeling deep in his gut that he knew what that something was. He had thought he heard his parents come in the night before just as he’d slipped from Jessie’s room well after midnight. He’d been all but certain he had gotten past them undetected, but perhaps he hadn’t been as stealthy as he’d imagined.

His father put the paper aside and waited while Luke poured himself a cup of coffee. Luke deliberately took his time.

When he was finally seated, he met his father’s gaze. “Everything okay?”

“I was about to ask you the same question.”

“Oh?”

“I saw you leaving Jessie’s room last night. I wondered if there was something wrong with her or the baby.”

The question might have been innocuous enough, but Luke knew his father better than that. Harlan never inquired casually about anything. And their earlier conversation had already demonstrated Harlan’s suspicions. Luke could have manufactured a discreet answer, but he had a hunch his father had already figured out the implications of catching him in that upstairs hallway.

“They’re fine,” he said, focusing his attention on buttering his toast.

“Then there must have been some other reason for you to be sneaking out with half your clothes in your hand.”

So, Luke thought dully, there it was, out in the open. Spelled out in his father’s words, it sounded sordid, and his love for Jessie was anything but.

“I love her,” he declared defiantly, meeting his father’s gaze evenly. “And she loves me.”

Harlan sighed deeply, but there was little shock in his eyes. Instead, his gaze hinted of sorrow and anger. “I was afraid of this,” he said.

“There’s nothing to be afraid of. We’re just two people who fell in love. You could be happy for us.”

“She’s your brother’s widow, dammit!”

Luke bit back an expletive of his own. “Erik is dead, Dad. Denying our feelings won’t bring him back.”

The quietly spoken remarks did nothing to soothe Harlan’s temper. “How far has it gone?”

“Not far. She just had a baby.”

His father scowled at him. “I meant before.”

Luke felt a rough, fierce anger clawing at his stomach. How readily his father was willing to condemn him for a sin he hadn’t committed. He supposed that was the price he had to pay for declaring his independence. Despite Jessie’s analysis last night, he knew that Harlan would never totally trust him because of that.

“There was nothing between us when Erik was alive,” he declared quietly.
“Nothing!”

“Who the hell are you trying to kid, son? I saw the way the two of you looked at each other. I knew in my gut that was what drove you away, what drove both of you away. You were running from feelings you knew weren’t right.”

He stared hard at Luke. “Whose baby is it?” he demanded. “Erik’s or yours?”

For the first time in his life, Luke honestly thought he could have slammed a fist into his father’s face and enjoyed it.

“How dare you?” he said, his tone lethal. “Neither Jessie nor I ever did anything to deserve a question like that. It doesn’t say a hell of a lot about your opinion of Erik, either. Whether you choose to believe it or not, he and Jessie had a good marriage. She’s not the kind of woman to turn her back on her vows. And I would have rotted in hell before I would have done anything, anything at all to take that away from him.”

“Instead, you took away his life.”

The cold, flatly spoken words slammed into Luke as forcefully as a sledgehammer. Though he had blamed himself too damned many times in the middle of the night for not doing more to save Erik, the doctors had reassured him over and over that his brother had been beyond help. Hearing the accusation leveled by his father, the same man who’d absolved him from guilt only a day or two before, made him sick to his stomach.

He refused to dignify the accusation with a response. Instead, he simply stood and headed for the door. “I’ll be gone before Mother gets down.” He glanced back only once, long enough to say, “If Jessie so chooses, she and your granddaughter will be going with me. You can put us all out of your head forever.”

“Lucas!” his father called after him. “Dammit, son, get back here!”

Luke heard the command, but refused to acknowledge it. He could not, he
would not
submit to more of his father’s disgusting accusations. Nor would he allow Jessie to be put through the same ordeal.

He had known this was the reaction they would face. It was one reason he had fought his feelings so relentlessly. It was why he’d struggled against Jessie’s feelings as well, but no more. Those feelings were out in the open now and the fallout had begun. That didn’t mean he had to linger at White Pines until his parents poisoned the happiness he and Jessie were on the threshold of discovering.

He was still trembling with rage when he slammed the door to Jessie’s suite behind him.

Visibly startled by his entrance and by his obviously nasty temper, Jessie motioned him to silence. “I’ve just gotten the baby back to sleep,” she whispered as she led him into the bedroom. “What on earth’s wrong?”

“Pack your bags,” he ordered at once. His plan to give her an option in the matter had died somewhere between the dining room and the top of the stairs. He intended to claim what was his and protect them from the righteous indignation they would face if they remained here.

“Why?”

“We’re going to my ranch.”

To her credit Jessie held her ground. “Why?” she repeated, her voice more gentle. Worry shadowed her eyes.

Luke muttered an oath under his breath and began to pace.

“Lucas, sit down before you wear a hole in the carpet. Besides you’re making me dizzy trying to follow you.”

“I can’t sit. I’m too angry.”

“It’s barely seven o’clock in the morning. What could possibly have set you off this early in the day?”

“I just came from having a little chat with Dad. Apparently he saw me leaving your room last night and jumped to all the worst conclusions.”

“Meaning?”

He frowned at her. “He assumes you and I are having an affair.”

“Luke, if it weren’t for certain circumstances, we would be,” she said pointedly.

“He assumes it has been going on for some time.” When she showed no evident reaction to that, he added, “He wonders if perhaps Angela is mine.”

Jessie’s eyes widened. Her mouth gaped with indignation. Patches of color flared in her cheeks. She flew out of the rocker and headed for the door.

Luke stared after her. “Where the devil are you going?”

“To have a few words with your father. I will not allow him to insult Erik’s memory, to insult all of us with such a disgusting allegation.”

Luke caught her elbow and hauled her back into the room. “It won’t help. He’s in a rage. He won’t listen.”

“Oh, he’ll hear me,” she insisted in a low tone. “Let me go, Luke.”

“Not until you calm down.” After a moment, she stopped struggling. Her utter stillness was almost worse. “I’m sorry, Jessie. I knew this was the way he would take it. God knows what Mother will have to say when she finds out. She’ll probably insist on going into seclusion from the shame of it all. I think the thing to do is get away until they’ve had a chance to settle down and digest the news. Maybe then we can have a conversation that won’t deteriorate into a lot of ugly name calling.”

Jessie’s chin tilted stubbornly. “I won’t leave. Not like this.”

“There’s no choice. You have no idea what it’s going to be like around here in a few hours. I won’t let you go through that.”

“I’m not leaving,” Jessie repeated adamantly. “I thought Angela would bring this family back together. It seemed to me just yesterday that you and your father were putting past differences behind you. I can’t allow our feelings to ruin your chances for a reconciliation.”

Luke stared at her incredulously. “Jessie, what the hell is going on here? You fought like crazy to get me to acknowledge my feelings for you. Finally, just last night, we agreed to stop fighting how we feel and try to build a future. Now you’re willing to put that at risk so my father and I can get along? I don’t get it. Where are your priorities?”

“Where they’ve always been,” she said quietly. “With family. Nothing’s more important, Luke. Nothing.”

He took a step back and studied her as if she were an alien creature. He didn’t understand how he had gotten it so wrong. She was still the woman he loved, all right. Her hair was tousled and just begging for him to run his fingers through it. Her cheeks were rosy, her eyes glinting with determination. She was the most incredible mix of soft curves and fierce convictions he’d ever met.

Right now, though, it seemed to him their dilemma came down to a choice between family and him. If he understood her correctly, she was choosing his family.

Raking his fingers through his hair in a gesture of pure frustration, he shook his head. “So that’s it, then? After all this, you’re choosing them over me.”

He had to admit that Jessie looked shocked by his assessment.

“That isn’t what I’m saying at all,” she protested. “I’m saying we need to stay here and work it out.”

“Not me,” Luke said stubbornly. “You can make peace with the devil, if that’s what you want, but I’ll be damned if I’ll hang around with people who think so little of you and of me. Frankly, I’d think you’d have more pride, too.”