A Portrait of Emily (8 page)

“All right, if you have to.” Peter hugged her gently. “Remember, you can always talk to me if you need to. You’re always welcome here, you
and
Jerry.”

“Thanks Peter. That is really nice of you. Sorry I’m such a downer.”

“You’re not a downer, Emily. You’ve been great company. I look forward to our next session.”

“Next Monday, right?”

“Right.” He walked her to the door and watched as she got in her car and drove off.

W
hat a sad little thing...
Something is really troubling her.

He climbed the stairs back to his studio. For a few moments, he gazed at the work he had done so far, then he picked up his charcoal and added some touches from memory. He knew he could already do this portrait without another sitting, his keen photographic memory still holding all her features intact in his mind.

But he wanted her back.

There was so much more he wanted to know about Emily Hastings. She needed help, he could tell that already. There was something in her past she wanted release from. Something she held locked up within her and could not discuss with anyone. Gloria had hinted at it the night of her party, but had stopped herself, claiming she’d drunk too much. What could it be? Peter was sure it involved Emily’s father. There was definitely no love lost between them. Was it just his heavy handed attitude, or was there more? As he stared at the sketch before him, he realized he had drawn a melancholy expression on Emily’s face.

“That won’t do,” he muttered, rubbing at the charcoal with his thumb. Jerry probably would not appreciate his bride-to-be looking like she had just heard the worst news in the world. He walked away from the easel and sat down at the far end of the studio, looking back worriedly at the sketch.

“What’s wrong, Emily?” he whispered, leaning back in his chair. “Tell me what I can do to help you.”

§ § § §

That same evening, Jerry arrived at Emily’s home to take her out to dinner. They tried to spend as many nights together as they could and Jerry knew Emily was always happy to get away from the house and her parents.

How could she have survived this long in such an oppressive atmosphere
? He wondered.

She appeared to be such a fragile being, but some time ago Jerry had seen in her a steely resolve that was not at first apparent on the surface. He admired her for the optimism and good humor she displayed despite the uncomfortable relationship with her father. He wished she was closer to her brother and sister. Together, they might have been able to support one another. Jerry had only met Paula once and it had not been a happy occasion. There was almost as much tension between the two sisters as he had noticed between Emily and her parents.

Her brother, Anthony, seemed not at all interested in his sister’s welfare. He hardly ever stopped to say hello when Jerry was at the house, merely passing through with perhaps a nod in their direction. Given that Emily and Anthony shared the same roof and had at one time been very close, Jerry was surprised that the two appeared to have so little in common.

He’d asked her about it, but she hadn’t seemed to want to talk about it, so he’d let it go, thinking she might open up some more as their relationship grew stronger.

As the maid let him in, he almost bumped into Anthony in the foyer.

“Hi, Anthony.”

“Hi…” The young man appeared about to breeze by, but then he paused and looked Jerry over as if seeing him for the first time. “I understand congratulations are in order.” He offered his hand to Jerry.

Jerry shook it firmly. “Thank you.” He couldn’t quite keep the surprise out of his voice.

“I don’t envy you getting my folks as in-laws. But I’m glad Emily has found someone to get her out of here. She needs a better life.”

“Anthony,” Jerry said on impulse. “Why don’t you join Emily and me for dinner tonight? We’ve never really had a chance to talk or get to know one another. I think Emily would like that.”

A flicker of regret crossed Anthony’s handsome face for a moment. “Sorry, I have plans. Maybe some other time. You two enjoy yourselves.” With that, he strode out, closing the door behind him. Jerry turned to find Charles Hastings watching him from the stairs, his face flat without expression.

“Well…
You
managed to get more than two words out of him. What’s your secret?”

“Oh hello, Mr. Hastings.” Jerry forced a smile at the man. “Actually, I think that’s the first time I’ve spoken to Anthony.”

“The kid’s never here these days. Always gallivanting off on some pretext or other. Of course, your folks probably say the same thing about you. You always seem to be over here.”

“Don’t worry sir. My parents are very happy about Emily and me. They think the world of her.”

“Do they now? Well, there’s nothing special about Emily. I can assure them
and
you of that.”

“I happen to think you’re wrong about that, sir.” Jerry could feel his face flush and his jaw clench with anger as he glared at the older man. “Emily is very special to
me
.”

Both men turned as Emily ran down the stairs. She ignored her father and ran into Jerry’s arms.

“Let’s go,” she whispered against his ear pulling him toward the door. Jerry could not stop himself from glaring at her father again before they left. His look was met with one of such venom that for a moment, gave him pause to think—
That guy is capable of being truly evil
.

“Emily…” He held the car door open for her. “I hate to say this, but your father is a complete ass.”

She waited until he got in beside her then leaned over and kissed him. “I heard what you said to him; about me being special, I mean.”

“And I meant every word, my darling. You are very special to me.” He held her for a moment, then trying to cheer her mood, he teased her. “We have to get married soon. You do some very strange things to my body.”

“Why do we have to wait until we’re married?”

Jerry looked at her with surprise. Did she mean what he thought she meant? “Emily… I thought…”

“I know what you thought—that I’m afraid of sex. But I don’t think I could ever be afraid of you.”

His hand trembled as he touched her cheek. “I love you so much.”

“I know you do. I think that’s what makes me the happiest.
Knowing
you love me just as I love you. Now, let’s get out of this driveway.”

They drove down to the coast and found a small hotel that boasted all their rooms had ocean views. While Jerry went to the front desk, Emily gazed out of the lobby window at the sea below and the first pang of uncertainty about what she had suggested closed in on her like an unwelcome memory. This would be the first time she and Jerry would be fully intimate with each other. The first time she would see him naked, the first time he would touch her bare flesh, the first time he would—

“We’re all checked in.” Jerry smiled and touched her cheek. “Are you all right?”

“Yes.” She took the hand he offered and followed him to their room. It was small but had an old world charm that helped Emily to relax a little. Jerry led her out to the balcony where they stood, feeling the cool night breeze.

“Look,” Jerry murmured. “A shooting star. Make a wish.”

“There’s only one thing I would wish for…”

“Don’t tell me.” He kissed her gently on the lips. “It might not come true.”

“It already has.” They clung to one another then he picked her up in his arms and carried her back into the room. Thinking she might be shy about undressing in front of him, he turned off the bedside lamp.

“There’s enough light from the moon.”

Emily stood still watching Jerry take off his shirt, revealing a smooth, toned chest. She shivered with anticipation as he took her in his arms, and for a moment she let herself be lost in the sensual touch of his soft, warm lips on hers, of the strong yet gentle arms that encircled her.

But as she felt the hard bulge of his arousal press to her body, suddenly, there it was again—that insidious flare of panic she could not control, nor hide.

God, why did I think I could do this
?

“Oh, Jerry… I’m sorry, so sorry. I can’t…”

She had hoped for a miracle. That somehow all the ghastly memories would be washed away by the power of their love for one another.

“Shh, my darling,” Jerry crooned. “It’s all right, it’s all right.”

“But I wanted this—for
us
.” She was sobbing now, hot tears scalding her cheeks.

Jerry kissed her tear streaked face, holding her tightly, his mind a jumble of disappointment and longing.

I shouldn’t have been so eager
.
I should have insisted we wait just a little longer
…

But how could he, when she had appeared so willing? He could only hope this would not change Emily’s mind about marrying him. He knew she would be filled with remorse for what she had been unable to do. He would just have to make sure she knew he was not blaming her for this.

Emily sighed against his chest. “Why do you put up with me?”

“Because I love you; and because I know we can get over this. Look, there’s no point in beating yourself up because you had second thoughts. We have to wait, that’s all, until you’re ready.”

“I thought I
was
ready.”

“Come on…” He released her and picked up his shirt, pulling it on quickly. “Let’s not talk about this anymore tonight. I don’t want you getting more upset by it.” He tucked his shirt into his pants then held Emily lightly in his arms. “I think we should go find someplace to eat. I don’t know about you, but I’m suddenly starving.”

Emily looked at him and put her hand to his face. “I promise I’ll make this up to you, Jerry.”

They left the hotel and drove to a nearby restaurant.

“Hey, how did that sitting go with Peter today?” Jerry asked. Emily had been too quiet in the car and he wanted to get her mind off what had just happened.

“He seemed pleased with it. He’s a really nice guy. Very easy to talk to.”

“That’s good. He didn’t strike me as the arrogant type.”

“No, he’s not. He did his best to relax me.” She paused then said, “Just promise me you won’t want to have a huge ‘unveiling’ like Gloria had. I couldn’t stand all that fuss.”

Jerry chuckled. “No, I know that’s not your style. By the way, I forgot to mention that Anthony offered his congratulations on our engagement.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Came over and shook my hand. Almost smiled. I was so surprised I asked him to join us for dinner, but he said he had plans.”

“He always has plans, Jerry. I very rarely see him anymore.”

“Well, he did seem concerned about you.”

“We used to be very close until he went to military school. Since he came back he’s not been the same. I think something happened there and he’s not willing to talk about it to me—or anyone. Of course, our father only makes it worse by yelling at him.”

“What about your mother. Is he closer to her?”

“He always was her favorite. But he’s pulled away from her too. They don’t fight or argue. He’s always polite to her, just kind of evasive. She’s always asking where he spends his time and he never gives her a straight answer. I know it really bugs her.”

Jerry listened attentively. What a strange atmosphere they had all created for each other. All of them living separate lives under one roof. Never sharing, never confiding in one another. Just existing in a cold and unloving environment. No wonder Emily was afraid of her feelings and emotions.

He pulled up in front of a restaurant they both liked and parked the car. He reached across and took her hand in his, kissing her palm, and holding it against his cheek. Utterly touched by this show of affection, Emily’s eyes glistened with tears.

“I love you Jerry,” she whispered. “Please, always love me.”

“That’s the one thing you never have to worry about.” Jerry leant over to kiss her. “Now, let’s go eat.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

When Anthony returned home later that evening, he found his mother waiting up for him.

He’d known this was going to happen sooner or later, and now he braced himself for the confrontation he knew was unavoidable. He and his mother had always been very close. Despite his feeling of betrayal when she had not resisted his father’s decision to send him to military school, he could not stop loving her. She was weak, and totally under her husband’s control, but he knew she loved him in her own way. She just wasn’t brave enough to face his father’s anger should she ever have dared contradict any of his decisions.

He stepped down into the living room, smiling at his mother as she rose from her chair by the window and came to greet him.

“Hi, Mom. Why are you still up?”

“You know why, darling.” She accepted his perfunctory kiss on her cheek then took his hand and led him over to her chair. He perched himself on the window seat and as his mother sat down. She smiled sadly at her handsome son.

“Anthony…you seem to be spending a lot of time away from home.” It was obvious to him she was choosing her words carefully. “I know things are very strained between you and your father right now and frankly, I’m worried about you too.”

“Dad’s not worried about me, Mother. He’s just pissed off that I won’t do what he wants. Mainly, join him in the business. Well, I have no intentions of bowing to that wish of his. I’ll make up my own mind what I’ll do with my life.”

“And just what is it you are doing with your life, Anthony?” His mother leaned back in her chair, elegantly crossing her ankles, waiting for his reply.

“Right now? I’m enjoying myself. Making up for lost time, for the years when enjoying myself was next to impossible because of the archaic regimen and discipline that god-awful place I was forced into branded into me.” He glared angrily over his mother’s head, as if directing the conversation at his

father whom he knew was upstairs in his room. “I’m free now and I’ll be damned if
he
will ever tell me what to do again.”

“Anthony…” His mother looked nervously round the room. “Please don’t shout.”