A Simple Mistake (10 page)

Eleven days later found Nick on a plane once more. This time, Lainey was with him.

He looked at her and smiled. She smiled back, appearing calm, her vice-like grip on his hand a dead giveaway.

‘Relax!’ he said, yet again. ‘Mum can’t wait to see you. It’ll be fine.’

Up until takeoff she’d been enthusiastic and chatty. As the plane climbed and then levelled out, she had become quiet. It was over ten years since she’d been back and her excitement and apprehension were apparent in equal measure. Nick felt very protective and found himself thanking God for giving him a second chance with her.

He hadn’t told Lainey, but he’d been trying to pray more often. So far so good, but the idea of completely surrendering himself to God still got him every time. He’d heard the concept preached many times while growing up, but he didn’t get it. Surely believing and praying was enough. He liked his life the way it was and he felt he’d done a good job by himself. The old saying, ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ suited him perfectly.

The plane taxied to its berth outside the terminal and came to a stop.

‘Ready?’

‘Ready.’ She smiled, but when he guided her in front of him he could feel her trembling. He couldn’t understand why she was so nervous

As they crossed the tarmac they saw his mother through the glass, waving madly. He heard Lainey’s quick intake of breath, then she almost sprinted inside.

He didn’t get a look in. Neither Lainey nor his mother held back and if he hadn’t expected it, their reunion could have been embarrassing. But airports were the places where things like this happened on a daily basis and no one paid the women any extra attention.

Nick grinned and dropped a kiss on his mother’s head buried in Lainey’s shoulder. ‘Hi, Mum. Good to see you too. I’ll get our bags.’

By the time they’d untangled themselves and dried their eyes, he’d collected their bags, had three photos taken and signed five autographs.

Nick drove home while his mother and Lainey talked. And talked.

He made coffee for the three of them and sat with them as they drank it, letting their conversation flow uninterrupted. When he rose to go downstairs, there was a slight pause as they acknowledged he was leaving. Nick almost laughed. He really didn’t mind as long as it was only tonight. He’d brought Lainey up here to spend time with him, not just his mother.

He’d unpacked, completed a workout on the gym, showered, and was watching the news when he heard Lainey come downstairs and through the door connecting the two houses.

‘I’m sorry we’ve been so long. Dinner’s almost ready.’

‘I was hoping you wouldn’t forget to feed me.’ He switched off the television and Lainey curled up beside him. He put his arms around her and they stayed that way, not saying anything, the silence broken only by the sound of the surf on the beach below. Nick could see Lainey’s fingers worrying the tennis bracelet he’d given her for her birthday, the diamonds winking in the evening light. Well, it had been
part
of her birthday present.

It was the last day of term and he’d turned up at her school with a bunch of roses and, with her principal’s permission, stayed for the afternoon. He got a real kick out of watching her with the kids.

He also spent half an hour meeting more of Lainey’s colleagues before going back to her place. There, he gave her the rest of her presents, eleven in total, something for each year he had missed. Most were small things; candles, a mug, squash balls, chocolates, that sort of stuff. The bracelet was for her twenty-first. She cried of course.

When he played the CD he’d made especially for her, his own recording of
Groovy Kind of Love
, she was even more overwhelmed
.
Unable to speak, she kissed him instead. A lot. A highly successful gift, in his opinion.

As well as filling a huge tin with her home-made choc-chip cookies, Lainey had bought him tickets for the football that night. James and Mia came and met Lara and Adam, Kate and Brian, and they all were introduced to Hamish, Sarah’s new boyfriend. He seemed nice enough, quiet compared to Sarah, but more than made up for it at the football.

As the night wore on, Lainey became more and more edgy. Nick was puzzled. They’d had a great day together. What could be the problem? He didn’t get an opportunity to find out until they were saying goodnight, sitting on the low stone wall outside her flat.

Nick took her hand and stroked the back of it. ‘What’s wrong, Miss Sullivan?

Lainey sighed, gave him a funny smile then looked away. ‘I need to tell you something, but I don’t want to do it now, not on our birthday.’

He kept his voice light. ‘You’re not trying to break up with me are you?’

Her fingers clutched his. ‘No.’

‘You’re not sick or anything?’

‘No! Nothing like that.’ She sighed again. ‘I’ve made a complete hash of this.’

‘Well, if it’s neither of those things, then it can’t be so bad.’ He drew her close and kissed the top of her head.

‘I promise I’ll tell you while we’re away.’

She would tell him – she’d promised. But he was becoming impatient.

‘I could stay like this forever. It’s so peaceful,’ Lainey said now, her fingers finally still.

‘It won’t be peaceful if we keep Mum waiting for much longer.’ Nick pulled her to her feet and kept hold of her hand. ‘When are you going to tell me what’s bugging you?’

‘Soon.’ She pulled away and headed for the stairs. ‘Come on. We’d better go.’

She was almost her usual self over dinner, reminiscing with his mother about the old days. Before they called it a night he showed her around the rest of his place.

This house was smaller than the one in Bronte but it had everything he needed. The polished timber floors and downlights in the cabinetry gave off a warm glow and there were the doors that folded back and invited the outside in. The view up the coast was magical at any time.

Nick took Lainey out onto the deck where, below them, the subtly lit pool glowed like a jewel. The light breeze wasn’t cold but he held her as if it was. She rested against him and gave a big sigh.

‘I love you,’ he said, ‘everything will be alright.’

‘I don’t deserve you.’ Lainey reached up to kiss him, then walked inside and up the stairs, leaving him staring after her. What on earth did she have to tell him?

* * *

In the morning, he found her outside on the deck, reading her Bible, coffee mug in hand. She was fresh out of the shower and smelled sweet as he embraced her.

‘I love your hair,’ he said, burying his face in it.

‘Just my hair? No other bits?’

‘Lainey! It’s Sunday.’ Nick grinned, relieved at the change of mood. He sat beside her and put his feet up on the table, soaking up the sun. ‘Read me something.’

Oops. She’d better not be reading Song of Solomon. He remembered snickering over that one with some of the other boys when he was about thirteen.

Lainey read from Psalms, most of it about God’s creation. Nick had forgotten how poetic it was. He recognised a songwriter when he heard one.

* * *

Lainey hadn’t presumed Nick would come to church with her and Hannah, but he did. They were deliberately late, slipping into the back row to avoid attracting attention. To Lainey’s relief, people were simply thrilled to see her, and didn’t give her the third degree. Perhaps Nina had put out the word.

They went to Dave and Sharon’s for a barbecue lunch, along with a dozen or so of the old crowd. Lainey felt guilty, worried about tiring out a very pregnant Sharon, but everyone helped and didn’t stay too long. Afterwards, Dave said he and Nick would mind the boys and sent the ladies outside onto the patio to have a proper catch up.

Lainey watched her friend lower her bulk into a chair and then rest her swollen feet on another. ‘When did you say the baby was due?’ she asked.

Sharon grimaced. ‘Two days ago. I look like a beached whale. Not like you; you look terrific! I was thrilled when Nick phoned to say you guys were back together and you were coming up. And then he told me how it all happened. It’s amazing!’

‘Yeah, it is.’ Lainey managed a smile, despite feeling unsettled. It was hard seeing Sharon so pregnant, more than she’d expected.

‘So, how’s it
really
going with you two? Do you think you’ll get married?’

Lainey gave an awkward laugh. ‘It’s a bit soon for that, don’t you think? It’s only been two and a half months.’

‘Are you kidding? Nick adores you, just like he always has. It’s obvious.’

But will he adore me after I what I have to tell him?

Sharon touched her arm. ‘What’s wrong?’

Gnawing at her thumbnail had given her away; Lainey drummed her fingers on the arm of her chair instead. She wasn’t about to divulge her secret about Liam, but Sharon would understand her other dilemma. Maybe she should talk to her about it; they had history, and she and Dave were still friends with Nick …

‘Please pray for me,’ she said, with sudden intensity. ‘I really want to be with Nick, but there’s the matter of him not being a committed Christian. I know it’ll cause problems further down the track.’

‘I was wondering about all that. Have you discussed it with Nick?’

‘Yeah, not long after we met, but I need to do it again.’ Lainey sighed and chewed her lip. ‘I don’t like compromise yet that’s exactly what I’m doing. But I’m in love with Nick and he’s in love with me.’ She looked at her bleakly. ‘What am I supposed to do?’

Sharon pulled a face. ‘Oh, Lainey. I can’t imagine you being with anyone else, but God’s ways aren’t always ours, are they? Ooof. Feel this.’ She grasped her hand and put it on her belly.

The baby shifted under her palm, transporting her back to another time and place. To her dismay, Lainey’s eyes filled, and she blinked hard.

‘Hey, softie,’ Sharon said, squeezing her fingers, ‘it’ll be your turn one day.’

The screen door banged and Lainey whipped her hand away. Just in time.

‘Can I get you girls anything? Tea? Coffee? Cold drink?’ Nick’s eyes zeroed in on Sharon’s stomach as it rippled and heaved once more. ‘Whoa! Does that hurt?’

‘No, it’s just uncomfortable at this stage. Have you felt a baby move before?’

‘No, and I don’t want to.’

Nick’s expression of distaste took Lainey by surprise
.
Surely he would have been different with
their
baby. Wouldn’t he?

‘Oh, come on. Don’t be chicken.’ Sharon grabbed his hand and stuck it on her belly before he could protest any further.

Lainey watched Nick’s face change from apprehension to disbelief … and then to wonder.

‘That’s amazing! Absolutely amazing! I can’t imagine what it feels like for you.’

‘Actually, I love it.’ They shared a smile, and then laughed together when the baby moved yet again.

‘Excuse me,’ Lainey rapped out, and beat a retreat into the kitchen.

She filled a glass with water and took a sip, astounded at her feelings. She was
jealous
. Jealous of Sharon for having Nick’s hand on her baby. Jealous that his fascination at the miracle of life had come through someone else’s child, not theirs.

How was she going to go back out there and act normal?

She didn’t have to. Nick was striding toward the house. Lainey thrust open the screen, alarmed at how pale he was. ‘What’s wrong? Is Sharon okay?’

‘Where’s Dave?’

‘Nick?’

He pushed past her. ‘Where’s Dave?’

‘Nick,
what’s happened
?’

He ran his hand through his hair. ‘Sharon’s waters have broken.’

The wave of relief was replaced by a ripple of mirth. It emerged as a snort and Nick glared at her.

‘It’s not funny, Lainey. She could have the baby any second.’

Reeling from the gamut of emotions she’d suffered, she didn’t have the strength stifle a giggle. ‘No, no she won’t.’

‘How do you know?’

How did she
know
?

She started toward the patio, her amusement gone. ‘Go and find Dave.’

‘Will you hurry up and leave?’ Nick urged. ‘Your mum’s on her way.’

Sharon laughed. ‘Calm down. It’ll be awhile yet. I’ll get Dave to ring you if the baby arrives at a decent hour.’ She kissed him on the cheek. ‘Thanks Nick. It must’ve been your magic touch.’

‘Yeah, whatever. Just don’t have it here on the kitchen floor.’ He escaped back outside to help Lainey mind the boys until Nina arrived.

As they were driving home, Nick asked, ‘What happened before, when the baby was moving? You went all strange.’

‘It made me feel a bit funny, that’s all.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Want to go for a run?’

‘Good idea. I need to do something after all that drama.’

Lainey’s laugh held a distinct note of relief. And she’d changed the subject too quickly. Maybe it had to do with what she wanted to tell him, but he couldn’t imagine how.

That evening, they sat watching television, waiting for Dave to ring. Well,
he
sat. Lainey made cups of tea, tidied and re-tidied and wiped benches that were already clean.

There was an excellent documentary about the history of heavy metal music. After several attempts at coaxing her to sit with him, Nick got up and tried to give her a hug. ‘What’s wrong? Why can’t you relax?’

‘Don’t, Nick.’ She wriggled out of his grasp. ‘I’m happy doing this.’

He frowned. ‘You don’t look particularly happy to me.’

‘Yes, I am. I’m fine.’ Her smile was brittle. ‘I’m just tired. I think I’ll go to bed.’

‘But it’s only ten past nine.’

‘It’s been a big day. You can tell me about the baby in the morning. Goodnight.’ Her lips brushed his cheek and she hurried out of the kitchen.

Distracted by the TV show it had taken him awhile, but he got it now. He started after her. ‘You don’t want to be alone with me, do you?’

Lainey paused at the door and the abject misery on her face stopped him in his tracks. Before he could recover, she shook her head and disappeared upstairs.

Nick ran his hands through his hair. If this was all to do with what she had to tell him, then he’d had enough. He needed to know. Now.

His foot was on the bottom step when the phone rang. Nick gritted his teeth. He had to answer it.

‘Hey!’ Dave’s delighted voice came down the line. ‘We have a beautiful little girl. Well, she’s not that little. Nine pounds eight ounces and fifty-three centimetres. How’s that for a good size baby!’

Nick had no idea. ‘Fantastic! Has she got a name?’

‘Shelby Marie. Listen, I’ve got to go and make some more calls, but Sharon’s insisting you guys come and see her tomorrow, okay? Please tell Lainey.’

‘I will. And congratulations to you both.’

Nick put down the phone. Should he go up and tell Lainey? Yes, he would. She would want to know.

He crept upstairs, just in case she was actually asleep, and looked through her half-open door. In the light from the stairwell he could see she was curled on her side, a hand under her cheek, her hair spread over the pillow. His irritation with her vanished. All he wanted was to scoot in and hold her. It had been a stupid idea to come.

‘Nick? What are you doing?’

He closed his eyes for a moment, then went in and sat on the edge of the matching twin bed. ‘Dave rang. They’ve had a little girl, Shelby.’

‘Oh, that’s wonderful. They’ll be so happy.’ She smiled.

‘Sharon wants us to come and see her tomorrow. Lainey?’

‘Mmm?’

‘Will you
please
talk to me? I’ve had enough.’

There was the slightest of hesitations before she nodded. ‘Alright, after we’ve seen Sharon.’

He leaned over the narrow space and kissed her temple. ‘Thank you.’

How vulnerable and beautiful she looked. Just holding her wouldn’t be anything like enough. With a Herculean effort, Nick stood to his feet and retraced his steps – back to his very empty house.

* * *

They arrived at the hospital as Dave and the boys were about to leave. Sharon had the baby bundled over her shoulder and her face lit up when she saw them.

‘Come and meet our little girl,’ she said, and handed her straight to Lainey.

It was crazy, but, for an instant, Nick thought she was going to refuse, then felt silly for thinking such a thing. Lainey took the baby, not the least bit awkward or clumsy, and put her in the crook of her arm. How did women know how to do that?

‘Congratulations.’ Nick gave Sharon a kiss and shook Dave’s hand.

Dave grinned. ‘That’s it for us. We’ve done our bit for Australia.’

Lainey smiled down at Shelby, but it looked a little forced to Nick.

Why was he thinking like this?

‘She’s beautiful,’ she said, ‘she looks like a female version of you, Dave.’

Her father grinned. ‘Poor little thing. Hopefully, she’ll grow out of it.’

Sharon threw an affectionate smile at her husband as she inched her way off the bed. ‘Will you three be alright for a minute if I walk these guys to the lift?’

‘Be as long as you want. Miss Irvine and I are getting to know each other.’ Shelby had opened her eyes and appeared to be looking straight at Lainey.

‘How do you know what to do so easily?’ Nick asked, once they were on their own. ‘Is it just a girl thing?’

‘Maybe, I don’t know. They’re just adorable, don’t you think?’ Lainey moved the bundle onto her shoulder and buried her nose in it. ‘And they have this unique smell.’

Nick was mesmerised. He’d figured he’d have a family of his own one day but it had seemed a distant idea until now. This girl kept on amazing him.

She turned her blue gaze on him. ‘Do you want children, Nick?’

He blinked; she’d read his mind. ‘Yes. With you.’

There was a small intake of breath and she bit her lip. Ah, so he hadn’t been imagining things …

‘Come and have a hold,’ said Lainey. ‘Don’t worry, you won’t drop her.’

Puzzled, as well as apprehensive about holding a baby, he sat in a chair and let Lainey place Shelby in his arms. He couldn’t believe how tiny she was. She made a few snuffling noises, squirmed, and then went to sleep.

Nick was fascinated, his concerns momentarily pushed aside. ‘That’s it, I’m hooked. How many do you want?’

When he looked up, the depth of sadness on her face stunned him – and then he knew.

She couldn’t have children.

It explained everything. Her question a minute ago, why she had reacted the way she did yesterday when Sharon’s baby moved, the reason she was finding it so hard to talk to him.

‘Lainey—’

‘Well, there’s a sight I thought I’d never see!’ Sharon came back into the room and eased herself back on the bed. ‘Nothing to it, is there?’

‘Not from where I’m sitting.’ As much as he was enjoying the experience of holding a baby, he needed to go, right
now
, and talk to Lainey. Only his manners kept him where he was.

Lainey gave him the faintest of smiles and then turned back to Sharon while she opened their gift.

They’d had fun finding it. He’d kept an eye out just in case they got spotted buying baby things together. That would have been a scoop for the tabloids. He tried hard to remember if there had been anything different about Lainey during the shopping trip but nothing sprang to mind. Now he’d worked out what was wrong, the whole thing took on a new poignancy. They wouldn’t be shopping like that for themselves, unless they adopted. Nick wasn’t sure how he felt about that but suspected he would cope without having children of his own, as long as he had Lainey.

When the door opened to admit more visitors, he had his excuse to leave. He handed the sleeping infant back to her mother, was told to visit again before they flew home, and they left.

Walking down the corridor, Lainey slipped her hand in his. ‘Let’s go somewhere and talk.’

He squeezed her fingers. He knew exactly where they would go.

* * *

They barely spoke on the fifteen minute drive to the beginning of the valley. Here, where the creek widened, it was very picturesque with lots of trees, an expanse of river stones, a variety of water birds, and, as Nick had hoped, no people.

He produced a rug from the car and placed it under one of the melaleucas. When Lainey picked up a leaf and began shredding it, he felt sorry for her and tried to help.

‘I’ve figured it out, Lainey, what you want to tell me.’

‘You have?’ The shredding stopped.

‘I worked it out while we were visiting Sharon. You can’t have children, can you?’ She opened her mouth to speak but he hurried on. ‘I want you to know it’s okay. I’d rather have you without children than someone I don’t love nearly as much just to have a family. There’s ways around it these days anyway and—’

‘Shut up, Nick.’ Lainey’s voice had a faint tremble to it. ‘That’s not it at all.’

He stared, taken aback. ‘It’s not?’

‘No. There’s nothing wrong with me in that department.’ She took a deep breath and looked straight at him. ‘I’ve already had a baby. Ours.’

His brain took in the sound of quacking ducks and the wind in the trees, but not her words. ‘Pardon me?’

Her gaze never wavered. ‘I had a baby boy, ten years ago this August. I adopted him out.’

An invisible vacuum cleaner sucked out all coherent thought.

‘You had … we have … a
son
?’

‘This is what I have been trying to tell you, why I’ve been so up and down, funny around Sharon and the whole baby thing.’

‘
God
, Lainey!’

She didn’t even attempt to correct him. ‘Nick, I’m so sorry. So very, very sorry. It’s been torturing me ever since we met up again.’ Her mouth quivered and her hand shook as she pushed back an errant strand of hair.

‘Why didn’t you
tell
me?’ He could hardly get out the words, shock filling his throat with gravel.

‘It’s a good question and I’ll do my best to answer it.’ Lainey took a jerky breath. ‘I knew for sure I was pregnant that Christmas, at Marshalls Creek. I was going to tell you after I got your first letter, but it never came. I thought that was the end of us and I didn’t know what to do.’ Her expression was an odd mixture of defiance and grief. ‘You can’t imagine what it was like. I was pregnant at sixteen by a boyfriend who was more than likely to become a star – what would you have done with a baby?’

Hurt slashed through him. ‘Don’t you think I should’ve at least known about it?’

‘Yes, I do now, but back then I was so confused. When you supposedly didn’t write, it seemed like the only decision. I heard you on the radio saying you were the happiest you’d ever been, saw loads of pictures in magazines of you with pretty girls. I thought the last thing you would want was me turning up with a baby.’ Lainey’s face was anguished, willing him to understand, but he couldn’t, not yet, and turned away.

There was silence for a bit. When she resumed her story, her voice was husky. ‘Mum and Roger didn’t pressure me at all. They said they would support me however I needed. We were at Marshalls Creek and Janet and Henry offered to have me stay. It took a long time to make up my mind, but I decided to adopt the baby out, right from the start.’

Nick yanked at tufts of grass, surprised at the depth of his resentment. ‘Why didn’t you keep him?’

‘I
wanted
to, Nick. It wasn’t an easy decision.’ Lainey’s voice dropped to a whisper. ‘He was part of you.’

Sudden tears blurred his vision and he stopped his attack on the plant life. Of course it hadn’t been easy. Not at all.

Leaning back on his hands, he stared out over the water. ‘Go on.’

‘I could’ve put him into a foster home and reviewed the situation later on, but I didn’t. I wanted him to have as stable an upbringing as possible, so I put my trust in the Lord, and made the choice I did. After that, I joined Mum and Roger in Sydney and finished high school.’

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her choose another leaf to dismantle. ‘There’s another thing. On the birth certificate, I put ‘father unknown’. I hated doing it, Nick, but I did it in case you became famous, and now that you have, I’m glad I did. I was worried about some strange person getting hold of the certificate somehow and coming after you, causing a problem. But I
promise
that if our son ever comes looking for me, I’ll tell you straight away.’

The tightness in his chest didn’t ease when he rubbed at it. ‘It seems to me you’ve made a lot of decisions I should’ve had a right to share.’

‘Nick, please. I was so young and very scared.’

The leaf was gone. Before she could get another, he captured her hands and held them still. He loved this girl, didn’t he?

Staring at her bowed head, he tried to put himself in her place. He was a songwriter; he had a better than average imagination, but this was taxing its limits.

Then, as he pictured her holding their baby like she had held Shelby, the hard core of anger began to soften. ‘Tell me what he looked like.’

‘He was perfect, just perfect.’ Her tear-filled eyes came up to meet his ‘Oh, Nick. He has your bent finger.’ She pulled her hands away, covered her face, and wept.