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Authors: Shelley Shepard Gray

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Chapter 4

F
or some reason, even though they'd spent the entire day together, Tricia was pretty sure that Ben was still trying to think of ways to delay their return to the Orange Blossom Inn. First, he'd insisted they go for an extra long walk on the beach at Siesta Key. Then he'd taken her to a charming restaurant for fried shrimp instead of merely grabbing a quick bite at one of the many shacks offering snacks and hot dogs. Now, as they were walking back to the inn, he'd slowed their pace even more. She didn't mind since she wasn't in any hurry to return, either.

But she was becoming a little curious as to why he was practically jumping at any chance to delay their walk back.

“Would you like to go get an ice cream?” He pointed over at Olaf's.

Tricia hugged her stomach and frowned. “I can't eat another thing.”

“Oh.”

“It was a
gut
idea, though.” Smiling, she tilted her head up to meet his gaze. “I'd say yes if I hadn't already had a hot fudge sundae today. And a plate of fried shrimp.”

“Those shrimp were good.”

“They were great,” she corrected. Suddenly concerned that she hadn't conveyed just how much she'd enjoyed their time together, she reached out and squeezed his forearm. “Everything today has been
wonderful-gut
, Ben. I promise.”


Jah
, it was.” He smiled back at her, but she noticed that it didn't quite reach his eyes.

“Would you like to walk around Pinecraft?” she asked. “There's a couple of benches over in front of the Palm Grove church.”

“You don't mind?”

“Not at all. I'm not ready to go back yet.”

“I'm not, either. I don't want today to end.”

“Me, neither,” she said and pointed to a group of little Amish girls, all four of them holding hands as they skipped behind their mothers. “Look, Ben. Aren't they cute?”

He chuckled. “
Jah
. They remind me of Emma and her trio of little ones.”

Tricia sighed contentedly. Their conversation came so easily, it was just the kind of thing she'd always wished and dreamed she would have. It was nice to relax and talk about nothing in particular.

As they crossed the street, dodging a man on a bright red bicycle, Ben added, “I'm really looking forward to having my own room once we move into our new house, but it's going to be hard to not see you all the time.”

“I was just thinking that I was going to miss seeing you around
the inn. I was going to mention it earlier, but I didn't want to sound too forward,” she admitted as they continued their journey down Bahia Vista before turning right on Orchard.

“You shouldn't worry. I'm not going to think you are too forward. I like your honesty.”

“I'm glad.” She pressed her lips together so she wouldn't start telling him how most people found her to be a bit too blunt and outspoken.

Now that they were off the main street and the area was far quieter, Ben began walking a little closer to her side. Tricia felt her stomach flutter. Suddenly, it felt as if they were very alone, and she realized that this was the first time they'd been that way. It made her giddy and nervous, all at the same time. She didn't want to do or say the wrong thing. She clasped her hands tightly together so she wouldn't accidentally grab hold of his arm.

Ben noticed. “Hey, you're looking a little tense. Are you all right?”

“Oh,
jah
. I am fine.” After all, what else could she say?

“You sure?” After a pause, he blurted, “Am I pushing you too much? I haven't been serious about a girl before. I don't really know what I'm doing.”

“You're not pushing too much.”

“Then what is it?”

She didn't know how to admit how insecure she felt. And because of that, she took a step away. “Here's the church,” she announced, her voice just a little bit too bright. “It's pretty, isn't it?”

Ben looked around. Shrugged. “It's nice,” he said at last.

She walked over and sat down on one of the benches. Then, knowing that she had to take a chance and admit her feelings, too, she added, “Ben, I don't know what I'm doing, either.”

He didn't bother to hide his relief. “That's
gut
news.”

“Every time I think I know what you're going to say, you say the unexpected. I'm starting to learn that you are good at taking me by surprise.” She chuckled. “You are definitely keeping me on my toes.”

He sat down on the edge of the next bench, so he was angled toward her. “I don't mean to,” he said with a wry look. “Like I said, I don't have much experience with relationships.”

“I don't, either.” After all, her only experience had involved writing notes about a boy she'd had a crush on then having some so-called friends show them to everyone. “But I think we're doing all right.”

“You know what? I think we are, too.”

“We're certainly sharing a lot with each other.” Tricia smiled.

But Ben didn't look so confident. “Actually, I think we've talked a lot about me. About how I felt losing my mother, and how hard it's been to step in and try to be there for my brothers.”

“I'm glad you shared your feelings, Ben.”

He continued, just as if he hadn't heard her. “I think I spent an hour telling you about how we all decided to move here from Ohio.” He rolled his eyes. “I think I repeated every conversation that took place at our kitchen table.”

Because he looked so apprehensive, she said, “We can talk about it more, if you'd like.”

“No, that's not what I'm getting at.”

“Then, what?”

“I want to talk about you for a change.”

She started. “I told you that there wasn't anything all that interesting about me. I needed a change and so I moved down here to be with my aunt.”

“I think there was more to it.” He gazed at her steadily. “Actually, I know there was.”

“Okay, there was, but it's not important.”

“Tricia, I'm going to be honest. I like you. I like you a whole lot. But I'm starting to feel like you are holding something back.”

His words were painful to hear. They were also true. But still, she hedged. “I don't know what you want me to say.”

“Just talk to me. Why do you insist on keeping your past a secret? Tricia, why did you move?”

Before she could begin her explanation, he added, “It's okay if you have had relationships before. You are a few years older than me, after all. Did you get in a fight with your boyfriend or something?”

“Ben, I
was
telling you the truth. I really don't have a lot of experience dating. I didn't leave Ohio because of a boy. Not directly, anyway.”

“Then, why? Did you not get along with your
mamm
? I'm pulling at straws here.”

“I got along with her fine.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “We're not real close, but that doesn't mean we're not close at all. Or we don't get along.”

When he stared at her long and hard, Tricia knew she had to swallow her pride and tell him the whole truth. “Ben, the truth is I did something dumb and everyone found out about it.”

“That's it?” He looked disappointed.

“Jah.”
Of course, the way she'd been dancing around the topic had to have made him think she was harboring some dark, terrible secret. Pushing herself a bit, she continued. “I wrote something dumb about a guy I liked. Something I never should have put to paper. Something I never should have shown anyone else. Have you ever done anything dumb like that?” she
asked hesitantly. “Have you ever made a stupid decision that you regretted almost the instant it happened?”

“I have two younger brothers. Of course I've done and said stupid stuff.” He smiled. “My mother used to say that
kinner
make mistakes all the time and that's why they live with their parents for years and years.”

“My stupid notes caught the attention of a couple of mean girls who made things worse. No matter where I went I was teased.” Her voice cracked. “A lot. It happened for a long time. Months.” She winced, hating to remember all the unkind words her girlfriends had said to her and how one of her friends had completely lied about the things she'd done.

He blinked as he finally understood. “You were bullied.”

She nodded. “Most people think bullying only happens between boys with their fists, but it happens between girls, too, with rumors and gossip. It was horrible.” Swiping her cheek, she continued to pour out her heart. “I got depressed. Really depressed. I knew I had to get away.”

“And so you came down here.”

“Yep. I took all the money I'd saved, even borrowed some of my mother's grocery money, and got on a Pioneer Trails bus without telling anyone.” She blew out a ragged sigh. “Well, now you know my secret. Aren't you glad you asked?”

He got to his feet. “I am.”

“You are?” She didn't even try to hide her surprise.

He reached down, grasped her hand, and pulled her to her feet. “Uh-huh.” When she was standing, he reached for her other hand, then linked their fingers together.

“What should we do now?”

“Well, I have an idea. But it's a little scary,” he teased. “You can always say no if you want.”

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “What do you want to do?”

He tugged on her hands, pulling her closer. “Give you a hug.”

“What?”

“I want to hold you for a minute, Tricia. Is that okay with you?”

They were standing so close to each other that her dress was brushing against his shirt and trousers. Close enough that Tricia knew Ben could lean down and brush his lips against hers. If he wanted.

So close that she could see the small flecks of brown dotting the blue of his eyes. Saw the faint scar on the corner of his lip.

“You can hold me, Ben. I you want to.”

He didn't delay another second. Ben wrapped his arms around Tricia and held her close.

After a few seconds, she relaxed against him. After surviving so many very dark days over the last year, God, at last, had given her a blindingly bright one.

It was the best day ever.

Chapter 5

M
oving was far more taxing than Jay remembered.

The moving van had been late—five hours late. Then, the exact moment the truck parked in the driveway of his new home, the heavens burst open. Luckily, that didn't prevent the movers from doing their jobs. They simply ignored the downpour, carefully unloaded all of Jay's worldly goods, carried them up the house's front porch, and at last placed everything inside their new, sprawling, two-story farmhouse. They worked without a bit of complaint . . . but without any urgency, either: cardboard boxes got completely soaked, shoes brought in mud, and tabletops arrived dripping.

By the time the men closed the truck and pulled away, Jay's money deep in their pockets, his new home smelled like rain and grass and wet cardboard. As he and the boys moved and rearranged furniture—finding out belatedly that some rooms
were smaller than the ones back in Ohio, while others were far more spacious—Jay realized he had never missed Evelyn more.

She'd had a true sense about what went where. He had none of that. Neither did his boys. Therefore, they unpacked and rearranged in a hit-and-miss kind of way. It was time-consuming and frustrating, and his back was starting to hurt a bit, too.

“Mark, watch the corners,” he warned for at least the fourth time. “You are going to scratch the table.”

“I'm being careful,” he grunted. “And the table was already scratched.” Setting the small table down and wiping his hands on the front of his pants, he added, “And wet.”

“How scratched is it?” Jay really needed to begin a list of damages that the movers were responsible for.

“It ain't from the movers, Daed. The mark is from William, when he was three.”

“Oh.”

“I don't remember hurting that table,” William groused. “Or making the stain on the coffee table, neither.”

“That's because Mamm let you get away with everything,” Mark announced with a glare. “You
always
got away with everything.”

“That's not true.”

Knowing from experience that the blame game could go on for hours, Jay redirected things. “Mark, go back to work on your room. Ben, go find my toolbox and help me put together William's bed.”

“Any idea where that is?”

“In one of the boxes in the garage.”

Grinning, Ben nodded. “All right. I think there's only about eight of them.”

“It's getting kind of late, so we'd best hurry if we can.”

“Sure, Daed.”

Sitting back on his haunches, Jay clenched his teeth as he heard Ben chatting with Tricia, who had shown up about an hour ago. Ben had invited her over, saying she would be a lot of help.

Jay imagined she might have been helpful, too. If she had known what their furniture looked like, knew their house better, and hadn't been so besotted with his eldest boy. Of course, he knew the attraction was mutual for Ben. Ever since he'd met Tricia, nothing seemed to matter but that fresh-faced girl. Part of him was glad that Tricia was making his son's move so pleasant. But honestly, the boy could use a lesson or two about managing his time better.

After sending William to his room to unpack his boxes, Jay grumbled to himself, “We'll never get this done.”

“Oh, I think you will,” Emma Keim said with a cheery smile as she came in through the kitchen, three little girls following behind her like a trio of ducklings. “You men look as busy as a hive of bees.”

Climbing to his feet, he managed to hide a moan as his back protested. “Emma, hello.” Seeing her daughters' sweet, clean faces staring back at him, he smiled. “And hello to you, too, Lena, Mandy, and Annie. You three look pretty in blue today. What brings you here?”

“The girls and I brought you boys some supper.”

“You did?” His heart softened as he saw little Annie peek at him from behind her mother. She was clutching Emma's dark blue dress like it was her lifeline to the rest of the world. But she also looked intrigued by their visit. “Did you help, too, Annie?”

Annie bit her bottom lip and nodded shyly. “I helped with the cookies.”

Mark entered the room, William behind him. “Hi, Mrs. Keim. Hey, Lena, Mandy, and Annie.”

Emma's eyes twinkled. “Hello, Mark and William.”

“Did you really make us cookies?”

“We made you a whole supper,” Lena said. “Pulled-pork barbecue sandwiches, potato salad, deviled eggs, cookies, and a cherry pie.”

William's eyes turned as big as saucers. “You brought us pie
and
cookies?”

“I had a little bit of time, so I made you a cherry pie. Then the girls pointed out that not everyone likes cherry pie. So I made some cookies, too.”

Jay felt extremely humbled. “I can't believe you spent so much time on our meal.
Danke
.”

“It was no trouble, especially since Frankie ate your pizza. We enjoyed making it,” Emma said. “Didn't we, girls?”

Three little heads nodded just as Ben and Tricia entered the room, Jay's smallest toolbox in his hand. “I found it, Daed.”


Gut
. Is there a wrench and a hammer inside? Did you check?”

“Yep. I checked.” Turning to Emma, he smiled brightly. “Hi.”

“Mrs. Keim brought supper,” Mark announced.

“You boys should simply call me Emma,” she said.

William looked pleased. “Can I, Daed?”

“I suppose that would be all right.”

After making sure Tricia and Emma and her girls all said hello, Jay said, “If you wouldn't mind putting everything down on the kitchen counter, we'll eat in a little while.”

Instead of going directly to the kitchen, Emma turned to Mark and said, “Have you boys unpacked the kitchen yet?”

“Not really.”

“I wanted to get their rooms set up first,” Jay explained.

“That makes perfect sense. Tricia, would you like to help me in the kitchen? I bet the two of us could get a lot done in no time. That is, if you don't mind me organizing your kitchen, Jay?”

Ben grinned. “Daed is
gut
at growing things that belong in the kitchen, not organizing it.”

“That is true,” Jay admitted. “Thank you, Emma, for your help.”

After giving Ben a sweet smile, Tricia followed Emma and her three daughters into the kitchen. Jay did his best not to roll his eyes at the way Ben gazed after his girl.

When they disappeared from view, Mark whistled softly. “Wow. Emma sure has a lot of energy.”

“That she does,” Jay said as he picked up his toolbox.

Lowering his voice, Mark asked, “Ben, do you remember Mamm ever being like that?”


Nee
, but Mamm was sick. Remember? She was sick for a long time.”

Mark slumped. “
Jah
. I kept hoping she'd get better but she never did.”

William froze, then rushed to his room.

Mark frowned. “What's wrong with Will?”

Jay had a pretty good idea but he didn't want to risk hurting his middle boy's feelings. “I'm not sure, but I'll check on him in a minute.” Holding up his toolbox, he said, “I've got a bed to put together anyway.”

“I'll go with you, Daed,” Ben said.

“What about me?” Mark asked. “What should I do?”

Ben folded his arms over his chest. “If you can't figure out something to do right now, you're hopeless.”

“Hey!” Mark sputtered.

Jay grinned at his eldest as they walked into William's room. “You should try to have more patience with your
bruder
.”

“He needs to stop saying dumb things,” Ben said as they stepped over two folded cardboard boxes.

“Looks like you're making good progress, Will,” Jay said. “You've got a lot put away already.”

“And I like the color of your walls. I thought it might be too bright, but it's a
gut
color,” Ben added.

William didn't answer, simply shrugged.

Sharing a concerned look with Ben, Jay grabbed two of the metal bed frames and started fastening the bolts into place. “So, Will . . . You okay?”

“Jah.”

“Sure? Mark didn't mean to upset you, you know. He always simply says what is on his mind.”

“I know.”

Though it was obvious Will was still upset, Jay decided not to prod any further. Each of his boys responded better when they had some time to think about things. Instead, he concentrated on the task at hand. “Grab a side, wouldja Ben?”

“Sure, Daed,” Ben replied and knelt on the floor to help. Less than thirty minutes later, the frame was fastened securely and the mattresses were placed on it.

After sending Ben to go help Mark with his bed frame, Jay picked up the sheets and motioned his youngest over. “Take a side, Will.” Together, they slipped on the bottom sheet. Next, Jay pulled on the top sheet.

“Hey, Daed?” William mumbled as he tucked one side of his sheets underneath the mattress.

“Jah?”

“Can I ask ya something?”

“Of course.”

“Um . . . what did Mark mean about Emma being so different
from Mamm? He weren't just talking about when she was sick, was he?”

Though it would have been easier to pretend that Mark and Ben had only been referring to Evelyn's illness, Jay couldn't bring himself to lie. “Mark simply meant that all women do things differently. Just as each of us are different, different mothers have favorite ways of doing things, too.” The conversation was making Jay uncomfortable. It brought up things that he hadn't wanted to admit, even to himself. Emma
was
different from Evelyn. And once again, Jay had noticed that in no time at all.

William shook his head. “I don't think that's what he meant. Ben agreed with him.”

“They didn't mean anything. No one wanted to hurt your feelings, either.”

William glared. “Daed, I know Mark meant something other than Mamm being sick.”

Jay didn't want to talk about Evelyn. But, he supposed, the Lord and Will had decided it needed to happen whether he was ready for it or not. Now that he had the blue, white, and yellow building-block quilt over William's sheets and blankets, Jay figured there was no time like the present. He patted the mattress. “Let's sit down.”

After Will was settled next to him, Jay said, “Your mother was a wonderful woman. She was a wonderful mother and I loved her.” He sighed, navigating his way through the conversation with as much care as he could. He didn't want to upset Evelyn's memory for Will or accidentally be disrespectful to the woman currently organizing his kitchen, either. “But Mamm wasn't the type of woman to be so forthright or, um, capable.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means your mother wasn't much of a self-starter.”

“But didn't she cook?”

“She did. Of course she did. But she wasn't necessarily the type of woman to cook for other people, bring it by, and then offer to organize their kitchen. All Mark did was point that out.”

“Do you wish she had been like that?”

Secretly, he wished for a lot of things. But those would always remain his secrets. “I loved your mother for who she was. We're all special in our own ways, William. Your
mamm
was so very sweet and had a giving heart, too. She was special.”

“Even when she was sick, she read me stories,” William said quietly.

The lump that had been lodged in Jay's throat the whole time Evelyn had been dying from cancer returned suddenly. It took some effort to say the words his youngest needed to hear. “She loved to read to you. She loved books.”

“Was Mark being mean?”

“No. He's just being Mark. You know how he always says what's on his mind the moment he thinks it.” Giving into the impulse, Jay wrapped his arms around William and squeezed. “It will be okay, Will. And you can always ask about Mamm. Always.”

Pulling away, William nodded. “Can we eat now?”

“I hope so. Why don't you go find out how the kitchen is going and I'll check on your brothers.” Jay was glad when William walked out of the room without another word. He needed a moment to think about everything he'd said—and how he felt about it, too.

Closing his eyes, he forced himself to relax and reflect on the things he'd told William about Evelyn. After a few seconds, he
realized that he had, indeed, spoken the truth. Evelyn had been very sweet and had loved all of them dearly. Just as they had loved her.

But she had also gone to heaven and now existed only in their hearts and memories.

“Supper!” William called out.

Jay opened his eyes and grinned. His Evelyn was gone, but life had also moved on. They were now in a new home in a new state and supper was ready.

“Everyone wash up first,” Jay called out.

After a pause, he saw Mark run into the bathroom. “I'm so hungry, Daed,” he said with a smile.

“Me, too.” He joined him at the sink, then headed to the kitchen, trying to remember the last time he'd had homemade cherry pie.

Emma's girls were setting out plates, forks, and napkins when he entered the kitchen. Tricia was putting away a couple of pots and pans. On the floor next to the back door was a stack of neatly folded cardboard boxes. “You girls have been busy.”

“We are nowhere near done, but at least you'll be able to eat your supper,” Emma proclaimed.

“It was mighty kind of you to think of us.
Danke
.”

She beamed but looked a bit embarrassed, too. “It's just sandwiches and such, Jay.”

It wasn't “just” that. It was more. With a sigh, he said, “I was hoping to get further along but I guess I need to let the boys enjoy their supper.”

“I think so. I mean, I hope so. It's been my experience that
kinner
get more done when their stomachs are filled.”

“I think you might be right about that.” Of course, his boys'
bellies were rarely completely full. Jay stood by her side and helped organize the meal.

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