All In: Betting on a Full House (Gambling With Love) (6 page)

Jess

When I pulled into the dark parking lot there was no missing Tyler’s SUV. I knew just by his stiff posture as he leaned against his driver side door that he knew. Damn it, that little bitch promised not to tell him.

Sure enough, when I parked and turned on my phone I saw his two voicemails and two text messages. I quickly looked them over. The first one was, "
Please call me Jess
" and the second was, "
Please just talk to me first
."

I got out and walked towards him expecting him to yell and bitch because I hadn't told him. Instead he just wrapped his arms around me. The sobs I’d been holding in came out in a flood, my body shaking against his.

When my crying fit finally started to ease up I barely heard him ask, “Have you already ..?"

When I nodded, knowing what he was referring to, his grip on me tightened.

“Are you okay?”

That one I wouldn’t even bother trying to answer with a lie, or the truth. “Goodbye, Tyler,” I said, forcing myself to pull away from his arms…that I wanted nothing more than to stay in.

“Jess, wait …”

I shook my head and went up the steps to my apartment. I didn't want my decision to affect his life, but most of all I didn't want us to become his unwanted obligation. I'd barely survived being unwanted and unloved the first time around, and refused to go through that hell again. Our babies deserved better than that too. 

…

Tyler

The pain I felt was like none other. I'd never thought about kids or having a family. I was only twenty-one and those plans had been five or even ten years down the road. So now I was trying to figure out why I felt like a piece of my heart and soul had been ripped from me and could never be replaced. I felt oddly … empty.

Even though I was trying hard to understand her reasoning, it still hurt to think that Jess cared so little about me that she could do something so drastic without telling me. I shouldn't have used her the way I had that first night I stayed at her apartment. I'd inadvertently made her feel like she was nothing to me.

God, I knew she must feel like shit, and was dealing with a hell of a lot more than I was at the moment. I wanted to at least be there for her since this was all my fault. But how to do that when I wasn't sure if she'd ever want to see me again.

I needed to talk to someone. I needed a friend. More than that I needed the two people that I considered my best friends. I drove over to their house feeling like a zombie. It was strange to have to knock on the door that I'd walked through for years when I'd lived here, but I did it anyway.

Lauren answered it.

"Hey, Tyler."

"Can I come in? Maybe have a beer with both of you?"

"Sure. Is it … did Jess tell you?"

"No. Caleb did," I said as I walked in and sank down on the couch.

"Caleb!" she yelled.

"What? Who is it?" he asked from the kitchen.

"You told him?" Lauren got in his face, her own turning red in anger.

Caleb’s hand went through his hair and he sighed. "Yeah, I did. She didn't make me promise, and he had a right to know."

"That wasn't for us to decide. God Caleb! Now, Jess will probably never talk to me again. Have you talked to her?" she turned to ask me.

"Yeah, but it was too late."

"Oh no," she said, covering her mouth.

"I just wish she would've given me a chance to talk to her, you know? I feel like … fuck, she gave up a part of me like it was nothing. I know I should be relieved or whatever, but I'm not."

Lauren sat down beside me on the couch and hugged me. The same spot where I'd comforted her so many times before when she needed it. When she pulled away she wiped tears from her eyes before jumping up from the couch.

"I should call her and check on her. No, I should go see her." She grabbed her phone and purse, then with a quick kiss to Caleb's lips told him, "I'm still pissed at you mister, and we're going to have words later."

"Fine, but I stand by my decision. Can you honestly tell me that I shouldn't have told him?"

She gave an exasperated sigh and then slammed the door on her way out.

"I'm sorry," Caleb said.

"I appreciate you letting me know what was going on, even though she’s pissed at you. I went to her apartment and waited for hours before she came home. She wouldn't answer my calls or texts. I was so fucking pissed at her for keeping this from me, and then for making her decision without giving a shit what I wanted. But then she came home and ..." I shook my head, remembering how upset she was. "She was so … distraught, and I realized however upset I was, she was going through something a hundred times worse."

"I can't imagine," he replied, shaking his head.

Jess

"Jess, please open the door and talk to me. I didn't tell him, I swear," Lauren yelled through the door. Then softer she said, "Caleb did, and I'm really pissed at him."

That was what finally convinced me to open up.

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry," Lauren said, her arms sweeping me up in a hug. "Are you okay?"

I nodded against her shoulder, then stepped away from her embrace. Reaching in my back pocket I pulled out the picture to show to her. "I got an ultrasound like you suggested."

"W-what … that's the …?" she stuttered.

"Babies."

"Ba-bies? As in more than one baby, plural?" she asked, with her jaw unhinged and eyes widening.

"Yes."

"Holy fuck. There’s two of them," she said as she looked over the photo.

"Yep," I said, taking the picture back from her hands. I hadn’t been able to part with it since they’d printed it and handed it to me.

"Are you feeling okay? I mean, did it hurt?"

"Did what hurt? The ultrasound? It was one of those vaginal ones, but they put goo all over the huge dildo stick, so it wasn't really that bad," I told her with a shrug. 

Her forehead creased in confusion. "I meant the, ah, abortion."

I sighed and sat down crossed-legged on the love seat. "I couldn't go through with it."   

"What? But Tyler said … he said it was too late. You
lied
to him? You're keeping the babies, plural?"

I nodded. "I asked for an ultrasound like you said, just to be sure, you know? And when the technician told me it was twins, and showed me, it was like my eyes finally opened to the terrible thing I'd been considering. I mean there are actual
people
growing inside my freaking stomach. Not just any people, but
my
little people. And Tyler's little people," I told her as I stared down at the ultrasound photo. The very first picture of our tiny babies.     

"People," Lauren repeated and then smiled.

I realized during the ultrasound why Lauren felt the way she did about abortions. She was going to school to be an x-ray technician, and had seen ultrasounds during all the various weeks of pregnancy. She knew without a doubt that there was already life there, even this early, because she'd seen it. Now I had too.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Work at Infinity's until I can't anymore while looking for another job. I thought taking care of one baby would be expensive, but two? God, I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I have to," I told her as the flood gates opened again. Lauren sat down beside me and let me cry it out on her.

"Tyler will be there for you and do anything you need …"

"No!" I yelled pulling away from her. "I don’t want him to feel obligated to do anything. And I sure as hell don't want him to be with me just because he knocked me up. That's why …"

"That's why you told him you ended it?"

"Yes, and you have to swear you won't tell him. Or Caleb and his big mouth."

"Of course, but honey, unless you leave town, one or both will see you with a big ol' belly, especially since its twins. And you should have seen how upset Tyler was when he came over. He wanted you to keep the baby."

I snorted. "Yeah, and I'm sure he'd be thrilled to find out it's two of them."

"He might be. Tell him."

"No."

"Okay, then will you at least date him?"

"What? Why?" I asked, looking at her like she was nuts.

"Everyone saw the spark when you two kissed a few weeks ago at Shooter's. There's something there, so why don't you date him until you start to show, and see what happens?"

"And not tell him that I'm keeping his sons, daughters or a mix and match set?"

She laughed. "If that's what you want. This way you could find out if you two could work, without wondering if he's just with you out of guilt or a feeling of responsibility."

Just thinking about seeing and dating him again made me feel better, but there was a problem with her idea. "He doesn't want to date me. We haven't gone out since the drunken night he knocked me up."

"I can give him a push in the right direction, and so will Caleb. Without me telling Caleb the truth," she added when I gave her an evil look.

"I don't want you to talk him into it."

"You would be good for him. He needs this, whether or not he knows it yet."

"No, just stay out of it, okay? If he wants to see me, which I seriously doubt since he thinks I ended the pregnancy without telling him first, then I'll date him."

"Fine," she said with an eye roll.

"Now, how about some Ben & Jerry's?" I asked.

"Sure. You need all the food you can get since you're eating for three," she said with a smile.

…

Tyler

I couldn't sleep. I'd been lying in bed for two hours, staring at the ceiling because my eyes refused to close. My lungs couldn't seem to get enough air in them, and I felt sick to my stomach. Man, I was pathetic. If I felt miserable, I couldn't imagine how Jess was feeling.

It was after one a.m., and because of her long, late night shifts on weekends she was probably still awake. I sent her a quick text message before I changed my mind, just, "
Hey, are you awake
?"

I was surprised when not two minutes later I got a one word response, causing my heart to race, "
Yes
." 

I called her, hoping she'd actually answer since she'd just texted.

"Hey, Tyler."  

"Hey, Jess, how are you doing?"

"I'm … here."

"Yeah. I couldn't sleep and figured you might be up too."

"Yep. My days and nights stay confused."

"I get that way after a few third shifts."

"Did Lauren tell you to call?" she asked hesitantly.

"What? No, why? I haven't talked to Lauren since I saw her at their house, before she left heading over to see you."

"Oh."

"So, what were you doing before I called?" I asked, trying to talk about something neutral, instead of what we were both thinking about.          

"Just flipping through channels."

"Find anything good?"

"Actually yeah. There's a Game of Thrones marathon on HBO."

"Awesome. I need to get HBO added to my package here. I miss it."

There was silence before she finally asked, "Would you maybe want to ah, come over?" I was already out of bed and putting my shoes on.

"Yes, definitely," I said, probably too enthusiastically. "But not because I expect anything, you know that right?" Then there was nothing but silence. "I did some research on the internet and know there's several weeks’ recovery. Not that that was the reason why I researched it. I mean, I just wanted to know more about the whole thing. You know?"

"Ah, yeah. So, I'll see you in a few?"

"Yeah. I'm on my way."

"Okay, see ya' then."

"Bye, Jess."

When I hung up I rounded up my already pressed uniform and everything else for work. I was going to feel like shit after not getting any sleep, but that was a problem for the morning. I had more important things to do tonight.

Jess

I rushed around the house, looking for anything out of place while I waited for Tyler. Finally I heard his knock.

I looked down at my rumpled pajamas and wondered if I should have changed. Oh hell, too late now. Not like changing would help my red face and eyes, from crying for hours.

I pulled the ultrasound photo from my pajama pocket and decided to quickly hide it in my purse where there was no chance Tyler would see it.

Opening the door, I'd swear the man was hotter than he'd been the last time I’d seen him. Maybe I just wasn't used to seeing him in his pajamas, and they looked so cute on him. So domesticated in the blue plaid bottoms and white tee. He looked nervous and antsy when he came into the living room. He glanced over at the blank television set before he asked, "Watching TV in bed?"

"Yeah. That okay? We can watch in here if you'd rather?" I felt so strange being in the same room with him. Knowing I had lied to him. Knowing his children were a part of me too, and he didn't know it. And Jesus he looked so good that even after everything I wanted him so bad I couldn't stand it. But that wouldn’t be happening for a while. Weeks apparently, since he thought I'd had a surgical procedure recently.

I bit my lip and considered just telling him, but my brain screamed
no
. If I told him, then I'd never know if he was with me because he wanted to be or because of the babies. I'd seen friend's marry men for the same reason, and only end up miserable. And of course my wonderful parents had done the same damn thing.

"Bed's fine. Are you really okay?" he asked when I continued to stand in the living room in a daze.

"Yeah, come on. Do you want anything to eat or drink?" I asked, like a good little hostess when we walked past the kitchen.

"No, thanks."

I led the way past Jonathan's closed door to my bedroom. The TV was still paused where I'd left it, so I crawled up on the side I normally slept on in my queen sized bed, the one closest to the door. My eyes stayed on Tyler as he toed his shoes off on the other side of the room then climbed up in the bed and stretched out. He held his arm out for me to curl up beside him, and I smiled before accepting. Tucking me against his side he pulled the covers over us. Remote in hand, I hit play to start the show.

Tyler was so warm and smelled so clean and delicious, my body automatically wrapped around his. How strange was it that I couldn't sleep before he got here, but with his comfort I felt myself drifting off before the GoT theme song went off?

...

A cell phone ringing startled me awake. I threw my arm out to the nightstand, feeling around for mine, but when I grabbed it and squinted at it in the darkness there was nothing on the screen. Huh. The sound came from the other side of the room again. I finally remembered Tyler had spent the night and it was his phone.

"Sorry," he said, his voice all rumbly from sleep. "Set the alarm so I wouldn't oversleep."

"Ugh, you have to be at work this early? That sucks."

"Yeah, it seriously does." He stretched across the bed and gave me a quick kiss. "I'm going to go on and take a shower at the station. I'll text or call you later, okay?"

I couldn't help my smile or the fluttering in my stomach. "Okay."

"Would you want to go to dinner with me tonight?"

"Yeah, sure," I said automatically, then my eyes went to the door, feeling guilty about leaving Jonathan during the week.

"You can ask Jonathan if he wants to come with us," Tyler said as he put his shoes on, shocking the shit out of me that one, he remembered my brother's name, and two, that he didn't mind him tagging along.

"Thanks, I will," I told him, then threw my legs over the side of the bed to walk him out.

"No, don't get up. I can let myself out. Ask your brother where he'd like to go and let me know, okay?"

"Okay. Bye, Tyler."

"Bye," he said, then he gave me another soft kiss. The look in his eyes had me melting into a heap in the bed.

After a few more hours of peaceful sleep and naughty dreams of a certain police officer, I finally dragged my lazy butt out of bed and took a shower. I picked up my phone and called Lauren during what I thought was her lunch break between classes.

"Hey, Jess. How are you feeling?"

"Good. Did you tell Tyler to call me last night?"

"No. Cross my heart. I didn't talk to him after I left your place. Caleb didn't either after he went back to his apartment. Why? Did he call?"

"Yeah, at like one in the morning."

"Really? What'd he say?"

"He was just checking up on me, said he couldn't sleep. I invited him over and he came and spent the night."

"Wow. That's great! See, I told you to give him a chance."

"Yeah, and then this morning he asked me to go to dinner with him tonight and to bring Jonathan too."

"That's really sweet. Tyler's a great guy, and I want you both to be happy. With each other."

"I feel bad about lying to him."

"Hey, this is your best shot to answer the question of whether or not the two of you are right for each other, and you know it."

"Yeah I guess. I'll let you know how tonight goes."

"Can't wait to hear. Call me tonight or in the morning if he stays over again."

"Sure, but it looks like regardless of what happens there won't be any action for several weeks."

"Why not?"

"Because he did some research and thinks I had a surgical procedure."

"Aw, that's sweet that he read up on it because he was worried about you."

"I guess, but I don't know how long I can hold out. The mere sight of the man makes me want to jump him. And it's not like I have to worry about him knocking me up."   

Lauren laughed. "Oh sweetie, your real life soap opera is even better than mine was."

"Tell me about it."