All the Feels (23 page)

“You all right, Liv?”

“Fine,” she muttered. “Just squished.”

“Mmm … sorry about that.”

His fingers loosened on her back, and she immediately regretted her words, but there was no way she was going to explain in an elevator full of strangers that she wanted to be this close to Xander, just not this close to the rest of them.

“I should text Joe and say you’re not coming for dinner,” Liv said.

“Why wouldn’t I come along?”

Liv looked up. “You don’t actually want to come with me, do you?”

Xander gave a one-shoulder shrug. “On the spectrum of con experiences, online friends definitely make the cut.” He winked. “Besides, your secret’s out now, so I might as well meet my die-hard fans. This is my first big role, you know. I’ve never been famous before, dearest.”

Liv shook her head. “You’re as bad as Tom Grander.”

“Coming from you, that
should
be a compliment.”

Liv snorted.

“Believe me. This time, it’s not.”

12

“WE’RE ALL MAD HERE.”

(
ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND
)

Getting
down
from the ninth floor was exponentially more difficult than getting up to it. The first elevator that arrived was a wall of costumed fans.

“We can fit,” Xander insisted.

“Too full,” Liv said, panicked by the thought of a nine-story drop to their death. “Let’s grab the next one.”

The second elevator arrived five minutes later. If anything, it was more overloaded than the first.

“Oh God, we’ll never fit in there,” Liv moaned.

“We could have.”

The doors closed, leaving them behind.

“Should we take the stairs?”

“Stairs are for cardio, not con.” Xander pressed the up button. “DC has a secret everyone knows and no one tells newbies.”

“And that is?”

In seconds an elevator going up came rushing toward them. The doors opened, revealing a mostly empty interior.

“Sometimes,” he said, “you have to go up to go down.”

Liv followed him in, marveling at the scene below them. She could see the full scope of Dragon Con from her bird’s-eye vantage, the floor a living mass of bodies. Tiny, toy-size people in cosplay moved in bright splotches of color ten stories down. And it wasn’t just
one
section. The atrium level was equally packed, the hallways leading to ballrooms around the hotel teeming with people. With an unsettling rush, the elevator sprang upward, the figures shrinking to specks. Liv’s stomach contracted, and she pulled back from the glass. They were incredibly high.

“I knew there’d be a lot of people,” she said unsteadily, “but I didn’t expect quite this many.”

“There are people who come from all across America, from around the world, even. The whole Dragon Con experience brings geek culture together,” Xander said fondly. “Sure, the crowds are irritating at times, but con wouldn’t be con without them.” The door opened, and a crowd of people got on from the floors above.

“You come every year?” Liv asked.

“Every year since I turned sixteen and my mom gave in to my constant whining.”

“You, whine?” Liv said wryly. “Never.”

Xander rolled his eyes.

“So what’s your favorite part?” Liv asked.

“I love everything about it. The whole feeling of being able to be who I want to be.” He stared out the glass panels, his smile fading. “There’s no judgment here. We’re all just friends, fellow geeks. I love that feeling.”

Liv wanted to ask him more, but the elevator stopped again, and a group of Marvel characters climbed on, chattering loudly. She hardly had room to breathe, let alone move. With a groan of connecting cables, the elevator started the sudden drop. Liv looked over at Xander, but he was staring out the window, lost in thought. Floor by floor, the doors opened, one or two people pushing in until every crack and crevice in the already small space was crammed with bodies. Liv had never felt such sympathy for sardines as she did now. As they picked up speed, Liv studiously avoided staring at the half-naked woman cosplaying as Leeloo from
The Fifth Element
. Instead, she read the warnings on the elevator door: 21
PEOPLE OR
4200
LBS
. She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to scream.

Sometimes it was better
not
to know.

*   *   *

Dinner was nothing like Liv had expected. After the brief rush of hysteria as everyone realized Liv had been behind Spartan Survived, she found herself at the center of a passionate discussion. Even when she’d answered all the pertinent questions, there was a steady stream of conversation to contend with. Liv struggled to categorize the friends she’d only known in digital format:

@JoesWoes was Joanne, though everyone referred to her as Joe. Loud to the point of unsettling, Joe was one of those people who were easier to connect with online. Joe’s tone, Liv decided, was calmer in text, and Liv was glad that she’d gotten to know her via fandom first. Sarah, also known as @VeilMeister, had a different issue. Though Liv struggled with anxiety when talking to strangers or dealing with crowds, Sarah went catatonic. She stared mutely at her half-full plate when Liv asked her how she was finding con. Xander gave Liv a sympathetic look.

A minute later, Liv’s phone buzzed.

Liv looked over. Sarah was staring down at her phone, thumbs moving back and forth. Liv’s phone buzzed again.

Liv tapped in a reply.

Liv glanced up to see Sarah smiling to herself while the young woman at her side laughed and shouted. Vibrant and outgoing, this fangirl was a polar opposite to @VeilMeister’s painful shyness. Her name was Kelly, and Liv had known her for years as the fic-writer @SpartanGrrl, who specialized in High School AUs, Baby!fic, and all forms of romantic fluff. Kelly had a surplus of social skills, and she spent much of the conversation hanging on Xander’s every word. Liv wasn’t sure why that irritated her so much.

A number of lesser-known fandom peeps attended dinner too: Leah and Denise were a lovely couple who spent the evening chatting quietly to each other. Ivy was a published science-fiction writer who had obsessions in the
Starveil
,
Star Trek
, and
Farscape
fandoms. She’d published her own series of books. Beth had flown in from England to attend the con and was as overwhelmed as Liv was. Alicia and Ivy were best friends who’d met in the
X-Files
fandom years before migrating over to
Starveil
. They’d attended the last six Dragon Cons together. Atlanta was their hub, a once-a-year holiday to connect with their “friends family” and escape their regular life.

“Will you guys be coming next year, too?” Ivy asked Liv and Xander. “Alicia and I come every year.”

“It’s our yearly pilgrimage,” Alicia added.

Xander nudged Liv’s foot, and she looked up. “See?” he said. “It’s not just my fandom that makes the trek.”

“I don’t know,” Liv said. “I hope I’ll come back.”

Her phone buzzed.

Liv tapped in a reply.

“Well, I hope you do,” Alicia said, then nodded to Xander. “Because Dragon Con friends are like none other. You might not see each other for a year, but when you’re back together”—she snapped her fingers—“it’s like you never left.”

Liv laughed and talked, gravitating toward those like-minded fandom peeps who seemed to share her passions. In minutes, she felt like they were friends she’d known for years. And in digital form, Liv thought, she actually had.

Brian, on the other hand, seemed to have no friends at all, just accomplices. As one of the few men in the group, he had less in common with Liv than any of the women, but his lack of social graces put him further apart than his gender did. A computer programmer by trade, Brian considered himself above the average con-goer whom he described as “the sweating masses.” At dinner, he drank whiskey when everyone else ordered soda, and after downing his third shot, his inner dialogue began spilling into muttered obscenities.

When the flustered waiter brought out the wrong type of whiskey, Brian burst into a harangue of angry swearing. Seeing Liv’s horrified expression, Joe explained, “Brian is a bit rough around the edges, but he’s got his good points, too.”

He turned, giving Liv and Joanne an indignant scowl. “I can
hear
you, Joanne.” He took another drink. “I’m bad-tempered, not deaf.”

She continued, undeterred. “Brian’s old school, raised on the West Coast with San Diego Comic-Con. It’s got its own brand of crazy.”

“What does that mean?” Liv laughed.

“Brian will wait in line for hours and hold your place,” Joe said. “He’s got standing stamina.”

“For how long?”

“All goddamned night, if necessary,” Brian grunted. Next to Brian, Xander smothered a laugh behind his gloved hand.

“All night?” Liv said. “That’s crazy!”

“Oh honey, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen the
Starveil
lineups at Comic-Con. They make Atlanta seem like child’s play. That’s when you need someone like Brian,” Joe said. “He can be an angel when he wants to.”