Arousing Love, a teen novel (6 page)

It was too much. I just wanted him to stop
talking.

“I should probably get going.” I stood
up.

“Okay, well you’re always welcome to drop by
and have a chat with us, and if Joanna’s around, you can spend some
time with her while you’re here.”

“Okay. Thanks for dinner.”

Joanna stood up too. “I’ll show you the way
back,” she turned to her father. “Is that alright, Dad?”

He frowned then nodded.

We walked some distance from their campsite
before Joanna turned to me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know he’d lecture
us like that.”

“Is he a preacher or something?”

“No, not really.”

“At least we can keep seeing each other.”

“Yeah.” She smiled. “Thanks for talking to
them. I know how horrible it must’ve been for you.”

“Yeah, your dad’s okay, though. At least he
speaks the truth.”

“You believe it’s true?” She looked
surprised.

“Yeah, I think what he said is true. You
know, I realized something else
. . . .
”

“What’s that?”

“The thought of being married to you didn’t
actually scare me.”

Her face lit up. “Me either! I was thinking
about that too.”

We stood there grinning at each other.

“I should get back to my parents. I don’t
want them worrying about us.”

“Hey,” I grabbed her hand as she turned to
go. “I love you.” My words were heavy with emotion. It was such a
powerful thing to say and really mean it.

“I love you too.” Tears welled in her eyes.
She blinked, and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

I caught the salty tear with a kiss, then my
lips moved to hers, kissing her with all the love I felt for her, a
love set free from my intellect trying to convince me it wasn’t
real. I knew I was in love, my heart ached with it, it was so pent
up inside me longing to be expressed.

She pulled away, smiling up at me through her
tears, then, as if unable to speak, she just turned and walked
away.

Getting ready for bed that night, I saw my
parents’ Bible still sitting there. I picked it up and started
reading, beginning in the New Testament because I wanted to read
about Jesus.

I thought I already knew the Bible from all
the Sunday school lessons I had as a kid, but I was surprised by
what it actually said—especially what Jesus said.

I couldn’t help but compare it to my parents’
lives. I couldn’t see anything of their religion in what Jesus
taught. They were more like the Pharisees who judged everyone by
outward appearances and kept empty rituals and laws. Jesus was
radical—all about loving others and giving up everything for God.
He didn’t care what people thought of him, he hung out with the
worst people. This was the real Jesus—not the church version.
I
bet Jesus wouldn’t even be welcome in most churches today. He’d be
too radical for them.

I put the Bible down and turned out the
light. In the darkness I thought to say a prayer.

“Thank you for bringing Joanna into my life.
Please God, allow us to keep seeing each other. I really care about
her.”

It was the first time I’d prayed since I was
a little boy, and it made me feel reassured somehow, like I had a
new-found hope.

•••

I usually slept late on weekends, but this
Saturday I was already up and heading over to the campground before
8am.

There was no sign of life at their
campsite.

“Anyone here?” I called.

“Just a second.” Joanna’s muffled voice came
from the smaller tent.

“What are you doing?” I could hear her
shuffling around inside.

“I’m getting changed. Hang on.”

She burst out of the tent. “Hi!” She beamed,
her eyes sparkling with happiness. She threw her arms around me and
we kissed.

“Is that where you sleep?”

“Yep, that’s my tent. My parents sleep in the
other one.”

“Where are they?”

“They went out somewhere. They wouldn’t want
us to be alone together. We should go find my friends or
something.”

“Can’t we be alone for a while, just to
talk?”

She shook her head and pouted. “My parents
are so strict.”

“They’re just protecting you.”

“Yeah, from you!” She laughed.

“You need protecting from me.” I grabbed her
around the waist and drew her to me, kissing her giggling
mouth.

I looked into her beautiful, smiling face.
“You know, I was thinking
. . .
the only way we could keep seeing each other after the summer, is
if I moved to Colorado.”

Her eyes widened. “Are you serious? You’d
move all that way to be with me?”

“Would you want me to?”

“Yes! I
really, really, really, really,
really
want you to.”

I laughed. She was so cute. “It’d be hard
though. I’d need a place to stay, and a job. I don’t have much
money. I guess I need to know if we’re really that serious to even
be thinking about it.”

“I’m serious. This isn’t just a crush, I’m in
love with you. I know this is real. It’s different from anything
I’ve ever felt before.”

I smiled. She made me feel so happy.

“Is there
. . .
” She hesitated. “Is there anything I
can do to show you I’m serious?”

“Like what?”

“You know
. . .
anything?” She seemed to hold her
breath, waiting for my answer. I didn’t know what to say.

“Come on, let’s go find your friends.”

We found Matt, Lizzie and the other guy at
the far end of the beach. I felt a little jealous watching Joanna
chatting and laughing with her friends. I didn’t wanna share her
with them, I wanted all of her attention.

Matt was flirting with Lizzie and saying
suggestive things, but she was totally not interested. It was fun
listening to their banter. I started to relax, and found myself
laughing at their dumb jokes. They were good to hang with.

“You smoke, Zach?” Matt asked me.

“Nah.”

“Yeah, I don’t smoke
. . .
cigarettes.” He gave me a knowing look
and laughed. “Ever tried mushies?”

“Matt!” Joanna gave him an evil look.

“What?” He thrust out his hands, all
innocent.

“Why do you even do drugs?” Joanna’s attitude
changed to concern for her friend. “Don’t you want to achieve
something with your life? Drugs are just going to mess it up.”

“Yeah,” Lizzie piped in. “You could end up
homeless and living on the streets. That’s what happened to this
guy I know. He owned his own house and everything, and lost it all
‘cause of his addiction.”

“I’m not addicted. It doesn’t even do
anything, it’s like a little party in your brain. It’s not as bad
as you think.”

I’d always thought doing drugs was dumb, but
if that’s what they wanna do, it’s their life. I wasn’t the kind of
guy to tell anyone else what they should or shouldn’t be doing. But
now I found myself wanting to back Joanna—“Yeah man, drugs are like
a party, and you think the guy throwing the party is your friend.
But while the party’s going on at your place, he’s out the back
stealing everything—your intelligence, your ambition, your health,
your future, everything you want in life—all gone in a puff of
smoke while you’re enjoying the party. Drugs aren’t your friend,
man, they’re your enemy.”

Joanna flashed me a smile.

“Hey, that’s deep,” Lizzie laughed.

Matt shook his head. “Yeah, but everything’s
bad for you, everything’s a risk—what you eat, having sex. We all
die in the end anyway.”

For a while no one else spoke, and the
silence soon became uncomfortable. Matt just sat there like he was
lost in thought or sulking or something. I felt bad for him.

“I don’t touch drugs, or anything like that,
after what happened to a friend of mine.” Lizzie said, her eyes
fixed in the distance.

“Why, what happened?” Joanna prompted.

“She liked this guy, but she wasn’t gonna do
anything with him. But when she got high she had sex with him.”

“Ohh.” Joanna put a hand on her friend’s
shoulder.

Lizzie shrugged it off. “Yeah, she got
pregnant. She was only fifteen and had to get an abortion.”

“This is gettin’ depressing.” The other guy
got up. “I’m outta here. See ya later.”

“Hey, wait up.” Matt jumped to his feet and
followed his friend, leaving just Joanna, Lizzie, and me.

“I’d hate to be in that situation, but I’d
never get an abortion.” Joanna stated.

“She didn’t want her parents or anyone to
know about it.”

“So? That’s not a reason to kill your
baby.”

“It was a hard decision for her,” Lizzie
started to raise her voice. “Sometimes you have to make hard
decisions like that. I think she did the right thing.”

“I wish abortion wasn’t even an option.”

“It’s a woman’s right to choose!” Lizzie
folded her arms and glared at Joanna.

“The baby should have a right to live.
There’s no right that says you shouldn’t suffer the consequences of
your actions. She didn’t have to keep the baby, she could’ve given
it up for adoption after it was born. The right to choose is so
selfish, it’s only for the inconvenience of pregnancy.”

“Pregnancy’s a big deal, ya know, and having
to adopt your baby to someone else would be horrible.”

“You’d rather put the baby to death?”

“It’s not a baby yet. It’s not fully
developed, it has no feelings, it doesn’t even know if it wants to
live or not, it’s not like you’re putting an actual person to
death.”

“No, Lizzie, you don’t get it. That baby has
a whole future ahead of her, and her life has already begun. If she
wasn’t terminated she’d live out a life—maybe get married and have
children. If you kill her, even when she’s tiny, you’re taking her
whole life away and all she was meant to be and do. You’re not just
killing a fetus, you’re killing a destiny.”

“It’ll never know the life it missed out
on.”

“Either would you if someone killed you right
now. That’s what murder is, it’s stealing the life you were
supposed to have.”

Lizzie fell silent and stared at the
sand.

“What do you think, Zach?” Joanna turned to
me for the first time.

“Uh, well, I’ve never really thought about
it, but, I guess if I was able to make a choice when I was an
unborn baby, I’d choose to live. I think we all would. I’m glad my
mother didn’t abort me.”

Joanna gave me a little smile.

“I’m going. You guys can have your own little
morality party if you want.” Lizzie got up and started walking
away.

“Lizzie, wait.” Joanna stood up. “Why is this
bothering you so much? Was it you that had the abortion?”

Lizzie turned to face her. “No, it was a
friend from school. It wasn’t her fault, she didn’t wanna get an
abortion. You know, sometimes life is hard and you have to do
things you don’t want to. Sometimes you even have to do things that
aren’t right. You have no choice.”

“I know it can be hard to do what’s right.
I’m not judging your friend. I wish I could’ve helped her.”

“But you
are
judging her, Joanna.”
Lizzie turned and walked away. Joanna watched her go then turned to
me, her lips pressed together in a sad little frown.

“Well, at least we know how to get rid of
your friends when we wanna be alone.” I tried to lighten the
mood.

She dropped down on the sand next to me.
“I’ve never talked to my friends like that before. I think it’s
‘cause you’re here, you give me the courage to say what I truly
believe. I always wanted to say something to Matt about his drugs.
What you said was really good. I hope he thinks about it.” She
sighed. “I just hope they don’t all hate me now.”

“Don’t worry, you told them the truth, that’s
the important thing, right? But maybe next time you could be a
little more tolerant of their views. That’s what Jesus was all
about, right? Hanging with the sinners and loving them.”

“Yeah, but sometimes tolerance is the
opposite of love. I know what you mean though, you can be
intolerant just for the sake of being right.”

“Yeah. I didn’t know you had such strong
views about abortion. You’re amazing, ya know? You’re so smart and
articulate.”

She blinked and looked at me like she didn’t
know what that meant.

“Well, what are we gonna do now? We’re not
supposed to be alone together.”

“We can say we stayed with the group but the
group didn’t stay with us?” I smiled.

“Yeah, I guess it’s okay if we stay in public
view like this.”

I grinned. The nearest person was halfway
down the beach.

“I finished your portrait. I wish I could
show it to you.”

“Are you gonna paint me another one? I can’t
pose for it now, but you could paint me something else
instead?”

“Yeah, what would you like?”

“How ‘bout a self portrait of you? Not a nude
though.” She laughed.

I laughed too. “Okay, I’ll try.”

We sat in silence for a while. I loved just
being there with her. I didn’t care what we did, it was nice just
lazing in the sun together.

I sifted sand through my fingers. “So, what’s
it like in Colorado?”

She smiled. “It’s beautiful, you’d love it
there. It’s perfect for an artist
. . .
”

Am I serious about moving to Colorado? Or am
I just trying to give myself some hope that this isn’t gonna end,
and I’m not gonna lose Joanna? It’s a fantasy isn’t it? I hardly
even know her.

“. . .
snow,
and in autumn it’s so beautiful when all the leaves change. That’s
my favorite time of year.” Joanna paused. “Were you even listening
to me?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking, I don’t really
know how I can move there. It’s such a big thing.”

“You could come and stay with us?”

I laughed. “I don’t think your parents would
like that somehow.”