Awakening (2 page)

"I n
ever got a letter from you Luke," I said more calmly. "If I had, I would have written you every day. You have to know that I would have," I said truthfully. "I loved you."

He reached out to touch my cheek and I flinched, causing him to pull back.

"Caroline, I was so fucking scared back then. I pushed you right into Mark's arms. Once I realized what I had done, I was so pissed. I hated myself, and I've been taking it out on you ever since."

"So, you're essentially saying that you treated me like shit because you thought I didn't want you, even though
it's the one and only thing I ever wanted?" I stared at him incredulously.

He ran a hand through his thick dark hair, and looked me in the eyes.

"I know it sounds terrible, but yes, that's exactly what happened. I was fucking pissed at you. I wanted you for myself, and when you started seeing him... I snapped."

I looked at him for a moment, noting his sunken eyes and the dark circles around them. If I didn't know him well, I wouldn't have noticed, but I could tell he was tired and stressed.
I needed him to let go of me. It really didn't matter what had happened in the past. The reality was, we ended up here. I was with Mark.

"Luke, why are you here today of all days?"

He thought for a moment before answering.

"It's my last chance. After today, everything will change."

"What is that supposed to mean, Luke?"

"It means exactly what I said Caroline. Everything will be different tomorrow, and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. I knew if I didn't come here that I would regret never having told you how I feel, like I should have done all those years ago. Choose me. I will make you happier than you've ever been, and I will love you every day of my life."

My eyes started tearing up. Finally, after six years, he said the words I always wanted to hear. As much as it comforted me to know that I wasn't crazy thinking he loved me all these years, I knew nothing could ever come of it.

I looked up into his deep green eyes, searching for the right words to say.
He took a step toward me, bringing his mouth down on mine. His arms were gathering me close against his chest, and as I moaned into his mouth, I suddenly realized what I was doing. I shoved against him, taking a step back.

"No! It's too late Luke. You have to stop this. Please, I can't
handle any more. I'm with Mark, and I plan to make a future with him. You need to go find yourself someone who's going to make you happy. "

Saying those words to him were like a punch in the gut. I couldn't stomach the thought of him falling in love with someone else and having to see him with her at family events for the rest of my life.

He stood up straighter, and I could see the sadness in his eyes as he looked at me. He reached out, grabbing my shoulders and leaned down to look me in the eyes.

"Don't say that
. No one compares to you. Don't you get that? I have been through a slew of women trying to forget you, but it doesn't help. I can't get you out of my head. We belong together."

He pulled on my shoulders, enveloping me into a tight hug. I inhaled his scent and instinctively brought my arms up around his waist, feeling the familiar contours of his chest against my cheek.
As much as I tried to deny it, I had always felt that Luke and I belonged together, but it didn't change the facts. Mark was my future, and Luke needed to move on.

"Please Luke, just go," I said, squeezing him once, and pulling away. "Mark will be here soon, and you don't want to have to explain this to him."

"I will always love you, Caroline," he said.

And I will always love you, Luke.

I saw the mask I was so used to form on his face. An unreadable, emotionless look was in his eyes as he turned away from me and headed down the walkway.

"I hope you find what makes you happy Luke," I called to his retreating back.

I closed the door behind him, and took a deep breath, making a firm decision to put my feelings for Luke Johnson in the past. Mark was my future, he had been there for me, loved me, and he deserved nothing less than my whole heart.

I
heard my cell phone ringing from the bedroom, and ran down the hallway to grab it. My college graduation was later in the day, and Mark was on his way to Athens. I snatched my phone off the nightstand when I saw his number, and pressed the button to answer.

"Mark!" I
said into the phone.

"Good morning beautiful! How's it feel to be on th
e verge of alumni-hood?" He asked.

"Hey! I am so excited
! I never thought this day would actually come!" I squealed. "Will I get to see you before the ceremony?"

"Babe, I don't think so. The whole highway is like one big construction zone. It's pretty slow going. I should make it just in time though, so ask your parents to save me a seat."

"I will," I assured him, wondering if I should bother telling him about Luke's early morning visit, but then thinking I shouldn't ruin the day by bringing it up. It could wait.

"Caroline?" Mark asked, and I pushed the phone closer to my ear.

"Yeah baby?"

"I can't wait to get you to Atlanta. I just want you in my space, close to me where you belong. Everything is going to work out, you know?"

"I hope so, babe. I'm just nervous I won't find a job, and will have to move home without you," I sighed.

"Caroline, that's not going to happen. I won't let it. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to your beautiful face every morning."

"God, you're making me blush! What did I ever do to deserve you?" I beamed into the phone.

One of the things about Mark that I loved was that I always knew where I stood with him. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and he loved me unconditionally.

"You know how much I love you right?" He asked.

"To the moon and back." I smiled.

"I'll be there soon."

"Okay babe, I love you too."

I wasn't sure at all what I was going to do with myself after graduation. Mark wanted me to move to Atlanta with him but I hadn't been able to find a job yet and I knew he wouldn't be able to carry the financial burden by himself for long, even though he assured me it didn't matter as long as we were together. I had the whole summer to look for a position before my savings ran out.

My father
wanted me to come back to Savannah and work at the family business, so I had a fall back, and it would have been a no brainer if it weren't for Mark. A move to Savannah would put us about five hours apart, and I was already having withdrawals after not having seen him as often as I would have liked over the last year.

I spent the morning reading, cleaning, and trying not to think about Luke. Then I took a shower and
swiftly pulled my long blonde hair into a messy bun, tugging my graduation cap over it, and securing it in place with a bobby pin. I dug my mascara out of my cosmetic bag and applied a thin layer to my pale lashes, causing my light blue eyes to stand out against my tanned skin even more. After applying a thick coat of lip gloss, I was out the door.

People were everywhere.
I texted my mother, asking her to save a seat for Mark, as I walked across the quad. When I entered the auditorium I tried to find my way to my seat as I scanned the ever growing crowd for my parents and Mark. A nagging sense of unease was with me, but I finally found my mother's face and waved. As the opening remarks were beginning, I looked up to see my father and brother had joined her.

Throughout the ceremony I kept glancing up at the three of them. Mark still hadn't made it as my name was announced.

"Caroline Grace Foster," the speaker called out.

A
s I climbed the stage to shake hands with the Dean and University President, accepting my diploma and earning a Bachelor's Degree in Marketing and Public Relations, I could hear my parents and Carson screaming my name from the stands and smiled.

As the President congratulated our class, we tossed our caps into the air and roared with excitement that we were finally moving on to the next stage of our lives.

After exchanging celebratory hugs with a few of my classmates, I made my way through the crowd in the direction of my parents seats. I pulled out my phone, which had been on silent and noticed that I had a couple of missed calls from Martha, Mark's mother, probably calling to congratulate me. I turned the ringer back on as I greeted my mother and father.

"Hi honey, we are so proud of you!" My mother said.

"Hey big sis, look at you all grown up!" Carson said, wrapping me in a bear hug.

I laughed as he let me go, and turned to hug both of my parents.

"Have any of you see Mark?" I asked.

"No honey, but the traffic has been terrible. Just call and have him meet us back at your apartment. We'll wait until he gets here before we go to lunch."

I dialed Mark's number, but it went straight to voicemail.

"Hey babe, you missed it. Meet us back at my apartment, we're going to wait for you there. I can't wait to see you! Okay, love you."

"No answer?" My dad asked.

"He's probably still looking for parking or something," Carson said.

"Yeah, let's go," I said.

The feeling of unease was
, again, tickling the back of my mind.

As I unlocked the door to my place, the phone rang and I raced to grab it.

"Mark?"

"No Caroline, it's Martha."

"Hey Martha, the ceremony just concluded, but Mark hasn't made it yet. Is everything alright?"

The sense of dread consumed me as I listened to her stifled sobs on the other end of the line.

"Caroline, sweetheart, Mark's been in an accident. We don't have a lot of information, but they took him to the emergency room. Can you get there? It's going to take a couple of hours for any of us to drive there. I don't know if they'll give you any information, but just in case, someone should be there with him."

"Luke is in Athens! He was at my apartment this morning.
Will you call and tell him to meet me at the hospital? I'm on my way," I cried into the phone, not waiting for a response before dashing out the door.

~~~~

When we arrived at the hospital, my eyes were swollen from crying and my fingernails were all chewed up. My dad had driven as safely and quickly as he could to get us there and my mother sat in the back seat holding my hand and trying to calm me, although I couldn't be soothed.

I felt lik
e my heart was breaking in two and I couldn't sit still, so I paced the waiting room as my dad went to the front desk to ask for Mark. The nurse walked away and my dad turned to me with a defeated look on his face.

"They won't tell me anything since we're not family," he said, hugging me to him.

"That's bullshit," Carson said.

I didn't know what I would do if I didn't get back there to make sure Mark was okay with my own eyes. I needed to see him. I thought back to the first time I had spent time with him without Luke.

He had invited me to his house one fall Saturday for a barbeque. His parents were out of town, but his grandmother was staying with him and his little sister, Emily. My best friends Eva and Anne Marie had driven to Bluffton with me early that afternoon.

When we arrived Mark walked into the kitchen, throwing his arm around my neck and kis
sing me on top of the head. Eva mouthed '
Oh my God!'
to me, from her spot at the breakfast table, and I just shrugged my shoulders.

"Hey Granny
Sara, something smells great!" Mark
said to the petit woman who was pulling freshly baked cookies from the oven. "I see you met Caroline. I told you she was beautiful didn't I?" Mark said, and winked at me.

My heart fluttered a little bit at his shameless flirting.

"You sure did, and she sure is." Granny said with a smile. "You be good to her now, you hear me boy?"

"You know I will Granny." Mark released me to give his granny a quick hug and then pulled me by the hand to the back deck.

"I'm really glad you're here, Caroline."

I smiled up at him warmly. "Me too Mark."

I looked around at his friends, realizing most of them were on the football team at school. "So, you play football?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm the quarterback at my high school. But, I never was as good as Luke."

I looked at him for a moment. "Luke played football?"

"Yeah, you didn't know that? He actually received a scholarship to Clemson."

"If he mentioned it, I forgot. But wow, that's impressive."

"You know what else is impressive?" Mark asked, smirking at me.

"What's that?"

"You."

He slipped his arm around my waist and squeezed me, giving me the warm fuzzies. Then he led me to a group of his friends, keeping his arm around me. The cooler weather had moved in, but I felt warm tucked into Mark's side.