Back to Reality (9 page)

Chapter 10
   

When we pulled up, I couldn’t take my eyes off of the building.  It was a work of art.  
The Smoke Room was converted from a large restaurant that caught on fire a few years prior.  Although the entire building was rebuilt, the bricks used were purposely stained with ash and blackened to give a burnt look. All the glass for the windows had a blackish-grey smoky tint. And in the dark of night, the building looked ominous, yet intriguing. Retrieving my phone from my clutch, I took a picture after we got out of the taxi.

“Pretty cool right?” Emily asked as we walked to the door.

“This place is a work of art,” I nodded.

“Right!
” Emily cheered.  Throwing an arm around my shoulder, we got in line behind two scantily clad women and a man in a suit. “We are going to have so much fun!”

Showing our IDs
and paying the $20 cover charge, we walked into the bar.  For it to only be 9pm, the place was pretty packed.  The lights were dim and I could feel the fans struggling to combat the humidity.  The DJ was thanking everyone for attending and we must have walked by a hidden speaker because the feedback noise that pierced through the crowd was so loud it made me wince.  It took a few minutes for my eyes and ears to adjust to our new surroundings. By time it did, we were next in line at the bar.

“Hey handsome!
Can we get two Amaretto Sours?” Emily flirted with the bartender. 

Seeming pleased with the attention, he smiled widely showcasing a missing tooth.
His mostly bald head glistened with sweat and his wispy brown and grey eyebrows moved up and down.  “Anything for you,” he winked in response.

Ordering and paying for two drinks, the bartender gave us four. “You made my night,” he shouted as the first band came onto the stage.

Double fisting our beverages we made our way to the back of the room.  There were bar top tables throughout the venue; however, most people opted to stand and dance closer to the stage.  The popularity of the first band allowed us to find perfect seating.  Nestled in the back against the wall but directly in the middle, we had a great view of the stage.  Our table was a little wobbly, but we could easily manage not to shake it and spill our drinks.

By time the second
band was finishing up, we realized that the musical groups were competing and the crowd response determined the winner. By time the third group finished we realized that each group got twenty minutes to perform and the winner would receive $1500 cash and a signed guitar pick.  But the DJ never specified who signed the guitar pick.

We listened to the music. We danced in our seats.  For the third band, we danced out of our seats. We talked and laughed and I almost forgot that I was nervous to come to The Smoke Room.  We were having a great time. While one band was getting on the stage and the other was getting off, we attempted to have more in depth conversations.

“Thank you for dragging me out tonight. I haven’t had this much fun since…” I trailed off.

“Hey! We are making up for lost time and we are having a blast. That’s all we need to focus on. And thank you for coming. Honestly, I needed this. I’m nervous about tomorrow.”

“So what exactly is going on tomorrow? When you said opening, I assumed it was going to be a performance. But then you specified cocktail attire, semi-formal dress. And I didn’t know what to expect.” I saw the flustered look wash over Emily’s face so I hurried to clarify. “I brought several outfits with me so I’m good no matter what. I’m just curious as to what you have up your sleeve.”

Emily visibly relaxed and smiled. “I thought you were going to say you didn’t have anything to wear and I was about to freak out! Tomorrow we are going to be so busy, we won’t have time for shopping. Phew!”

I laughed, “I never know what to expect with you so I packed a few different options, no worries. Now why are you nervous? You and I both know it’s going to be great!”

“Yeah… there’s going to be a performance and then a cocktail reception.  I hired dancers to pretty much showcase how the space can be utilized and then we will eat and dance. I’ve invited potential investors, potential clients from the da
nce world, teachers from school, friends and a bunch of Mom and Dad’s friends. It’s going to be awesome! I’m not going to tell you what it is but there is a surprise—”

The music started up again and I struggled to hear the rest of her sentence. I pointed to my ears and shook my head.  Under
standing, she nodded.  Settling in to listen to another set of covers, we looked at each other and shook our heads.  Unconsciously I could feel the frown deepening on my face.  Some rather vocal spectators near the stage started booing.  Giving up, the band ended their twenty minute set ten minutes early.

“That was harsh,” Emily observed as some of the audien
ce members cheered as the band packed up their stuff.  Her eyebrows were up and her forehead crinkled.

I widened my eyes and countered, “Way harsh,” before we erupted in giggles.

While we were turning down drink orders and dates offers, the next band had set up on stage.

“I’
m Mark!” the lanky blonde guy on stage announced into the mic.  The ladies were definitely into Mark as he eased across the stage if the catcalls were any indication.  He was attractive and had an infectious smile, but he was lanky. His tattered looking white sleeveless T-shirt was tight against his tall, thin frame. He had a sleeve of tattoos that stretched from his neck to his wrist. He wore skinny jeans which I ordinarily don’t like on men, but they worked on him.  “While the other guys are getting our drinks, I’ll tell you a little about us. For those of you who don’t know, the three of us met a few years ago and just started playing together. We don’t do it often. But when we do it, it’s good. Real good.”  The way in which he stressed the word good incited another round of cheers from the audience. I looked over at Emily and she looked perturbed as she stared at Mark.

“
Em!” I yelled over the cheers. “You okay?”

She
glanced at me and took a sip of her drink before she nodded. “Yeah…”

I looked at her quizzically a
nd she opened her mouth to continue, but before any words came out, Mark started back up on the mic.

“
This is Q and this is Mills.  Together we are The Band. We have a few songs we’d like to sing for you. You ready? Let’s go!”

My heart drummed in my chest
as the look on Emily’s face confirmed what I just heard.
He said Mills. As in Emanuel Mills,
I thought anxiously.

Turning my head slowly, my eyes
landed on Emanuel and everything else faded away. They started playing and I couldn’t hear anything. All I could hear was the sound of blood rushing through my veins and my labored breathing as I drank in the sight of him.  His black hair was slicked back away from his ruggedly handsome face. The hint of a beard shadowed his jawline and made him look even sexier. 
If that’s even possible,
I conceded silently.  His grey eyes were cast downward as his fingers danced across the strings of his guitar. Emanuel bit his full lips as he concentrated on the song they were performing.  His thick, muscled body was encased in jeans and an olive green V-neck T-shirt. In every move he made, his muscles flexed seductively underneath the fabric.  He wore heavy, black motorcycle boots and stood with his feet apart.

The sound of the crowd going wild jolted me from my
trance. I blinked rapidly and turned to grab my drink off of the table.  Emily was staring at me with wide eyes.

“You okay?” Emily asked cautiously.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I reassured her.
I’m anything but fine. Just being in the same room with him is overwhelming. But fortunately, he doesn’t know I’m here. Even if he were to look up and see us, he wouldn’t recognize us.  I’m safe…for now,
I thought as I tried to relax.  Seeing Emanuel did a number of things to me. My stomach simultaneously fluttered in excitement and dropped from nerves at the sight of him. 

Whi
le Emily stood and danced, I sat entranced by Emanuel. The music was good; Mike had a great voice and Q was nice on the drums. But Emanuel was perfection.  The way he moved, the way he played, the way he sang, the way he looked.  Everything about Emanuel made me breathless. “Wow,” I murmured aloud as I sipped the last of my drink.

When The Band finished two covers and two original songs, Emily and I stood up and screamed with the rest of the crowd.
The guys took gulps of water as they basked in the booming cheers. I looked around the room and it seemed as though even more people had come in over the last half hour. 

Mark raised his hand in the air to settle the crowd.  He smiled widely before he said, “Thank you! We appreciate the love! We have the opportunit
y to play one more song and a couple weeks ago the three of us were supposed to meet up at a beach house and by time Q and I arrived, Mills was already there and he was playing this song. I had never heard it done the way he did it but it was brilliant. So I think we should end on that note, what do you think Mills? You up for it?” Mark looked over at Emanuel.

Emanuel looked surprised.  For a fraction of a second, he hesitated.  Then he ran his hand through his hair and shrugged. Leaning into the microphone, he said, “Let’
s do it.” The crowd applauded wildly. I put my hand over my heart and felt it speed up.

As Emanuel left the stage to get a stool, Mark
quieted the crowd again and then continued.  “Now this song is for the ladies. But fellas, I know you are going to be feeling it too.” He looked back as Emanuel put the stool in front of his microphone. Mark moved his microphone stand back beside Q at drums and waited for Emanuel to count it off.

Eman
uel looked out into the audience and flashed a sexy smile that caused some catcalls and whistles in response. 
He is so sexy,
I thought as I sat up straighter in my chair.  I fanned myself with my hand and I heard Emily laugh. I cut my eyes to her and she leaned over and giggled, “Getting hot?”

“
Shhh!” I shushed her playfully and made a face in which she laughed again, louder.

Emanuel gave his band mates
a nod and then he started strumming the guitar.  I instantly recognized ‘Gone’ as it started.  When he started singing, the room was absolutely silent.  His gravelly voice floated over the chords he played.  Mark and Q acted as backup singers assisting with the chorus, but it was Emanuel’s show.  And he rocked it.  The emotion that emanated from his voice brought new perspective to the song…and tears to my eyes.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry,
I repeated silently as he tugged on my heartstrings. 

When he finished, the crowd roared excitedly. 
He gave a small smile and salute, but even from across the room, I could see the sadness etched on his face.  I watched him until he walked behind the curtain backstage.  I closed my eyes and concentrated on keeping the tears at bay.  I could feel the lump in my throat and I knew that if I didn’t get some fresh air, I was going to have a breakdown.  When I opened my eyes, the final band was setting up to play.

“You don’t sing a song like that unless you are going through that and you mean it
,” Emily hinted.  She stood beside the table and stacked our empty glasses. She didn’t look at me.  And I felt even worse about myself and the situation with Emanuel.
This whole thing is hard on me, but it’s also hard on Emily.  But that doesn’t mean he was singing about me.  He could’ve been talking about someone else,
I reasoned silently as I looked down at the stacked glasses.

“He could’ve been talki
ng about Ashlyn,” I choked out guiltily. I felt hot all over and I pulled my shirt from my skin after I stood up. 

Emily turned to face me
. “He wasn’t,” she said seriously.

             
I could only maintain eye contact for a second before I replied in a whisper, “I know.”

Chapter 11   

             
After the last group performed, all of the contestants had to be on stage so the crowd could vote.  Emily and I took that as our opportunity to leave so we wouldn’t chance running into Emanuel on our way out.  The taxi got us back to Emily’s house just before midnight. 

             
Emily yawned as we walked up the driveway, “I’m tired!”

             
My smile didn’t reach my eyes when I said, “You need your rest. Tomorrow is a big day.”  Emily was too tired and too focused on finding her keys in her clutch to notice. 
I’m happy for her and I’m so proud of what she is doing. But I can’t focus on anything right now with Emanuel’s voice in my head.

             
“Got it!” Emily squeaked happily as she found her keys.  She opened the door and looked back at me questioningly. When I just gave her a small smile, she asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to sit
out here and get some fresh air for a while. I’ll be in soon. With the humidity in The Smoke Room, it’ll just be nice to sit here on the porch for a few minutes,” I answered as I started sitting down on the brick steps.

“Okay…” She dragged the word out and pursed her lips. “I’m going to shower
and call Anthony.  Don’t stay out here too long.”

She closed the door and I let out a sigh of relief.  I just needed alone time to process
what I had just heard. The street lights lit up the street, but the porch light was off so I was alone in the dark with my thoughts.  Pulling out my phone, I opened my music folder and hit play.  As the music started playing, I inhaled slowly, filling my lungs with fresh air.  When I exhaled, I imagined dispelling my nerves.

How am I going to explain myself to Emanuel? This situation is completely different than with Ty.  If Emanuel dismisses me tomorrow, I would still have to see him because I’m essentially part of the family. Mr. and Mrs. Mills would not take too kindly if there was discourse between us so we’d be forced to at least be civil. And that might even be worse than him shutting me
out. If he doesn’t want to be around me, I don’t want him to talk to me by force. If he doesn’t feel comfortable around me, I don’t want him to feel obligated to be around me. I don’t want to do anything that would hurt him any more than I’ve hurt him already. I have to make this right. I have to get him to talk to me. I have to get him to understand why I did what I did. I have to,
I thought as my eyes burned with unshed tears.

After about ten minutes
, I felt a lot more relaxed. I heard a loud rumbling noise over the music. I leaned forward and saw several headlights in the distance. I watched the large tractor trailer amble its way down the residential street. 
What is going on? That truck is making so much noise!  I know it has to be in violation of a noise ordinance or something,
I guessed as the truck came to a stop at the corner of Emily’s street and a perpendicular road.
The driver must be lost.

A red car honked the horn
repeatedly and then drove around the tractor trailer. The car slowed down to a stop in front of Emily’s house.  I eyed the car suspiciously, but I felt relatively sure the occupants of the car couldn’t see me on the dark porch.
Did Emily call Anthony to come over?
I wondered.  The passenger side door opened and I was beginning to feel uneasy. 
If she did call Anthony to come over, she would’ve told him I was outside, sitting on the steps right? I mean, he would announce himself?
I mused as I watched the man get out of the car with a bag. 

I slowly
stood and backed up against the front door.  Putting my hand on the door knob, I tried not to make any sudden movements even though my phone was still playing music. ‘Your Hands’ floated through the dark of night even though I had put the phone inside of my clutch.  I held my breath as he quickly walked toward the house.  As soon as he got halfway up the driveway, the motion lights flooded the yard with light. 

“
Emanuel,” I breathed as he walked, squinting at the sudden burst of light.  I released my grip on the door knob and stood frozen, not knowing what to do. 

“Hey, I’m
Emily’s brother. I’m dropping this equipment off for her,” he said as he walked closer to the porch which was cloaked in darkness.  I didn’t respond. I didn’t move.  I didn’t breathe. 

His hand came up to shield his eyes
from the bright light and when he was close enough to recognize me, he stopped. “Sahara?” he softly asked from a safe distance away.  Hearing my name on his lips gave me butterflies.

             
Say something. Don’t just stand here,
I willed myself to speak, but the way he was looking at me made it hard to breathe.  My chest heaved as I braced myself against the front door.

             
“Sahara,” Emanuel repeated, his eyes quickly grazed my body.  He walked to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at me. Seeing him was proving to be too much because I was starting to feel emotional.  His intense stare held me hostage.  I wanted to speak, but words escaped me. 

It’s too soon.  I haven’t had time to prepare. I had at least 16 hours before I had to face him,
I panicked silently.  All the feelings I pushed to the side came rushing back. The fluttering in my belly intensified and I choked out a whispered, “Hi.”

             
“What the hell Sahara?” Emanuel barked as he ran his free hand through his thick, black hair.  I closed my eyes because I couldn’t take the pained expression on his face. “I’ve been going out of my mind…” His sentence trailed off.

I released a rush of air from my lungs and the tears that I had managed to keep at bay prickled behind my closed lids.  Hearing that he stopped speaking, I opened my eyes
and looked into his. “I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I’m so sorry. I wanted to talk to you tomorrow. I planned to talk to you tomorrow. I—”

“You disappeared. Again. 
I specifically asked you not to and you did it. Again. What’s there to talk about?” he interjected. His voice was agitated and he ran his hands through his hair again.

“
Everything! We have everything to talk about.  Emanuel, please,” I pleaded as I wiped the corners of my eyes. “Seeing you tonight…I just…” 

Looking me over slowly, letting his eyes
travel up and down my body, he asked, “Were you at The Smoke Room tonight?” The confusion was evident by the crease between his eyebrows.

“Yes,” I nodded, fiddling with my clutch to get to my phone so I could put a stop to the music playing from within. 

“I knew it,” he muttered to himself.

“What do you mean?”

“I just felt…different. Look, I just came by to drop this stuff off to Emily. See that she gets this,” he said with a sad grimace. He stepped on the first step, leaned forward and put the bag on the top step.  When he stood up straight, I could see the sadness in his eyes clearly and it shattered me.

I can’t have this end like this
. I have to make it right.  I have to make him listen,
I thought as silent tears started to fall.  With my voice breaking, I pleaded, “Please. Please just hear me out.”

Sighing, he crossed his muscu
lar arms. “Sahara, I have to go. My ride is waiting. Give Emily the bag please.  I’ll see you tomorrow.” He turned to walk away and without thinking, I ran down the steps and grabbed his arm.

Taking me by surprise, Emanuel whipped around and grabbed me by my shoulders. Gripping me tightly, he brought his face close to mine. “What do you want Sahara?” His voice was low and strained.

I gasped and my mouth went dry.  He was too close for me to concentrate on just talking.  He was everywhere.  Feeling his hands on my bare skin, heat radiated from his touch and coursed through my entire body.  The natural smell of him mixed with the outdoorsy cologne created an intoxicating scent.  His eyes slid over my face and lingered on my lips before returning to my eyes.  A pull deep inside my belly caused me shake slightly.

“What do you want?”
Emanuel repeated as he challenged me with the fierceness in his eyes. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t.
Why has he always had this effect on me?
I wondered as I got lost in all of the feelings he stirred up in me.

Swallowing hard, I whisper
ed, “I want—”

I jumped at the sound of the car door slamming closed
, shattering the intimate moment.  “Yo Mills! We have to go man!” a voice called from the car still parked in front of Emily’s house.  “I’m not trying to cock-block. You can bring her with us. We just need to leave now so I can go get Tisha.”

Emanuel took a step back from me and let his fingers slide down my arm. 
He didn’t take his eyes off of me.
Please don’t go. Please don’t go. Please don’t go,
I prayed as I stood, still shaken from his touch. 

He took a few steps backwards and then he turned to walk back to the car. 
I can’t let him leave like this.  Things will be awkward at Emily’s opening and then, what if he avoids me for the duration of my visit? How am I supposed to make amends if I’m making things worse?
I thought as I watched him walk away.

“Emanuel!” I yelled and jogged over to him just as he was reaching the end of the driveway.  “Please stay. Please let me talk to you.
I need to talk to you. Please,” I begged softly as I stood before him.

Moments passed as
he silently assessed me. I waited with baited breath for his response.  “Quentin, go get Tisha. I’ll either borrow Em’s car or I’ll take a taxi,” Emanuel called back to the car. His eyes didn’t leave mine and I felt my skin flushed.

“It’
ll just take thirty minutes and I can just come back and get you after I pick Tisha up. My stuff is still at your house,” Quentin responded.

Emanuel broke eye contact long enough to look over at his
friend. “Oh yeah, that’s right. My bad. Thirty minutes is cool with me. I appreciate it. Thanks Q,” Emanuel said.

Quentin pulled off, leaving Emanuel and I standing at the end of the driveway. The bright motion lights shined on us as we silently made our way back to the darkened porch.
I’m so glad he stayed. But I only have thirty minutes, so I have to get this apology right,
I thought as I stole a glance at him.  Sitting in the spot I only minutes ago vacated, I squared my shoulders and looked at Emanuel who was standing at the bottom of the steps.

“Would you like to sit down?” I asked tentatively
. 

“No. I’m fine standing. What’s up Sahara? What did you want to talk about?”

My eyes traveled down the length of Emanuel’s body.  He ran his hands through his hair and then laced his fingers behind his head.  His upraised arms caused his shirt to strain across his biceps and chest. 
He is distracting…
, I thought as a wave of salacious thoughts and feelings flooded my mind and body.
Focus! I only have thirty minutes to get him to forgive me and to not hate me forever. I don’t have time to get distracted by the way his tongue moves over his full lips. Or the way his muscles move underneath his clothing.  Or the way his grey eyes are skimming over my body even though he is obviously trying not to…

Shaking
my head, I cleared the thoughts away. My voice was thick with emotion as I said, “I’m sorry Emanuel. From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. I messed up.  I thought I would be doing you a favor by leaving.”

He crossed his arms over his chest
and even in the shadows of the porch, his grey eyes bore into mine as he glared furiously.  “You thought you would be doing me a favor? So you change your number, move away, and completely cut me off after I tell you that I love you? Please explain that to me.”

I felt my eyes watering, but I was de
termined not to cry. 
I have to get through this conversation without becoming a blubbering mess,
I thought as I bit the tip of my tongue.  Taking a deep breath, I continued, “You know what happened to you. You saw what happened to Ty. I ruin lives. Getting involved with me causes bad things to happen and I just couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you.”

He didn’t say anything so I continued, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.
I was wrong for leaving without saying anything at all.  I was wrong for purposely trying to stay hidden.  I was wrong for so many things. But it wasn’t an easy decision to leave.  It was just the option I was most comfortable with.  For the last ten years, running and hiding is all that I’ve known! That’s how I’ve managed to survive with the guilt.”

“Are you still on this guilt shit? I think that’s a cop out!”

Shocked, I leaned forward, bracing my elbows on my knees and cocked my head to the side. “A cop out! Are you kidding?” I snapped incredulously. “Do you think I want to feel guilty about how I hurt the people I love all the time?  You think that I like knowing that once you get involved with me, something bad will happen? I don’t want to ruin your life.”

Shaking his head and taking a step back from the steps, he muttered,
“You are so busy trying not to ruin things that you end up ruining it.”