Baehrly Alive (2 page)

Somehow, I had been thinking of something more along the lines of kibble.

I mean, Silas didn’t seem to mind it.

“All right,” I muttered, watching as the hellcats docilely followed Thomas toward the barn in two perfect lines of smoldering coats and glinting eyes. “Next time I decide to take on a new species, remind me to get my research done before they show up.”

Donovan nodded, his eyes on Thomas.

I sighed. “I’m nuts, aren’t I—trying to take all of this on? How am I going to pull this off? I don’t know how to take care of all these Magical Creatures! Do you know what showed up last night? A water-horse! I don’t even know how it got in the pond—I thought they stayed near Scotland.”

Donovan raised an eyebrow at me. “I thought this was what you’ve wanted to do your whole life.”

“Obviously I was either crazy, or had no idea what to expect,” I grouched, walking forward to swing the barn door closed behind the last of the hellcats. “Maybe a little bit of both.” I pulled on a curl and scowled. “As it is, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to feed all these mouths. My paycheck can only stretch so far.”

“I know what you mean,” Donovan said with a grimace. “I’m down to eating ramen and barely making rent. It’s been months since I’ve had a good job. Apparently having your first client murdered out from under you isn’t the best reference. At this point, I’d jump at anything that wasn’t another cheating spouse case. I really hate those.”

I winced. I felt responsible for Donovan’s working situation. After all, it was because of me that he had learned all about the Magical world and had no longer been able to look at Ordinary cases the same way. He’d been working for the Boston Police Department for years before I’d messed everything up.

I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

“You can always stay here,” I told him. “The house has plenty of room.”

Donovan looked at me skeptically. “Don’t you think that would bother Kodi?”

I glowered at him. “Why would it bother Kodi? It’s not like it’s his house.”

“But you are his fiancée,” Donovan pointed out.

I wrinkled my nose at him. “Do you want free rent or not? Just let me worry about Kodi—you don’t have to stress about all those details.”

Donovan hesitated for another moment. “It would help a lot,” he admitted, running his hands through his hair like he did when he was worried. “At the least I could save money on gas—coming out here every day.”

“Done,” I said. “You can move in whenever you want—why don’t you take that attic suite? It even has its own kitchenette and bathroom.”

Donovan nodded. “Sounds great,” he said. “Thanks.”

His eyes met mine for a moment. He had the bluest eyes I had ever seen in my life. When they looked at me that way I could barely remember my name.

I’d been trying to avoid eye contact with Donovan lately.

I saw him wet his lips and I jerked myself back, shaking my head to clear it. “Thomas!” I called toward the barn. “Come on out of there! I need to get going on my chores.”

Donovan took a step back, his eyes turning away from me again.

I swallowed down the heavy lump in my throat. I was so tired of feeling guilty—so tired of everything.

Mostly I was just tired.

The dark clouds overhead rumbled warningly.

If I were a Seer, I would have said that it was a bad Omen.

But I didn’t need a premonition to know that nothing good lay ahead of me.

I already knew.

Chapter Two

“I brought you something to eat,” Gwyn said softly, setting a tray in front of me on the desk in my study.

I looked up at her, startled. “Is it already that late?” I yawned and stretched, setting my book down. I spent all of my free time in my study these days—trying to research for a cure for my stepmother. Hypatia, the Librarian, had pulled some strings and my study was essentially an extension of the Great Library—I could study every Magical tome ever written from the comfort of my own home.

Gwyn chuckled. “I only called you about six times. You’re lucky I still have enough Magic left to keep your food warm.”

I frowned. “You shouldn’t be wasting your Magic on something like that. You need to be conserving it!”

Gwyn sighed. “I think I can handle warming up soup, Goldie.” She pushed the tray closer to me. “You, on the other hand, need to eat. You haven’t been yourself since—“

I grimaced. “You can say it. I haven’t been myself since I was bitten about a thousand times by venomous blood-sacks, formerly known as vampires.”

Gwyn made a face. “You do have a way with words,” she muttered.

I pulled the bowl in front of me and started to eat. I could have been eating old oatmeal as far as I was concerned—I was too distracted to taste anything. I just shoveled the fuel down the hatch.

“Donovan is all moved in,” Gwyn said. “Goldie—are you sure that’s a good idea? I know it’s none of my business, but I don’t think Kodi’s going to like it. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other.”

I glared at her and pushed my bowl away from me. There was no way I was going to be able to get down even another bite. Everything I had already eaten felt like a stone in my stomach.

“You’re right,” I said. “It isn’t any of your business. Kodi will be fine with it—Donovan needs a place to live and I have extra space these days. Kodi trusts me.” I put emphasis on the last words.

“I trust you, too,” Gwyn said softly. “I’m just concerned about you making life even more difficult for yourself. I know you have your own reasons for marrying Kodi—I just think you may have rushed things before you were really ready.”

I groaned, rubbing my forehead. “Really, Gwyn? You’re going to start mothering me all of a sudden? I thought we were friends by now!”

Gwyn’s lips curved. “We are friends,” she said. “Only the best of friends are willing to call ‘bullshit’ once in a while.”

I stared at her. “Gwyn!”

She chuckled. “I don’t know where you got the idea that I’m some sort of angel,” she said. “I’m not—far from it. Some days I’m grumpy. Some days I’m angry. I may not wear my heart on my sleeve the way you do, but that doesn’t mean I’m not feeling.”

“I know that,” I said. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a… bear lately.”

Gwyn shook her head. “Don’t be. You have a lot on your shoulders right now—starting the preserve and taking care of your brother and me. You remind me so much of your dad.”

I blinked at her. I could feel a lump grow in my throat. “I do?”

Gwyn nodded. “He was always on a crusade to save the world, too. For what it’s worth—I think he would be very proud of you right now.”

I blinked back tears. “Thanks, Gwyn.”

She shrugged. “I won’t pretend not to know what sacrifices you’ve made to keep me and Thomas safe. I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong—but surely there are other ways?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Gwyn reached down to scratch Petunia behind the ears. My pink miniature mastodon let out a sigh of pure bliss. “Oh, so then you aren’t marrying Kodi so that he’ll take care of us if something happens to you?”

I blinked at her. “Doesn’t sound like me.”

Gwyn sighed. “You know, you can talk to me. You don’t have to face all of this alone.”

I raised my eyebrows and grinned as cheerfully as I could muster. “I know that. Thanks for the soup.”

Gwyn’s brows drew together as she picked up my tray. I could tell that she wanted to say more, but knew that she had been dismissed.

“Just,” she said quietly, standing in the doorway. “Just don’t make the wrong decision for the right reasons, okay? You don’t have to sacrifice your whole life for me and your brother.”

I looked down at the heavy book I had been reading. “Maybe I do,” I whispered.

She was already gone, but she wouldn’t have heard me anyway.

Nights were the worst.

The rest of the time I could pretty much pretend that all was normal.

Night was a whole other story.

I wondered if this was how it felt to be possessed.

Even my bear cowered in the background in the small hours of the night, when I lay awake and wondered if this was the night that would be my last.

Voices filled my mind in these dark hours—gibbering, wild voices with no reason, and no sanity in them. They crept through my blood and bones with icy hooked claws and tore me from the inside, shredding the delicate fabric of my soul.

Sometimes it felt like Death was sitting there in the corner, watching me from under his heavy hood—waiting for the balance in my soul to shift so that he could take me.

Even in the midst of a flood of darkness, I clung on and faced his specter with determination. “No,” I moaned. “Not yet. I have too much to do. You can’t take me yet.”

Of course, Death didn’t answer. Why would he? I was just a simple mortal creature, who had cheated him too many times.

I was marked.

And I knew it.

I tried the whole tossing and turning thing most nights, but tonight I couldn’t bring myself to stay put. Petunia and Silas were snoring on either side of me. Every time I wiggled, one of them would open a slit of eye grouchily.

I slid out of the bed, trying not to disturb either one of them. Icy sweat coated the back of my neck and behind my knees. My skin felt cold and clammy—I tried not to compare it to the flesh of the Lake Horse outside. In the moonlight, streaming through my window, my skin looked mottled and pale… gray-ish and inhuman.

I shuddered.

How long did I have? No one could tell me.

I had been bitten literally hundreds of times by vampires. My soul, my Magic—everything had been affected.

The only thing we couldn’t figure out was why I was still alive.

I made my way from the master suite, where I slept, toward the kitchen. The new house was huge. I still couldn’t get used to having so much space. The kitchen alone could have easily held my old cottage inside of it.

Not that a big house like this didn’t come with issues of its own.

It was a good thing that a lot of Brownies owed me big time—or this big drafty barn of a house—that actually had once been a barn—would scarcely be habitable.

As it was, I wished I had slid my feet into my slippers before leaving my room. The house was drafty and my feet were already icicles.

A huge form lurked outside of the fridge, gobbling leftovers with a lack of manners that would have made a cave troll blush. Its shoulders were so broad that it nearly blocked the light—shoulders that would have looked out of proportion on anyone except him.

My fiancée.

Kodi.

“What did I tell you about snacking in bear-form?” I teased.

Kodi whirled around—his form shifting from half-bear to fully male.

Masculine, handsome, and bare-chested.

He grinned at me. “Sorry, Goldie. I was starving. I didn’t get a chance to stop for lunch or dinner—we’ve had a huge caseload lately.” He swiped at his mouth with one arm and crossed the room to my side in a long stride.

Kodi was a handsome man, and he knew it. His dark eyes sparkled with good humor and a wide grin almost never left his face. He was easy-going, light-hearted, and gorgeous.

Any girl would be proud to wear his ring on her finger—especially a ring as spectacular as the one he had given me.

I was lucky to have him.

Very lucky, indeed.

My bear bounced up from the corner in my psyche where she had been cowering. She wuffed and swung her head back and forth, practically salivating.

My bear had a thing for Kodi—or, more specifically, for Kodi’s bear.

They were soul mates, after all.

Or so I had been told.

Kodi bent his head to kiss me and I flinched.

“Bad night?” he asked sympathetically. He took my icy hands in his huge warm ones and smoothed my palm with his thumb.

I nodded.

He really had no idea.

I couldn’t explain what it was like to have all those voices in my head, screaming to get out. I wondered if this was true of all people who had been bitten by vampires.

Or maybe I was rewriting the books… again.

No one in recorded history had lasted nearly this long after being attacked by even half that number of vampires.

I should have died that day—the day I had killed Paige Turner.

I shuddered.

Paige. Her voice haunted me, but not just her voice—the voice of all those people she had killed—from her grandmother to her aunt.

But it didn’t stop there.

No, I could hear other voices from my past—Aria and her evil boyfriend who would have done anything to be Magical—even the poachers that had murdered my father.

Sometimes, I could even hear his voice, but he sounded lost—terrified.

It was as if they were all trapped inside of me and fighting over who would have the chance to take me over.