Bang Goes a Troll (5 page)

The gargoyle scurried down the drainpipe. “Where's Fur Face going?” he gurgled.

“To Honeycomb Mountain,” Ulf whispered. “You're in charge now.”

Druce smiled. “Drucey the boss!”

“Ssh,” Ulf said. He saw Dr. Fielding climbing into the cockpit of the helicopter. She was checking the flight controls.

Ulf saw that the cargo hold was open. With no one looking, he dashed across the forecourt and jumped into the back of the helicopter. He scrambled behind the pile of kit.

“Ready to go!” Dr. Fielding called.

Ulf heard Orson's footsteps coming around the side of the house. He stayed hidden behind the kit as the giant loaded a lantern into the back of the helicopter. The door slid shut. It was pitch dark in the cargo hold. Ulf switched on his headlamp and it shone on metal walls. There were no windows. Then from under Orson's chainmail vest, a sparkle flew out. It was Tiana the fairy.

“Tiana!” Ulf said, amazed. “What are you doing here?”

Tiana hovered in the lamplight. She was wearing a warm red cloak made from a pleated sycamore leaf. “You didn't think I'd let you go on an expedition without me, did you?”

“But how did you know I was coming?”

Tiana smiled. “You're a werewolf. You're always up to something.”

Ulf heard Dr. Fielding calling to Orson outside. Then suddenly the helicopter engine started and
Ulf heard the blades beginning to turn. He felt the helicopter lift off the ground.

“We're off,” he said excitedly.

There was a clanking sound as Orson clipped his flying cable to the bottom of the helicopter, then a jolt as the giant was lifted into the air.

Ulf felt the helicopter surge forward, carrying him away from Farraway Hall.

B
ARON
M
ARACKAI STOOD BEHIND THE RECEPTION
desk in an old hotel, counting a bundle of money. He looked up as the front door opened and a flurry of snowflakes blew into the lobby. A man stepped inside, dragging a suitcase. He was wearing a camouflage jacket and a cowboy hat. He stamped his snowy boots on the mat.

“Ah, Mr. Armstrong,” the Baron said. “Welcome to Loadem Lodge.”

“Howdy,” the man replied.

“You're just in time for morning coffee. The others are waiting. If you wouldn't mind paying in
advance, I'll show you through.”

“How much does this thing cost?” the man asked, pulling a wad of bank notes from his pocket.

The Baron took
all
the money. “That'll do nicely,” he said. Then he rang a little bell on the desk and Bone came lumbering into the lobby, wearing a small peaked cap.

“My porter will take your bags upstairs, Mr. Armstrong,” Baron Marackai said. He handed Bone a key attached to a key ring in the shape of a pistol. “Room five,” the Baron said. Then he stepped out from behind the reception desk. “Come and meet the others, Mr. Armstrong.”

Baron Marackai led the man across the lobby and pushed open the double doors to an oakpanelled room. “Can I offer you a drink?”

“Sure thing,” Mr. Armstrong replied.

Blud shuffled over carrying a tray with two steaming cups of coffee.

Mr. Armstrong took one and sipped it slowly,
looking around the room.

Seated in leather armchairs around a roaring log fire were three men and a woman. They were all wearing camouflage clothing and sipping hot coffee.

“Leave us now, Blud,” Baron Marackai said, taking a cup for himself. He stood beside the fireplace, facing the guests. “And now for the introductions,” he said. “Mr. Armstrong, I'd like you to meet everyone. This is Herr Herman Pinkel.”

A man with a red face and a bulbous nose stood up and shook Mr. Armstrong's hand. “
Sehr gut. Sehr gut
,” Herr Herman Pinkel said.

The Baron gestured to a tall man with shiny hair tied in a ponytail. “And this is Señor Pedro Pedroso.”

The man stood up and kissed Mr. Armstrong on both cheeks. “
Encantado
,” he said.

“And this is the delightful Lady Semolina,” the
Baron continued.

A stern-looking woman with a curly moustache held out her hand.

Mr. Armstrong took it and kissed it. “Delighted,” he said. “I think.”

“And this is Mr. Zachariah D. Biggles.”

A big man wearing dark sunglasses stood up. He towered over Mr. Armstrong. “You can call me Biggy.”

“Howdy y'all,” Mr. Armstrong said. “You can call me Chuck.”

“Take a seat please, Mr. Armstrong,” Baron Marackai said.

Chuck Armstrong sat in a leather armchair and stretched his legs out in front of the fire.

“Firstly, let me welcome you all to Loadem Lodge,” Baron Marackai continued. “It has always been my dream to reopen this marvelous hunting hideaway. As some of you may know, beast hunting
is in my blood.”

“Bravo,” Lady Semolina said, twiddling her moustache.

“For too long beast hunts have been banned because some do-gooders think they are cruel,” the Baron told them.

“Down viz ze do-gooderz!” Herr Herman Pinkel said.

“But
I
say that hunting beasts is what humans are best at. It's as natural as starting fires and fighting wars. And this evening you lucky people will sample the thrills of the greatest beast-hunting range ever built—the Predatron!”

The guests clapped.

“Yee-ha!” Chuck Armstrong cheered.

Baron Marackai stepped over to a large table covered by a white sheet. “Gentlemen, Lady Semolina, choose your fun!” he said.

He pulled back the sheet and the guests gasped. Underneath were fiverif les with telescopic sights, a pair of pistols in leather holsters, a crossbow and longbow with quivers of arrows, a leather belt of knives, harpoon guns, hand grenades, a flame-thrower, and boxes of titanium-tipped beast bullets.

“
Olé!
” Pedro Pedroso said.

“Tally-ho!” Lady Semolina said.

“When do we start?” Chuck Armstrong asked.

“All in good time,” Baron Marackai told him. “We have smoked out the prey and it is being prepared. We shall hunt it this evening.” He lifted his cup. “TO THE THRILL OF THE KILL!”

The guests stood up, raising their cups to the Baron. “The thrill of the kill!” they repeated.

The small man Blud shuffled in through the door and tugged on the Baron's fur coat.

“What is it, you horrible little twerp?” Baron Marackai asked.

“There's a helicopter coming, sir,” Blud whispered. He led Baron Marackai to the window on the far side of the room and wiped the misted glass
with his red rag. The Baron looked out into the snowy sky. In the distance was the outline of a white mountain. Above it a helicopter was coming in to land.

“Well, well, look who it is,” Baron Marackai said. “Get the vehicles, Blud. You know what to do.”

U
LF'S EARS POPPED.
T
HE
RSPCB
HELICOPTER WAS
descending. “We're landing,” he whispered to Tiana. He felt a jolt as Orson stepped from the flying cable, then heard a clanking sound as the giant unclipped the cable from the base of the helicopter. A few seconds later the helicopter touched down with a bump. Its engine stopped and Ulf heard the blades slowing.

“Stay quiet,” he whispered to Tiana.

From outside came muffled voices. Dr. Fielding and Orson were talking. The door to the cargo hold slid open and Ulf felt a rush of cold air. He could
hear the wind whistling outside. He hid under an old tarpaulin sheet as Orson reached in to unload the kit. Ulf heard the giant dragging his chainmail vest out of the helicopter.

“Could you pass me my backpack, please?” Dr. Fielding asked. “And I'll need my caving boots.”

“What's the plan?” Orson asked.

“We'll have a look underground, check on the beasts, and see if we can find this goblin.”

The door to the cargo hold slid shut. Ulf heard Orson and Dr. Fielding getting packed up, then they headed away from the helicopter.

“Let's go,” he whispered to Tiana. Ulf pushed off the tarpaulin sheet and gently opened the door. He squinted. Outside, a blizzard was blowing. Snowflakes were swirling and everything was bright white. They were on a snowy mountain that was dotted with caves. He saw Dr. Fielding and Orson fifty meters away, heading to a cave with rocks around its entrance that looked like dragons' teeth.
Dr. Fielding was holding her GPS tracker in her hand, and had her backpack over her shoulder.

“Ready, Tiana?” Ulf asked.

Tiana wrapped herself in her red sycamore cloak with just her wings sticking out. “It's chilly,” she said, flying through the gap in the door. She shivered, dodging the snowflakes.

As Dr. Fielding and Orson entered the cave, Ulf jumped out of the cargo hold. His bare feet sank into the snow.

“Won't you be cold?” Tiana asked.

“I'll be fine,” Ulf said. He was nearing his transformation. His blood was warming up and the hair on his hands and feet was starting to thicken. Tonight the moon would be full and he'd change from boy to wolf.

He looped the climbing rope over his shoulder, then headed across the snowy mountain toward the cave. He waited at the entrance, peering inside. At the back of the cave, a long dark tunnel sloped
gradually downward. He could see Orson and Dr. Fielding heading along it. The giant was stooping, holding his lantern to light the way.

Ulf crept in, heading after them. “Come on, Tiana,” he whispered. Tiana flew beside him, glowing softly. They could hear the chittering sounds of underground beasts. Tiny eyes on stalks were peering from cracks in the walls.

“Friggs,” Ulf whispered. Froglike beasts were watching them. Ulf trod carefully, feeling damp cold rock under his bare feet. Up ahead, Dr. Fielding and Orson turned a corner, their lamplight slowly fading.

From the darkness, Ulf heard Dr. Fielding calling, “Gumball, are you here? It's the RSPCB-B-B.” Her voice echoed underground.

“The goblin's probably busy thieving,” Tiana said sharply.

“Ssh,” Ulf told her. “If Dr. Fielding finds out we're here, we'll be in big trouble.”

They crept around the corner at the end of the
tunnel, but there was no sign of the light from Orson's lantern. Ulf switched on his headlamp. He saw that the tunnel divided. Two passages led away in different directions.