Becoming Sir (27 page)

Ciara gasped and shook her head. “No, Master. I can’t stay here. Master K has made that very clear. I need to find another Master. I want you, Sawyer.”

He smiled and felt a knot rise in his throat. “I’m truly honored that you would even consider me, but… Your heart doesn’t belong to me any more than mine belongs to you. You know that to be true, don’t you?”

Her
eyes wet with tears and she scanned the palms of her hands. “But we can learn to love each other.”

“Is that what you really want? Someone you’ve l
earned to love and chosen by default? Or someone you know without a doubt that you love?”

“But Master K has
said that he cannot offer himself as a Master to me…” she began.

He drew her closer and put a finger to her mouth to quiet her. “Kerian will never offer himself to you out of tradition and respect for his role as a trainer, but some traditions are meant to be broken, Ciara. Like this one. I can honestly tell you that if you offer yourself to him, he will not deny you.”

A shadow of alarm touched her face. “But what if he does?”

“He and Julia love you. This is
where you’re meant to be. If you don’t ask, you’re denying yourself what rightfully belongs to you – their love and protection.”

“But what about you?” she asked sadly as she reached over and touched his mouth.

Again he felt the powerful physical pull to her. It would always be there. But his heart belonged to someone else and he didn’t want to be with Ciara by default either. He wanted someone he knew without a doubt that he loved and that person was not Ciara.

“You and I are in quite a predicament, Angel. We’ve both fallen for our trainers.”

She smiled understandingly and rested her head on his shoulder. “Then may I respectfully give you a piece of your own advice? Ask her to be yours, Sawyer, and take what is rightfully yours.”

Sarah stumbled to her front door and barely made it inside her house w
hen the tears came. She had rigidly held them at bay on the long drive home but there was no denying them anymore. Throwing herself onto her bed, she could still smell Sawyer and her anguish peaked, shattering the last threads of the fragile control she had been holding onto for weeks.

Her mind was languid and without hope at the thought of being without him. But how could she have fallen for him so hard and so fast? Angry with herself, she bit her bottom lip until it throbbed like her pulse in hopes that it would snap her out of her agonizing maelstrom.

Damn her for agreeing to train him when she was still grieving for Doug. No, she was kidding herself. She had accepted his passing months before Sawyer, despite what she had tried to convince herself of. She would never be over his death, but she had avoided physical and intimate contact for her own selfish reasons – because she didn’t want to suffer the loss of love again. And here she was, bereft and desolate over a trainee.

But Sawyer
was no mere trainee, he was her other half. Like Doug had been. She had preached honest and open communication, and she had hidden her true feelings all along. And now it was too late. He was gone and she would never have him again.

Images of the video flashed in front of her closed eyes. She had done her best to watch it objectively, but
she had damn near broke down seeing her Sir’s hands wrapped around Ciara’s throat as he took her. Was she selfish for wanting that pleasure and his hands only for herself? It was her own damned fault for having taught him how to do it. Why did she have to teach him the fetish which she held near to her heart? Because it was her duty. Her job. Her
service.
And she had done it admirably, too, hadn’t she?

She rolled onto her back and a tormented choking cry escaped her throat. As a raw and primitive grief overwhelmed her, she screamed his name loudly, her squeaky v
oice echoing off the walls. Not giving a damn about being selfish anymore, she prayed he heard it on the other side of town and that he thought of her while he was passionately fucking Ciara, his slave.

Blinded by
her tears, she closed her eyes, the pleasures of their night together still haunting her. She just wanted to sleep the rest of the day away and to forget about the wretched images of Ciara with Sawyer. Her Sir. Her Master.

***

When she woke, nightfall had already come. She looked at her clock and was stunned to see that it was nearly 10:00 p.m. She forced herself to shower and made herself eat, numbly going about the chores on auto-mode.

Lying
near the door was her camera bag and the contract she had dropped on her way in. She inhaled deeply and did what had to be done. She removed the camera and promptly did what she had promised she would, and erased the footage of Sawyer’s scene. She hesitated to do what came next, but swallowed hard and bit back the impending tears as she shredded the contract. It was the final act in her sad and pathetic theatrical performance for which she deserved some sort of award for having faked her lack of emotions so well.

Seated on the couch in her darkened living room, sh
e let the silence wrap itself around her like a warm blanket. It was calming. She looked to a picture hanging on her wall of her and Doug and smiled. He was such a good man. Closing her eyes, she envisioned Sawyer and smiled. He was such a good man.  He deserved only the best and she began to feel guilty for her thoughts from earlier. No, she didn’t want him to think of her while he was with Ciara. Ciara deserved better than that. They deserved one another and to be loved completely and without reservation, and without the memories of past lovers haunting them. Ciara looked so beautiful when she accepted Sawyer’s touch and when she was finally free from her fears.  Sarah hated to admit it, but Ciara and Sawyer were meant to be. Maybe someday, if she was lucky, she would find true love again.

Just as she leaned her head back, her phone rang. Picking it up, she was surprised to see Isabel’s phone number on the screen. 
Wondering what the reason for such a late call would be, panic gripped her heart. Perhaps something had happened to Sawyer. A car accident. God, please, no. Not again.

“Is everything okay?” she blurted out as soon as she answered.

There was a moment of silence before Isabel answered. “Yes, of course. Why would you ask that?”

Sarah heaved a loud sigh of relief. “I just thought that maybe something had happened to…nevermind.
Is everything okay with you?”

“
Yes. I’m really good actually, just a little pukey. Anyway, I know it’s late, but I really need your help with something. I wouldn’t ask except that it’s very important. Can you come over?”

There was a note
of vagueness and nervousness in Isabel’s normally silky voice and Sarah felt uneasy with her request. “Right now? What’s so important?” 

She
sighed and shuffled her phone before answering. “Oh, Sarah, please don’t ask. I’m a terrible liar so don’t force me to make an excuse. What I need to discuss is… personal. I really don’t want to speak about it over the phone.”

Sarah couldn’t deny that it was a welcome request. She needed the company to take her mind off of Sawyer
and she was looking forward to seeing Isabel’s growing baby bump. “Okay, okay. I’ll leave right now.”

“You’re the best, Sarah. Thank you.”

On her drive to the Youngs’ residence, her thoughts were once again on Sawyer. It couldn’t be helped. It would take time to get over him. A long time. He had worked his way into her heart and getting over him would be like grieving another lost lover.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts of the previous week and how glorious it had been,
how the sleek caress of his body had felt against her and how his dominating words and touch had affected her, she didn’t even realize when she parked in the Youngs’ garage. She was promptly met by security who escorted her to the elevator and up to their living room suite.

As soo
n as the elevator doors opened, she was greeted by Isabel’s warm hug. She looked bright with a healthy glow in her cheeks. Sarah hoped someday if she ever became pregnant, she would look as good.

She reached a hand out and touched Isabel’s barely visible belly. It was warm and firm.

“You’re so blessed, Isabel,” she smiled at her.

Isabel laid her hand over Sarah’s and smiled
sympathetically at her, understanding shining in her honey-colored eyes. Her eyes blurred with tears at the look on Isabel’s face and she felt the blood drain from her cheeks. She would not break down, she repeated over-and-over to herself. 

Isabel
pulled Sarah to her and hugged her tightly. “Oh, Sarah…”

“I’m okay, really. I’
m just happy that Sawyer has found someone. Ciara is a lucky…”

Isa
swiftly put her hand up to her mouth. “Please don’t say anymore. Just come with me.

They climbed a
spiral staircase to the Youngs’ bedroom. She knew the path they were taking as she had walked it only a few weeks before; the night she had engaged in femplay with Isabel and Claire in the dungeon.

If she wasn’t
still reeling from the loss of Sawyer she would’ve been more concerned as to why she was being led there, but her mind was blank. The large bookshelf that disguised the room slid open and she stared wordlessly across at Sawyer who was standing on the other side, her heart pounding against her ribcage. She stood there, blank, amazed, even shaken at the look of utter longing in his mahogany eyes. She hadn’t even realized she stopped breathing until he reached out and traced his index finger across her bottom lip. When he did, she took in a quick breath, barely able to control the panting that ensued from his sexy and familiar touch. An unexpected warmth surged through her, the feeling not unlike that of a subspace high and dizziness overwhelmed her.  Her knees weakened and for a moment, she thought she would faint as spots filled her vision, but Sawyer’s strong arms steadied her.

“I wish I had this effect on all wo
men,” he smiled down at her, his lusty brown eyes revealing what she had been aching to see all night.

“Oh, you do,” she breathed out.

“Snowflake…” he whispered, his mouth inching towards hers.

She knew
she should’ve stopped him and asked what he was doing there, but she didn’t want to. She didn’t care. He was there and she was in his arms, and that was all that mattered. His nearness and smell set her brain and nethers on the spin cycle. It was so easy to get lost in the way he was looking at her. Yes… she wanted to get lost in those dangerous eyes… in his arms… in his past, present and future… and to climb into his dark headspace with him and experience all the wantonness wickedness he could imagine.

His arms encircled her and his mouth covered hers hungrily, his caressing tongue and firm lips commanding her to submit to him, demanding her surrender.  Like it had done the first time he kissed her like this. But why? What about Ciara?

Just as his mouth began to sear a path down her neck, she grudgingly pulled out of his reach even though she had no desire to back out of his embrace. When she did, she saw his domination flicker in his dark ravenous eyes. He hated being pulled away from and she feared what kind of punishment she might have brought on herself.

He growled deep and primal as he stalked toward her slowly, his eyes mere slits. “The last five hours have been hell without you and I. Will. Not. Be. Denied.”

“I would never…” she stammered out, both turned on and frightened at the look on his stubbly, princely face. “But… Ciara…”

His movement halted and he lifted an eyebrow at her. “What about her?”

“I assumed…”

“You should never assume, Sarah,” he cut in. “And you should know that I wouldn’t be here
if I was with Ciara.”

She shook her head, confused and not
understanding his statement. It made no sense at all. She saw the look in his eyes on the video when he was with her. He wanted her. She wanted him.

“Look at me, Snowflake,” he ordered when her eyes dropped to the floor. Complying, she met his
impassioned gaze and waited for his explanation, hoping she wouldn’t have to request one. “My heart belongs to you and only you. I came here tonight to offer myself to you. If you don’t want me, I can accept that. But I want to hear from you that it’s for no other reason than because you don’t feel the same way about me that I do about you. I will not accept your denial because of some sense of obligation as my trainer or out of duty or honor. You preached of honest and open communication and now’s the time to put your words to the test. Do you want me or don’t you?”
When he spoke, his dominance was unquestionable and irresistible.

Sarah dropped her chin to
her chest. Of course she wanted him. Her heart belonged to him, too. She could hear Sawyer’s uneven breathing and she raised her eyes. He looked so lost. She opened her mouth to profess her love, but his next statement came spilling out before she could speak.

“Your beau
ty captivated me from the first moment I saw you. Your intelligence and knowledge stimulated and motivated me. Your body satiated my deepest sexual desires… but it was your submission that awakened my Dominant tendencies and ensnared me. Before you deny me, Sarah, I want you to know that when I dream, it’s your face I see, and when all is dark, you are my light.”

Her lips parted and her breath quickened when she looked into Sawyer’s eyes. The
steely intensity held within that deep brown gaze and his words undid her, and she fell to her knees at his feet, gripping his leg and sobbing against him. He was her Sir. Her Domly One. Her Master.

She loved him. Completely. And though she would always love Doug just as he would always love Serena, their love for each other was different and nothing less than intense and consuming. There was no competing with their lost
loves; theirs was simply another love to add to their hearts.

Sawyer picked her up into his arms and sat her on the bed. Reaching into the inside of his blazer pocket, he pulled out a white leather collar with an ornate silver snowflake just below a D&O ring. Sarah gasped and tears filled her eyes again.  She
glided her fingers over the soft leather and cool metal buckle. It was the most beautiful collar she had ever laid eyes on.

“This was the reason it took me so long to see you tonight…” he whispered as he unbuckled it. “I h
ad the Youngs’ jeweler working feverishly to get it just right. Isabel helped me design it.”

“It’s exquisite, Sir.
”

He laid the collar out in his palm so she could read the burnt engraving on the inner leather. It contained four, simple yet touching words:
“Beauty. Inspiration. Intelligence. Mine.”

Taking her hand, he helped her to her knees in front of him. Just then, Isabel and Dylan came into the room, both of them smiling lovingly.
Isabel walked over and played with Sawyer’s phone and
All of Me
by John Legend began playing softly over the speakers. The words washed over her and she felt as if she was being surrounded by pure love. This was their own personal, intimate collaring ceremony and it couldn’t be any more perfect.