Behind Closed Doors (4 page)

Chapter Four

Noelle grabs my hand, squeezing it for support. I turn back around in my seat unable to face Darren, but as he steps up to the podium and scans the classroom, his eyes land on me. By the way he grips the edges of the podium, I know dinner tonight is off. Darren is furious. Grad stu
dents don’t take Intro to Art, which means he knows I lied.

I can’t believe I’ve screwed this up already, and this bad. The first guy I really connect with and he turns out to be my T.A.? I want scream. I want to jump out of my seat and tear Darren from this lecture hall. I thought he worked at his parents’ pub. What the hell is he doing here? Did he lie to me, too? My God, maybe everything about last night was one big lie.

No. The way Darren made me feel when he touched me wasn’t fake. It was more real than anything I’ve ever experienced. I can’t give that up. I don’t want to. I stare into Darren’s hazel eyes, which are still locked on me in shock. My T.A.? Seriously?

“So,” Darren says, pausing to clear his throat and most likely his head, too. “If anyone needs extra help or misses a class and needs to get caught up, feel free to come see me.” His eyes finally tear away from mine, and he turns and mumbles something to Professor Monahan, who nods in response. I watch as Darren walks toward the back of the lecture hall and exits, the door making a soft click behind him.

He couldn’t even stay and face me. “I have to go talk to him,” I whisper to Noelle, already getting up from my seat. “Before it’s too late.”

She nods and gives me a half-smile for encouragement. Professor Monahan glares at me as I walk down the aisle, interrupting his lecture, but I don’t care. I have to get to Darren. As soon as the door shuts behind me, I scan the hall. The men’s restroom is by the water fountain. Maybe he ducked in there. I look around, wondering if I’m about to make the stupidest mistake of my college career—well, other than having sex with my T.A. God damn it! I can’t believe my bad luck. I push open the door to the men’s room. Thankfully, with classes in session, the bathroom isn’t occupied. Other than Darren, who’s standing at the last sink in the row.

He furrows his brow at me. I’m sure he’s going to ask what the hell I’m doing in the men’s room, but instead he says, “Grad student, huh?”

“I never said I was a grad student.
You
did.”

He scoffs. “Oh, okay. So you win that one on a technicality. What about the rest?” He narrows his eyes at me. “How old are you?”

I swallow hard because I know my answer is going to make him hate me even more. “Nineteen.”

“Nineteen?” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I served you alcohol in my father’s pub. Do you have any idea how much trouble I can get in for that? My dad is going to kick my ass for this.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t ask for the wine, and I didn’t know how to tell you I’m only nineteen.”

“So you said nothing?”
His eyes widen, and his face turns red.

“You might want to keep your voice down,
Mr. McEntire
. And speaking of, you never mentioned you’re a T.A. You let me think you just worked at the pub.”

He shakes his head. “My job here didn’t come up, and do you really want to compare that to what you kept from me?”

“You thought I was a grad student. That was the perfect time to mention you were a teacher’s assistant. If you had—”

“What? You would’ve fessed up? Told me you were an undergrad?”

“I would’ve had to.”

“Really? And would that have been before or after we had sex in my apartment?” He clutches the edge of the sink, and I can’t help thinking he’s more angry at himself than me.

“I don’t regret what we did.” Not one bit. Darren made me realize what I was missing where sex was concerned. I finally get why some people crave it. Even looking at Darren now, all agitated, I still just want to tear his clothes off right here in this disgusting public bathroom.

He shakes his head again before leveling me with his hazel eyes. “I could lose my job over this.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone.” Else, at least. Noelle knows, and I’m sure that means Andy knows, too.

“Why should I believe you?”

I step closer, getting a whiff of his cologne and breathing it in. The memory of last night, of being in his bed, comes rushing back, and before I know it, I’ve closed the distance between us and my hand is on his chest.

“Don’t touch me.” His tone is serious, but he doesn’t back away or remove my hand. He’s clenching his jaw, yet leaning into my touch.

I want to erase all the doubts he has about us, remind him how great last night was. I take a huge chance and reach up on my toes to place a kiss on his lips. He doesn’t react at first, so I kiss him again, my tongue teasing his lips until they part for me.

His hands wrap around me, and he deepens the kiss, pulling me to him. But then, just as quickly, he grabs my arms and pushes me away. “We can’t do this.”

“Why not?” It was working well for me.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I could get fired.”

I want to say “so what?” It’s not like he doesn’t have another job. But I keep my mouth shut because I don’t want to make him angrier.

“I’m sorry, but this has to end. You’re a student in my class, Julia.” His voice is low now, like he’s calmed enough to realize he doesn’t want to be overheard.

“It’s Monahan’s class, not yours.”

He sighs and turns toward the sink again, and I can’t help wondering if
it’s because he can’t look at me right now. “You like technicalities, don’t you?”

There are so many things I like. The way his eyes change color depending on what he’s wearing. The way his muscles bulge when he moves. The way his hands feel on my skin. “No one has to know about us. We’re obviously into each other, so why does it have to end just because of some stupid rule?”

He turns and motions to the stalls. “Look where we are. We can’t even be caught talking in public, let alone…” His eyes meet mine as his voice trails off.

“Let alone what?” I lean my body into his.

“Don’t do that. You have no idea what being this close to you does to me.”

Actually, I can feel
exactly
what it’s doing to him right now. “I’m a student. It’s perfectly normal that I’d go to my T.A. for some extra help.”

“Except what we’re doing has nothing to do with art history.”

“I don’t know.” I press my hand to his chest again. “If last night wasn’t a work of art, then I don’t know what is.”

He laughs. “I can’t argue there, but I also can’t risk this job. I’m sorry, Julia.” This time he steps back, and my hand falls to my side. “Maybe when the semester is over and you’re finished with Monahan’s class.”

Go fifteen weeks without touching him again? I’m not sure I can. “I could always drop the course.”

“Yeah, I bet your parents would love that. How exactly would you explain dropping a course after one day in your first semester of college?”

“Technically, I took summer courses, so…”

He nods. “Another technicality.”

I smile, but the sound of the door opening behind me makes it fade. Darren grabs me and pulls me into a stall with him, locking us inside. Without a word, he picks me up, wrapping my legs around him.

“Two pair of feet would look suspicious,” he whispers in my ear.

I’m not about to complain. In fact, I’m going to take advantage of the situation. I bury my head in his neck, kissing him in all my favorite places. He lets out a moan, but quickly stifles it. I smile, knowing I’ve gotten to him, and I pull back so I can look into his eyes. He stares at me for a moment before his eyes lower to my lips. I wait for him to make a move, which he does in a matter of seconds, pulling my lower lip
into his mouth.

My fingers weave through his hair and then down his back. Even though he’s supporting my weight, his muscles don’t seem to be struggling at all. His mouth trails down my neck to the bare skin just above the neckline of my sundress. Just like last night, I’m caught up in him, lost in his touch and the way he makes me feel so alive.

I hear the bathroom door close as our visitor leaves. That’s all the encouragement I need. I tug at the button on his pants, and he pauses long enough to realize what I’m doing. His hands slide my sundress up above my waist. So much for rules. But there’s one I’m not willing to break. “Wait. Do you have—?”

He stops kissing me and nods, his hand reaching into his back pocket.

“Do you always carry a condom to class, Mr. McEntire?” I keep my voice playful so he knows I’m only kidding. I suspect just about every guy on campus carries a condom in his wallet.

“I’m not like that,” Darren says, sounding hurt.

“I know you’re not. I was only teasing.” I kiss his neck, trying to make up for killing the mood.

He hesitates for a moment before giving in to his desire. He lowers the straps on my dress one shoulder at a time and seems surprised to find I’m not wearing a bra. His head lowers and I can feel his breath on me, yet he won’t touch me.

“What were you saying about teasing?”

Good Lord! I squeeze his waist with my legs, and he smiles up at me before giving me what I want. I’m so caught up in the moment that I forget we’re in a public restroom. Darren doesn’t take his time like last night. He’s inside me now, rocking me in his arms. I move with him, biting my lip to keep from crying out, knowing someone could walk in on us at any second. The thought sends my heart into such a frenzy until Darren and I are both panting in satisfaction.

He stares at me as he pulls the straps of my dress back into place and lowers me to the floor. I know what he’s thinking. We can’t stay away from each other. The attraction is too strong, and that means we need to find a way to get through the next fifteen weeks.

“I have to get back to class and so do you,” he says, tucking in his shirt
and buttoning his pants.

“How are we going to pull that off without looking suspicious?” I’m not even sure how I’m going to get out of this bathroom.

“You go first. I’ll make up some story about helping a lost freshman.”

“Or
I
could be the lost freshman.”

He nods. “I guess you could.”

He turns and unlocks the stall, but I grab his arm. “Wait. Are you still mad that I didn’t tell you my real age?”

He reaches down and kisses me softly on the lips. “Are you hiding anything else that I should know about? Like a boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Then I’m good.” He smiles and holds the stall open for me. “I’ll check the hall for you.” He peeks out of the bathroom and motions for me to go. I don’t hesitate. My adrenaline is still in high gear.

Darren walks me back to class, going with our plan that I, the lost freshman who left class to use the restroom, couldn’t find my way back. Of course, considering how close the bathrooms are to the lecture hall, that makes me the stupidest freshman on campus, but I don’t care. My body is still on fire from Darren’s touch, and I get to stare at him for the rest of the class.

I enter the lecture hall and walk to my seat, stopping at the end of my aisle and whispering “thank you” to Darren to keep up with the rouse. Noelle’s eyes widen. Maybe I can fool Monahan and a class full of co-eds, but I can’t fool her.

Chapter Five

“In the bathroom?
” Noelle shrieks as we walk back to our dorm.

“Damn.” I rub my ear, but the smile is still on my face. It was there all through the lecture, which I’m sure made Monahan wonder. He either thinks I’m so clueless that
I’m always happy or that I really like art history.

“Why? How?” Noelle can’t even form sentences. I love her to death, but until Andy came along, she never took chances. She doesn’t get the whole “follow your instincts” thing. I live by it. If something feels right, I go for it. No matter what.

“It just sort of happened.”

“But…he’s,” she lowers her voice, “our T.A. That has to be against school policy, right?”

“Very.” Of course she had to focus on the negative. She’s totally killing my good mood.

“So why did you do it?”

“If there was a policy against dating Andy because he’s a resident advisor would you stop seeing him?”

“No.” She looks away, unable to argue.

“I know you think I just hopped into bed with—”

She grabs my arm. “I don’t. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” She slides her key card and opens the door to our dorm. “Are you going to see him again?”

We never discussed whether dinner is still on. I’ll have to text him later. “Maybe tonight.”

She gives me a look as we get on the elevator. Several other people get on with us, so we can’t exactly talk about Darren. But even without words, I know what Noelle is thinking. And she’s wrong. I’m not some sex-crazed girl. I can’t deny sex with Darren is amazing, but I really do want more than just a physical relationship with him.

We get off on the sixth floor and wave to Mindy, our R.A. as she comes out of her room. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she tries to remember our names. “Good morning, ladies. How’s your first day going?”

Noelle looks at me and smiles. “Julia loved our first class. I’ve never seen her so interested in art before.” She wags her eyebrows at me, but Mindy totally doesn’t get why.

“That’s great. Enjoy the rest of your day.” Even though we just met, I can already tell Mindy is the most optimistic person I’ve ever met. I guess that’s better than having a bitch for an R.A.

I unlock the door and toss my bag on my bed. A quick look in the mirror shows my dress is slightly wrinkled and my hair is messy. I smile remembering how they got that way.

“You’re like a horny little high school boy right now,” Noelle says, shutting the door.

“Jealous?” I turn toward her. “Is Andy not satisfying you?”

She blushes. “I have no complaints about Andy.”

“Glad to hear it.” Noelle really has come out of her shell since she met him, and I’m happy for her. I just wish she could see that I can be the relationship type
, too. Well, in fifteen weeks when the semester ends. God, I’m going to have to sneak around with Darren for fifteen weeks. While today’s bathroom trip was definitely enjoyable, I’m not exactly thrilled about the idea of only seeing Darren in private. Does that mean I can’t go out to dinner with him tonight? Can’t go to McEntire’s Pub anymore?

“You okay?” Noelle wraps her arm around my shoulders.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I shrug, but she doesn’t buy it.

“You should text him.”

“Is it too soon? I don’t want to seem clingy. But then again, I don’t want him to think I’m only interested in sex either. Why does this have to be so damn confusing?”

“Just do it,” Noelle says, walking to my bed and grabbing my cell from my bag. “You won’t feel better until you do.”

She’s right. I have to know if there’s any sort of future for Darren and me. I have to know what this all means to him. I bring up his number and stare at the screen, getting up the courage.
We still on for dinner?
My finger hovers over the send button, but Noelle pushes it down. My heart races as I wait for his response.

I have no idea if he has another class now. We didn’t get to talk before I left. And now that I think about it, Darren didn’t even look in my direction. We glanced at each other a few times during the lecture, but once it was over, Darren went to talk to Monahan. I hope he was just trying to act normal and avoid suspicion, but my insides are a tangled mess of worry.

By lunchtime, Darren still hasn’t texted me back.

“You need to eat something,” Noelle says.

I just glare at her. When did I become this girl? The one who waits for a guy to call her? In every relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve taken control. I’ve led the guy. Even in the bathroom this morning with Darren,
I
initiated everything. Me. I hate not being in control.

“Hey.” Andy sits down next to Noelle, placing a kiss on the side of her head.

My stomach sinks because I’m not sure I’ll ever have that. Darren can’t walk in here and kiss me. He can’t even eat lunch with me without getting in trouble for fraternizing with the students. It’s clear why he hasn’t texted me. He wants to end this.

“You okay?” Andy asks me. Noelle shakes her head at him, and he pushes himself up from the table again. “Hang on. I know what you need.”

If it’s not Darren, he needn’t bother. But I know what he’s going to do. He’s going to make me an ice cream cone and a mug of sprinkles. It’s his signature dessert. The mug of sprinkles ensures that every lick has sprinkles no matter how much ice cream you eat.

“He’s just trying to help,” Noelle says.

“I know. He’s sweet.”

As Andy returns with my ice cream, Noelle looks back and forth between us. “Oh my God! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” She doesn’t need to tell me her revelation. I already know she’s figured out that I want Darren to be my Andy.

“Don’t say it, okay?” I don’t need Andy knowing how pathetic I am.

She nods. “Maybe you should text him again.”

Andy shifts uncomfortably in his seat, and I decide to put him out of his misery. “I know Noelle told you about Darren, so you don’t have to pretend you have no clue what we’re talking about.”

His shoulders lower with relief. “They usually overbook the T.As. I’m sure when he’s not in class, he has office hours.”

“But the semester just started. People couldn’t possibly be going to his office looking for extra help already.” Then it hits me.
I
could go to his office, find out in person if he’s avoiding me, if this is over. I get up. “See you guys later.”

“Good luck!” Noelle calls after me.

I run across campus to the Newman building, hoping that Monahan’s office is in the same building as his class. I look around the lobby for the directional signs they post on the walls and spot a group by the bathroom, which makes me think of Darren. I can almost smell his cologne.

“Can I help you?” I hear behind me. I turn to see Mike, Andy’s R.A. friend that I hooked up with at the social during orientation. His eyes scan the length of my body, and he smiles. “Oh, hey, Julia. I didn’t recognize you at first. How are you?”

“Hi, Mike. I’m good. Looking for Professor Monahan’s office actually. I missed part of class today and wanted to get caught up on the notes.”

His face falls. “Oh…well the offices are down the hall on the left. They’re all labeled so you shouldn’t have any trouble finding it.”

I smile and start down the hall. “Thanks. See you around.”

“I hope so.”

Crap. I don’t want to hurt Mike’s feelings. He’s a nice guy, but all we did was kiss and I wasn’t interested in anything more than that. Not then and definitely not now. I was hoping the feeling was mutual. Guess not.

I pretend I don’t hear him and keep walking to the offices. Just like Mike said, they’re grouped together on the left. Now, if only they were also alphabetized. I weave through a maze of cubicles until I find a door at the back of the room with Monahan’s name on it. Apparently he’s a department head so he gets a real office with actual walls and a door. Lucky him, or lucky me, if I find Darren inside.

I knock on the door, trying to keep my heart from pounding out of my chest. I hear footsteps and then see Darren’s face as he opens the door.

“Um, can I help you?” His voice has the faintest hint of a quiver as he looks around, trying to see if there are any students or professors nearby to overhear us.

I decide to play along in case anyone
is
listening to us. “Yes, I missed part of Professor Monahan’s lecture today, and I was wondering if I could get the notes. You did say your office hours are available to students needing extra help, right?” My words are void of emotion, but my eyes are saying something completely different.

“Absolutely. Come in. I’ll get those notes for you.” Darren steps aside, but I make sure I brush against him as I enter the office. He closes the door behind me and whispers, “What are you doing?”

“Getting notes, like I said.” I smile.

“Julia, we can’t keep doing this.” Even though he’s protesting, he steps closer to me and runs his hand down my arm. “When you’re near me, I can’t control myself. We can’t put ourselves in situations like this. I meant it when I said I don’t want to lose this job.”

“I get it.” I really do, but I can’t stop myself from saying, “Did you get my text?”

“Yeah, but I was in class. My schedule is booked. I was about to text you back when you showed up here.”

I step closer to him, my body aching for his touch. “So, are we still on for dinner?”

“We can’t. If people see us out in public—”

“They already have. I was with you last night. We can’t take that back.”

“I know.” He runs his fingers through his hair and steps away from me, putting the desk between us.

“We could tell people we got together before we found out you were my T.A. They couldn’t stop us from dating then.”

“Yes, they could.” His tone is serious.

“Fine. Then I’m dropping the class.” I hold my hand out. “One drop card, please.”

“We don’t keep those in our office. You have to go to the registration building—” He shakes his head. “But I’m not letting you do that.”

“Why? Do you really want to give up what we have? I know we’re not in a relationship or anything, but you can’t deny
this
.” I motion between us. “You’re keeping a desk between us because you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off me otherwise. What does that tell you?”

“That I’m not thinking with my head. Not the right one anyway.”

I smile. “Maybe that’s where you’re wrong.” I move around the desk. “If everything inside you is saying that you want me, why are you denying yourself that? I’m right here.”

The office door opens, and I step away from Darren, looking down at the desk.

“So, if you read the first chapter, I think you’ll be caught up on the slides you missed during today’s lecture. And next time, might I suggest that you don’t drink all your coffee before you get to class. It can make for an uncomfortable lecture or a situation like today where you miss important notes.” Darren’s recovery is impressive.

“Thank you, Mr. McEntire, and I appreciate you taking the time to help me when I got turned around in the hallway during class. I can only imagine how much I would’ve missed if you weren’t there to help me out.” I turn around and nod at Professor Monahan. “Professor, I’m very sorry for missing part of your lecture today. I can assure you it won’t happen again.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Monahan says, stepping aside so I can exit the office.