Black Is Back (Quentin Black Mystery #4) (29 page)

Angel and I joked about sleeping in the night before.

I squinted out the window, fighting to think, to bring my mind back into straight lines. The sun still hadn’t yet risen all the way, just enough to create a gold line around the edge of the world, since the main window in her living room faced due East.

Just enough to aim that accusing beam of light right into my face.

He sent more heat into my skin, so soft I closed my eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice a whisper. “I’m so sorry, Black.”

“I promise you... it’s okay.” Smiling, he kissed the base of my neck again, using his tongue, pulling on me with his light. “I missed you too, doc,” he murmured.

He gripped me tighter in his arms before I could answer, pulling me so close I felt his cock press against the back of my thighs. His grip tightened more when pain coiled through me, until his arms made it hard to breathe. He loosened them when I let out a gasp, rubbing my shoulder. He kissed me then, still pulling on me sensually with his light. I felt everything about him grow soft again, like he was resting in me in some way. Like some part of him surrounded me, merged into me in a way it hadn’t before.

I felt the part of me that wanted to go into that with him––just fall into the relief I could feel coming off him, forget about everything else. That relief intensified as he continued to massage my upper chest, pressing the length of his body against mine.

“I missed you a lot,” he murmured. “A lot, a lot, doc...”

Reaching up to caress the hair out of my face, he pulled me tighter against him when I squirmed. That shame feeling still stuck in my chest, making me feel sick.

“You scared the shit out of me,” he murmured, kissing me again. “...screaming for me like that. Christ. I thought someone was killing you. I just about gave Dex and Kiko a heart attack, yelling at them to turn the car around while we were doing eighty-five on the freeway... then yelling at them to take me to the nearest airport. After I’d finished yelling, they probably saw my eyes roll up into my head as I jumped out of my body to make sure you were okay...” He chuckled, kissing me again.
“Gaos.
If you were trying to test my reflexes, I think it worked. I’m pretty sure Kiko thought I’d had a brain embolism. She was screaming about calling 9-1-1 to Dex when I snapped back out...”

“You flew back?” I said, numb. It hit me that I hadn’t asked him any of this the night before. “From where?”

“Ventura, I think.” I felt him frown. “Maybe Santa Barbara. Someplace north of L.A. I had to wait a few hours for a flight so I probably should have just let them take me all the way to LAX. But I sent them on to L.A. without me.” Grunting, he caressed my jaw again with a hand. “I was on the verge of chartering a plane by the time mine left, even though I knew you were all right by then. I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly...”

That shame feeling worsened, and he shook me a little.

“Cut it out, doc. You’re fine. I promise you. And they don’t need me down there. I wanted to come home.” He shivered, gripping me tighter. “Fuck. If you don’t think that turned me on, you going ballistic on me for leaving you like that... you’re out of your goddamned mind. Last night’s going to be jerk-off material for awhile, doc. For a lot of reasons.” He shivered again, wrapping his arms around the front of me. “I’m not sure I even give a shit about that case anymore. All I can think about is locking you up in my penthouse again, maybe tying you to my bed and doing some different kinds of investigative work for a few days...”

I shook my head, frowning as I rested my face on his arm. “That shouldn’t turn you on, Black. It really shouldn’t.”

He let out a laugh, using his hands to turn me over so that I slid partway to my back.

“Like hell,” he said, smiling down at me. “Fuck, doc. Do you have any idea what you did to me last night? If this is how I’m going to be greeted whenever I leave, I might have to plan on traveling every week...”

I bit my lip, suppressing the impulse to hit him again.

He must have felt it, because he let out another full-throated laugh. Something about that laugh was so genuine, so openly happy, it made me look up, frowning at him even as I fought a smile that wanted to creep onto my lips.

Then I looked at his face and really saw it.

“Jesus.” Fear ribboned through me, then a hotter shame. “What the hell happened to you?”

I reached up, lightly touching a lump on his jaw and the bruise on his upper cheek under one eye. When I looked him over more carefully, I saw the outline of another bruise at his temple, and more on his ribs and chest. At first I thought I’d done all of that, then I realized the worst of those injuries, including his swollen jaw, looked at least a few days old.

As I thought about where he’d been, what Nick told me he’d been doing, fear and anger exploded through me all over again.

“What happened?” I demanded. “Black! What happened? Who did this?”

Pain expanded off him in another sharp cloud–-along with enough emotion to catch me off guard. His eyes softened, that emotion intensifying right before he pressed against me. I felt heat flare in my chest when I realized he was extended. His voice shifted lower, into that gruff, heavier tone that drove me crazy when he was turned on.

“Gaos...
Miri. What are you trying to do to me right now?” He glanced at the hall leading into the other side of the apartment. “Angel could come out here...”

“Black! What happened to you? Are you going to tell me?”

He kissed my neck, pressing his face against mine, nuzzling me with his cheek and jaw as he let out a heavier sound. “I might need to fuck first,” he murmured. “Can we fuck again? I’ll be quiet. I’ll make sure you’re quiet too...” He glanced at the empty hallway again. “I don’t hear her yet. Does she usually sleep in on the weekend?”

“Why is this turning you on?” I demanded. “Does my being angry and freaked out seriously make you want to have sex? Because that’s really twisted, Black...”

He let out an incredulous snort, raising his head.

“Does your asking me to come home, telling me you
need
me, and then proceeding to beat me up and fuck my brains out for leaving you in the first place turn me on?” He let out another incredulous laugh, sending a harder pulse of pain into my chest as he closed his eyes, pressing his body into mine. His voice shifted lower again, turning gruff.
“Gaos,
doc. Yes. Hate to break it to you, but yes, it turns me on... a lot.”

“Well, it shouldn’t,” I retorted, folding my arms across my chest.

He smiled, kissing my face again. “Now you’re
worried
about me. And yes, in case you were wondering, that makes me want to fuck, too...”

“I suppose you’re going to blow last night off as another seer thing?” I frowned up at him. “Me wanting to give my boyfriend a black eye is just another seer thing, I guess?”

He frowned at me. That time, the frown looked real.

“Boyfriend?” he grunted. “Did you just call me your fucking boyfriend?”

Biting my lip, I started to ask, then didn’t, feeling my face warm.

Exhaling in another sigh, he blew more warmth at me, caressing my face.

“It
is
a seer thing, Miri. And I promise you... if you step over the line with me, I’ll be the first to tell you. I promise.”

He wrapped his arms around me, startling me when he exuded a hotter pulse of light, one that seemed to fill my whole chest. It brought that vulnerability back in a sharp wave, catching in my throat, nearly bringing tears to my eyes when he tightened his grip. Affection plumed off him, enough to startle me again, then bring tears to my eyes for real. Not seeming to notice my reaction, he kissed me tenderly, pressing his face against my neck and sighing.

“I’m not saying I want you to hurt me,” he murmured. “I’m not saying I get turned on when you want to
punch
me, all right? I’m saying I understand. I know
why
you were angry, and I understand. I love you too,
ilya...”

I froze, staring up at the ceiling. “What?”

Raising his head, he stiffened, confusion roiling off him. Then he looked down at me and clicked at me, exhaling in disbelief, or maybe frustration.

“Gaos.
You’re acting like I’ve never fucking said that to you before, Miriam.”

“Maybe because you
haven’t.”
I heard the fear in my voice that time. “Jesus, Black. What’s gotten into you? Are you on drugs?”

He blinked, still staring at my face. “I tell you I love you and you ask me if I’m on drugs?” He didn’t sound angry. Mostly, he sounded bewildered. He stared down at me, that puzzlement sharpening, clear and guileless in his gold eyes.

Then, after a few seconds more, he shook his head.

He rubbed his face with one hand, shifting to his side more as he did it, putting some space between us. I couldn’t help looking at his chest and arms as he did, swallowing when my eyes shifted down the rest of his torso. When I returned my gaze to his face, I saw him thinking. His expression smoothed even as he clicked in some annoyance under his breath.

“I forget sometimes you don’t speak Prexci,” he muttered. His gold eyes met mine, right before he frowned. “But that’s some kind of serious mental fucking gymnastics, doc,” he added, sharper, his eyes holding that more intense light. “To pretend you couldn’t feel that on me... or that you didn’t know what I’ve been saying to you for
weeks
now.
Gaos,
I’m pretty sure I said it to you before I left for Paris...”

Narrowing his gaze as he faced the wall, he let his eyes fall briefly out of focus, enough that I knew he was using his sight.

“I did,” he said, his voice harder, more definitive. His eyes clicked abruptly back into focus right before he looked at me. “When you had your mouth on my cock that night... another night you completely shocked the shit out of me, Miri. I told you I loved you then. More than once. I’m pretty sure you felt it that time, too...”

When I winced, staring up at him, he exhaled in a kind of sigh.

Lowering his mouth to my ear, he began speaking softly, cajolingly, exuding heat with every breath. That time, I’d definitely heard the words before, even though I’d told myself I didn’t understand them. Pain shot through my chest as soon as he began to speak.

“Liliere...”
he murmured softly, kissing my neck.
“Liliere ilya... untielleres...”
His voice remained low, soft as he nuzzled my face. “I’m saying I love you, Miriam. I’m telling you that I
love
you, goddamn it... that I belong to you.”

That pain flared hotter in the middle of my chest, making it hard to breathe again. When I opened my eyes, I was gripping his arms, but I wasn’t looking at his face. I closed my eyes instead, conscious suddenly of how I must look, how open I felt, how insanely vulnerable, even compared to before, when I’d woken up with his arms around me.

“Breathe, doc,” he murmured, kissing my face. “Breathe, okay? This isn’t news to you.”

I shook my head. “Yes, it is.”

He shook his head. “No. It’s not. You can deal with this. You love me, too.”

I shook my head again, but didn’t answer that time. I couldn’t make myself say it. I couldn’t make myself say either thing, when I didn’t know which one was true.

“Doc,” he growled.
“Gaos.
Are you really going to keep doing this with me? Even after last night? We made love last night. Are you going to pretend that didn’t happen, either?”

Something about his words finally seemed to reach me. I felt that pain in my chest worsen, right before I exhaled in a kind of defeat, leaning my forehead against his chest. Taking another deep breath, I closed my eyes, fighting to let it go, to stop fighting everything... to relax. As soon as I did, that relief flooded over me again. That time, when it grew more intense, bringing up another dense pulse of that vulnerability, I really did cry.

I couldn’t make myself care I was doing it in front of him.

I felt it when he noticed. His presence around me abruptly changed, softening even as he wrapped his arms back around me, stroking the length of my back with his hand. He slid his hand around my face then, tilting up my chin. Once he’d looked into my face, that relief and vulnerability on him grew so intense I could barely see him when I finally looked up.

For a long-feeling few seconds, he only looked at me.

Then he bent his head and was kissing me, pressing more of that heat and presence into me. He rolled me to my back seconds later, leaning his full weight on me, all two hundred and whatever-plus pounds of him. After a few more minutes of that, I really couldn’t fight him. I couldn’t even remember why I’d been fighting him before.