Blizzard (The Brotherhood Journals #1) (7 page)

“I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she whispered sadly. “I never thought I would find myself back here. I love the club, you know? But as soon as I had Harlyn I had someone else to protect. And the club life… it’s dangerous.”

“It’s also the most protective and loyal family that you could ever ask for.” I pointed at the table, and the vivid Brothers by Blood symbol that was carved deep into the wood. “That shit is more than just the patch we wear on our back. It’s who we are. It’s what we stand for. It’s who we stand beside, and it’s who we love.”

She stared, her eyes flicking and grazing over it like it was the first time she was really seeing it. Like it was the first time she believed it was more than just a logo or sign.

She nodded. “I get it.”

I wondered if she really did, but I’d already had my say. The rest was up to her.

She kept her face low as she walked past me. It was so unlike her. Sugar was strong. Even during the war in which we lost Op’s dad, she stood beside him and she stood with her head held high. I wondered what had happened so recently for her to feel so broken, so worn down.

A part of me hoped I hadn’t completely crushed her, I didn’t enjoy seeing her hurt. She had become like a sister to me. She technically wasn’t an Old Lady, but she was well respected within the club. And not just because she gave birth to the president’s daughter. But because she had the kind of aura that drew you in. She had a backbone, but she was also sweet and cared for all of us.

Seeing her hang her head hurt me, but I knew she needed to hear it. Blunt and straightforward. If she pussyfooted around this shit and ignored how major this was, then when shit hit the fan, we were all going to get sprayed.

I’d managed to get my dad into a care facility within Huntsville. It specialized in what my dad needed and it had taken a lot to get him there.

I’d had to drag in Optimus. My father may not ride with us anymore—he was what you might call retired—but he still received benefits from the club and from me, so I had to get our great president to pull rank. Lucky for me, he respected Optimus a lot more than he did me.

Huntsville was still close enough for me and the old ladies to visit, and the bonus was he could get the help he needed. The doctors told me he could possibly get better—not entirely but better than he was—if he followed the program they had set up for him. But I wasn’t counting my chickens before they hatched.

I checked in at the front desk and they pointed me in the direction of his room. The place was like a hospital—so white, so clean. The smell was strong too.

A nurse walked toward me just as I grabbed myself in a useless attempt to readjust. She caught the movement and a blush covered her cheeks. Any normal time I probably would have been tempted to follow her to the nearest supply closet and fuck her stupid, but she wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted fucking Rose, but last time I followed my cock with her, people I care about almost died. I wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.

I found Dad’s room number and stormed in, just at the moment he took a shot from the miniature sized tequila bottle in his hand.

I scrubbed my hand down my face. “Are you fucking serious?” He didn’t flinch or move to hide it. He didn’t care if I saw or not. Tequila wasn’t his drink of choice, it was always beer. It didn’t matter what label or where it was from—beer was beer. But obviously, whoever smuggled them in, had to go with what was easy to hide, and a case of beer was not.

I guess it could be worse.

Couldn’t it?

He didn’t even acknowledge me as I dropped into his lounge chair. The room was big enough for a bed, a chair, a small desk and a few other things. There was a television mounted on the wall and a bathroom off to the side that had a shower, toilet, and vanity.

I knew he was going to hate it here, but I didn’t care.

I was sick of being the parent in this relationship, dragging his ass home from the bar, keeping him from getting arrested or fucking killed, and I still let him take his shit out on me constantly. I took the verbal hits and the physical ones, and I still came back the next week.

“That shit put you in here, yet you’re still throwing it back like it’s water,” I muttered as I shook my head. I was disappointed but I wasn’t shocked.

“Wrong,” he gruffed. “You put me in here you ungrateful little asswipe.”

The cheap shots didn’t even register anymore. It was like a normal conversation for us. Well, for him.

“Not going to apologize for trying to keep you alive a little longer.”

He took another swig from the tiny bottle, its contents now gone. But that wasn’t it. He pulled another one from under his mattress and started on that too.

“You come to gloat? That it? Finally got me put away? Locked up like a fucking criminal.” His words weren’t accusing, but more like it was a matter of fact. “Optimus, just like his fucking father, ordering me around.”

“He’s our fucking president! If you want a roof over your head, I’d respect that fact,” I told him harshly, not about to listen to him put down my brother.

“Wouldn’t be here if—”

“Don’t fucking say it,” I snapped. I’d heard it every single time I saw him. My father never took another Old Lady after my mom left. She was it for him, even after he found out that she didn’t feel the same. Everything boiled down to the fact that she’d left, and never once, in all these years had he taken a single ounce of responsibility for her being gone.

He slammed the small bottle down on the table beside his bed. With the force he’d used, I was stunned nothing broke. “If she were still here then I’d be at home. But instead, I get stuck with some cunt who doesn’t even have the balls to care for his father.”

I gritted my teeth, we’d gone head to head about this more times than I could remember, but this time was different. This time, I knew more. “She came back.”

His body stilled, but he continued to stare at the wall ahead of him. I wasn’t even worthy of a simple glance.

“Yeah, she came back a few days ago. And you know what?” I pushed off the chair and stood tall, forcing my shoulders back. “She’s doing just fine without you.”

“You little
bastard
,” he snapped, grabbing hold of the empty bottle of tequila and tossing it across the room at me. I ducked and it shattered against the wall behind me. “She’d be looking after me now if it wasn’t for you!”

“Yeah, because living with a miserable, alcoholic husband who beats on his kid is just the type of person all women want, right?” I yelled back at him. I knew by now one of the nurses would have called security to come and deal with the commotion. “She has a new family… a fucking daughter. Did you know that? I don’t blame her for walking out on your sorry ass. I’m just disappointed I didn’t follow her out the door when I had the chance.”

The words shocked even me. It was the first time I’d ever admitted that what she had done all those years ago was the right thing. I guess I always knew what he was like, everyone did. That was the reason the old ladies took me in, and Op’s parents helped to raise me.

He pointed at me angrily. “I should’ve let her fucking take you.”

My eyes shot wide open. “What?”

I watched as the tension left his body, and just like that he was calm again. He knew he had something on me and he was smug. “Bitch begged to take you, but I wouldn’t fucking let her because that was the one thing she wanted. And if I couldn’t have her, she couldn’t fucking have you.”

Just as I was about to cross the room and slam my fist into the old man’s face, security and a couple of nurses slammed through the door, crowding the room. My chest was heaving in anger.

“You motherfucker!” I roared.

The nurse I passed in the hallway placed her hands on my chest and pushed me toward the door, a security guard right behind her. “You need to go now, we’ll keep you updated.”

I might have fought more if I wasn’t so stunned by what he’d said. Instead, I let her maneuver me out of the room, giving me a gentle nudge down the hall before she turned and re-entered herself.

I walked through the maze of hallways in a daze, his words constantly resonating.

Bitch begged to take you…

If I couldn’t have her, she couldn’t fucking have you.

I was done, done with the stupid bastard.
This was the end.

I managed to make it to the carpark, but before straddling my bike, I pulled my cell from my pocket.

“What’s up?” Op answered casually.

“Find someone to cover for me at X-Rated tonight. I’m going off the grid for a few hours,” I told him my voice sounded monotonous with no emotion.

“What happened?” he asked, now on full alert.

I scrubbed my hand over my hair, it was getting long and I needed to have it cut desperately.

“I’ll explain later. Just can’t deal with shit right now.”

Silence greeted me for a minute. “Okay, stay safe.”

“Yeah.”

I leaped on my baby and fired her up, the sound and the vibrations instantly calmed me. I didn’t know where I was going. I wanted to be alone, and the best way to do that was to just ride. Ride until I couldn’t hold myself or my bike up any longer.

It was the only way.

After the bar incident, I barely slept a wink. My mind was running and running and there was no sign of a finish line.

I managed to drag myself to the college and meet with the dean. He’d greeted me like I was family, shaking my hand and grinning widely. But for someone on the DePalma family payroll, I expected nothing less.

By the time I returned to the hotel, I still hadn’t decided what I was going to do. The lobby was quiet now, there were a handful of people in the bar enjoying a meal, but other than that, it was a complete contrast to the festivities that had been on last night.

I guess everyone was still sleeping off their hangovers and waking up next to people they didn’t recognize.

My room was serene. Some doors opened onto a small deck, it overlooked the busy street below. The sun shone through, hitting my bed perfectly and I couldn’t help but leap on it. The sun’s rays burnt at my skin but it felt so good, so warm.

My plane left in three hours. It was time to make a decision. I buried my face in my pillow with a deep sigh, but just as I did, there was a harsh knock at my door. I rolled over, nearly flipping myself off the side of the bed. Nobody knew I was here. Who would be knocking? I clambered to my feet, tiptoeing over to the door.

“Who is it?” I called out, but no answer came in return. Maybe they’d gone? Maybe they had the wrong room?

I took a deep breath and turned the handle, unlocking it and pulling it open gently. When I saw him standing there, arms folded across his broad chest, my heart began to pound.

“What… What are you doing here?” I asked breathlessly through the small gap. He placed his palm on the door and pushed. Stunned, I didn’t have enough time to stop him as he strolled through and slammed it behind him, flicking the lock.

“Was about to ask you the same thing,” Blizzard said, a chill in his voice that I still wasn’t used to. His blue eyes stared me down, he stood tall and intimidating but I wasn’t afraid. I wanted to reach out to him, pull him closer, touch him, and remind myself that he was real and he was okay.

“I had to come and pick up my Certificate of Completion for college,” I told him, stepping sideways, closer to the bed. My room was reasonably big, but with him in it, it seemed so confined. There was nowhere to run, even if I’d wanted to.

But I didn’t.

I gestured to the set of papers that I’d tossed onto the bed when I’d gotten in. He didn’t even follow. Instead, he continued to stare at me.

Swallowing back my apprehension I asked, “How did you know I was here?”

The corner of his mouth turned up. “It’s our job to find out everything that happens here.”

I didn’t doubt that. I knew just being here, that there was a high possibility that one of them would spot me. I was actually surprised it had taken this long.

He finally moved, taking his eyes off me and admiring the room. “Would have thought the DePalmas could afford something nicer than this?”

It was meant to be a cheap shot, but the truth was, I didn’t even feel it. I was in too much of a trance to feel anything at that point.

Blizzard was larger than I remembered. He seemed to have put on muscle, but in all the right places. His waist was still trim and tapered, but his shoulders and chest were broad and wide. He stepped closer to me and I fought the urge to retreat, reminding myself that I wasn’t afraid of this man. I knew in my heart he wouldn’t hurt me. I’d seen how it had crushed him to see me in pain. He’d seen me at my worst, and I knew he’d never lay a finger on me in that way. But I also knew that his words could do just as much damage as any other man’s fists. He came closer until we were almost touching and I had to crane my neck to look up at him.

“You shouldn’t have come back,” he whispered softly, his eyes only for me.

I licked my lips nervously. “Why?”

His hand flew up and cupped the side of my neck, his fingers burying themselves in the hair at the base. I flinched back, but he held me in place. It wasn’t meant to hurt me, but it was meant to show dominance and I couldn’t help but get excited by the feeling.

He tilted my head back even further, at the same time pulling me closer. My hands unconsciously came up and my palms pressed flat against his chest. I wished his shirt was gone so I could rake my fingernails down the solid muscle. I wanted to feel every dip and bump of his abs underneath my hands.

“You’re a temptation that I can’t afford to risk,” he told me as his eyes roamed my face, his head tilting from side to side as if he wanted to dip his face and kiss me.

Running my hand down his stomach, I could feel the tightness and I knew he was struggling to hold himself back. I tucked my fingers just inside the top of his jeans waiting until he found my eyes again.

“Take the risk,” I whispered, my throat clogged with emotion.

He didn’t wait another second, crushing his mouth to mine and dipping his body so he could wrap his other arm under my ass and lift me from the floor. My legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck, clinging to him like he was my life line.

Our mouths battled, refusing to come up for breath. I never wanted this to end, it was what I’d dreamed of for so long. I ground my hips as he stepped back, dropping himself onto my bed and falling onto his back. The kiss broke as we bounced and a small giggle escaped me. I pulled back, brushing my hair back from my face and looking down at him. The smirk he gave me was sexy and enticing, and once again I’d found the Blizzard that I remembered from the first night we met. He was brash and fun, and no matter how much I’d protested he’d somehow managed to make me laugh.

His hands palmed both my cheeks as he pressed me down against him, I let out a tiny moan. My tight jean shorts had ridden up, and with the help of his hard cock the seam was rubbing in just the right spot.

I placed both hands on his chest and arched my back. “Blizzard.” The words fell from my lips so easily, like they were perfect for my mouth.

“It good right there, baby?” he asked, his voice husky as he pressed me down again, at the same time lifting his hips off the bed.

He continued to make me ride him, but raised one hand and tucked it down the front of my low cut shirt and inside my bra.

“Oh God,” I groaned, his fingers gathering my nipple in between them as he squeezed.

My breathing was coming heavier. I looked down at him, my mouth open, a tiny gasp leaving every time the pressure came back on my clit. His eyes sparkled and this time he smiled, not a sexy smirk but a smile. Like he was actually happy. Like we’d spent too much time apart and this was us coming home.

We were dry humping like fucking teenagers in the back of my parents’ car, but fuck it, it didn’t matter because we were together. There were no hateful words or past mistakes. It was just us. In a room. In a moment.

Just us.

“Come, baby. I got you.”

Just the words were enough to make me release any sign of tension left in my body. And with that, I fell over that edge. My body shook and shuddered as a million jolts of pleasure flew through me. I cried out, gripping his shirt in my hands. I rode out the wave before crashing down on his chest. He was so warm, so gentle, as his hands came over my back and soothed me.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself a few minutes to just be happy. He was here.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” I asked, not wanting to ruin the moment but needing to know exactly what this meant.

When he didn’t answer, I stilled.

I should have kept my mouth shut.

“Blizzard?” I whispered softly.

BANG.

I jumped, throwing my entire body up and landing with a bounce. I looked around frantically, the doors that I’d had open to outside had slammed shut.

I took in a deep breath of relief, but that’s when I realized Blizzard wasn’t there. There was no sign that he’d even been there.

I’d fallen asleep.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. My brain had been so desperate that I’d imagined it all. Dreamed it all up. I threw myself back on the bed and tears stained the beautiful white cover. Checking the clock as I wiped my eyes, I realized there was still an hour before I needed to be at the airport.

But I wasn’t going.

I knew that for sure now.

My heart, my brain, and my body had all just told me exactly what I needed to know.

I wanted more than to just redeem myself. I wanted him. I needed him to know that I would fight for even a small chance that he would see me as more than just a liar.

Was it possible?

Maybe.

But maybe was all I needed, because I knew that if I didn’t try, I would regret it forever. And I’d already spent far too long letting regrets taint me.