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Authors: Nicola Haken

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BOOK: Broken
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I walk into Mike’s office wondering if James
will
show up today. Part of me hopes he doesn’t. If Ed has anything to do with it the whole damn building will know about Saturday before lunch. The other part of me, the stronger and possibly foolish part, can’t wait to see him again.

 

Chapter Six

 

~James~

 

 

Pausing
outside the revolving glass doors to Holden House, I clear my throat and straighten my tie. Max tried to convince me to take a few days off but I refuse. This is
my
company. It relies on me, and I won’t let my people, or my father, down.

Offering my usual greeting to security, and then Jane on reception, I stride towards the lifts. People filter inside the lift as it stops on various floors and I’m sure I receive some questionable glances. Ignoring them, I look straight ahead until I reach the thirteenth floor.

I head straight to Mike Nolan’s office, looking at my watch. I’m late for his weekly briefing and I consider skipping it, but I can’t. Sitting in on every department meeting each Monday is not only a colossal waste of my time but also an increasing burden as the business continues to grow. But, it’s how my father did things. He thought it vital to connect personally with all levels of staff, show his support. Communication builds trust, understanding, and work ethic, which are essential for a company to thrive. That’s what he used to say anyway. I, however, think it eats into valuable time I could be spending on more important things.

The meeting has already begun by the time I reach his office. I’m glad, because it means I don’t have to talk to him beforehand. Arms folded across my chest, I stand at the back of the room. A few people turn at my arrival but the only person I’m interested in is Theodore. He hasn’t seen me yet, and he doesn’t until the redhead nudges his shoulder and blatantly nods to where I stand.

Dick
.

He looks almost amused, the redhead, and I wonder if he knows about Theodore and I, or maybe he’s reliving what happened on my birthday. I think I remember seeing him there, but I can’t trust my recollections of that night. Narrowing my eyes, I glower at him. He soon looks away.

My focus turns back to Theodore and I feel a stab of disappointment that he’s not looking at me. I suspect he’s thinking about me, however, because he’s staring at his feet rather than Mike who’s addressing the room.

I spent the whole of yesterday telling myself to leave him alone, to go back to a time when I didn’t know he existed. He doesn’t know what he’s getting into with me and he deserves better. Nobody should get close to me. I’m too much. Too broken. Life is better alone. I like it that way. Solitude is addictive. Once you discover how peaceful it is, you no longer want or need to deal with people anymore. It’s why I keep my distance from Max, but unfortunately for him he’s genetically programmed to love me. Theodore isn’t. He has a choice and he should choose to have nothing to do with me. He
has
to, because I’m not strong enough to push him away.

Maybe, after Saturday, he’ll make the right decision. Perhaps he already has and that’s why he won’t look at me. But…what if…what if Saturday was just a blip? What if I’m not as sick as they think I am? I’m not crazy. It was the alcohol that caused me to behave like that. I’m not supposed to drink to excess and I
know
that.

These questions continue to burn a hole in my head throughout the meeting, contradicting everything I’m trying so hard to force myself to believe. I feel so much better lately. I can’t tell anyone that of course because they’ll accuse me of being manic. But they don’t live in my head. They don’t
know
how I’m feeling. Maybe it’s
their
fault, the doctors, my brother, that I’ve never felt good enough for anyone. They’re so intent on labelling me, insisting that I’m ‘not well’. They don’t want me to be happy. If I am, I’m sick. If I’m sad, I’m sick. They want me to live as a fucking robot and I’ve complied…until now.

What if they’re wrong? What if I
do
have a right to be happy? What if I
can
be what Theodore deserves? I’ve never even contemplated a relationship before, not just because I’ve been convinced that I’m a burden to anyone who gets too close, but because it’s never interested me.

But Theodore…

I can’t stop thinking about him. Wanting him.
They
don’t want me to
feel
. They’ve kept my system pumped with drugs, tablets that block all my emotions, for years. They don’t want me to
live
, merely exist, and I’ve allowed it. But Theodore’s broken through. He makes me
feel
again and…and I like it. I like the flickers of hope in my chest when he smiles, the bubbles of excitement in my stomach when he laughs, even the guilt I feel when I piss him off. They’re emotions I haven’t felt in such a long time and I crave more of them, crave
him
, crave
life.

So when the meeting ends and his team disperse from the office, I do the very thing I’ve been telling myself not to since the early hours of Sunday morning. I step in front of Theodore, blocking his path. He tilts his head to the side, his expression quizzical as he looks up at me with caution.

“Can I have a word? In my office.”

He hesitates and I watch his Adam’s apple move slowly up and down his throat. My tongue itches to dart out and lick it, but I don’t. “Sure.”

Stepping aside, I extend my arm so he can pass. I walk behind him, admiring the way his grey pants hug his perfectly sculpted arse. I need to stop thinking about that so I overtake him, leading the way. We ride the lift alone and he keeps his gaze on the doors, while mine is fixed on him. He seems nervous. I thought we were past that. I thought he’d grown immune to my bullshit.

“I haven’t said anything,” Theodore rushes out as soon as we step into my office. I shut the door behind us and twist the blinds closed on the glass wall separating Helen’s office from mine.

“Said anything?” I question, perching on the edge of my desk.

“About Saturday. Isn’t that why I’m here? People are talking, but it didn’t come from me.”

“That’s not why I want to talk to you.” Although that
does
explain the strange looks I’ve been getting. “I asked you here so I could thank you, and apologise.”

“Apologise?”

“You shouldn’t have had to see me like that, and you certainly didn’t have to stick around. But you did, and I want you to know I appreciate it.”

Theodore looks uncertain. He assesses my face, his brow creased. “Are you trying to get me to have sex with you again?” He sounds almost annoyed.

“Is that all you think I see in you? A quick fuck?”

He shrugs and it riles me. “Isn’t it? It seems as soon as you’ve got what you wanted from me you go straight back to being a jerk.”

Ouch.
That stings, but he’s absolutely right and it makes me sigh. Maybe I can’t do this after all. I’m already hurting him and I didn’t even realise. “I’m sorry. That’s all I have to offer.”

He stares at me with an expression I can’t decipher. I don’t know what I expect him to say but I want him to say
something
. Anything.

“I wish I could stay away from you.”

Okay, maybe I didn’t want him to say
that
.

Standing up, I walk tentatively towards him until our chests are just inches apart. “Why?” I breathe.

“You…you scare me.”

Whoa.
My head swims. My chest aches. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me, Theodore.”

He’s so close I can feel his breath on my face. “I’m not. Not really. I just…” he trails off, closing his eyes while dragging in a deep breath. “I don’t understand you. I think I
want
to sometimes, but…”

I move in on him, placing my hands on his hips. “But?”

“But…I sense a darkness in you. Danger. I don’t know you. Not really. I think you’re hiding, and I’m scared that if I find you, I won’t be able to handle it.”

My pulse thuds violently in my ears with each deep rise and fall of my chest. “You see all that?”

I stare into his vivid green eyes, my forehead pleated in bewilderment. He
sees
me. I’ve known it all along. I don’t know how or why, but he
does
.

And he’s still here.

“Am I right?” he asks, his lips so close to mine I can almost taste them. “Are you hiding, James?”

Yes
. I’m not brave enough to say the word aloud so I kiss him instead. His face crumples as if he’s in pain but he doesn’t resist. I take it slow, gentle. Softly, I trace the edges of his lips with my tongue, my hands twisting into his short hair. He allows it, but doesn’t reciprocate.

“Tell me to stop, and I will,” I whisper into his mouth.

“Don’t stop,” he murmurs, his breath catching.

Smiling, I dip my tongue between his lips, grazing his teeth as I push him backwards until his back hits the door. Reaching behind him, I twist the lock and start unbuttoning his shirt with my other hand.

His hands clamp down on my shoulders and I break away from our kiss and start kissing and licking the exposed skin of his chest. His head falls back and he groans as my impatient fingers start tugging at the zip on his pants. Dropping to my knees, I pull his pants down with me, burying my face in his groin, his hard cock slapping my cheek.

I haven’t tasted him before and I salivate at the thought. I don’t tease him, don’t take my time. I can’t. I need him too badly. Moistening my lips, I wrap them around his tip, taking him straight to the back of my throat.

“Oh my God,” he moans, arching his hips.

I’d smile, but my mouth is full and I don’t want to empty it until I’ve swallowed everything he has to offer. Cupping his balls, I roll them between my fingers, tugging them gently as I drag my lips up and down his shaft over and over again.

Holy fuck.
A burst of pre-cum dances on my tongue and I groan against his delicious dick, revelling in the fact the vibrations make him quiver. Desperate to feel him pulsate in my mouth, I add my hand, squeezing the base and dragging it up and down in rhythm with my lips. His cock starts to twitch and his hips thrust as he forces himself deeper.

“Ah shit, James.”

My name on his lips ignites fireworks in my chest and I suck harder, stroke faster, until his legs start to wobble and he grabs my shoulders for support. With every withdraw, I flick his tip with my tongue and I feel him growing closer. His cock jerks, the taste of him intensifies, and his breaths are short, strained. His head knocks against the door at the exact moment he spills into my mouth. I keep sucking, swirling his warm load around in my mouth, savouring every drop before swallowing and slowly, reluctantly, easing my lips off him.

For a moment, I just stare at his swollen cock, admiring the glistening tip. A tiny drop of cum leaks from it and my tongue darts out, catching it before it falls.

Smiling proudly, I rise to my feet and palm his flushed cheek with my hand. Leaning in, I lick his lips, my dick throbbing at the knowledge he’s tasting himself.

I kiss a trail up to his ear and whisper, “I have a meeting in an hour. I need you to pick up the relevant documents from accounts.”

He angles his neck so he can see me, his brow furrowed in confusion. “You don’t want anything?”

A sly grin creeps onto my face. “That was about
you
. I want you to know I don’t just use you for my own pleasure. Well, maybe I did the first time, but I’m not as selfish as you think I am.”

“I-I don’t think that.”

“Yes you do.”

He opens his mouth to reply but I place my finger over his lips. “I need those documents.”

“S-sure,” he stutters, his expression stunned and oddly adorable. “I’ll get right on it.”

Still grinning, I turn for my desk. “You might want to pull up your pants first.”

“R-right. Yeah.”

Taking a seat behind my desk, I sit back in my chair, clasping my hands together as I watch Theodore straighten himself up. He dresses swiftly and offers a small, somewhat bemused, nod before unlocking the door and leaving my office.

I’m so fucking happy right now. It’s an emotion I’d almost forgotten and I refuse to let it go.

 

**********

 

Sliding my waning dick out of Theodore’s mouth, I sigh. “I really need to get going,” I say, grabbing the headrest of the backseat of my car to pull myself into a sitting position. “Max is expecting me.”

Theodore wipes his mouth on the back of his hand while I fasten my pants and belt.

I smile, but he doesn’t return it. “What’s wrong?” I ask, reaching out to touch his arm.

He shrugs, staring down at the foot-well between the seats. “I don’t know if this is what I want.”

My breath catches in my throat and for a second it feels like my lungs are paralysed. “What do you mean?”

“What is this, James? What are we doing?”

I’m confused, and I’m sure it shows on my face. “I think they call it oral sex in the back of a car.” I know that’s not the answer he’s looking for, but I just want the serious look on his face to disappear.

BOOK: Broken
11.09Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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