Broken (3 page)

Oh God.
Stinky Steve. I’ve only had two relationships in my life, each lasting six weeks, and the last being with Steve. I’ve never been interested in casual, which makes serious relationships difficult when most other people in their twenties live to have fun and fuck around. He didn’t smell
that
bad, and he was a good guy…until I caught him in bed with the lad who lived next door to him.

Maybe that’s why I write romance. I’m a dreamer at heart. If I can’t have it in real life, I’ll live it on paper instead.

“I can’t help it. I feel like a slut.”

“You used protection, right?”

“He did. I shot it elsewhere.”

Tess’ face morphs into a revolted expression. “See, this is why I like girls. Less messy.”

We stay quiet for a while and I decide I need painkillers before my brain detonates inside my skull. I haul myself up and walk the four steps to the kitchen area, plucking a box of aspirin from the cabinet.

Tess follows and puts our empty mugs in the sink with a clatter that makes me wince from the pain in my head. “Put it behind you and move on. You’ll probably never see him again anyway.”

The words stab into my chest and it aches more than it should. I hadn’t finished looking for his story, too distracted by the unfathomable power he had over me. But I can’t stop thinking about those eyes. They held a level of pain I’d never witnessed before. Pain so intense I couldn’t even begin to unravel the tale behind it in the short space of time I had with him. Now, I never will, and I find myself filled with a bizarre sense of regret.

“We’ll stop at the lake on the way to my mum’s tomorrow,” I say, forcing a subject change.

The only thing I really miss about living in Rochdale is my regular two and a half mile run around Hollingworth Lake. I still try to do it once a month before going to my mum’s for Sunday dinner, though. If it were up to me I’d go every week but it’s not worth the earache from Tess. It’s a stunning place. There’s a path which winds right around the water and takes you through a trail of trees and breath taking scenery. I need that right now. I need to focus on a different kind of beauty than the man whose face won’t leave my head. I need to run until all I can focus on is the burn in my lungs rather than the sting in my arse I feel today. It’s uncomfortable, and worse than that, it’s a constant reminder of the night I want to forget.

“Ugh. Please don’t make me,” Tess grumbles. “I still haven’t recovered from last time.”

“That’s even more reason to run tomorrow. You need to keep it up and each time will get easier.”

“You’ve been saying that for the last three years.”

“And for three years you’ve got over your bad mood and done it, just like you will tomorrow.”

Tess scowls at me. “I hope you choke on your aspirin,” she says as I swish the soluble tablets around in a glass of water.

Wincing at the bitter taste, I drink them down in three gulps and slam the empty glass down on the counter. “I’m going back to bed.”

And I don’t plan on crawling back out of it until tomorrow.

~James~

When
three AM rolls around, I close the word doc. I’m working on and decide to check the emails I’ve been ignoring for over a week. Amidst the four hundred, or so, business correspondences I see several from my older brother, Max. They contain nothing important, just general nonsense about his day. It’s his not so subtle way of checking up on me to make sure I’m coping with the death of our father three months ago. I’m doing just fine. I have no choice since taking over his position as the head of Holden House. I don’t have time to grieve when I have a staff of over three hundred people relying on me.

I close his emails and move on to the others. I can’t reply to Max at this time of the night. If he finds out I’ve not been sleeping lately he’ll be on my arse faster than a fly on shit. I work through the others for the next couple of hours and finish by composing an email to Helen, my PA, asking her to make the necessary arrangements to bring Tuesday’s meeting forward to this afternoon.

We’ve recently acquired a new contract with one of the biggest selling magazines in Europe. Predominantly a fiction publishing house, this could be a huge game changer for us and I’m planning a complete restructure of my employees as well as extending the building and employing a team of new recruits. I expect some opposition, but my father trusted me to keep the business that’s been in our family for four generations alive, to help it grow, and the only way to do that is to take risks and diversify.

I’m grateful when I hear my seven AM alarm sound on my mobile. It means I can finally stop pacing my vast living room and get ready for work. I like being alone, life is easier that way, but when it’s coupled with phases of insomnia the nights seem longer and insanely boring.

Stepping in the shower, I take extra time to lather the soap into my heavily tattooed arms, and then shave the scruff off my face that has appeared during the night. I think I’ve passed an hour but as I walk out of the bathroom, naked and running a towel through my dark hair, I see on the clock it’s only been twenty minutes.

Fuck it
, I think. I will just go into work early. Heading into my bedroom, I dress quickly, fixing my father’s cufflinks in place on my white shirt before shrugging into one of my tailored black jackets. I grab my suitcase and keys on the way out of my apartment and don’t remember I haven’t eaten breakfast until I’m already in my car. I consider stopping somewhere to pick up food but decide I’m not hungry and turn on the radio instead.

A small smile teases my lips when my ears meet the sound of
Maybe Tomorrow
by the Stereophonics blasting through the speakers, so loud, my seat vibrates. I think back to the cute guy who sang an almost unintelligible version of it on Friday night before I fucked him over a toilet. I don’t usually give my shags a second thought, but this one has stuck. There was an intensity in his stare that I can’t seem to forget, almost as if he saw deeper than what I was offering. Like, somehow, he saw
me
.

I shake my head at the ridiculous notion. He was a random fuck in a long line of many and I need to stop reading into it. Ideally, by plunging my dick into another eager arse as soon as possible.

After pulling into the nearest car park, a few streets away from my building, I pull out my phone and listen to my voicemails as I walk the rest of the way.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I say to no one while listening to a message from Helen, telling me her daughter is sick and she can’t come into work. Thanks to the law protecting working parents, there’s sod all I can do about it except scowl at every person I walk past as I near Holden House.

The building is all steel and glass and I walk inside without bothering to give my usual ‘Good morning,’ to the security guy on the door. I’m in a bad mood. The kind that balloons in your stomach and makes you feel nauseous from the amount of hatred you feel for the whole damn world.

I see a guy with red hair waiting by the lifts and it surprises me that I’m not the first person here. He has his back to me but he’s vaguely familiar. The lift opens and he steps inside, and when he turns around I’m pretty sure I’ve fucked him before. In my office, if I remember correctly.

I follow him inside and he offers a nervous smile before staring down at his feet. I chew on the corner of my lip, trying to remember his name, but it’s nowhere to be found. “How are you with emails?” The question rolls off my tongue without my permission.

He looks up at me with a confused expression and my eyes zoom in on his I.D. badge.
Edward Walsh
. I don’t recognise the name and decide I probably wasn’t interested enough to ask when I bent him over my desk.

“Um…” He draws his eyebrows together. “I know how to email. Doesn’t everybody?”

Straightening my tie, I look straight ahead, refusing eye-contact with him. “Good. You’re my PA for the rest of the day.”

“Um…”

“Is that a problem?”

“N-no,” he stutters.

I get the feeling I’m intimidating him. I like that. It means he’ll do whatever I ask. “Be in my office in twenty minutes.”

The doors open on the marketing floor and Edward steps out without looking back. I carry on up to the top floor and make my way straight to my desk where I pull up my emails and reply to my brother. I type out an insincere apology, tell him I’ve been busy securing the new contract, and that I’ll visit him and his family soon. I’ve been saying that for two months now and it makes me sigh when I hit send, knowing I can’t put it off much longer.

Edward’s knock sounds on my door fifteen minutes later. He’s early. Again, I like that.

“Come in,” I call, proffering my hand towards the leather chair on the opposite side of my walnut desk when he enters. “Here are Helen’s access codes,” I say, sliding a brown document pouch over to him. “I need you to draw up an email and circulate it to every department head right away. You’ll find instructions from me in Helen’s inbox.”

“Okay,” he mutters, running a finger along the inside of his collar. He’s flustered, causing a rush of heat to gather around his neck.

I let my eyes roam down his body and they hover over the bulge in his crotch. He must notice because he shifts nervously in his seat, clearing his throat. If he performs well today, I might just thank him with a little performance of my own later.

“Run along,” I say with a shoo of my hand. I’m a patronising arsehole but I love how easy it is to make this guy blush.

Scooping the document wallet from the desk, Edward stands and scurries out of the room. My dick is already twitching at the thought of being buried in his tight little arse as I watch him walk away, and I hope the day passes quickly so I can reward him.

Several hours later my meeting plays out pretty much like I expected. I see a few anxious faces and hear some opposition from people unwilling to move departments. I need to find out where I stand legally before I can tell them to either suck it up or resign so, after dismissing my team, I tell Edward to arrange an appointment with my solicitor and a union rep.

He’s done well today. He’s impressed me repeatedly, especially with the PowerPoint presentation he created for the meeting without being asked. His initiative definitely deserves praise, and as I hand him my Dictaphone containing letters I need typing up, I brush my hand against his arse in a way that can be explained as accidental if I see any hint of a sexual harassment complaint flicker in his eyes. When he bites his lip, I take it as a green light and give him a taste of what’s to come, moulding my palm to his arse cheek and squeezing firmly.

My PA’s office is adjoined to mine, separated by a glass wall with vertical blinds. I’ve left them open today to keep an eye on Edward, and a little while later, I’m on the phone to HR dealing with the first of likely many complaints about today’s announcement, when, for the first time in my life, my breath catches in my throat.

“I’ll call you back,” I say into the receiver, slamming it down without waiting for a reply.

He’s here. The guy responsible for massacring one of my favourite Stereophonics tracks. The guy who didn’t utter a single word while I wanked him off against a bathroom wall. The guy I can’t get out of my damn mind. The guy whose eyes chipped the iron walls of my soul. He’s here. In Edward’s office, talking to him like he knows him.

Does he work for me?
I think, just as my phone starts ringing. Edward has his phone against his ear so I suspect it’s him. “Yes?”

“I have a contract here for JD Simmons. Shall I bring it through now?”

“You have work to do. Send in your friend.” As soon as I finish speaking I wonder why I’ve said it. I want to see this man again and it confuses me.

I watch with intrigue as Edward passes on my message and the guy I can’t forget shrugs before strolling over to the shared door between our offices, clearly unaware of who he’s about to meet. His disinterested gaze disappears the moment he lifts his head and his eyes lock onto my face.

For a moment, he just stares, his stubbled jaw slightly agape, and all I can think about is driving my tongue into the gap between his lips.

“I, um, I was told to give this to you,” he says, his voice low, barely there. He hands me a folder and I hold it between my fingers, lingering for just a second, connecting me to him. “Apparently the author only deals with you.”

“What’s your name?” I ask, ignoring him as I take the file. I make a point of angling my arm so my wrist brushes against his knuckles and I feel it all the way to my dick. My brain tells me to look at his I.D. badge but my eyes refuse to leave his face.

He’s a stunning man; brown hair with soft highlights that I suspect come from a bottle, vivid green eyes, and just enough stubble on his face to drive me insane as I imagine it grating against my balls while I fuck his mouth.

“I assume you have one?” I press, after several seconds of silence.

“Theodore Davenport. My friends call me Theo.
You
can call me Theodore.”

So he
does
have a voice?
A sarcastic one at that. It turns me the hell on. “Like the chipmunk?” I say with an amused smile.

I get the reaction I’m pushing for – a delicious scowl. “Original,” he mutters, thoroughly unimpressed.

“And which department do you work in,
Theodore?
”

“I’m an office junior down in marketing. Just started last week.” His voice gains more confidence with every word.

“A junior? How old are you?”

“Old enough to know I don’t need to answer your questions unless they’re business related.”

It’s like we’re children in a staring contest, and as with any challenge, I accept, and I win. Eventually he gives in first and blinks, holding his eyes closed for a little longer than necessary.

“You weren’t this fiery on Friday,” I say, purposely goading him for no other reason than I’m an arse.

“I was drunk,” he says, his pink cheeks betraying his conviction. “That won’t happen again.”

It will
. “Of course. Anything else I can help you with?”
Like maybe the erection you’re sporting?

“No. That’s it,” he says, yet he’s still standing in front of me.

“If you’re waiting for me to open the door for you, I’m not that much of a gentleman.”

He turns a whole new shade of red as he coughs into his fist and turns sharply on his heels. I stare after him until the door closes, with a smile on my face that I just can’t seem to wipe away. It’s unusual for me to be so attracted to a guy and I decide it must be because I didn’t savour him for long enough. One more night, in a bed, taking my time, will erase my fascination with him I’m sure.

I stand by my floor to ceiling window, looking out onto the city while I wait for the business to finish shutting down for the day. I’m the head of this building, responsible for hundreds of people, yet I feel so small up here, watching the world go by beneath me. I mean nothing to a single one of the thousands of people hurrying along the pavements below. Sometimes I wonder if I mean anything to anybody. If I do, I shouldn’t. I’m a selfish bastard.

I turn at the sound of a knock on my door, followed immediately by Edward strolling straight into my office without permission.

It riles me and my expression surely shows it. “I’m busy,” I snap, feeling a small stab of guilt when Edward’s gaze drops to the floor.

“Oh,” he all but whispers. “I just thought, I mean everyone’s left so…never mind.”

I sigh deeply through my nose, annoyed with myself for being an unnecessary twat. “I have a headache,” I lie. It’s the nearest to an apology I can muster. “But I’ll see you tomorrow. Helen needs a few extra days before she can come back.”

A twinkle of hope glistens in his eyes and it makes me wonder if I should find someone else to assist me tomorrow.

“Sure. See you tomorrow.” He smiles as he walks away and I try to return it but the muscles in my face seem to have broken.

Once alone, I switch off the lights to the top floor and lock up my office, briefcase in hand, before beginning the five-minute walk to my car. I see Theodore standing next to a Ford Fiesta, that’s probably older than he is, as I approach the car park. That inexplicable tightening occurs in my throat again at the sight of him, but I force myself to ignore it and climb into my Mercedes.