Can't Let Go - A Contemporary BWWM Romance (4 page)

   
Startled and laughing, she
began, “Well, apparently he cheated on her and he really regrets it. He said
she was an amazing girlfriend.”

LaLa
winced, knowing she had not told me what I was expecting to hear.

   
“Interesting,” I said. I got
lost in my own thoughts for a few minutes as I tried to erase my mental image
of a bitchy, snooty Ayla Giovanni and replace it with a kinder, gentler Ayla.
As hard as it was, I finally wrapped my mind around the thought of Ayla as
someone I could see myself befriending in another life, under different
circumstances.

   
My mind gradually flashed
back to my
two year
anniversary with Antoine. The
newness of our relationship had long worn off, and I was struggling to keep
some kind of pilot light going in hopes that someday the spark would return to
our mundane relationship. Antoine craved the comfort and stability of a
long-term relationship, while I was still trying to figure out what I even
wanted to do with my life.

Antoine
always took care of me. He was my biggest advocate. When I announced to my
parents that I wanted to go to nursing school a week after announcing I wanted
to be a real estate agent, Antoine stuck up for me. When I got the bright
notion to make extra money by donating blood, Antoine did the research for me
to make sure it was safe and worthwhile. When I had a long day at work, I knew
I could come home and count on Antoine to be there with dinner on the table and
my favorite movie already in the Blu Ray player.

He
was everything anyone could’ve wanted, but the relationship bored me to tears
at times. There was no drama. No chaos. No rollercoaster of emotions. It was
too safe.
Too predictable.

   
Part of me felt guilty for
staying with Antoine, for keeping him all to myself. He made me happy in the
most self-centered of ways, and I knew deep down I didn’t truly appreciate him.
I felt like I was hoarding him away for my personal, selfish needs when I knew
there was someone out there who would love him the way he loved me.

   
Then I met Jake. Jake was
dashing, charismatic, intelligent and lit a fire under me like no one had
before. He made me feel alive for the first time in over two years, and I
realized how much I missed that. Poor Antoine; he never saw it coming. Although
the Jake thing lasted a mere three weeks, it was life altering. Sometimes I
think that if it weren’t for meeting Jake, I’d still be with Antoine living my
Groundhog’s Day life over and over again, day in and day out.

   
When I broke the news to
Antoine that it was over, he didn’t cry at first. He admitted that he didn’t
see it coming, but he didn’t cry. He asked if it was something he did, and he
wanted to know why I was unhappy. I couldn’t give him an answer. I couldn’t
give myself an answer. Antoine was the perfect boyfriend, and I didn’t know why
I couldn’t make it work.

   
“Rashida, I’ve never met
anyone as fickle as you,” my mother said when I told her what I had done. “When
are you finally going to know what you want?”

   
I thought of my two older
brothers. They were happily married and well educated, each with two children.
My parents adored them and my father constantly praised each of them for their
“stick-to-itiveness.”

   
“Preston knew he wanted to be
an attorney since he was in middle school. He graduated from college and went
straight into law school. Alston knew he wanted to be a politician and he’s now
on the city council,” my father would always remind me.

   
Preston and Alston were
fraternal twins and older than me by six years. We weren’t exactly close, and
growing up I hated living in their shadows. I never considered myself one of
those lucky people who always knew what they wanted to be when they grew up. I
was constantly looking for something to ignite my inner flame, flitting from
one dream to the next.
.I
doubted I’d ever lived in
the present, and maybe that was the reason behind my constant malcontent.

   
I went for a jog with LaLa on
Sunday morning. It was our tradition to do two laps around Clover Lake each
weekend, and the weather was amazing. I lost myself in the reflection of the
sky in the water and welcomed the distraction. Hardly a minute had gone by in
the last few days when I didn’t think about Antoine and what might have been.

   
“You’re so quiet. It’s weird.
It’s not like you at all,” LaLa said between breaths.

   
“A lot on my mind,” I said.

   
“Antoine? Still?”

   
“What do you think?”

   
“Liv, I love you, but get
over it. Move on with your life. He did.” LaLa jogged ahead of me. It was rare
to annoy her, and I’d apparently succeeded with flying colors.

   
I caught up with her a few
seconds later and motioned to a park bench, “I’m sorry if this is hard for you
to understand.”

   
“You’re right. I don’t
understand it,” LaLa heaved as she took a swig from her bright green water
bottle. “Antoine was so good to you. Do you realize how rare guys like Antoine
are anymore? And you threw him away, like you were just done with him.”

   
I didn’t know what to say.
LaLa was right.

   
“You broke his heart, and now
you want to come back into his life like nothing happened. He’s happy now,
Rashida. Don’t ruin it for him.” Her eyes pleaded with me to listen. “You’re my
best friend, but he’s such a nice person.”

   
My phone started to vibrate
in my pocket. I reached down to pull it out but didn’t recognize the number.

   
“Hello?”

   
“Rashida?” he said. “This is
Kevin Harris.”

   
“Kevin!”

   
“I hope you don’t mind, but I
looked you up in the system and found your number. I just wanted to apologize
for the other night,” he said.

   
“Apologize?” I said. “We were
the ones who stepped into a crime scene. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

   
“Either way,” he said. “I
know this is sort of out of the blue, but I was wondering if maybe you’d like
to have dinner with me some night soon?”

   
“Dinner? Okay. That’s fine,”
I said. I tried not to act overly enthused, but on the inside I was reeling.

   
“Actually, I know this is
late notice, but are you available tonight at all?” he asked.

   
“I think I can switch a few
things around and make it work. Where were you thinking?”

   
“Well, if you like Italian, I
was thinking maybe Zestos on Third?” he answered.

   
“Seven?” I asked.

   
“I’ll pick you up,” he said.

   
“Wait. How do you know where
I live?”

   
“Same way I know your phone
number, I guess,” he said with a bit of a chuckle.

   
“Oh,” I said, feeling a
little dumb. People in his line of work probably had access to all kinds of
information. That or he was extremely resourceful.

   
I hung up the phone and turned
to tell LaLa my good news, but she was already gone. I looked up the path, and
she was easily a quarter of a mile ahead. I got up, stretched for a second, and
continued my jog. It was all I could do.

   
I started thinking about what
I was going to wear on my date with Kevin. I started thinking about how random
it was that we met the way we did and how strange it was that we were going on
a date now. What were the odds?

   
An hour later, I walked in
the door of the apartment. LaLa had already been home and was showering. I went
to my bedroom and ransacked my closet for something to wear that night.

   
“Liv?” LaLa stood in my
doorway in her white velour robe, hair in a towel fashioned into a turban. “I’m
sorry I got mad earlier. I just don’t understand, I guess.”

   
“It’s okay,” I said. “I know
you don’t understand. I don’t even understand any of it.”

   
LaLa smiled. I could tell she
was relieved. She hated any kind of tension or conflict, which was probably why
we rarely fought.

   
“Kevin called and asked me on
a date,” I said. “It’s tonight at seven.”

   
“That’s great,” LaLa said.
“I’m actually going on a solo date tonight with Demarius.”

   
“Ayla’s ex, Demarius?”

   
“Yeah, he asked. It’s better
than staying home alone,” LaLa said.

   
“Well, we can get ready
together. It’ll be fun,” I said. “Just like our college days.”

   
LaLa retreated to her room,
and I continued to search for something perfect to wear.

   
As I hopped in the shower, I
started having second thoughts about this date. Kevin and Ayla were neighbors.
If Kevin and I started dating, that would mean I’d probably be over to his
place on a regular basis. If I
was
over to his place,
I’d definitely run into Ayla and/or Antoine at some point. If I ran into Ayla
and Antoine, Antoine might think I was stalking him. I was definitely
over-thinking the whole thing, but I couldn’t help it.

   
Five o’clock rolled around,
and LaLa and I turned on some music and started getting ready for our
respective dates. I had the dresser with the big mirror, so we set up camp in
my room. My bed was covered in a wide assortment of makeup and hair products.

   
“Will you do my hair and
makeup?” LaLa asked.

   
“Of course, hon,” I said.
“What would you like to look like tonight? A hooker? A grandma? A teenager? I
can create ‘em all.”

   
“Seriously,” LaLa said. “Just
make me look good. I don’t care what you do.”

   
I began with my favorite
primer,
followed by matte foundation, perfect pink blush,
deep coffee eye shadow, charcoal liner, dramatic mascara and clear lip gloss. I
grabbed my piping hot flat iron and straightened her thick, wavy brown hair
into smooth as glass strands. By the time I was finished, LaLa was a radiant
work of art.

   
“You look gorgeous,” I said.
I stood in awe of my masterpiece. LaLa wasn’t homely by any means, but she
couldn’t do her hair or make up to save her life. As a result, LaLashe tended
to look more natural in her everyday life. There was nothing wrong with that,
but I was proud of her for stepping up her game for her big date.

   
She stood in front of the big
mirror, staring at herself. A smile began to crack from the corners of her
mouth. She turned her head to the left, then to the right. She swung her hair
back and forth. “Wow. I should have you do this for me every day.”

   
“Okay, now it’s my turn. He’s
going to be here soon,” I said. I grabbed my makeup bag and recreated a similar
look on myself, though I gave myself some large barrel waves with my curling
iron and finger-combed them to loosen them up a bit
       
I slipped on my favorite
pair of skinny jeans, black Louboutin heels and a slinky, cream sleeveless top.
Three squirts of my best perfume and I was ready to go.

   
“He’s here,” LaLa said from
the next room.

   
My heart began to race. I
rechecked my makeup. I could hear their voices from the living room. I
scrambled to find my clutch and make sure I had everything I needed. Then I
collected myself and walked out to greet my date.

   
I walked into the room to find
LaLa’s arms wrapped around him in a friendly hug. I was a little annoyed, but
knowing LaLa, it was perfectly innocent. As he turned to face me, I realized it
wasn’t Kevin. It was actually Demarius. That was the “he” to whom LaLa was
referring.

   
“Demarius, this is my
roommate and best friend, Rashida,” LaLa said.

   
“Nice to meet you,” Demarius
replied. He seemed nice enough and looked like most of the guys LaLa tended to
go for. He was tall and lanky with short black hair and golden, hazel eyes. She
could never control herself around those
hazel eyed
charmers.

   
“Yes, nice to meet you. Where
are you two headed?”

   
“I’m taking her for a round
of mini-golf at Green Sky, then for a sushi dinner at Taki,” he said.

Green
Sky was the most romantic mini-golf joint in town. It was on the roof of the
tallest building in Harrisville and virtually kid-free on the weekends. Taki
wasn’t a cheap place for dinner, either. He was really trying to impress her.

   
“You two have a great night,”
I said.

   
“Thanks,” Demarius said. He
had his hand on LaLa’s lower back as he ushered her out the door. The entire
time, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Good for them.