Captured Innocence (CSA Case Files) (27 page)

“Lauren!” Connor cried out, jet after jet of his cum shooting into the rubber. 

He was so fucked.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

“No.”

Lauren tightened her fingers on the mug, hoping like hell she didn’t crack it.  Her anger was rising and Connor was acting as if she were being irrational.  If he wanted to see what irrational looked like, he was one more word away.  It was time to lay their cards on the table and she already knew that she held the losing hand. 

“Why not?  Did you run it by Crest?”

“I don’t need to run it by Crest,” Connor said, sitting on the stool in front of the island.  “I’m not taking you to either club.  I can’t have you in danger.”

“In danger?  Let’s be honest.  The case has nothing to do with why you won’t take me to a club.” 
Lauren didn’t need to ask if he was going to play with some of the submissives in attendance.  The only threat she was in was of losing her heart.  She feared the worst.  Already, an ache started to blossom in the center of her chest over what she was about to do.  “I don’t want this to be casual anymore.”

Lauren held her breath.  Connor had been looking down at his coffee and her words seemed to paralyze him.  If the ache hadn’t just spread to an all out stabbing pain, her sob might have made it through.  She just went all in and knew she’d lost everything.

“That’s what we agreed on.”

His words came out measured and Lauren had to bite her lip to
keep from begging him to look at her.  Connor was staring at his coffee as if it were a buoy in the middle of the ocean.  What she didn’t understand was that after the time they spent together, why he didn’t feel the same. 

“I know what we agreed on, but that was before —”

“Before what, Lauren?” Connor asked, his words lashing at her as he finally raised his head.  His blue eyes were like ice and she felt the cold all the way down to her very being.  “What you feel during those scenes is not what you think.  That’s why I gave you all week to assimilate what took place.  We’ve known each other for what?  Three or four weeks?  That’s nothing.”

“Do not sit there and condescend to me,” Lauren said, raising her voice.  “My body might respond to you telling me what to do in a scene, but
I’ll be damned if I’ll let you sit there and tell me how I feel.  As for knowing you for only a limited period, who the hell said there was a specific time for someone to know whether or not they want something more serious than a quick fuck?”

Conn
or shoved his coffee away, the black liquid sloshing over the sides.  He stood.  Was this it?  Was this where he walked out?

Knock-knock.

Connor’s phone dinged the minute someone knocked on the door.  Lauren slammed her coffee down as well.  Damn it!  While he dug his phone out of his pocket, she stomped to the door.

“Don’t answer —”

Lauren threw the door open and heard him whisper the word
fuck
.  She knew that she had whipped the door open partly to irritate him, knowing that he wanted her to check to see who was in the hallway first.  But she wasn’t feeling very gracious at the moment.  Her heart stopped at seeing who was standing in front of her.  Maybe she had fucked up. 

“Joel,” Lauren said, pasting a smile on her face.  “What are you doing here?”

“You left a box at the club and since I was driving past your building anyway, thought I’d drop it off.”  Lauren felt her stomach sink when Joel’s eyes focused on something over her shoulder — more like someone.  “Whoa.  Didn’t mean to interrupt anything.”

A million excuses ran through her mind as to why Connor would be in her apartment.  Parallel to those thoughts
was why Joel was at her front door.  She didn’t believe that he was here to deliver a box.  A shiver of alarm ran through her and she wished she hadn’t been so hasty in her decision to just throw open the door. 

“Joel,” Connor said in greeting.  She tried to hide her surprise when she felt Connor’s hand wrap around her waist.  “I was just trying to convince Lauren to come to the club with me tonight.  After
meeting her last night, one thing led to another and…well, you know how things go.”

“I always knew you had a wild side, Lauren,” Joel said with
wink.  After a moment when no one said anything, he held up the box.  Connor released her, taking it from Joel.  “Kyle’s going to be disappointed.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Lauren responded,
trying to keep her voice light.  She wanted to shift her feet but didn’t want Joel to see her apprehension.  “Playing at home is one thing, but I’m not sure about a club if you know what I mean.”

“Well, Connor knows he’s permitted to bring a guest, but if you want your own membership, all you have to do is ask,” Joel said.

“I’m not sure if I’m willing to share yet, so she’ll remain my guest,” Connor said, his words clipped. 

Lauren felt her anger flare.  There he went again, stressing that he didn’t want her to have a scene with anyone else when that didn’t pertain to him.  Her initial worry of why Joel was really here got pushed aside.  Impulse took over and she retracted her earlier statement.

“You know, maybe I was too hasty,” Lauren said, ignoring Connor’s hand slipping back onto her waist.  She also disregarded the warning of his fingers pressing into her side.  “Do you mind if I’m Connor’s guest tonight?”

The surprise
in Joel’s eyes was evident, but that didn’t stop a smile from appearing on his elongated face.  Lauren caught movement in the hallway and was shocked to see Lach walking their way.  He jiggled some keys, not looking their way as he passed by.  Joel didn’t look twice as Lach headed for the elevators.

“Of course not,” Joel answered.  He glanced at his watch.  “I should be going.  I’m meeting up with an old friend. 
I’ll see you two later tonight.”

Connor was the first to reach for the door and gently closed it shut.  It wasn’t the reaction
Lauren thought he’d have and tensed, waiting for him to argue with her.  Instead, he stepped away from her and pulled his phone back out.  She didn’t even glance at the box that he’d set on the floor. 

“Connor…”

He ignored her plea and held the phone to his ear.  Lauren swiped away a curl that kept falling into her eye.  After such a wonderful night, this was not how she thought her Saturday would end up.  Angry that he wasn’t speaking with her just yet, she walked over to the kitchen where she’d set her coffee down.  Getting a dishtowel, she wiped up the coffee that had spilled over the rim. 

“Crest, Lach is following Joel to a meeting.  I’m staying with Lauren and she’s coming with me to the club this evening.”  Connor paused and Lauren knew that Crest was speaking.  Was he also asking how this plan arose
and giving it his blessing or was he going to put a stop to it?  “He stopped by with a box Lauren had left at Masters last night.  I got Lach’s text too late.  She’d already opened the door.”

Lauren watched as Connor walked across her living room and into her bedroom.  Apparently, he wanted privacy to finish his phone call.  She leaned her elbows on the counter and held her head.  What the hell had she done?

* * * *

  Connor sat on the edge of the bed, his forearms braced on his knees.  He felt the air shift and knew she’d entered the bedroom.  She didn’t immediately speak and he used the moment to gather what sanity he had left.  Lauren certainly knew how to drive a man crazy.  Jax had warned him about redheads, but had he listened?  Hell, no.  And wasn’t it Jax who’d actually got him into this mess to begin with.

“Being bound to your kitchen table is a hell of a lot different than being restrained on a St. Andrew’s Cross
in front of people.”  Connor lifted his head, making sure her green eyes were focused on him.  “You can still back out and I can make a cover story for you.  Joel won’t think twice if I tell him that you were too uncomfortable playing in public.”

Lauren didn’t reply right away, as if she were mulling
over his offer of an out.  He prayed she was, because this was going too far.  He’d told Crest that his relationship with Lauren wouldn’t affect the case.  What a fucking liar he was.  She was almost pure innocence standing in front of him.  Connor’s chest hurt and he had to look away.  He knew it was crunch time, but he simply wasn’t ready to walk away from her.

“
It’s not in me for a serious relationship.”

“It’s not like I’m asking for marriage,” Lauren said, her voice soft.  She still hadn’t moved from the doorway.  “But even during casual relationships, I’ve never been one to be promiscuous.  I won’t lower myself to that type of affair now.  You either play with me and me alone for however long this lasts, or we part ways.”

“And what?” Connor asked, a bitterness in his voice that surprised even him.  “You walk away grateful that I’ve erased your fears?”

“You haven’t,” Lauren said, taking a hold of her left wrist.  “
Don’t feel you should take credit.  They just seem to fade with you.  I’m not saying that to boost your ego and it’s certainly not a ploy to get you to commit to me.  It’s the truth.”

Connor shook his head, not knowing what to say.  He didn’t have a lot of faith in women, but on some gut level he knew that Lauren wouldn’t lie to him. 
But this had nothing to do with honesty.  It had to do with human nature and always looking for bigger and better things.

“When you find another Dom who does that for you, you’ll see that I don’t have some special magic.”

“Did I say you did?  Could there be someone else who could make me react like you?”  Lauren finally took a step into the room.  “Probably.  That doesn’t mean I want him.”

“Then what do you want?
” Connor asked, already knowing the answer.  “Forget I asked that.”

“Let me ask you something,” Lauren said, placing her hands on her hips.  Connor knew that stance and finally looked her way.  Her green eyes were shining with anger.  “What is different today than yesterday?  We had a scene.  It was great.  The only exception I have is you playing with other submissives while you are with me.”

“Which changes things from casual to serious.  I can’t do that.”

“
If that’s how you want to view it, fine.  But let’s not sugarcoat things.  It’s not that you can’t, but more along the lines of you won’t.  Is it casual if I’m not allowed to scene with another Dom if I want to?”  Lauren threw up her hands.  “If I went tonight without you and played with Kyle while you had a scene with another woman…what’s the difference?”

“
This is the second time that I’ve heard about Kyle wanting to play with you at the club.  Why didn’t you mention this to me before?”

“Because it’s none of your business
.  That would be the case if things remain casual.”

“Something doesn’t sit right about that, but we’ll come back to it.”  Connor stood and closed the distance between them.  She was so beautiful.
  How many times had Jax warned him that playing at home changes the dynamics of a casual relationship?  He lifted a hand, brushing the back of his fingers across her cheekbone.  “I know that it’s a double standard, but regardless, I was also doing my job.”

“
That’s a cop-out and you know it,” Lauren said, stopping his caress.  She squeezed his fingers.  “You and I both know you played with that submissive to prove that I was nothing.  Did it work?”

Connor ground his teeth together.  Why was he surprised that she would call him out on it?  That was exactly why he played with Brie and he was coming to regret every
swing of that cane.  Had he learned nothing from his past?  He waited until she released his hand, allowing him to continue to touch her.  He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“My mother left my father,” Connor murmured, watching her closely as he revealed a piece of himself.
  He didn’t know why he even spoke of it or why he watched her reaction, but he did all the same.  “It devastated him.  It destroyed him.”

Connor closed his eyes, his words taking him back to that kitchen he’d come to hate.  His father still lived in that house, but it never failed to churn Connor’s stomach when he walked into the small room.

“I was having breakfast when my dad came in, sat down, and told me that she was never coming back.”  He opened his eyes.  “A woman should never have ahold of a man’s soul the way my mother did my father’s.”

Lauren’s brow furrowed, but she remained silent.  He wanted to continue, but found he couldn’t.  Connor wasn’t ready to share more than t
hat and tilted his head, closed his eyes and tried to regain some composure.  His phone rang and he’d never been more grateful.  He still needed her to know one thing, though it wouldn’t change things in the long run.

“No,
playing with Brie didn’t work.”

Chapter Twenty-Nine

The rest of the afternoon had passed by in a blur.  Jax had shown up to the apartment along with a petite blonde with spiky hair and black-rimmed glasses
named Taryn.  Both were nice enough, but they seemed to set up some mini-camp in Lauren’s living room.  She let them be, only making coffee when she saw they were running low.  She’d kept to herself in the spare bedroom, working on smaller orders to keep herself busy. 

The time away also gave her time to think things through. 
Lauren had handled everything wrong this morning.  This wasn’t a game.  She didn’t have the right to mess with his case.  What they’d shared was completely separate from his job and needed to stay that way…if there was even a relationship to be had.  He’d mentioned the timeframe in which they’d known each other, but she knew that held no bearing.  What they shared
had
changed everything and he couldn’t take that back.  It wasn’t just physical for her anymore.

The doorbell had rung twice
, and both times Connor had answered it.  The first person had been Ms. Finch, wanting to borrow some sugar.  Lauren knew it was only an excuse to see why so many people had been stopping by.  Connor was his usual and charming self, seeing to it that Ms. Finch got her sugar along with an official introduction to Jax and Taryn.  The second visitor had been a deliveryman from a local upscale department store.  He’d delivered a box, which Connor signed for and then placed into her hands after pulling her aside into the kitchen.

“If you are dead set on going this evening, this is your outfit,” Connor said
, his words coming out like gunshots.  “As my submissive, you’ll look the part or not go.  We’ll leave at eight o’clock when the floor opens for play.”

“May I ask you something?”

“
What is it?” Connor inquired, his resignation evident.

“What happens after tonight?” Lauren
could see the indecision in his blue eyes and that was all she needed.  She gently placed the box on the counter.  “I appreciate the outfit and the option to attend the club tonight.  I’m going to pass, so please go ahead and use the excuse that I just wasn’t ready.  It shouldn’t come as a surprise to Joel.”

“What game are you playing,
Red?”  His blue eyes seemed to come to life as he stepped closer.  “This morning you told me that you didn’t want this to be casual anymore and even finagled your way to have a scene at Masters.  Now you’re backing out?”

“I’m not backing out,” Lauren said, correcting him.  “I’m ending it.  I can see that you’re not ready for anything serious and I pushed the issue. 
You’ve taught me things that have changed my view on life, Connor, and I refuse to go back to the way we were before.  I want more.”

“I’m giving you what you want, aren’t I?”  Connor cra
dled her face, but his anger lay just below the surface.  “I’m not playing with anyone but you tonight.”

“Tonight?  What about tomorrow?”

“Fine.  Not tomorrow either.”  He rested his forehead against hers as if he could make her see reason.  “I can’t give you a time limit, but we’ll keep things as is until one of us —”

“Gets tired?”  Lauren pulled away and his hands fell from her face.  “I am tired, Connor.  Ever since I met you, it’s been a merry-go-round.  You make it sound like three weeks is nothing, but from where I’m standing, you’ve imparted a lifetime of lessons.”

“What lessons would those be?  Huh?”  Connor ground his teeth until she could see the muscle tic on the side of his jaw.  She snuck a glance into the living room, but Jax and Taryn pretended like they couldn’t hear.  “The fact that you can now have your wrists bound together?  I didn’t extinguish your phobia, for fuck’s sake.  Even you said the same thing not eight hours ago.  You weren’t blindfolded and you sure as hell weren’t tied to my bed.””

“You son of a bitch,” Lauren murmured, feeling her back go up.  She’d thought she’d been handling this just like he wanted.  No strings, no fuss…just the ability to walk away.  She was giving him that, yet why wasn’t he taking it?  “
If you need to make this some type of cheap fuck, then go ahead.  I obviously can’t stop you.  But we both know the truth, don’t we?”

“And what the hell would that be?” Connor asked, obviously not caring that Jax and Taryn could hear every word they said. 

“That you might have been one hell of a Marine on the field, but off of it you’re nothing more than a coward.”  Lauren shoved the box his way, knowing she needed to leave the room before she broke.  “From the sounds of it, at least your father had the courage to love a woman.”

* * * *

Connor stood in Lauren’s kitchen, hands on his hips, staring at the dark cabinets.  They were the color of his soul and he’d just been damned.  He knew he’d pushed her to the brink and got what he wanted when she walked away, so then why the fuck did he feel like a complete fucking asshole?  The sound of a door closing, not even slamming, echoed throughout the apartment.  It signaled his time to leave.

Turning,
Connor walked back into the living room, ignoring Jax and Taryn and picked up his cell phone, which he’d left on the coffee table.  Sending a quick text, he laid it back down while he started to gather the files they’d scattered about.  They’d made good progress going through everyone’s alibis and marking the ones that seemed suspicious.  They’d even gathered more information on Nick Klaus and Kevin was tracking him down for an interview now.

“Connor, we’ve known each other a long time —”

“And you know enough when to keep your mouth shut.  I don’t need a lecture from you.”  Connor looked down at his phone, seeing that Lach returned his text.  He was back in position after having followed Joel most of the day.  It was safe to leave.  “Let’s go.  We have to get ready for tonight.”

“Taryn, could you give us a moment?” Jax said, standing up from the couch.
  His voice contained a warning, but right now Connor didn’t give a fuck.  This didn’t concern him. 

“Actually, I was just leaving.  I’m heading back to the office to check on a computer program I have running.”  Taryn stood and shoved the folders that Connor had compiled into her satchel. 
She walked to the door and then stopped.  He could see that she’d turned around and couldn’t help the slight shake of his head.  She should know to leave him alone right now.  “Think twice before you burn that bridge, Connor.  In our line of work, it’s not every day we come across someone who really gets us.”

Connor laughed, although it came across hollow. 
Why the hell did his chest feel like a tank was sitting on it?  He waited until she left before facing Jax.  His friend stood there, his disappointment evident.  Jax wasn’t his father or his keeper, so he could just keep his goddamned mouth shut.

“I’ll say this once,” Connor said, walking over to the coat rack to snag his jacket.
  “Lauren needs someone who hasn’t seen the shit we’ve seen and done the things that we’ve done.  You were the one to warn me that taking things to the next level and having scenes outside of the club was dangerous.  I didn’t listen.  Now she’s taken those intense feelings and wrapped them up with a fucking bow.”

“And you feel nothing for her?”

“Three weeks, Jax.”  Connor shoved his arms into his coat.  Walking back to where the coffee table was, he swiped his phone.  “She went from casual to serious in three weeks.  I’m not cut out for that shit and you know it.  And what the hell is this, you standing here questioning my decision.  This coming from the man who goes through subs like a pyro does matches.”

“I had my chance, Connor,” Jax said, looking him square in the eye.  What the hell was he talking about?  “
So don’t stand there and fucking judge me.  I didn’t lose it by choice.  So don’t throw away what she’s offering you because of a fucked up mother who cared more about herself than her family.  Not all women are like that and you’ve hung onto that excuse like a goddamned crutch.”

“What do you mean, you had your chance?”
  Connor quickly thought back to his friend’s behavior before their last tour and then took into account his comment about not losing his chance by choice.  The anger, the recklessness, the desolation.  Connor connected the dots and came up with something that blew his mind.  “Emily —”

“Is dead.”  Jax slowly walked around him to the coat rack, lifting off his black leather jacket and skullcap.  “
We’re not talking about me; we’re talking about what you’re about to throw away.  Reconsider.”

Jax walked out the door, leaving Connor standing in Lauren’s living room alone.  The silence was deafening and it took all of his will not to slam his fist into the coffee table in front of him.  What kind of friend was he?  Things
hadn’t been the same with Jax since their last combat tour and he’d chalked it up to too many battles in the field.  They’d met Emily one week before deployment and she’d been gunned down in an attempted convenience store robbery…one week. 

Connor looked toward the spare room, the door thankfully keeping him
from seeing the woman who seemed to have a grip on his heart.  Regardless of what Jax said, he’d done the right thing.  Could he have handled it better?  Did Lauren deserve better?  Yes, on both counts.  But that wasn’t going to change the outcome.  It was time he left.

* * * *

Lauren swirled her wine, watching the red liquid slosh around the glass.  That’s what her life resembled, one big current that never seemed to settle in one place.  Bringing it to her mouth, she downed the rest of it.

“Carrot
Top, are you listening to me?”

“I heard you, Sue,” Lauren said with a sigh, trying to sink deeper into her couch.  “Want a recap?  I took a chance on casual sex, fell for a guy who has commitment issues, tried to get him to see reason, and came out on the losing end.  That sum it up?”

“You forget where I said at least you had good sex.”  Lauren could hear the kids screaming in the background and knew that she should let her sister go.  It was her niece and nephew’s bedtime.  It was a wonder Sue had even answered the phone.  “It wasn’t for naught.”

“No, it wasn’t,” Lauren whispered, looking at her left wrist.  She couldn’t imagine any other man trying the things Connor had.  “Why did I go and give him an ultimatum
again?”

“Because you had no choice,” Sue said.  “It was either continue on until you lost your heart and fell in love with a man who coul
dn’t return it — in which case I’d have to kill him — or until you found out that he was a jerk.  So…you discovered the second part a little early.  That’s a good thing.  You’ll get the hang of the YOLO thing.  Lacey, I said to put on your pajamas, not your dress.”

“
My YOLO seems to be a yo-yo…just say ‘in’.  I’ll let you go,” Lauren said, finally getting up off of the couch.  It was only to refill her wine glass, but it was still something.  She needed to have some ounce of respect for herself.  “Give the kids a big hug for me.”

“Everything always looks better in the morning,” Sue said.  “Call me and we’ll talk again over coffee.”

“Bye.” 

Lauren disconnected the call
and placed her phone on the island countertop.  She swiped the bottle and headed back to the couch.  Leaning forward, she grabbed her glass and filled it with red bubbly liquid that would hopefully ease the ache in her chest.  Sue thought Lauren had learned the second part of her discovery when she’d really exposed the first…she’d fallen in love with a man who refused to commit.