Chasing Butterflies (24 page)

She shakes her head, but then stops. “No, but I want to do something about the house.”

The house?
“Like what? You want to sell it?”

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “I can’t imagine anyone would want to buy it, and I don’t like the thought of someone digging him up.”

I frown, hoping she’s not going to tell me she wants to live there. “What do you want to do with it?”

“I want to demolish it,” she says. “I’d really like to burn it down to the ground, but I know I can’t do that. Can we just flatten it and then spread some wildflower seed on it or something?”

“Sure. It’s your land, after all.”

“Good,” she says, “then that’s what I’d like to do.”

“Okay,” I tell her. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

Gabriel

Four days later, we stand side by side, hand in hand as the demolition crew begins to raze Yara’s house to the ground. I watch her as she watches them tugging and pulling at the walls that crumble easily. She has a serenity about her that I wasn’t expecting, but her eyes look unsure and frightened.

“You okay?” I ask, squeezing her hand.

“Yeah,” she says, “I am.”

I take a deep breath as the workers move some of the bricks out of their way. I shudder, hating how many bad memories Yara must have of what went on in that house.

“Shall we go somewhere?” Suddenly, I want to get as far away from here as possible. I don’t know how Yara can stand to be anywhere near this place.

“Where?” she asks, turning to face me.

I want to tell her that we’ll go back to mine, but we’ve spent every single minute there for the last four days. We’ve made love in every room. We’ve fucked each other in every room too. We’ve laughed. We’ve cried. We’ve told jokes and talked about the future. What we haven’t done is talk about the past.

Yara said she didn’t want to taint my new home with old nightmares. I hesitated at first, wanting to know absolutely everything about her right then and there, but I realised she was right to wait. If we’re going to talk about stuff she doesn’t want to talk about, it needs to be on mutual ground.

“How about we go for a drive and I’ll buy you some breakfast,” I suggest.

“Okay,” she agrees instantly. “But only if we can go to that place where you took me on my birthday. If it’s still there,” she adds.

“Deal.” I grab her hand and tug her until we get to my truck. We both climb in, then I slam the truck into drive and pull away from her property. After driving in silence for a few minutes, I lean over and squeeze her knee. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. I don’t really feel anything, which I’m guessing is a good thing.”

I don’t answer her. I’m not qualified to know whether it is or it isn’t. So I change the subject. “Do you know what you’re going to eat?”

She smiles when she turns to me, causing wispy bits of her hair to blow across her face in the breeze that flows in through her window. “Pancakes and blueberries. The same meal I had that morning.”

I smile at her and drive my truck through the winding roads that circle our little village. “I think I’ll have the same.”

“What did you do with the Jeep?” she asks. “I kind of liked that beat-up old thing.”

I laugh as I remember the way she used to pick at the worn seats and complain about the mess that littered my floor. “I still have her. She’s in the lock-up near my shop.”

“Good,” she says. “I’m glad you kept her.”

As I drive around the final bend, I glance at Yara out of the corner of my eye. “I was hoping we could talk this morning. Clear some things up.”

“I guessed as much,” she says, not turning to look at me. “What do you want to talk about?”

I take a deep breath. “I want to know all about the last five years.”

“I don’t think breakfast will be long enough,” she says with a sigh. “How about I’ll just tell you the important bits?”

“Okay,” I say, trusting her to tell me what I need to know.

Yara

When the waitress walks away with our orders, my eyes wander all over the cafe, noticing how it hasn’t changed at all since I’ve been away. The booths are still pale blue and the walls are painted white with pink polka dots. It looks like they let five-year-olds decorate the place, and I kind of love it.

I hear Gabriel messing with his cutlery and my eyes swivel towards him. The sun streams in through the window on his right, making that side of his face glow. I can’t believe he’s mine. I can’t believe we’re together—as adults—after all this time.

“Latte with an extra shot?” asks the waitress as she returns with our drinks.

When I look up, I see her staring at Gabriel, even though I’m pretty sure she knows I ordered that one.

“Thanks,” I say.

Her gaze lingers on him for another second before she turns and fake-smiles at me. She places my steaming mug in front of me, saying, “This must be yours.” Then she completely turns her back on me while she places Gabriel’s coffee in front of him.

“Thank you,” he says, not looking up at her.

“You’re welcome.”

I find myself smiling as I watch her walk away.

“Does that happen to you often?” I ask.

His head snaps up. “Does what happen?”

“That,” I say, nodding toward the retreating waitress. “Women staring at you with their tongues hanging out.”

He chuckles and rubs his jaw where a smattering of hair is shadowing it. I can tell by the smile he’s trying to fight that it does.
Hmm, maybe Gabriel has a story to tell too…

“Not really,” he finally says, stirring some sugar into his drink.

“Not really?” I question, feeling my eyebrows rise. “Maybe you should tell me your story first.”

“There’s really not much to tell,” he says. “I worked all the time. When Mum sold the house last year, I bought the cottage and started my own business. The last five years have flown by.”

“No women?” I ask.

He takes a sip of his coffee and then shrugs. “Not really. None to write home about anyway.”

“So you didn’t date anyone?”

“I didn’t have time, and the ones I
dated
,”—he looks at me and smiles—“weren’t anything special.”

“Didn’t you like them, or were they not very nice?”

He nods and looks out the window, then sighs. “
They
weren’t the problem.”

I sip my coffee and watch his coal-black lashes as he blinks. “Then what was the problem, Gabriel?”

He turns and pins me with those beautiful brown eyes of his. The ones that remind me so much of being in a time and place in my life that was equally the best and the worst. “They weren’t you,” he says simply.

I release a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding, knowing exactly what he means. After I’ve finished half of my drink, I place my hand over his. “I am sorry about how I left you,” I tell him. “I meant what I said in London about how I was sorry every day. I shouldn’t have just run away like that without giving you a reason.”

“No, you shouldn’t have, but I know you’re sorry,” he says, lacing his fingers through mine. “So who was the guy that picked you up that day?”

“That was Jez.”

I see him frown as he tries to place where he’s heard that name before.

“He was the guy that did my tattoo,” I say. “I paid him to come and get me.”

“Oh,” he says, rubbing the tips of his fingers over my bare finger. “And who was the guy that gave you that engagement ring?”

“That was Jez too.”

Gabriel removes his hand from mine and shoves it under the table then levels his gaze with mine. “Were you with him when you were with me?”

My mouth drops open as I realise what he’s thinking. “No, Gabriel. I was yours and yours alone when I was with you.”

“But you had a relationship with him after you left.”

“Not right away,” I tell him quickly. “Jez was the one that made me go and get help. He found a place that was nice. Safe. He made all the arrangements for me.” I clear my throat as I think back to my time at the institute and how lonely and isolated I felt. It was a very dark time in my life, and I’m surprised I came out of it, to be honest. But Gabriel doesn’t need to know that bit. “I asked him not to come and see me while I was staying there. I didn’t want anything or anyone to complicate things. Then, on the day I came out, he was outside waiting for me.”

The look on his face tells me that brought him little comfort. “
I
would have been there for you if you’d let me.”

“I don’t want you to dislike him,” I say, trying to backtrack.

Gabriel frowns, looking confused. “Why not?”

“Because if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here now. I wouldn’t have come back. Ever.”

Gabriel’s mouth twitches as if he wants to ask something, but the waitress chooses that moment to bring our food. I sit back and she puts it down in front of us while Gabriel stares at me the whole time.

“Go on,” he encourages after she’s out of earshot.

“Jez loved me,” I tell him, and he winces in obvious pain. “He loved me like a man should love a woman, and he looked after me. He was good to me. He encouraged me to study, and he helped me to find my feet. He taught me how to invest my money, which really paid off a few years ago. He also got me a decent job. Not the one in the strip club,” I add. “I got that myself after we broke up.”

“So you accepted his proposal and then you broke up afterwards?” He’s frowning, but I know I have to carry on. Even if I know he won’t like what he’s about to find out.

“Yes,” I say, nodding. “I realised I didn’t love him like I loved you, and he knew that. We had a pregnancy scare,” I whisper, peeking up at him just as his face falls.

“Oh no,” he mumbles, shaking his head as he rubs his face with his hands. “Please don’t tell me—”

“I was two weeks late,” I rush, “and Jez was over the moon about it. He was the one that ran off to the chemist to get a testing kit. He was the one that had already started talking about baby names before the lines even appeared. That’s when I knew. Having a baby was the last thing I wanted. Not because I was young or didn’t want children. It was because I didn’t want them with him.”

“But you weren’t pregnant?” Gabriel asks, not looking at me.

“No,” I say, shaking my head as his eyes swing back to me. “The test was negative. It was just a late period.”

He sighs as if he’s relieved. I decide to press on.

“I broke his heart when I left him,” I confess. “He told me that he used to see me deep in thought, and he knew I was thinking about you. He was decent to me, even after we broke up. We did some stupid things together. The stuff he was into was a little dodgy and occasionally illegal, but he kept me safe.”

Gabriel shakes his head and stabs his fork into a pancake. “But why is he responsible for you being here now?”

“Because he came to see me on Christmas Day. I was lonely and we talked, and he helped me to realise that I’d never be free unless I came back here and told you the truth. He didn’t know
what
that truth was exactly, but he knew there were things I should have told you. He said the only reason he let me go was because he thought I was coming back here—back to you. He told me he was disappointed that I hadn’t. He told me I’d never be happy unless I tried to make things right with you.”

I finally look up to find Gabriel watching me intently. I can’t decipher how he feels about what I just told him, but at least he doesn’t look angry.

“He was right,” I whisper.

Gabriel

I drive away from the cafe with a heaviness in my heart that I wasn’t expecting. I’m not jealous about Yara’s relationship with Jez. He sounds a little messed up himself, but at least he was good to her. I should probably thank the guy for that.

What I wasn’t expecting to hear about what all the shit things Yara has done. After reading about her degree and the modelling offers she’d received, I guess I was expecting her to tell me things had been rosy. But she’s done some scary stuff with him and I’m wondering if my boring life of fixing people’s gardens and building tree houses will be enough for her.

“Where are we going?” she asks when she notices I’m driving in the wrong direction.

“I got a text from Jonny,” I tell her. “Seems the news people have gotten wind of your story in the magazine, and now they know you’re back in the village.”

She groans and buries her face in her hands. “But I’m a nobody.”

“You’re really not,” I say, turning my truck onto the mountain road. “It’ll die down,” I tell her. “And we can always go away for a few days.”

“Can we?” she asks.

I nod. “If you want to.”

She doesn’t speak the rest of way. Not even when I park my truck and get out, telling her to follow me. She trails behind me for half an hour, picking at bits of leaves as we walk through the long grass.

I hear her gasp when she realises where we are. “You remembered,” she says. I turn and see her eyes roaming over the place where we used to come at night. When her eyes fall to the grass on the opposite side of the water, I know exactly what she’s thinking about.

“Want to swim?” I ask, pulling my shirt off.

“We can’t,” she says.

I peel my top off, watching the way her eyes scan over my whole body in one quick sweep. “Why not?”

“It’s the middle of the day,” she tells me. “And I have nothing to swim in.”

“Oh, come on,” I say, pushing my jeans down my legs. “Since when were you bothered about being naked in a public place?”

She smiles, but it’s not a real smile. “I didn’t know what I was doing back then.”

Oh
. I take a deep breath and decide I’m just going to make her get in. I lunge for her, but she darts out of my way and squeals. When I finally catch her, she squirms out of my grip and puts her hands up to stop me from grabbing her again.

“Okay,” she says through a laugh. “I’ll swim with you.”

I stand and watch her while she undresses. I feel myself getting hard at just the sight of her in her bra and knickers, so I stride towards her, picking her up into my arms and carrying her straight into the water.

“It’s still so warm,” she breathes, wrapping her legs around me.

I let my hands trail all over her back as I lean into her and kiss just underneath her ear.

“Are we okay?” she asks hesitantly.

“Yes,” I mumble against her skin. “Some of the stuff surprised me, but it’s actually better than I’ve been imagining since I found out you were working at that club.”

“I suppose I get that,” she says. “But I enjoyed the dancing, and it was a great way to hide for a while so I could try and sort my head out.”

“I understand,” I tell her, completely meaning it. “And I’m glad you’ve told me about Jez.” I pause, not wanting to ask but needing to. “Was he the only one?”

She pulls back and looks at me. “What do you mean?”

“Was he the only man you’ve been with since me?”

“Oh,” she says, looking a little embarrassed. “There have been a couple since him, but none worth writing home about.” I recognise my words from earlier. As much as I don’t like being on the receiving end of them, it’s only fair.

I lean forwards and press my watery lips against her forehead at the same time her fingers slide into my hair.

“Are we done now?” she asks. “Everything’s out in the open. No more secrets. No more lies. No more dead relatives buried under the patio. Is this it?” she breathes against my throat. “Is this where we start again?”

“Yes,” I tell her. “We’re done. No more wondering about the past, and no more regrets. What’s done is done. We’re moving on and we’ll learn from it. We’ll start afresh, just the two of us.”

“But what about your mum? Are you going to tell her what happened that morning?”

“No,” I say. “It wasn’t your fault, so there’s no point dragging all that back up. The outcome would have been the same whether you were there or not. You need to let this go, Yara.”

“I know,” she says sadly. “And I will…one day.”

Yara

My heart feels like it can’t take anymore. Gabriel has listened to my story, and he hasn’t judged me for the decisions I’ve made. He hasn’t once made me feel guilty about how I treated him or how I left him. Even though he hasn’t said anything, I still hate myself at times for the things I’ve done. The way I treated people. The way I treated
him
.

But at least everything is out there now. I have no more secrets or stories to tell him. He knows everything about me and he still loves me. It makes me wonder what I could have done to deserve such a man, to be worthy of someone like him.

Well, I don’t know what it is that I’ve done, but I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to cherish that love. I’m going to thank my lucky stars every single day that I’ve found someone who is good and kind and has a heart that’s willing to accept me for who I am.

“What are you thinking about?”

I blink, realising he’s carried us out of the water. “Just how much I love you,” I tell him as he places me gently down on the grass.

“And how much is that exactly?” he asks, pushing my thighs apart with his knee.

“I love you with all of my heart,” I breathe.

“Good,” he says as he towers over me. Our skin is still wet but warm in the streak of sunlight, and he slides over me, nudging in between my legs with his hardness. “I love you too.”

I groan when he rocks into me. Leaning down on one elbow, he gently squeezes my breasts with his free hand as he thrusts into me.

My legs curl around the base of his spine as he slowly moves inside me. He kisses along my jaw and pulls back until he’s almost out of me, and then he pushes back in even more slowly. He repeats this over and over while whispering words in my ear about how much he loves me, how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, how he doesn’t want to waste a single second being apart from me.

He carries on thrusting until my legs start to quiver. His hand caresses and dances over every single part of my body that he can reach. Our skin has dried from the heat of the sun, and it feels like I’m on fire when Gabriel lifts my knees and dips even deeper.

“You feel amazing,” he tells me as he leans back on his knees. “I love watching the way we move.”

I lift my head and see the way his eyes are transfixed on where we’re joined together. Knowing he’s watching himself going in and out makes my heart thump in my chest and causes my insides to turn to mush. When I hear his breathing deepen, I know I’m only seconds away from coming completely undone.

“Gabriel…” I reach out and squeeze his arms.

“I know.”

I let my head fall back, feeling the brush of the grass on my back. Then he tenses, and I feel my whole body jerk in response as my orgasm flies right through me.

Gabriel thrusts a couple more times and groans before collapsing on top of me. We lie there for a while, neither of us saying anything as we listen to the birds and insects chirp around us. I play with his hair as he listens to my heart beating through my chest.

Things with Gabriel have always felt like they weren’t real…like I was dreaming or I’d imagined him. The first time he spoke to me freaked me out. Maybe not as much as it freaked him out, but I had been reading
Wuthering Heights
and I’d just wished to find someone who loved me as much as Heathcliff loved Cathy. That thought had slithered out of mind the instant I heard him speak to me. I couldn’t believe someone as handsome and as funny as Gabriel would want to talk to me.

“What are you thinking about?” he whispers.

“The first time we met,” I reply, smiling to myself.

“I think about that a lot too,” he tells me. “There were so many things that led me outside that night. So many other things I could have done. So many
what ifs
that I think it’s mad how I came to be standing under that tree on that particular night.”

“Me too,” I say. “I was never allowed out at night, but I used to sneak out anyway. I’d come here and swim for a while and then sneak back home, but for some reason I chose to hang from that tree on
that
night. It was the first time I’d ever done it, and there you were.”

Gabriel looks up at me and smiles. “And here I am.”