Clara Meets The Parents (Clara Andrews #2) (4 page)

BOOK: Clara Meets The Parents (Clara Andrews #2)
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6.39pm

 

To: [email protected]

 

From: [email protected]

 

Subject: Madison In The City!

 

Madison had her first taste of London today!

She also had her first taste of Cow and Gate.

(Gina almost got thrown out of Fairway for breastfeeding in the cocktail lounge, but I’ll fill you in on that later.)

 

Anyway, check out the photos!

 

Marc Stroker

General Manager

Suave Enterprises

 

 

 

 

Chapter 9

 

Opening your eyes to glorious, bright sunshine is a wonderful feeling. Rolling over and discovering your boyfriend is missing, is not. Stretching out my legs, I notice how tight and sore my skin feels. Stupid factor 15. I hate it when Oliver is right. Rubbing my sleepy eyes, I force myself to get up from my lovely Egyptian cotton fort. Padding around our suite in search of Oliver, I become a little concerned when I realise that he isn’t here.

Grabbing my mobile from the bedside table, I am about to hit speed dial when I notice a text message flashing on the screen.

My parents flew in early. Didn’t wanna wake you. Gone down to the beach. Call me when you’re up. Xx

His parents are here? They’re here now? Tapping out his number, I listen to the strange dial tone for what seems like an eternity until he finally answers.

‘Hey! You’re up!’

‘I am.’ I can’t help but smile at the sound of his voice.

‘Did you get my text? Are you coming down to join us?’

After confirming that I did and I am, we hang up and I dash over to my suitcase in search of the perfect meet the parents outfit. Catching a glimpse of my toasty skin in the mirror, I lather myself in Oliver’s factor 50. Being proved wrong is a pet hate of mine, but being sun burnt is something I hate even more. Settling on my newly acquired Biba costume, I throw on the matching kaftan and sandals before sending a quick Whatsapp message to Lianna and Marc. It has been almost two days since my last Madison update and I am starting to have withdrawal symptoms.

Dropping the room key into my bag, I wander down the hotel lobby and take the stunning, glass lift to the ground floor. Resisting the temptation for a cocktail, I jump on a golf cart and fly through the grounds, holding on for dear life.

As we stop at the beach, I tip Speedy Gonzalez a handful of pesos and hop off. Enjoying the soft sand between my toes, I slip off my sandals and stroll towards the shoreline. Considering it is still early the beach is rather busy today, making it difficult to spot Oliver. Feeling like I am in a Where’s Wally cartoon, I am just about to set down my beach towel when a familiar voice catches my attention.

‘Clara! Over here!’

And that’s when I spot him. Sprawled under a beach palapa next to a bustling beach bar, is my gorgeous boyfriend. Weaving through the sun worshippers and beach towels, I make my way over to him.

‘Good morning.’ I smile, allowing Oliver to pull me into a huge bear hug.

‘So, where are your parents?’ Dumping my bag down on the sand, I perch on the end of his sun lounger.

‘Dad has gone for a dip and mom went for more tequila. Have you eaten?’ He pulls over another lounger and motions for me sit down.

‘No, I haven’t eaten. I’m not that hungry though to be honest.’ I am actually starving, but the pressure of his parents is making me rather nauseas.

Purposefully dragging my lounger into the shade, I lay down my plush towel and whip off my kaftan.

‘Here’s dad now.’ Oliver waves his arms over his head and I sit up straight, plastering a ridiculous smile across my face.

Lifting my sunnies for a better look, I pull in my stomach and jump to my feet as he pulls me towards him.

‘Dad, this is my girlfriend, Clara Andrews.’ Oliver squeezes me tightly and I feel a swell of pride.

Looking up at the very handsome, greying gentleman in front of me, I am suddenly aware of where Oliver’s good looks come from.

‘It’s lovely to finally meet you!’ I hold out my hand for a polite shake, but he bats it away and hugs me tightly.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Miss.’ Randy holds me at arm’s length and I immediately know that I love him. ‘Welcome to the crazy world of the Morgan family.’

‘Your mother just went to the bathroom, had to fix her hair or something like that.’ He claps Oliver on the back and rolls his eyes.

‘How was your flight?’ I ask, suddenly feeling a lot more relaxed.

As Randy fills me in on his last minute change of plan and Janie’s abuse of the in flight drinks menu, I settle down on my lounger.

‘Speak of the devil, here she is now.’

Rolling onto my side, I look over in the direction that they are both waving and stare open mouthed at the woman walking towards us. This can’t be Oliver’s mum, surely not.

The very tall, blonde woman with the world biggest boobs, who incidentally is wearing nothing more than a hot pink bikini and a pair of cowboy boots, is making straight for us. As she gets closer, I realise she is a lot older than she originally looked. The bright red lipstick and tattooed on eyebrows make a good attempt at concealing it, but she is definitely nearing sixty. I don’t quite know what I was expecting, but this most definitely was not it.

Stopping at the edge of my sun lounger, she takes off her sunglasses and looks me up and down.

‘So, this is the girl you dragged me across the border to meet?’ Janie folds her arms and raises her frankly scary eyebrows.

Oh, no. She hates me already.

‘Mom, come on now, play nice.’ Oliver helps me to my feet and I stand next to him awkwardly.

‘Um, hi Janie.’ I offer her a small smile and hope that she doesn’t yell off with her head.

Janie studies me for a moment longer, before throwing her arms around my neck.

‘I’m kidding! Come here you pretty little thing!’

Choking on her over powering perfume, I let out of a sigh of relief. She was joking! Of course she was joking! She squeezes me a little too tightly and plants a big, red kiss on my cheek.

‘Hurt my boy and I’ll make your nightmares seem like a happy place to be.’

Maybe not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 10

 

Half an hour later and I am beginning to feel rather uneasy at the thought of having to spend the rest of the holiday with Janie. She has made it glaringly obvious that she has taken an instant dislike to me. Obvious only to me that is. Oliver and Randy have been joyously bickering over the Houston Rockets and seem oblivious to the humongous elephant in the room. Not knowing the first thing about basketball, I decide to turn on the charm.

‘Fancy a cocktail, Janie?’ I paste on my best cheery face and wait for her reaction.

‘Blue Lagoon.’ Janie fires back, not looking up from her battered copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

Biting my lip, I throw on my kaftan and head off to the bar. What is her problem? I rack my brains for something I could have said or done to offend her. Never having had a boyfriend’s parents not like me before, I don’t quite know what to do about it. What I do know, is that I need a cocktail.

Ordering a couple of Blue Lagoons at the bar, I take a seat in one of the beckoning hammocks and smile as I watch a loved up young couple clinking champagne flutes. I am still staring at the honeymooners when two frosty, elaborate cocktail glasses are placed down in front of me.

‘Anything else, amigo?’

I slip the barman a roll of pesos and glance over to Mr and Mrs Honeymoon and eye up the multi coloured shot glasses enviously.

‘Actually yes, I’ll have what they’re having.’

With a quick smile, he disappears behind the bar. Watching him expertly spinning spirit bottles, I can’t help but wonder if this is the answer. If I keep my alcohol levels high enough, maybe I will come out of this holiday alive.

‘One Bob Marley.’ The barman announces and hands me the stripy concoction.

‘Thank you. I mean gracias.’

My face screws up at the surprisingly potent strength as I throw it back in one. Grimacing, I grab the cocktails and head back to the beach. As I approach our loungers, I am panicked to see that Oliver and Randy appear to be missing. Fighting the urge to run away and swim back to England, I take a huge gulp of my cocktail. Wow! A couple more of these and we will all be swimming to England.

‘Hey! Be careful! You’re spilling it!’ Janie’s southern drawl makes me jump to attention.

‘Oops!’ I attempt a friendly laugh, but it appears to fall on deaf ears. ‘Here you go.’ I hand her the glass and she takes it, no questions asked.

Taking another sip, I sit down on my lounger. ‘I’d go easy on these! They’re lethal.’

Janie offers me a thin smile. ‘Honey, I was on my fifth tequila before you had dragged that ass of yours outta bed.’

Suddenly feeling like a lazy pig, I get an overwhelming urge to defend myself.

‘I don’t normally sleep in so late. Back home, I get up at dawn for a yoga session before work.’ She doesn’t need to know that this hasn’t happened for a while.

Whipping off her sunglasses, she arches her eyebrows in mock surprise.

‘Yoga? You?’

‘Yes!’ Holding in my stomach, I adjust my costume self consciously. ‘Sometimes.’

Laughing Janie goes back to her book, but I decide not to give up without a fight.

‘Do you work out, Janie?’

‘Are you kidding? Do you think you get to forty five looking like this without working out?’

Almost choking on my drink, I stare at her incredulously.

‘Forty five?’ The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

‘Yeah, forty five! You got a problem with that little Miss. Yoga?’

‘No, no, no. No problem.’ I find myself backtracking and reach down for my glass.

I lean back in my chair and look out to sea, trying not to giggle as a colossal wave sweeps a vastly overweight teenager off his feet. After a few minutes of awkward silence, I roll onto my side.

‘The boys have been gone a long time. Did they say where they were going?’

‘They went to play a little foosball. Geez, give the boy a break.’ Janie drains her glass and slams her book shut. ‘I’m going for another, want one?’

‘No, I’m still working on this one. Thanks though.’ I flash her a smile and run my toes through the sand.

As I watch Janie walk, or rather prowl down the beach, I top up my sun cream carefully. Maybe I ought to cancel the spa treatments that I had booked. I can’t see Janie and I becoming BFFs any time soon. Thinking of BFFs, I am starting to miss mine. I wish I could speak to Lianna, she would definitely know how to win Janie over. Not wanting to rack up a monumental phone bill, I decide to abuse the hotels WiFi and go to the next best thing for advice, Google.

Ten minutes and a lot of scrolling later, I am feeling rather dubious about my quest to tackle Janie. If the internet is to be believed, all it will take is a day of compliments and flattery for her to cave. Chucking my phone under the lounger, I finish my cocktail in one swift gulp. Perhaps I should get something to eat. All this alcohol on an empty stomach can only be a recipe for disaster, I can’t remember the last time I drank so much. I am about to go in search of food when a barrage of raucous laughter pierces my ears.

No! Oh, God! What is she doing? Why is she topless? Why the hell is Janie topless? Not knowing where to look, I attempt to run away when I realise that she has already spotted me. Staring down at the floor, I wait for her to put down the overly excited beach waiter.

‘Cara, take this.’ Janie holds out something that resembles scotch and I take it gingerly.

‘Thanks and its Clara.’ Not wanting to insult her by not drinking it, I take a sip and try not to gag.

Suddenly my stomach begins to churn and I don’t know whether it’s due to the venomous scotch or the sight of Janie’s over inflated balloon boobs. Pleading with my body not to do what I think it is going to do, I try to take a few deep breaths. Feeling the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, I know that it is coming, but before I can stop it from happening, I am projectile vomiting all over my legs and even worse, all over Janie’s.

This is not going to go down well...

Chapter 11

 

Wiping vomit from my balmy cheeks, I look up at a horrified Janie. ‘I am so sorry, Janie. It must have been something I ate.’

‘Or something you didn’t.’ Janie shoots me a filthy look and I pretend not to notice. ‘This is pure alcohol! You should know better than to drink on an empty stomach at your age!’

Totally mortified, I gather up my things and throw my bag over my sun burnt shoulder. ‘I think I had better go back to the room. I’m not feeling all that well.’

Avoiding all eye contact, I slip on my sandals and trudge over the sand, pretending not to notice the many scowls I accrue on the way. Nobody likes the dumb British girl who can’t hold her drink. Ignoring the remarks of trailer trash from the girls at the bar, I tip toe through the hotel lobby and take the lift up to our room. I only just make it through the door when I have to make a run for the bathroom.

Second vomiting incident over, I splash my face with ice cold water and drop down onto the bed. I have spent the past six months daydreaming of this holiday and not once did I picture it going like this. I seriously cannot believe that less than an hour after being introduced to Oliver’s mother, I have hurled on her boots. Way to make a good impression, Clara.

Firing up the air conditioning, I am about to pull the sheets up over my head and die of embarrassment when the door springs open.

‘Clara?’ Oliver pops his head around the door. ‘What the hell happened?

‘I don’t know what happened! I think it was something I ate.’ I wail and curl up into a ball.

‘Did you have too much to drink or something?’ He asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed. ‘Mom said you looked like you had a little too much.’

‘No!’ I yell back. ‘Well, maybe.’

‘You’re on vacation, a little too much tequila is allowed.’

‘Really?’ Rolling over to face him, I brush a limp curl off my sweaty cheek.

‘Yeah. Just next time, try not to hurl on my mom’s five hundred dollar boots.’ He laughs and heads to the bathroom.

‘What kind of idiot wears cowboy boots on the beach?’ I mumble under my breath.

‘What was that?’

‘Nothing!’ I shout back, rolling out of bed.

‘Now come on, let’s go get you something to eat. There’s a cook out down by the beach, I thought we could go for a burger.’

Really not wanting to leave the room, I hesitate for a moment before giving in to the lure of fast food. Quickly throwing on a fresh sarong, I cross my arms and look down at my feet.

‘Everything OK?’ Oliver asks.

‘Not really. I threw up on your mum and now she hates me!’

Laughing, he pushes me out of the door. ‘Come on, she doesn’t hate you. Just maybe try not to drink so much this afternoon. Do you think you can manage that?’

‘For the last time, it was something I ate!’

 

Sipping an ice cold glass of sparkling water, I look out to sea and begin to feel myself relax. Fiddling with my straw, I decide it best to wipe the slate clean and pretend that this morning never happened. Everyone deserves a second chance, don’t they? Thankfully, Randy has taken Janie for a trip to the mall so I won’t have to see either of them again until dinner. I am hoping a bit of retail therapy will put her in a more forgiving mood.

I watch Oliver order a couple of surf ‘n’ turf burgers and wonder how he has turned out so relatively normal with a mum like Janie. It’s not that I have anything against the unconventional, I really don’t. I just did not expect Oliver to have a plastic surgery addicted, tanorexic, peroxide, bitch mum. And I mean that in the nicest possible way. Honestly.

‘Feeling a little better?’ Oliver asks, pushing a bowl of nachos towards me.

‘You know what, I really do.’ Flashing him a confident smile, I take a golden nacho and dunk it into a mound of guacamole.

‘I know you don’t wanna talk about it, but you really don’t need to worry about the whole vomiting thing earlier. I can’t tell you how many times I have found my mom with her head down the toilet.’ He laughs and takes a sip of his cocktail.

‘Really?’ My eyes widen, but I honestly can’t say I’m surprised. ‘What was it like growing up with Janie for a mother?’

‘It was like any other childhood, except instead of trips to band camp, I went to Vegas and sometimes Atlantic City.’

I offer a nervous laugh, half wondering whether or not he is joking.

‘I did warn you that she wasn’t the stereotypical motherly type. It’s all an act though. Deep down, she’s as soft as a kitten. I swear.’

Taking a deep breath, I brace myself to ask the question that I have been waiting all afternoon to ask.

‘So, did your mum say anything about me earlier?’ Biting my lip, I try to appear nonchalant.

‘Actually, she didn’t. My dad thought you were delightful though. A beautiful English rose is the exact term he used.’

Blushing, I take a handful of nachos and lean back in my seat. Well, I guess one out of two isn’t so bad. I now realise that I may have underestimated Janie. I get the distinct feeling that a polite smile and fleeting compliment aren’t quite going to cut it this time. As our burgers are placed down in front of us, I reach over and squeeze Oliver’s hand.

‘I’m going to make your mum fall in love with me if it is the last thing I do.’

Stretching over the table, Oliver plants a tiny kiss on my nose. ‘I’m sure you will. How could anyone not love you?’

‘Exactly.’

 

BOOK: Clara Meets The Parents (Clara Andrews #2)
3.29Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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