Authors: Alicia Taylor,Natalie Townson
“Sharn wanted to speak to me alone,” I blurt. Sofia’s brows furrow before sympathy widens her eyes. She walks up to my step and places her hand on my arm.
“Ella, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine that was nice. They... Leona and her trio... seem to think Damon belongs to Leona. I’ve known Damon a long time. Wesley, Damon, and Spence were like the three musketeers,” she smiles. “Always together. Anyway, Leona and company were popular and so were the lads so it was expected in Leona’s eyes that they should be together. But Damon was with someone already. Leona hated her.”
“Who was it?”
“Not important. Didn’t end well.” I raise a brow. “I don’t know the details. When they spilt Leona tried stepping in but Damon wasn’t interested. She stuck by though, for years, and they would occasionally... hook up... nothing serious.”
“Are you sure?” I question. I shouldn’t be bothered but I am. I want to know where things stand. Damon and I will definitely have to talk about Leona and her friends.
“Yes. Damon would correct Leona if she suggested otherwise and if she became too clingy he’d put a stop to things. She’s always come back though. Leona likes to think it’s temporary and thinks Damon will eventually come around to making a commitment with her. We all told him not to go back but she always seems to find him when he’s had... a bad day... past shit. Fuck. I’m sorry Ella. I’m making Damon sound all kinds of fucked up. He’s not. Really.”
“Seriously.” She looks embarrassed. “Anyway, they think it’s Leona’s right but I see how different he is with you. His eyes are on you constantly. It’s like he doesn’t see anyone other than you.” She smiles. “He really likes you, Ella. I do too. I think you could be good together.”
“We’ll see. Thanks. I like you too.” I really do. She makes me feel like we’ve known each other for years. She’s so at ease with herself. She links her arm through mine.
“Let’s grab a drink and see where everyone is.”
Damon hasn’t acknowledged me. We found Damon and Leona at a tall table near the bar. Spencer and Wesley are leaning against the bar close by. I kissed his cheek but he didn’t even look at me.
“Saw you dancing. Looked cosy. Wasn’t he the one from NSPL night? Your date?” Leona asks trying to act innocent, but she’s not pulling the wool over my eyes. Her eyes are twinkling, she’s up to something. Damon stiffens at my side.
“Yes. Tom’s a friend,” I answer looking at Damon.
“Mmhmm.” My head snaps to Leona. “Is he an ex?” I want to knock her gleeful smirk off her face.
“No,” I answer as Damon says, “Yes.”
“Not really an ex,” I say to Damon. I don’t know why I even feel the need to explain myself because of this woman. “Just a casual fuck. We all have them.” I look pointedly at Leona, throwing in a grin for good measure. “But that’s all they are. A fuck.”
“Ella,” Damon growls. Leona smirks at Damon’s reprimand.
“What?” I snap getting pissed.
“I’ll leave you to it Damon,” Leona purrs before kissing his cheek. Damon’s jaw clenches and he pulls his head away from her lips. “Call me.” She stands and saunters off. Damon remains rigid at my side. His eyes pierce mine, questions storming in the shimmering, brown depth.
What the hell has happened to his mood? He’s been with Leona for a good thirty minutes and now he’s pissed? Well now I am too. I stand and go to walk away. Damon’s hand closes around my arm.
“Is that what this is Damon? You’re pissed because I was dancing with a friend? Are you kidding me?” I laugh at his audacity. “You’ve spent the last half hour with your ex.” I remind him. Damon drops his arm away and looks away from me. Dismissing me.
I’m shocked at his behaviour. Jealously makes him act like this? I turn and walk away. Not saying another word. Sofia catches me before I get too far.
“Ella, are you okay?” she asks worriedly.
“Yes.” Tears fill my eyes. What is up with me lately? Not allowing myself to feel emotions for the last few years have made them hit me full force now. My head is all over the place. I can’t seem to settle on one emotion and feeling for too long before something changes my mood. “I’m going to leave, Sofia.”
“Let me and Wes come with you. We’re ready to leave anyway,” she offers kindly. “Let me just go and say bye to Spence and grab Wesley.”
“I’ll meet you outside. I could do with some fresh air.” That receives me a sympathetic smile again. She hurries off and I make my way to the doors. How the heck did the night turn shit so quick? It was a great night before Leona needed Damon.
I get outside, it’s quieter out here and the night air feels amazing against my flushed skin. I lean against the wall waiting for Sofia and Wesley. I call a taxi then try to sort out my thoughts.
I guess Leona can get his attention at the snap of a hat. She needs him, he’s there. I don’t think I can deal with that. I hadn’t realised how much Leona wanted Damon before I set my plan in motion.
The music in the club cuts through the cool night air. I turn my head and spot Spencer striding towards me. He looks concerned. When he reaches me he pulls me into his chest, wrapping me in his arms.
“You were gonna leave without saying goodnight?” I can hear the smile in his voice. I pull away and look up at him. He’s as good looking as his brother.
“Sorry. I needed to get away,” I sigh.
“No worries. He’s being an arse. I get it,” he chuckles. “He’s a man. Give him a chance.” He winks making me laugh. Spence really is charming. His face turns serious. “Don’t give up on him Ella. He’s a damn jealous fool. He needs to get his head out his ass but give him time.”
“How much time does he need, Spencer?” I ask exasperated.
“Damon keeps his guard up, Els. With everyone. Everyone but you.” He smiles at me. A real genuine smile. I can’t help but smile back a little. “He likes you a lot. He’s just got to figure his shit out. I think you leaving will give him a good kick up the ass. Just be patient with him.”
“I will.” A taxi pulls up to the kerb. God I hope it’s for us.
“Damon mentioned talking to you about my hotel venture. Can we set something up? I really don’t know the ins and outs of the party planning shit. Can we meet during the week?” He gives me a cheeky grin.
“Sure.” Sofia and Wesley come out the club. They say another quick goodbye to Spencer before climbing in the cab. “Call me, Spence, and we’ll set up a good time to meet.”
kay, Els. You going back to Damon’s?”
“No. Well, yes, I need to so I can get my keys but I’ll be going back to my place afterwards.”
“No you’re not.” I pull back with a frown at his tone. “It’s not safe, Ella. Damon told me what happened. Your safety comes first. Don’t put yourself in an unsafe situation because of pride. Stay at Damon’s, at least until the morning.” He concern warms me. He seems really worried.
“I’ll stay there then, Spence. Night.” I kiss his cheek and climb in the car.
“Night guys,” Spencer calls in the door before shutting it behind me. The night turned to shit. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
I get back to Damon’s in a daze. I say a quick goodbye to Sofia and Wes and go straight to my room. I quickly undress and climb straight into bed. This night turned out like one of Lydia’s experiences. I pull out the diary and flip to the night Lydia slapped Leona.
April 7th 2011
I FUCKING HATE HER. SHE’S A BITCH!!!!
Who the hell does she think she is? Leona is the biggest bitch I’ve ever met! Damon is mine. Does she not get that? I’ll fucking kill her before I let her take him away from me.
She was rubbing up and down Damon every chance she got then had the nerve to say to me that he’ll never be mine. If only she knew. I know it won’t be long before we can tell people we’re together but until then I need to keep my temper calm.
Damon was not happy when I slapped the cow but what does he expect? She and her friends thinking they know everything. AHHHHH I REALLY CAN’T STAND HER!!!
She’ll eat her own words when she finds out Damon and I are going to get married. When he asks me I’ll have the last laugh and she’ll be left behind!
June 7th 2014
I wake with the worst hangover ever. My head is throbbing, my stomach churning and I smell. I can still taste and smell alcohol lingering on my skin and in my mouth. My mouth is so dry I feel like ten pints of water wouldn’t help.
I make my way to the bathroom to refresh myself. I cup my hands under the running facet and drink and the cool water sliding down my throat instantly eases my stomach. I quickly brush my teeth then jump in the shower.
After making myself feel better, refreshed, I make my way to the kitchen for something to eat. I need beer food. Greasy. Fattening. Delicious. Damon is nowhere to be found and I realise he must have gone in to the office. Or not come back home at all. Maybe he stayed with Leona. Just that thought makes me slump in defeat.
Why, when I’ve finally decided I could find some happiness again, does this have to happen? Why does it have to be with a man I shouldn’t be able to stand? Why with a man whom I know plays games? I shake my head at my stupidity. I know I wanted to see where things would go between Damon and me but I’m not sure my head is in the right place to play his games.
are no ingredients to make sausage and egg muffins, I gather my purse and coat, put on some shoes and leave to go find a greasy cafe to get my hangover cure.
I spend the day walking around the shops. I’ve made a few purchases for myself. Nothing like a bit of retail therapy to pull a woman from a hangover.
I’m at the grocery store picking up a few essentials. I need to stock back up on deodorant and shampoo, as well as a few food items. As I walk through the aisle with all the sanitary towels and Tampax to get my deodorant, I freeze, doing the math in my head. I frantically try to remember when I had last had a period, realising it is over six weeks. I feel the panic rising up in my throat.
Trying to calm down, I talk myself out of thinking the worst. I can’t be pregnant... I know I’m not always regular but... it’s not possible... the doctor told me I would need help.... oh fuck... the sickness... the ache constantly in my breasts... the fucking crying... I never cry.... oh god, okay breathe, Ella, breathe... just go get a test...
I walk to the next aisle stopping at the pregnancy tests. There are so many - digital ones, ones that tell you how far along you are, ones that can be done so many days early. I feel like I’m in my own personal hell. This can’t be happening.
Okay, don’t panic, Ella. This
is more than likely a bug. I can’t be pregnant. I just can’t. Get this over with just to settle your mind and everything will be okay. Even as I think the words I don’t believe them.
I grab three different tests, all items I came to get forgotten, and I head to the self service counter. I quickly scan the tests. To my utter dismay I need assistance to get the security tags off. At least it’s a woman who helps. I key in the pin to my credit card, fuck £39 for three pregnancy tests, what a rip off, and put them in a bag making a hasty retreat.
I practically run to the exit and to my utter horror the stupid store alarms go off. I feel the mortification creep up to my neck as the security guard approaches.
“Excuse me miss, please can I just check your bag?” I hand him the bag and rec
eipt refusing to look up at him. He takes the bag over to the counter and scans them again. They beep, telling him the alarms have been removed. Handing me back the bag he smiles at me “Good luck, love,” he says with a wink. I quickly turn on my heels and run to my car as fast as my four inch stilettos will take me.
I make the journey back to Damon’s in a daze. I can’t remember getting there but I find myself sitting in the driveway just resting my hands on my stomach. Would I keep a baby? Would I even be able to raise a child? I don’t know the first thing about raising a baby, I have no one who could help me learn, no family left to rely on.
That though fills my eyes with tears. Sadness tears through me. I feel so alone.
hove the carrier bag in my handbag and walk through the front door. Damon and Spencer are in the living room chatting away so I head for my room. Just as my foot hits the first step I hear Spencer call out for me.
“How you feeling, Els?” I groan. If only he knew. Spencer’s chuckle reaches my ear. “Wanna join us for a drink? Hair of the dog and all that.” My hand freezes on the rail as I turn to look at him. He has risen from his seat and is walking towards me. “Hey are you ok
ay, you look kind of pale.” I shake my head and take a breath before answering.
“I’m fine, I just feel a little sick, hangover,” I say nonchalantly. I don’t want them to see how stressed I am. “Thanks though, Spence,” I smile and risk a glace towards Damon. He’s standing watching me, his face expressionless. I can’t tell if he’s still pissed or wary of me being pissed. I turn on my heels and sprint to my room
, not daring to look back at him again. I don’t have the right mind frame to think about Damon and me at the minute. I have more pressing matters.
I slam my door behind me, kicking off my shoes and undoing my jeans, feeling hot. I strip down to just my underwear before grabbing my bag again and heading for the bathroom.
Grabbing the first box, I open it and read the instructions. A million grasshoppers take off in my stomach, fluttering with nerves. I take the cup off the counter that I use to swill after brushing my teeth. I rinse it out and dry it before pulling down my knickers to fill it. My hands shake as I urinate in the cup, nerves making me feel sick to the stomach.
Placing the cup on the counter, I wipe myself then pull up my knickers before washing my hands. Grabbing the stick, I hold it in the cup waiting for the little timer to start moving. I place it down on the side and wait.
Moving to sit on the edge of the tub I start to count down, distracting myself looking anywhere but on the counter. I look at my watch and see only half a minute has passed. My leg bounces as I try to distract myself from the time.
After a few minutes I pick up the test stick and turn it over
. My heart plummets to my stomach as I read the one word I never thought I would, pregnant 2-3. Quickly opening the other boxes I repeat the process, hoping the first test is wrong. Almost instantly the lines appear.
Panic hits me like a freight train, my knees give way as I slump to the floor unable to process what’s happening to me. It’s not possible. They said it wouldn’t happen, it couldn’t happen.
Now I’m pregnant with the Demon's child.
My hand rests against my stomach as I rub my belly, tears streaming down my face, as I try to make sense of everything that had happened the last month. Everything I had planned had changed. This little peanut growing inside of me makes everything different.
My head whirls with all the possibilities of what this can mean, then I remember what Damon had told me after things got hot in the kitchen.
I don’t want kids. I’ve never wanted them. I’m not dad material.
I was shocked at the time but then I had time to think on it and I had agreed. I believed him to be something he’s not, or maybe he is after last night’s behaviour. Even though I thought I couldn’t have babies, I still didn’t want them anyway.
This would be my only family. This baby is part of me. That changes everything. I don’t think I could give away one of my own family members. This baby was meant to happen. I have to believe that. Now I don’t know what I am going to do, I want this baby, more than I have wanted anything in my life. Right now in this moment nothing else matters.
Standing up I strip off my underwear, throwing them into the wash basket. I turn on and step into the shower and instantly the hot water soothes my aching muscles. I let the tears flow.
Washing off I get dry and climb into my pyjamas. Looking at the clock it’s only 5pm but I don’t care, I feel like I just need to sleep everything away. I’m exhausted and emotionally drained. I will think about what I’m going to do tomorrow.