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Authors: Candace Cameron Bure,Erin Davis

Tags: #Religion/Christian Life/Inspirational

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BOOK: Dancing Through Life
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What about you?

What do you “cling” to when you are in a season of being stretched? How do you decide where your boundaries are? As you read my story, let me encourage you to look at your own heart and wrestle with the concept of conviction, because if you don’t know where your boundaries are before you are thrown into a challenging situation, you are almost guaranteed to fall flat on your face.

The apostle Paul wrote about this reality in Ephesians 6:10–17 when he was describing the armor of God. I’d encourage you to check out the entire passage, but let me highlight three places where Paul wrote about standing with conviction.

Finally, be strengthened by the Lord and by His vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the tactics of the Devil. (vv. 10–11)

We can be strong because of the Lord’s strength. We can stand with conviction because of the protection and guidance He offers us.

This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. (v. 13)

Standing firm is what conviction is all about. I knew that I could be confident that I would stand firm in my convictions through this journey, not because of my own strength, but because of the strength that God freely offers me.

In verse 14, Paul repeats his order to stand: “Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest.”

I knew that because of God’s Word, I was anchored in truth. I knew that because of my faith in Christ, I was protected from harm even as I entered this season of stretching. None of that meant the journey would be easy, but I knew I could stand with conviction, even with millions of eyes watching, because I would be clinging to the Vine the whole time.

I’m sure you’ve heard it said that if you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything. That’s exactly what Paul is preaching in this passage. If we don’t hold our lives together with God’s truth, we will never be able to stand firm. If we don’t know what our convictions are before the challenge comes, the world will decide them for us and we are destined to compromise. I knew that I could use the platform I had been given to stand for what I believed, because my convictions were firmly decided ahead of time.

Maybe my journey can help you think through your own boundaries. Where do your convictions come from? To whom or what do you look to help you determine what you will stand for?

The Reality of Reality TV

Soon enough it was time to get down to business. The premise of the show is that each celebrity is matched with a professional dancer. I didn’t know who my pro partner was until he showed up at my house while the cameras rolled.

I was secretly rooting for Mark Ballas or Val Chmerkovskiy to be my partner. I had a dream the week before the initial meeting that was simply a face . . . which was Val’s face (the dancer, not my husband) so I thought I might be getting a glimpse of who I’d be paired up with. I was excited at this prospect because I knew he was an incredible dancer, I liked his personality from what I’d seen on the show, and size wise I thought we were a good fit. But when I imagined myself on the show over the years, I always thought I’d most likely be paired up with Mark. I liked Mark, he was fun and goofy and not too intense. And looking back through some of his other partners, I always felt like he’d be the one for me. So I was thrilled when I opened the door to find Mark standing on my doorstep.

Right away, as we filmed the very first segment for the show, I had an opportunity to stand with conviction. Mark asked me several questions like what my expectations were of the show, how much dance experience I had, and what I was most nervous about. Without really even thinking about it (that’s what happens when your boundaries are set ahead of time), I said that I didn’t want to be cast as “the sexy girl.” I’m a mom of three kids. I knew that I didn’t want to sell sex for the sake of getting me further on the show. I said up front that I wanted to have the opportunity to look classy and feel beautiful. I even said that I wanted my costumes to be on the more modest side, a boundary that would certainly be put to the test in the weeks ahead.

Then it was time to get to work. Mark and I started practicing four hours a day, seven days a week in the practice studio. At this stage in the game, we were only allowed to practice for four hours in order to give our bodies time to adjust to the physical demands of the show. But it sure didn’t feel like much of an adjustment period! We hit the ground running, and running hard!

Suddenly, I had to juggle being a wife and a mom of three kids while seizing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. One of the first emotions to hit me during this process was a wave of mom guilt. I knew that the show was going to require me to be away from my kids a lot even though I was still in Los Angeles. It was tough knowing I’d be here, but I wouldn’t be very available for them.

I had the dream. Now I had the opportunity to do it, but there was a tiny tug-of-war happening in my heart. Because of my kids, there were times I wondered if it was okay to pursue my dream. I wondered if I was being selfish by doing something that would require my family to step out of their comfort zones too, and I wrestled with how to know if this was something God really wanted me to do.

This certainly wasn’t the first time I had experienced mom guilt. Even if you’re not a mom, you likely know that as women, prioritizing can be tough. We often face choices where we have to weigh an opportunity on one side of the scale and the potential impact on the people we care about on the other. Will my kids be okay if I work these long hours? Will my parents be disappointed if I chase my own dream instead of the dream they have for me? Will my friends be hurt if I invest my time and energy into this project for a season, leaving less time to invest in our friendship?

I had to think through how to cope with mom guilt while pursuing a personal dream. Ultimately, I jumped over that hurdle by focusing on what I want my children to learn from me. I don’t want to nurture my children into being unable or unwilling to be stretched out of their comfort zones. I don’t want my kids to be afraid to take the opportunities God gives them and use them to point others toward Him. I don’t just want my kids to hear what the Bible says; I want them to see it in action.

Philippians 4:13 promises: “I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

I knew that was true, and I wanted my kids to see it through my life!

I also knew that I had my husband’s support every step of the way. Val has always been a hands-on dad. He’s never been one of those guys who shies away from changing a diaper, driving carpool, coaching the kids in sports, making breakfast, lunch, and dinner, having heart-to-heart conversations with them, or doing whatever needs to be done. He’s always been a very involved parent, and while the show would require him to kick his role into hyper drive—something he’s done many times before when I’ve filmed out of town—I knew that our kids would be well taken care of and supported. That’s not to say the guilt didn’t come and go. Sometimes, I think that’s just part of being a woman, but ultimately, I could lay it down because I knew that my kids were watching me be stretched beyond my comfort zone.

Lights, Camera, Action

Once practices started, the cameras were rolling constantly. All of our practices were filmed by a crew of at least two people—one producer operating the camera and one person sitting at the computer operating the sound and making editing notes. Since I had been acting since I was five years old, I was pretty used to the cameras, but I wasn’t used to the spotlight being quite so constant. The cameras were literally on all the time from the minute we walked in the doors!

Mark was a patient teacher and I needed his patience! As it turns out, those childhood dance lessons didn’t carry me very far in a competition with professional dancers and gold- medalist athletes. Very early on, my mind and body were being stretched in new ways. I even got some major bruises during practice those first couple of weeks. I considered them battle scars and shared photos of them on my weekly blog on
People
magazine’s website. I had a lot to learn if I was going to compete on this stage, but I felt ready for the challenge.

Our first live show was right around the corner. I didn’t know it, but I had just strapped in for the ride of my life!

Chapter 2

“Come!” He said. And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus.

—Matthew 14:29

T
here’s a famous story in the Bible where Jesus and one of His disciples walked on water. Matthew 14:22–33 tells us that Jesus sent His friends across the Sea of Galilee while He retreated alone to pray. A storm blew up and the boat Jesus’ friends were on was beaten and tossed by the wind.

Suddenly, they peeked out of their battered ship to see someone walking on the water toward them. They were afraid. I would be too if I saw someone floating toward me without a boat! Not to mention that the disciples’ nerves were already standing at attention as their little boat struggled to stay afloat in a nasty storm.

But Jesus never gets anxious. His nerves never get the best of Him. While the disciples freaked out, Jesus stayed calm.

“Immediately Jesus spoke to them. ‘Have courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid’” (v. 27).

I know what it’s like to ride through choppy waters. Only two weeks into my
Dancing with the Stars
experience, I felt a lot like that little boat. Rehearsals had left me literally bruised over much of my body and I was exhausted! At one point in those early weeks, I took my kids out for frozen yogurt and fell fast asleep on a bench while they ate. I was just too tired to keep my eyes open!

Our first live show was just days away. Sure, I had some butterflies about dancing in front of millions of people for the first time, but I also felt ready to take the leap. In fact, I approached that first show with much of the same fearlessness that I had accepted the offer to be on
DWTS
in the first place. I didn’t know exactly what that first live show would be like, but I was ready to step out of the boat and see if I would sink or swim.

Speaking of sinking, that’s exactly what Peter did in the story I was just telling you about. Right after Jesus told His disciples not to be afraid, Peter made a gutsy request.

“Lord, if it’s You,” Peter answered Him, “command me to come to You on the water.”

“Come!” He said.

And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the strength of the wind, he was afraid. And beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out His hand, caught hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” (vv. 28–31)

Being on
DWTS
wasn’t exactly water-walking, but as the first live show approached, the risks that come with stepping out of my comfort zone were on my mind. When fear rose up or the ground felt a little unsteady underneath my feet, I was reminded that sometimes God calls us to take risks because it makes us dependent on Him, just like when Jesus encouraged Peter to step out of the boat onto the choppy waves of a stormy sea. I was convinced that I was about to see Him move in ways I never would have if I had played it safe, and I was right!

Going All In

We found out early on that our first dance would be contemporary. In case you’re a dance novice (like me!), let me give you a crash course in contemporary dance. Contemporary is a style of expressive dance that combines elements of several genres like modern, jazz, lyrical, and classical ballet. Contemporary dance isn’t as strict or as structured as other dances. The emphasis is on fluid movements. While there was plenty of technique to learn, I felt like the first dance played to my strengths. It helped that Mark was a patient teacher. We were working hard but I was having so much fun.

One thing Mark emphasized often as we rehearsed was that I needed to give 100 percent every single time we practiced our dance. That was a foreign concept to me, because as an actress I’ve been trained to hold back. During rehearsals for a show or movie, I might give 70 to 80 percent in order to save my energy and emotion for when the cameras are rolling, but Mark kept telling me that’s not how it works in the dance world. He needed to know exactly how I was going to perform in the live show. He told me that if I was going to push harder when the cameras were rolling, that he needed to know so that he could adjust his resistance. He instructed me not to hold anything back for the performance in rehearsals. I couldn’t save anything. Part of training to be a dancer was learning to give everything I had every single time we rehearsed. That was hard for me! It was something that Mark and I struggled through during the entire show.

As with so much about this journey, this was a lesson about more than dancing. Long before
DWTS
, I had committed to making my faith my number-one priority in my life, but it was as if God was giving me an object lesson on how important it was to give Him 100 percent all of the time. Giving God everything is such a critical part of the Christian walk. Jesus asks us to love Him with
all
of our heart, soul, mind, and strength (Luke 10:27). We believe that
all
of the Bible is true and useful for our lives (2 Tim. 3:16). We seek to surrender
every
area of our lives to God’s control. In faith, as in every area, a partial commitment ruins the whole thing. If I’m only halfway committed to my marriage, the partnership won’t work. I must be all in. If I’m only partway invested in my children, my job as a mother isn’t complete. And if I’m only giving Jesus 70 to 80 percent of my life, my heart, my resources, I’m not living the way He has called me to live. As Mark was training me to give 100 percent every time I danced, the Lord was reminding me that He asks me to give Him 100 percent too. While I naturally wanted to hold back my best efforts for when the cameras were rolling, Mark was showing me that I needed to go all in, even when it was just me and him and the producers in a rehearsal studio.

In the same way, sometimes we are tempted to live our lives for Jesus only when others are watching, but there was another clear parallel. Yes, God had given me this platform upon which I could live out my convictions, but being a follower of Jesus means living my life for Him at all times, even when no one is watching.

Remember Peter and his battered boat? When his eyes were on Jesus and he focused on his Savior 100 percent, nothing could touch him. The storm was raging, the waves were churning, but he had set his course and he was walking on that choppy water! When he pulled back . . . when he tried to focus on Jesus
and
what was going on around him . . . when his trust level dropped down below 100 percent, he started to sink.

I wanted to learn to give 100 percent on the dance floor and in every other area of my life. So I kept practicing!

Gearing Up for the Big Show

Lots of people have asked me how the elements of each show are chosen. The producers pick the type of dance each couple does each week. Every couple doesn’t necessarily do every type of dance during the season, and certainly some types of dances are more difficult than others. I was thrilled to have been assigned a dance genre that came a little more naturally to me for the first week.

The other elements of the show are a result of collaboration. Mark and I had the chance to sit down with the producers and give them a list of songs we would like to dance to. Since Mark’s ear is much more trained to hear music as a dancer than mine is, he was a natural at matching the songs we both liked with a category of dance. (I just knew what made me want to move!) Ultimately, the producers chose the song for us, but they took our requests into consideration and tried to accommodate them as best as possible. If, for some reason, our choice conflicted with approval rights for playing the song on TV, or another contestant’s choice, it’s at the producers’ discretion to choose something for us. For week one, we got the song “Burn” by Ellie Goulding, a song Mark had submitted, and I was very happy to dance to such a popular and current song I already loved.

Costuming was also a group effort. In addition to setting the standard that I wanted my costumes to reflect who I am as a woman while the cameras were rolling the first time I met Mark, I also had conversations with the wardrobe department early on about it. They gave me the freedom to choose costumes that were as modest or as revealing as I felt comfortable with. They told me, “We want everyone to feel great and comfortable because ultimately if you don’t feel good out there in your costume, you’re not going to perform well, so the costumes are at your discretion.” Honestly, I had no fear of the costume department and didn’t have a clue at this point in the journey that what I wore during live shows would become such a focus of debate!

For the first week of competition, my costume was a white, beaded, tank bodice with a flowing turquoise blue, layered skirt designed to show off all of that strong, controlled leg movement Mark and I had been working on. Wardrobe was just one part of the production that really started to ramp up as the live show got closer and closer. Before I knew it, it was the Monday of our first show!

Going LIVE

I know that as a spectator, the live show looks like one big party! Maybe that’s why I’ve been a fan of the show for so long; but as a participant, I soon realized the day of the show was grueling. The show was filmed on Mondays and it was a jam-packed day!

On the day of the live show I left my house by 6:30 a.m. to be on set by 7:15 a.m. The makeup chair was my first stop. Imagine getting false lashes applied first thing in the morning with enough glue to make them stick for twelve hours! Midway through makeup, the producers came to pull me out of the chair for camera blocking. That’s when we ran through the routine for the cameras. This allows the cameramen to set their final positions and camera shots before the official dress rehearsal. After blocking, I headed back to the makeup chair and then the stylists started on my hair. It didn’t take me long to figure out that those forty-five minutes in the hair-styling chair provided a great opportunity to read my Bible. The pace of the rest of the day was so intense that I needed that time in the Word to help me focus on what was really important. This is a lesson I think applies to all of life. The pace of life is often so fast, we don’t always have time to pause and spend time with the Lord. We must take advantage of the time we do have so His Word is stored in our hearts and can be our fuel in the busyness of life.

Once my hair was done, it was time for lunch. On show days, I couldn’t seem to stomach much food because I was so nervous and didn’t want to get an unexpected sour stomach from anything, so I ate light. From lunch we moved into a full dress rehearsal with costumes and all. Dress rehearsal started at 1:00 p.m. and we were literally running through the show in its exact timing of how it would be live. In addition to giving us the chance to get our bearings for what was ahead, the dress rehearsal allows producers to make sure that everything fits within the scheduled frame, because the show really is live. What you see is what you get, leaving no room for errors.

That first dress rehearsal flew by and in no time at all it was 4:40. The entire cast and crew was on stage and I felt like I was in the center of a beehive. The stage was literally buzzing with activity! The audience had been packed into the studio. There were celebrities backstage. A team of ten hairdressers and ten makeup artists were doing last-minute touch-ups on everyone. People were stretching and each couple still had their own camera crew filming their every move. It was chaos!

Live television was a whole new ball game for me. As a TV and movie actor, I’ve always been able to stop and start again if I mess up. I have never performed theatre, not even a school play! If I could describe that moment in one word, it would be
overwhelming
. As the competition progressed, I got used to the buzz, but at first I was totally and completely overwhelmed by it. I didn’t have time to focus on those feelings for long, because it was almost time to put all of that practice to work for my first-ever dance in front of an audience. And it just happened to be an audience of millions!

At 4:55 we were in position on the stage. The BBC and ABC logo came up and we were live, baby!

A High Bar

Our first dance was amazing! Looking back, those two minutes on stage before our dance while the video package was being played and our one minute and fifteen seconds of actual dancing are a bit of a blur, but I remember thinking,
This is it! I’m actually doing it. I’m gonna go for it! I’m gonna have fun and relax.
And I recalled each and every step of my whole routine in my mind and tried to remember everything Mark told me to do, even down to my facial expressions. I felt like an Olympic athlete about to compete for the first time and I didn’t want to miss anything. And I didn’t! It went as well as I could have hoped and I knew Mark would be pleased with me. Then it was time to face the judges. I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but the judges’ words were so encouraging! They added to the high I was already feeling from accomplishing my goal of dancing well in front of all of those people.

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