Dear Coca-Cola (16 page)

Re: Blue Dragon Water Chestnuts

We acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 28 May and apologise that the Postal Order was omitted from our letter of 22 May .

Accordingly we enclose a Postal Order for £2.00 and trust you will find this satisfactory.

Yours sincerely, for G COSTA & CO LTD

Elizabeth Sims

Consumer Relations Department

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

27th April

Taylors of Harrogate

Yorkshire Tea

Harrogate

North Yorkshire

Dear Taylors of Harrogate

Although I have always lived quite close to Yorkshire I must confess that I have never felt the desire to visit the White Rose county. Maybe this is because the names of some of the towns and villages sound so uninviting - Greaseborough, Slaithwaite and Grewelthorpe spring readily to mind, but no doubt I could find a Snotborough if I tried hard enough. Probably by the time God got to Yorkshire He must have run out of attractive names and you got the barrel-scrapings, as it were. However, and to get to the point, I have recently been introduced to the delights of 'Yorkshire Tea,' which in turn has led to me to deciding to visit your county in the not too distant future. If the climate in Yorkshire is hot enough to grow tea then clearly I have been missing something! During my stay I would like very much to visit your tea plantations. Would this be possible?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

TAYLORS

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your recent letter and kind comments about Yorkshire Tea. We always enjoy reading letters from our Yorkshire Tea customers and we really do appreciate the time and trouble taken to write. We were particularly delighted to read that you were thinking of visiting Yorkshire for the first time thanks to your enjoyment of our tea!

We are still a small family business with over a hundred year's experience of buying and blending tea. Our Tea Buyer visits tea estates around the world, selecting only the very best tea for our blends. This helps to give Yorkshire Tea its rich refreshing flavour. However it does mean that you would have to travel much further afield than Yorkshire to visit tea plantations.

Thank you once again for your letter and your interest in our business. Please find enclosed a sample of Yorkshire Tea so that you can enjoy your next cup with our compliments.

Yours sincerely

Katy Squire

Assistant PR & Promotions Manager

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

Cheshire

6th May

Katy Squire

Taylors of Harrogate

Harrogate

North Yorkshire

Dear Katy Squire

Thank you for your letter of 1st May and the sample of Yorkshire Tea. I used it to make a pot of tea, which I shared with the Vicar when he called round to bless my eldest son Marcus's new iguana, and he was converted. (To Yorkshire tea, that is, he was already converted to the Church of England faith, naturally)

I was both surprised and disappointed to learn that the tea that goes into Yorkshire tea isn't grown in Yorkshire. It's none of my business of course, but aren't you breaking the Trades Description Act or something by calling it Yorkshire Tea?

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

TAYLORS

8th May

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thank you for your recent letter. We were delighted to read that you have converted your Vicar to Yorkshire Tea!

Thank you also for your enquiry regarding the name of Yorkshire Tea. We would love to be able to grow tea here in Harrogate although sadly the climatic conditions are far from ideal! Instead our Tea Buyer visits tea estates and tea gardens around the world searching for fine quality teas to use in our blends.

Taylors of Harrogate was founded in 1886 and we remain very proud of our Yorkshire heritage. Still today all our teas are blended and packed in Harrogate and for this reason our rich, refreshing blend is called Yorkshire Tea. The name is registered and trade marked.

Thank you once again for your interest in our business and we do hope you will continue to enjoy drinking Yorkshire Tea.

Yours sincerely

Katy Squire

Assistant PR & Promotions Manager

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

21st May

Katy Squire

Taylors of Harrogate

Harrogate

North Yorkshire

Dear Katy Squire

Hello again! Just a line to let you know that last weekend my wife and I visited the Yorkshire Dales, staying in Wharfedale. What a lovely part of the country! And such nice people. The only disappointment apart from the unseasonable weather was with the Yorkshire Tea, which we drank whilst in Yorkshire. For some reason it didn't taste nearly so good as it does here in Derbyshire. As a matter of fact it wasn't all that easy to come by either, and I had to get the landlady at the guest house where we were staying to buy in some Yorkshire Tea specially, as she 'Allus got that tea what t'monkeys advertises on t'telly as it were a seet bloody tastier', as she charmingly put it. I wonder if this could have something to do with the water?

I ask this because the domestic water supply in the Cheshire is excellent, and far superior to the water that emerged through our tap in Grassington. In fact my wife refused point blank to drink Grassington tap water and I had to go all the way to Skipton to get her a bottle of Perrier, but then she's always been a bit squeamish about what she'll put in her mouth ever since our honeymoon (when she got drunk on Cherry B).

You remember the Vicar I introduced to Yorkshire Tea? The other day he ran off with a lady bellringer, but I doubt it was anything to do with drinking your tea.

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

30th April

HP Foods

Tower Road

Birmingham

Dear H P Foods

Being something of a gourmet I make a point of watching as many television cookery programmes as my time allows. However despite seeing all that the Two Fat Ladies have to offer, and sitting through Rick Stein, Gary Rhodes, Raymond Blanc, the Roux Brothers, countless series of Delia Smith, and Floyd on France, Italy, Spain, Australia and God knows where else, I have yet to see a single TV chef use HP Sauce, whether included in the recipe or on the finished dish.

I find this quite amazing, as a generous helping of your excellent condiment will improve any dish. I have found that three tablespoonfuls added to the boiling water absolutely transforms Bachelors Delicately Flavoured Rice, while to pour it liberally over Birds Eye Boil-In-The-Bag Kipper Fillets elevates an already outstanding dish into food fit for a King. And what would my Christmas dinner be like without it?

I wonder then why it is that TV Chefs seem reluctant to use it. Could it be jealousy on their part, and that they don't like to admit that a healthy dollop of H P Sauce would improve even their finest efforts.

I would be interested in your comments.

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

HP FOODS

Our Ref : - GTHIJMJ/296

12 May,

Mr Ravenscroft

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

Cheshire

Dear Mr Ravenscroft

Thankyou for your recent letter inquiring about using our product on National TV.

I have passed your letter onto our Marketing Department for their comments and have been advised that it is very difficult to use branded products on TV programmes without contravening advertising regulations.

We do realise that products are used in demonstrations and in standard contracts however, the presenter is under contract not to allow the brand name to be shown. These can be tailored to Company needs apparently. You never know we may be on the big screen soon!!

I do hope the above has clarified the situation for you but should you have any further queries please do not hesitate to contact us. It is always pleasant to receive comments from valued customers, such as yourself, and we thank you for taking the time to write. From your letter you appear to thoroughly enjoy our products and use them in a variety ways. Please find enclosed a product voucher to enable you to sample and enjoy some of our other brands as Lea & Perrins Worcester Sauce, Amoy and Rajah with the same delight.

Yours sincerely

Jean James

Research and Development Administrator

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

15th May

Jean James

H P Foods

Tower Road

Birmingham

Dear Jean James

Sorry, I appear to have made a mistake, it isn't HP Sauce I like, it's Heinz. However with the voucher you kindly sent me I bought a bottle of your sauce, and whilst not reaching the heights of which Heinz achieve it is nonetheless very, very good, especially when a soupcon of it is added to a pot of Yorkshire Tea. If Heinz ever let their quality slip, which it appears they might well be doing if their Thomas The Tank Engine and Friends Pasta Shapes are anything to go by, I shall know where to turn. Thank you.

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

3rd May

English Provender Company

PO Box 5

Henley-on-Thames

Oxfordshire

R99 3PM

Dear English Provender

My youngest son Oscar is extremely hyperactive, and short of tying him up the only way to stop him running riot is by strictly controlling his diet. However this is only partially successful, and I am constantly on the lookout for additional means of slowing the little tyke down, short of amputation. It was with great expectations then that I tried him on your Provender Very Lazy Garlic. What a disappointment! Your product didn't make him any lazier at all, let alone very lazy. In fact after I'd made him eat six slices of toast spread thickly with it, not only did it make him even more lively than usual but he proceeded to scream the house down, and it couldn't have been the toast that was to blame because I'd made sure the bread I used was gluten-free.

I think I deserve an explanation of why your product is clearly failing to do what you claim that

it does.

Yours faithfully

T Ravenscroft (Mr)

NO REPLY!

****

17 Lingland Road

New Mills

CHESHIRE

21st Jan

Tendercut Meats

Eastleigh

Birchfield Lane

Hants

Dear Tendercut Meats

The other day I bought a packet of your frozen Rich Meat Gravy with Sliced Leg of Lamb. Consequently I wish to make a complaint about the photograph on the front of the packet. I have no complaint about the food inside, which was as expected - bland, fatty, gristly, with thick lumpy gravy. The only observation I will make is that if the meat in question came from the limb of a lamb it must have been one which had an artificial leg. It did however have the virtue of being inexpensive, and if you shop at Aldi I suppose you can’t expect the quality afforded by Fortnum and Masons.