Depths (2 page)

Friday. Today was Friday. It was nice that this
happened on a Friday so I could at least have an extended weekend.
And I was fired at 5 A.M., the end of my shift which was pretty
convenient.

I can't say I really blame my boss for firing me, or
well former boss, because I wasn't the perfect employee. But I
could have at least gotten a warning beforehand, no? I walked
towards my car, unsure of what to do for the rest of my day.
Friday.

I left the building into the parking lot and got to
my car, fumbling with the keys before getting them into the
lock.

Click.

I love that sound. It meant that I was going
somewhere. Somewhere away from wherever it is that I am. I left the
parking lot and began driving down Memorial Drive. I still couldn't
get the dream out of my head. What did it mean? I just needed to
concentrate so I could remember all the details.

The windows in my sedan exploded,
shards of tempered glass flew at my face. My body was flung to the
right and jerked back as the seat belt locked. As my car began to
tip, I watched as the horizon went from horizontal in front of me
to vertical, to behind me to just a blur of shapes and colors,
spinning and spinning as I tumbled. The crunching metal and
shattered glass littered the street behind me. I could hear tires
screeching trying to stop, attempting to avoid hitting me. From
what I could tell they hadn't. But I couldn't feel any part of my
body so how would I really know? Hell, I could barely see. Blood
ran into my eyes but I couldn't tell if it was running
down
my face or
up
my face. And yet, the
only thing I could think of was my stained shirt. Not the one I was
wearing, the one I was wearing when I went to dinner with
her
the first time. Wine
is a bitch to clean out. So is blood. What a way to start the
weekend.

“
Wake up!
”

What?

Now don't get me wrong, I can
respect authority. But this is ridiculous... Ridiculous... Why was
I fired without a warning? Four years and I don't even get a
warning? It was one fucking copy machine? One!
It
’
s not like the whole store was robbed!
And why only one copy machine? Is that all the robbers could get
out? Or did they only need one? Do they not have a Kinko's or
something? I don't know. I reached my car and fumbled for the keys
before getting it into the lock.

Click.

I loved that sound. It meant I was going somewhere
that wasn't here. But I couldn't get my mind off the dream as I
backed out of the drive way and onto Memorial Parkway. If only I
could remember all the details... I just needed to
concentrate...

Shit!

Red light. Almost ran it. Good thing I stopped too,
that jackass didn't even wait for his light to turn green before
speeding around the left turn. Would've hit me if I hadn't stopped.
Idiot. I hate when people don't pay attention when they're
driving.

I honestly couldn't think of doing
anything. I mean, normally I would be sleeping. If I slept that is.
More like
trying
to sleep. But I felt that since I would have a lot more free
time on my hands I should figure out something to do with it, but
nothing came to mind. My social life as of late had pretty much
deteriorated into nothing. No one came to mind to meet up with, and
it was too early in the morning anyways. 6:34 A.M. is what the
clock said.

6:34 A.M.?

Hang on, how long have I been driving? I was fired
at 5 A.M. I didn't even know where I was. I'm not exactly known for
my navigational skills. I couldn't even remember the path I took.
None of the streets looked familiar, no landmarks that I
recognized. I didn't even see any cars on the road.

Where am I?

A low moan whimpered from the
passenger seat.
Her
shaking arms clawed at her face in an attempt to wipe the
red, red blood out of her eyes. I was paralyzed. My car veered to
the right and I grabbed the wheel, barely avoiding driving off the
road.

“
What- what hap-happened...
Wha-What happened to m-m-me...?
”

Her frail voice broke through choked tears that
leaked profusely from her eyes. I wish I could have said something,
but I just sat there trying to steer while I stared with my mouth
hanging open like a moron.

“
WHAT HAPPENED TO
ME!?
”
she
shrieked
,
lash
ing out at me, gashing me with
her nails.

My car veered from side to side, screeching down the
road as I fought to stay in control of my car while fighting her
back.

“
WHAT HAPPENED TO
ME!? WHAT HAPPENED!?
”

“
I don't know! Calm down dammit, I
want to help!
”

“
P-p-please help
m-me...
”

She broke into sobs and pulled her legs up to her
chest. I couldn't find anywhere to stop, nothing seemed to be
around.

What part of town did I drive into?

All there was was road.

Until there was a gas station. I slammed on my
brakes, almost speeding right past it, and pulled into the parking
lot.

I was alone. No other cars, no people. Just
nothing.

I parked the car, undid my belt and jumped out
scurrying to the passenger side door, and opened it, trying to help
out of the car. She kept her head down on her knees and when I
touched her arm, she jumped and let out a whimper.

“
Don't make me... Please don't
make me...
”

“
OK, OK... Just stay here and I'll
get help.
”

I darted into the mini mart behind the pumps, up to
the counter and peered around. There was no one in back, no
customers. The place was deserted.

I felt a hand grip me sharply on the shoulder and
spun me around.

“
Can I help you sir?
”

What?

The cashier gazed at me, clearly puzzled. He had
wrinkles around his bespectacled eyes, which were magnified
intensely by his glasses, and balding gray hair ravished by a
receding hair line. Seemed like a nice enough fellow.

“
Can I help you with
something?
”
he asked again. A little
harsher tone this time.

For a moment I forgot where I was. What was I even
doing in here?

“
Uh, yeah. I'm a little lost. Can
you tell me how to get back to Memoir Drive?
”

I sounded as confused as he looked.

“
Take a left at the light, follow
the street down for about two miles and you'll make a right at
Chestnut and then take the first left after that. You'll hit Memoir
in about a mile.
”

That didn't seem right... I had been driving for
about an hour and a half and only managed to go what? Five miles?
Ten?

I told him thanks and began to leave.

“
Oh and sir,
” he called out.

I stopped and faced him again.

“
It's Monday,
”
he continued,
“the significance of
it being Monday is that...
”

Monday? I thought today was Friday... I could be
wrong.

“
Is there anything else I can do
for you?
”

I shook my head no and left.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

I bolted awake, hit the
“
Off
”
button and
collapsed back into bed. I needed to be back asleep. I was so close
this time. The dream, the dream, always the same goddamn dream. And
I was
so close
this time. As I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I
glanced around. Everything seemed to be in place. I made a mental
note of all the details:

Two shirts, one black, the other navy blue, both
crumpled in a heap on the floor to my right.

Three pairs of pants, one to my right next to the
shirts, the other two pairs on the left. Two pairs were dark denim,
one pair was black.

Alarm clock on night stand. Other than the clock,
the night stand was bare.

Chestnut colored dresser to my left, top drawer
sticking out just a little bit, nothing on top of it.

Directly in front of me, at the
other end of the room, was a 37
”
flat
screen LCD television setting atop a little black
mini-entertainment center with nothing else on top of
it.

Work boots at the foot of my bed on the floor.

My walls were navy blue, the door was white.

Closet on my right, doors shut, also white.

A little
dirty
-clothes hamper that was overflowing
in the corner by the closet door.

Everything was in order.

While this little ritual of mine might seem a little
bizarre, there was good reason for it.

For months now, I haven't been able to keep track of
whether or not I'm awake or asleep. Hard to say how long this has
been going on.

Six months? A year?

I don't know. But I do know that when you see
yourself in the mirror and your face isn't your face anymore, it's
a terrifying experience if you don't know if you're awake.

Ever since I had
that
dream I've been
afraid to look in a mirror if I was unsure if I was awake or not.
If I was afraid, then I was awake. And just for good measure, I
stopped sleeping pretty much all together. I limited myself to a
couple hours a night at most. You can't dream if you're not asleep.
Granted, this did come with its own set of problems. My head is
filled with fuzz and gaps in my memory, unsure of what I did the
day before or even what day it was. I can't remember the people I
talk to, I mix up what I say to people and I continue conversations
with the wrong people.

I generally have a hard time functioning at all.
It's not that I don't want to sleep. I truly want nothing more, but
I just can’t.

The sun hadn't quite risen yet and the light was
just beginning to leak through my curtains. I didn't have to be
anywhere today, not until later at least, so I took my time waking
up.

Today was Friday. I had been suspended from my job a
week prior, and yet I still woke up at the same time I normally
would for work, 5 A.M. I pulled on the pair of black pants next to
the shirt pile. They were cold. I generally kept my house cold but
it was a little more chilly than usual this morning. I made my way
into the hallway and into the kitchen, I was starving. I've always
had a fast metabolism and it felt like I hadn't eaten in days.

Nothing in the fridge. Nothing in the freezer. Still
nothing in the fridge. I don't know why I do that. Fridge, freezer,
fridge. Habit I guess.

The coffee finished brewing so I poured myself a
mug. It helped settle my stomach. As I leaned against the counter,
the dream from last night seeped into my head again.

I was so close...

I couldn't help but put too much thought into my
dreams. It could all be meaningless like some sleep experts say,
but I didn't think so. I hunted for the symbolism and the
connections and the parallels. And I've been plagued by this dream
for far too long for me to be able to just brush it all aside.

The clock read 7 A.M. I wasn't
supposed to meet with
her
until 2 P.M. Well, at least there was some
laundry to do. That would kill some time. I went back to my room
and picked the hamper up, carrying it out of the room in both
hands. Various articles of clothing spilled out from the top, a
couple socks, a shirt... I went down the hall opposite the
direction of the living room, turning right. I had to set the
hamper down to open the door, then keep it propped open with my
foot so I could pick up the hamper and go into my
garage.

The washer and dryer were up
against the wall to my left. The garage was remarkably clean unlike
my room. There were some boxes in the corner filled with old
pictures and some other junk I hadn't sifted through yet. A dart
board hung on the garage door. Asides from that, there
wasn
’
t much else in here. I parked my car
outside, it
’
s just easier to go places
that way.

I started the washer, and poured some soap in. I
sorted my clothes as I got to them. Luckily my clothes were mostly
blacks, blues, browns and grays. It could all pretty much go in the
same load. After I had filled the washer to its max, there were
still some clothes left. I would get them later. I went back
through the door to my hall and saw the door to my office directly
across from me. The door was shut. Good. I kept all the doors
shut.

I went to the living room and parked myself on the
sofa. The cushion was well worn in the section I always sat in. I
kicked my feet up on the table and tilted my head back just to
relax and get comfortable.

I opened my eyes to the sun
shining, blue skies overhead while a cool breeze rustled my hair. I
tried to sit up but there was a weight on my chest. I peered down
past my nose to see
her
head resting on me. Her wavy black hair tickled
my nose and faint scents of vanilla drifted into my nostrils. It
made me feel warm. The grass was making my arms and head itch so I
shifted a little. She stirred in her sleep and slowly lifted her
head up. Her deep brown eyes blinked from the sun and finally
focused their gaze straight into my own eyes. She smiled and I
smiled back.