Diving In (9 page)

I hold her in my arms and I almost get choked
up, which is weird. I feel like we just shared something major,
something way beyond the physical boundary we just crossed. It’s
kind of like everything got blocked out for a minute and the only
thing that mattered to me was making her feel good. I don’t
normally get that way with girls. Sure, I always want them to get
off, but I’m usually trying to get something out of it too, so this
kind of selfless experience is sort of weird for me. I wanted her
to feel good and I didn’t give a shit about what it was like from
my end of the deal. All I cared about was her and now all I want to
do is hold her while she comes down from it. This just feels so …
intimate.

“That was so intense,” she whispers, her
breath hot against my chest.

“I know, baby,” I say, wrapping my arms
around her tighter and kissing into her hair. “I felt it too.”

I know it was intense for her, but the weird
part is that it was so intense for me. I didn’t even do anything,
but I feel that kind of relaxed sensation you get after you come
really hard. Just holding her like this … it’s done something to me
and I feel different.

“You’re so perfect, Lo,” I whisper to her,
trailing my fingers up and down her back. “You’re so special.
Everything about you is beautiful.”

She lifts herself up on shaky arms and looks
in my eyes, giving me a smile that could light up the whole
city.

This is definitely a moment. Something’s
happening right now. The way she’s looking at me and the way it
makes me feel, all fluttery and warm … shit’s taking place that
goes way over my head and I can’t pinpoint what it is, but it’s
there. I feel it.

I tuck her hair behind her ear and then
stroke my fingers down the back of her neck. I feel weird about it,
but I really want to kiss her right now. In fact, I’d like to stay
in bed and kiss her for the rest of the day until I have to drive
her to the airport.
Who does that? Who wants to be in bed with a
hot, bare-ass naked chick and just kiss her?
Something’s wrong
with me if I’m thinking like this.

“James … I … that was,” she says like
something’s all weird with her too.
What happened to us just
now?

I tilt her head towards me and I slowly close
my eyes as I touch her forehead to mine. “You are the most perfect
thing in the world,” I whisper softly to her. “You’re the most
amazing person and you’re beautiful and I wish you lived here
because I’d do this forever.”
Christ!
This sounds like the
kind of thing you say to a girl before you propose to her, like the
spiel that comes before telling her you love her. But that’s not …
unless …
do I love her?

“You’re so warm,” she giggles as she presses
into me and nuzzles under my neck.

“You’re so hot,” I reply, my face fixed in a
perma-smile.

That makes her laugh and I’m happy to lighten
things up a bit. We were heading into some uncharted territory
there for a minute and it kind of freaked me out to consider some
of those feelings I had towards her.

“I want to take a shower,” she says, lifting
up on her arms again so she’s hovering over me and looking like
some shit religious people would describe when they talk about
heaven.

“Want me to join you?” I throw out there with
a raised eyebrow. Considering how shy she was yesterday, I
seriously doubt she’ll do it. But hey, worth a try, right?

I can’t really hide my total surprise when
she pauses, gives me a sexy smile and then nods her head, “Yes, I
think that’d be nice.”

“You’re fuckin’ with me, aren’t you?” I
smirk.

“Nope,” she shakes her head. “I wanna shower
with you James,” she adorably replies, biting her bottom lip in
this way that makes me crazy for her.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can
hear her snickering. “That is, hands down, the best thing you’ve
ever said to me.”

She laughs loudly and sits up, still
straddling me and giving me a view of her bare body. The way her
hair falls over her boobs reminds me of a mermaid.

“You just don’t know!” I chuckle as I sit up
and wrap my arms around her. “You have no fuckin’ clue what this
does to me!”

“I have some idea,” she grins, looking down
at my crotch.

“You make me harder than I’ve ever been in my
fuckin’ life!” I admit.

She tries to hold it in, but she nearly
snorts when she bursts into laughter.
Yeah, I get it.
It
wasn’t exactly the smoothest compliment. It makes me laugh too. I
just said that to my best friend. I just blurted out that she gets
my dick hard and I told her that right after we had this sweet
little moment. I’m sure I could have phrased it better, but she
fries my circuits and I’m way too honest with her.

“Do you want me to do something about that?”
she asks, sliding her hand down my stomach.

My mouth opens a little bit and I let out a
deep breath. Even the slightest touch of her fingertips feels
good.

“Maybe I could give it a try,” she
continues.

I swallow hard and close my eyes, trying to
get my shit together. I can’t even describe how bad I want her, but
I’m worried about it. If she so much as touches my dick, I’m going
to end up fucking her. I know it. If she’s naked
and
I’m
naked, it will happen. I won’t be able to control myself. She’s too
close and it would be too easy to go for it.

“I don’t think we should,” I say against all
my better judgment.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” I nod. “Lo, I can barely hold back as
it is. Don’t make fun of me, but I want you so bad right now that
it hurts and I’m gonna go fuckin’ werewolf on you and frenzy fuck
you if we keep going.”

She bites her lip to keep from laughing.

“You’re naked and you’re like three inches
from my dick. I want to just grab your hips and fuckin’ plunge into
you,” I continue to say, despite the intelligent part of my brain
telling me to shut the fuck up. “I want to fuck you until you
scream so loud the neighbors call the cops. I want to make you come
so hard you cry. I want to be in you for hours. I want you to miss
your flight and stay here riding my dick for, like, the next eight
days.”

“Goddamn!” She laughs. “That’s graphic.”

“I can’t help it,” I chuckle. “You do crazy
shit to me. You make me get filthy. The things I want to do to you
right now … it’s so bad I don’t even want to tell you about
it.”

She completely cracks up, taking my face in
her hands and planting a big kiss on my forehead. “I guess we
should cool it down, then,” she smiles. “I don’t want you to lose
it and go all ravenous on me.”

“I fuckin’ would, too!” I chuckle.” Christ!
The things I would do to you—it’d be totally obscene”

“You’d defile me?” She laughs, raising an
eyebrow at me.

“I’d completely defile you,” I tease. “It
would get totally dirty, Lo, really vulgar stuff. You’d be
horrified by it because I’d never stop going, either. I’d fuck you
so good it’d be burned into your brain for the rest of your life.
Any time you fucked somebody else, you’d be like, ‘Damn, this is
nowhere near as good as when James did it,’ because I’d do it so
good that nobody could ever compare.”

“Shit!” She giggles. “You’ve thought this
through.”

“You have no idea,” I chuckle.

“I think you like talking nasty to me,” she
smirks.

“I do like it,” I grin.

“Alright, dirty boy, let’s shower,” she says,
patting my stomach and sliding off of me.

I miss the feel of her the second she’s away.
I’m kind of horrified at myself, at how horny I am for her right
now. She’s Lola! She’s my best friend, my little sweetheart. Even
though she’s proved that she has a sexy side that could boil my
blood right out of my body, I shouldn’t think such lewd shit about
her.

“Come on,” she says, walking happily naked
into the bathroom.

I’m out of bed in ten seconds and I follow
after her like a fuckin’ puppy.
Shit!
She totally has me
now—not that she didn’t before, not that she hasn’t since the day I
met her. I’d do anything for this girl, but now she knows it. I’m
never going to hear the end of this if my friends find out. I’m
supposed to be the ladies’ man, the “love ‘em and leave ‘em” guy
who gets any chick he wants and acts all alpha male all the time.
Now a girl—a tiny, petite, pretty, innocent girl—has me wrapped
around her little finger.

It makes me smile a little bit, though,
because I know she likes it and I like anything that makes her
happy. Lola’s seen sides of me that I don’t show to anyone. I’ve
cried in front of her, got into screaming fights with her and then
come crawling back to grovel and apologize because she was right
all along—she’s almost always right. I’ve gone crazy, primal
protective over her and I’ve gotten all paranoid because of her.
She just taps into my most base impulses and everything I do is
cranked to 11 when it comes to her.

She turns on the water and peeks over her
shoulder at me. She knows exactly what she’s doing. I’ve completely
lost the upper hand—if I ever even had it in the first place, that
is.

My eyes feel all hooded with lust as I watch
her rinse her hair, the water flowing down her body in all the
places I’d like to touch her. Shit! This is really bad. I’m fuckin’
fixated on her.

“Can I wash your hair?” I ask her.
What
kind of a request is that? How pussywhipped am I and I haven’t even
had her pussy?! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

“Uh-huh,” she nods.

I grab the shampoo and lather up her long
hair, massaging her scalp. I hate myself for how much I love this.
After I smooth in the conditioner, I take the shower gel and lather
up my hands, rubbing her shoulders and back until she’s relaxed and
breathing all deep and stuff.

She rinses out the conditioner and then
trades places with me so I’m under the water. She grabs the bottle
of shower gel and starts pouring some out on her hands, looking up
into my eyes in this sexy way that makes my smile turn more
flirtatious.

I inhale a sharp breath when she runs her
hands over my chest, onto my shoulders, down my back and around
onto my abs. Her little fingers are talented and she’s fuckin’
caressing me in a way that has my heart pounding. It’s not
necessarily sexual—she’s not going for my dick or anything—but it’s
sexy. It’s kind of sensual, but innocent at the same time.

“You freaked out that you’re naked with me?”
I grin at her. “You were such a dork about it last night, but now
you’re a fuckin’ Playboy Bunny prancing around here and teasing
me.”

“Teasing you?” she raises her eyebrows like
she’s surprised. “How am I teasing you?”

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” I laugh. “How
are you
not
teasing me?”

“Because I’m naked and taking a shower with
you and washing your body with my bare hands?” she smirks.

“Yeah, that would be it,” I nod. “I don’t
think best friends do shit like that.”

“No,” she smiles “they don’t.”

What does that mean?
The way she said
it was all soft and seductive, but she doesn’t elaborate on it.
There was more to it, though. I feel like there were a whole bunch
of other words hidden under the surface of what she said. She
couldn’t possibly mean … does she want to be more than friends?

That thought is both awesome and terrifying
at the same time. I don’t doubt that Lola would be an awesome
girlfriend, but I don’t think I could be an awesome boyfriend. I’d
probably end up fucking some other chick and pissing her off,
because that’s kind of what I do. I’m good as a friend with
benefits, good as a fuck buddy or a one-night stand, but I’d be
shitty to date because I have the tendency to fuck things up with
people who care about me. Just ask my dad, who all but flat-out
told me I wasn’t worth a shit when he was kicking me out of the
house for doing porn. I know it sounds totally emo, but I don’t
deserve for somebody to have feelings for me that go that deep. I
especially don’t deserve for Lola to feel that way about me. She’s
a zillion times better than I deserve—than anyone deserves,
really.

We finish showering and she starts combing
out her hair with a towel wrapped around her body. It’s the first
time all morning that I haven’t been able to stare at her tits and
I miss them already.

“I’m gonna make us some breakfast,” I say,
kissing the top of her head.

I head out into the kitchen and start
cracking some eggs and preparing French toast for us. Breakfast
food is fast and easy, but I like to add my own little flares to it
to make it more gourmet. The omelets I’m making, for example, have
an assortment of veggies and spices to give them a little more
flavor. It’s cool to be cooking for Lola again. I missed it. I used
to love cooking dinner for her when we lived back home. She’d eat
at my house a lot or I’d go over to her place and make stuff for
her and her mom. I loved the way she’d scarf it down and then tell
me she felt like her belly would explode from how full she was.

She comes into the kitchen but she’s fully
clothed and she’s pouting a little bit. She stands against the
counter and holds something up. It’s a black g-string with sparkly
stars on it.

“Why was this on the floor by your bed?” she
asks, clearly not happy about the discovery.

“It’s from last week,” I reply, not really
sure what to do in this situation.

“Whose skanky-ass thong is this?” she says
like she’s even more pissed off.

“Lexi … or maybe Tara,” I answer
truthfully.

“You don’t know which one?” She’s not
pleased. Definitely not.

“Last week, we all did a shoot together and
we were still hyped up so they came over here, since my place is
close to the studio,” I attempt to explain.

“You had a fucking ménage with those two
bitchy girls last week?” she says. She sounds like she’s hurt and I
don’t know what to do.