Dreadful Summit (10 page)

She was a coloured woman, but her face was kind of light-coloured and she was beautiful. She had her hair twisted up with a big flower in it, and when she came out everybody started clapping and yelling, ‘Ladybird! Ladybird!' like that was a pet name, so it took a long time before she could get started. Then the band started to play, only very quiet, and she sang a song.

She didn't sing like other singers, because it was like she didn't care what the band was playing at all. It was like the band was playing one song and she was singing another but it always came out right. It was a sad song about how she lost her lover, and when she was done everybody started to yell and clap like crazy.

It was funny how I felt while she was singing. I felt sad, but all the same I felt big, bigger than anything, and I wanted to pull the gun out of my pocket and show it to Tanya and tell her what I was going to do, only that would have really been crazy. I had to hold in the way I felt, and the only thing I could do, there was a bottle on the table, I had a drink fast.

I had another one while she was singing the other songs and then she went away and everybody was yelling and calling, ‘Ladybird!' but she didn't come back. I was clapping louder than anybody and yelling, ‘Ladybird,' too, but still she wouldn't come back.

I felt so sad that I was almost crying, but I knew what I would do. I would kill Al Judge and then I could come back and stand up by the table and tell everybody. And Terry Angelus would have to sing songs for me. Any song I picked she would sing and nobody else could pick one. And when I got done picking, I would go along with her to where she lived and she would give me the works because she wanted to.

I put my hand on the gun and started pulling, and I thought I would lay it on the table and say to Dr Cooper, get out of here or I'll kill you. It's loaded, see. I would show him it was loaded and he would sneak away and then I would grab Tanya but she would like it.

But there were two bottles on the table in my way so I pushed at them and they went tumbling all over the floor and everybody jumped, so I started laughing. They all jumped so slow it was funny. Like a slow-motion picture.

I was sweating right through and I could smell it, but that was no good because there was something else I couldn't remember. Then I thought I remembered what it was because I had to take a leak bad and that must have been it.

I got up from the table, but I almost fell over it, and Dr Cooper got up too and grabbed me. There was loud music and he was just moving his lips, but I knew he was my friend and he would help me get to the toilet even if he was a professor.

He was drunk all right, because he grabbed hold of his chair when he started walking, and Tanya was sitting there and laughing. And when we got out, she still looked like she was happy and that made me feel good.

Then they both helped me and we all started out, but I pulled away because I couldn't wait to get outside where there was plenty of fresh air. Anyhow, they stopped and Dr Cooper was figuring out how to pay the waiter and there was no use waiting. But it was lucky too, because when I got outside there was Terry Angelus standing with a big dog on a leash and he was wetting on the lamp-post there.

Most times I don't like dogs because maybe they'll bite you or something. But I liked this dog because Terry Angelus had him on a leash, and I went up and patted his head, and it felt like rubbing your hand on a carpet. He liked me too all right, because he pushed against me and I almost fell down, so I had to grab Terry Angelus and hold her arm.

She didn't mind. She was smiling and was even more beautiful than when she was singing. I just had to tell her how I felt because that's how it was. I knew I had to and I knew she would like it, and I said, ‘You're the most wonderful singer in the whole world and you're so beautiful even if you are a nigger,' and it was hard to say too, because my lips were so stiff I could hardly move them.

But she was mad the way I was hanging on her arm. She was mad about it all right, because she pulled away all of a sudden so I almost fell down again, and then she spit right where my necktie was showing. I put the back of my hand over it and I could feel the spit, and I felt lik. crying because she was so mad.

But she would do what I wanted all right, because I had the gun, and I grabbed at it and tried to get my hand on it, but before I could find it, Dr Cooper and Tanya took hold of me and started walking me down to the curb where there was a taxi waiting and we all got in.

I didn't want to go. I had to show Terry Angelus what the score was, but Dr Cooper yelled to the taxi-driver about Barrow Street and then he grabbed me so I couldn't pull loose. But I could look around through the back window and I did, and Terry Angelus was still standing there with the big dog, rubbing her hand on her forehead, and it looked like she was crying.

Then the taxi started going real fast so I hit my head against the window, but I didn't care. I was glad, because I knew if she was crying she was sorry for what she did to me, and that made everything okay.

Chapter Twelve

I
KNEW
where Barrow Street was. It was in Greenwich Village, because sometimes after school I would walk there and look in the bookstores. They had the best bookstores there of anyplace, because you could look around all you wanted and nobody would say anything. They had a lot of old books, too, for ten, twenty cents, and once I bought three books all for fifty cents. They were by Rider Haggard, all about a guy who was in Africa and had all kinds of adventures. They were all right.

A lot of kids said, oh, don't go there, don't go there. There's a lot of crazy guys there want to grab you and give you the works like you were a girl or something, but they didn't scare me any. I looked around plenty, and I never saw even one like that.

So when the taxi stopped in the middle of the block, I knew where I was even if it was so dark. It was the darkest block I ever saw, because the street light was busted and the light was out and there was hardly any light you could see in the windows all around. It was freezing cold, too, and I was all over sweat, so when the wind hit me it felt like somebody rubbing ice over my skin and my teeth started to chatter. If I'd wanted to I could have stopped them chattering, but it felt so funny I almost laughed.

Then a newspaper came blowing along and almost hit me in the face, and I thought of the paper that blew against Mr Ehrlich's fence. I knew when that paper stuck there I stopped being a kid, and as long as it stayed that way I was big stuff and I could do just what I wanted. Only I was scared, because if it blew away again I would have to go back to being a kid again, and didn't want to.

I knew what to do about that all right. When I got back home I would take a hammer and nails and nail it right into the fence so it could never blow away again. And if Mr Ehrlich or somebody tried to take it away, I would pull out the gun and let them have it. I would kill anybody who tried to take that paper away. It would be too bad for them if they tried it.

When we got into the house it was nice and warm, and there was a lot of stairs. I could walk up the stairs all right. If I wanted to I could go up four steps at one time, only Tanya said, ‘Shh,' and I didn't want to make her sad again so I went up the regular way. But it wasn't any good her saying, ‘Shh,' like that, because the more we went up, the more I heard some music coming real loud out into the hall. I wasn't the only one either, because Dr Cooper said, ‘That sounds like your sister all right,' and Tanya said, ‘Goddammit. She'll be having me thrown out of here,' and started running very fast up the steps.

Outside the door she had trouble looking for her key, and while I was standing there I could hear the music close up and it sounded terrific. It was real heavy stuff, and it would start out like nothing much and then all of a sudden it would open up like thunder and go right over me. Then Tanya got the door open and she ran right in and turned off the music. I wished she hadn't done it, because it was wonderful.

It was a big room there without any carpet at all, not even linoleum. Just plain bare wood. And books all around. More books than I ever saw anyplace except the bookstore. There were so many they were even piled up on the floor. And there were piles of phonograph records too.

There was a couch up against the opposite wall between the windows and it was made up like a bed, the way mine was. And there was a girl sitting on the couch in her pyjamas, only not a girl really because she wasn't so young any more. She looked more like a schoolteacher, sort of. She had black hair like Tanya, but it was cut straight across in bangs the way little kids have it, and her face was thin with a big nose like Tanya too, but the rest of her was so skinny it was flat all the way down. You could see that easy through the pyjamas, and you could see the way her hands and feet were skinny too.

She looked kind of sick to me. Her face was white and she had on sort of thick, shiny lipstick, almost purple, so it made her face look even whiter. When we came in, she was looking at a book, then she quick grabbed a piece of Kleenex out of a box on a little table in front of her and started to rub away at her nose. The way it was so red and the way her eyes were so shiny, I figured maybe she was crying about something, and that made me feel bad.

Tanya switched off the music and then walked over to the little table. There was a bottle on it with some white pills and Tanya grabbed it up and looked at it like she was good and sore. Then she shoved it into her pocket and said, ‘If you aren't impossible.'

The way it looked, the girl didn't even hear what Tanya said. She kept looking at me in such a funny way, and she said, ‘Hello. Ade you one of Lloyd's students?'

Dr Cooper said, ‘Student, hell. This is George LaMain, the crusading journalist. George, this is Marion Gordon, Tanya's sister. She's a poet without peer or periodical,' and Tanya said, ‘Don't strain yourself, Lloyd.'

The way Marion was leaning forward and looking at me made me feel all prickly in my stomach. She said, ‘Do you like poetry, George? Really like it?' and I said, ‘Sure. I liked that music too. What was that?'

‘What?'

I said, ‘That music you were playing when we came in. It was all right.'

‘Oh, that was the Sibelius First. Did you really like it? Shall I play it again?'

I said, ‘Sure,' but Tanya said, ‘Oh no you don't. Just sit nice and quiet while I get the drinks. And take off your hat and coat, George.'

She went into the kitchen, and I pulled off the overcoat and my hat, and I put them on a chair that was standing empty. Then I sat down in an armchair and I felt the gun push into my leg. It didn't matter if they saw it or not, but it was better that they didn't. So when I sat down, I turned a little sideways and made believe I was getting set right, but meanwhile I slid the gun out and shoved it under the chair cushion.

It must have looked a little funny because Dr Cooper said, ‘Hunting for buried treasure, George?' but I only said, ‘No. I want to get set right.' I felt like pulling out the gun and showing it to him so he would know who he was fooling around with, but maybe that would scare Marion, and I didn't want her to stop looking at me the way she was.

She said, ‘You know, you've got a very striking face, George. It's youthful but very strong,' and I liked that too. The way she said it and the way she looked at me, my mind was going all around thinking if only Tanya and Dr Cooper would go away something big would happen. She hardly had any clothes on either, and it would be so easy I could see it all the way I would do it. I wouldn't kiss her because of the way she looked, but I would do everything else and find out all about it.

Then Tanya came in with a bottle of wine and some glasses and said, ‘This is just some stuff we had around but it'll have to do,' and we all had some. It was sour but plenty strong, and when it got down it warmed me all through again and somehow got mixed up with what I was thinking about Marion.

It got worse and worse too, because Tanya came around with the wine until it was all gone and then she sat down on Dr Cooper's lap, and Marion got a skinny little book with poems in it or something and she started to read it but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I kept looking at Tanya and Dr Cooper and watching what they were doing, and all I could think of was I wanted to do it with Marion but she might not want me to and there would be trouble.

Then Tanya got another bottle of wine, but a new one, so Dr Cooper opened it up and a lot spilled all over and it made me feel sick when I saw it. I don't know why, but when I saw it splashed all over the floor and running in the cracks of the wood I had to cry. I didn't care, I just cried in front of everybody and Tanya gave me more wine and said something but I couldn't hear what.

Marion just sat and read poetry, and all I could see was her eyes and her lips moving and I knew it was crazy but I thought maybe there's nothing left of her only lips and eyes, so even if she let me do something it wouldn't be any good.

Then it was hard to see anything, and I looked around and Tanya and Dr Cooper weren't there any more and Marion was standing by the lamp next to the couch and there was only a little light in it so you could hardly see. And I knew the way she was standing there and looking at me she wouldn't mind what I wanted to do, and then I got scared.

I wouldn't know how to do it right. I never did it before. I didn't know anything about how it really was, so I would spoil everything and she would see I was only a dumb kid and they would all laugh at me.

She was standing by the couch just looking at me and I could see the light shining on her lips. I put my hand under the chair cushion and took hold of the gun. If they laughed at me I would give it to them.

She came away from the lamp and started walking to me. It was hard getting up, but I did it with the gun in my hand behind me waiting for her to laugh. But she didn't laugh. She didn't say anything, only went to the phonograph, and then I heard that music start up again but not loud this time. Just loud enough to hear.