Dusty Britches (58 page)

Dusty shook her head.
“
That
’
s not the point! He should
’
ve loved me, Becca! He should never have left
. A
nd even then…he should
’
ve come back for me!
”
Dusty sank into a chair and sobbed into her hands.

“
Dusty,
”
Becca began
,
kneeling before her,
“
he
—”

“
You should
’
ve seen him yesterday, Becca!
”
Dusty screamed in a whisper.
“
I
’
ve never seen him like that! He was…that girl was somebody to him!
”

“
Maybe like Cash was somebody to you,
”
her sister offered softly.

“
No! No, it was
different,” Dusty insisted. “H-
he…oh my heck, Becca,
”
Dusty sobbed.
“
When I think of him with her…I
—”

“
Stop it!
”
Becca stood up and covered her ears for a moment in frustration.
“
You have to take control of yourself, Dusty! Look at you! One minute you
’
re tellin
’
him never to touch you again
,
and the next you
’
re ready to tear his eyes out because he might have
—”

“
Don
’
t say it! I don
’
t want to hear that!
”
Dusty cried.

Becca bent and took Dusty by the shoulders, shaking her to rationality.
“
Listen to me! Just let it go
,
o
nce and for all! Just let go of everything that
’
s holding you back
.
This isn
’
t you! Back and forth, back and forth! Angelina Hunter is a strong, persistent, confident woman
.
You love Ryder. Quit pushin
’
him away! If you keep doin
’
it
—
keep kissin
’
him one minute and slappin
’
him the next
—
if you keep doin
’
that to him…then, Dusty…he will leave you again.
”

“
I
-
I know that.
”
Dusty sniffled, closing her eyes to calm
herself as she inhaled
deeply.
“
B
-
but I can
’
t…I can
’
t get beyond this…this…this…
”

“
Fear.
”

Dusty knew Becca was right. Fear
—
more than past heartache, more than pride, more than anything
—
was what kept her from surrendering herself to loving Ryder complet
ely. It kept her dreams at bay,
kept her a
rms from returning his embrace,
kept her hope and faith from fulfilling her greatest desire.

“
Yes. I
’
m too afraid.
”
Dusty looked to her sister.

B
ecca nodded, and there was true—desperately true—true
understanding in her eyes. Becca was afraid too. Dusty understood more fully than ever before how truly akin their heartaches were.

“
I should just walk up to him and…and say…
”
Dusty began.

“
And say
, ‘
I love you, Feller. Can you love me back? Imperfections and all?
’
That
’
s what I should say,
”
Becca whispered.

Dusty nodded.
“
But it
’
s not that easy…facing rejection and heartache head on.
”

“
It
’
s like standin
’
still when a mad bull is chargin
’
y
a
.
”
Becca reached out and hugged Dusty.
“
But you
’
ve had so much offered to you from Ryder! He ain
’
t the kind to be insincere.
”

“
I know.
”

It seemed that day dragged on forever! And even longer was the night Dusty spent worrying over Ryder
’
s despair and fighting her own. Time and again Dusty would sit up in her bed, determined to march out into the parlor and wake him up
—to
tell him
she loved him, t
hat she was sorry for his pain
,
and would he give her a chance to heal it as he had endeavored to heal hers. Time and again she
lay
back down, afraid.
Once she even made it to standing
in the parlor door staring down at him as he slept. But courage was not hers that day. Maybe the n
ext it would be her companion—t
omorrow
—
when daylight gave her strength. And so she fough
t to find comfort of any kind—through a
nother long, lonely, anxious night.



Miss Raynetta arrived early in the morning to help prepare the food for the bunkhouse raising planned for the next day. All morning long she chattered away like a cute little squirre
l—
busily preparing pies and trying to lift the glum moods of both Dusty and Becca. Finally, just before lunch
,
Miss Raynetta dried her hands on her apron and, turning to the Hunter girls, fairly snapped,
“
What in all get out is wrong with you girls?
”

Becca shrugged her shoulders innocently
,
and Dusty mumbled,
“
Nothin
’
.
”

“
Well, that
’
s a lie if I ever in my life heard one!
”
Miss Raynetta argued.
“
All mornin
’
you two been mopin
’
around like whipped dogs! Let
’
s get out of this kitchen and soak up some sun!
”
Tossing her head, she untied her apron and
rather dramatically
dropped it to the floor. Then, linking arms with both girls, she led them out onto the porch.

Du
sty couldn’t help but smile.
Becca exchanged an amused glance with her as well. It was almost impossible to maintain a blackened mood when
Miss Raynetta was anywhere near.
Again, Dusty
’
s thoughts t
urned to the woman’s loneliness—her secret longing for one man,
hidden for more than twenty years.
She thought of her father—
still lost without her mother at times, but so young to be living out his life a
lone. She thought of her sister—
Becca
’
s tender heart breaking from longing for the love of such a seemingly unobtainable bachelor. It had all gone on long e
nough. Today, she told herself—today it would begin to change. T
oday she would begin to beat down her fear! Truly this time.

“
Do you remember Feller ridin
’
through town when he was little…
”
Dusty began.

“
Naked as the day he was born!
”
Miss Raynetta finished, erupting into twinkling giggles of merrimen
t. “Hang my garters in the window
, but that was a sight to behold!
”
Miss Raynetta tried to say more, but her laughter was uncontrollable. It only took a few moments for Dusty and Becca both to
begin giggling,
having caught the contagious delirium.
“
Lookin
’
at him now,
”
Miss Raynetta sighed,
“
can you ever believe it? Can you even imagine that sour-pussed ol
’
goat a
-
doin
’
somethin
’
the like?
”
Again she burst into giggles.
“
Of course, he ain
’
t all garlic and vinegar like he pretends,
”
she said when she could talk again. Wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, she added,
“
Ain
’
t that right, Becca
,
honey?
”

Dusty
’
s heart swelled with delight. Miss Raynetta had taken the bait and swum off with it. Furthermore, it seemed she wasn
’
t as blind as Dusty had been for so long.
Still,
Becca
’
s smile faded immediately.

“
I don
’
t know what y
a
mean, Miss Raynetta,
”
Becca mumbled, blushing wildly.

“Oh, honey,” the maternal woman comforted. Miss Raynetta wore a copper-
colored dress
; it made her look warm and approachable. “
We women
who
have tendencies toward hired hands know each other
’
s hearts better than we care to admit. No need to go tryin
’
to fool me. I been there before!
”

“
He thinks I
’
m a baby,
”
Be
cca confessed, dabbing at the tears springing
to her eyes.

Miss Raynetta put an arm around Becca
’
s shoulders and smoothed more tears from her cheeks. Dusty stood in awe, realizing Becca had suffered greater from the loss of their
mother than even she had, for
Dusty was older when their mother passed on.
Furthermore,
instead of stepping in as nurturing, teaching, caring big
sister in her mother’s absence,
she
’
d selfishly withdrawn. It was both a hurtful and a fantastic thing to watch Miss Raynetta mothering her sister now.

“
Oh, honey, he knows you ain
’
t a baby!
”
Miss Raynetta told her, smiling slyly.
“
I had to slap his face the other day
’
cause he was so near to droolin
’
all down the front of his shirt at watchin
’
your fanny wag as you were walkin
’
away from him!
”

“
You don
’
t have to try to make me feel better, Miss Raynetta,
”
Becca sniffled.
“
I
’
ve known Feller a mighty long time and
—”

“
I would never lie to you, honey! Now you keep that in mind.
”
Miss Raynetta smiled again.
“
Test me out.
”
The woman glanced over to where Feller was at that
very
moment, working on the corral fence.
“
You go on over
,
and you have yourself some silly little conversation with Feller. Then
,
when you walk away
,
you take five steps
,
and you
turn around as fast as you can…
and you
’
ll catch him at it! If I
’
m wrong
,
I
’
ll eat crow for a month! But I ain
’
t ever
wrong.”
Becca
’
s eyes began to glisten with the thought of the tantalizing dare.
“
Go on now. Go on.
”