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Authors: Sylvia Gunnery

Emily For Real (5 page)

BOOK: Emily For Real
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This is possibly the weirdest thing I've ever done.

I start walking faster and faster until I've gone all the way around the block and I can see our house again.

When I get home, I very quietly go in and take off my jacket and scarf. Then I tiptoe upstairs and get back in bed.

I don't want to close my eyes. In case I dream about Brian again.

When I go into the kitchen, Mom's sipping tea and waiting for toast to pop up. I can tell she doesn't know that I went out last night.

“Remember when you bought me that blue raincoat with the matching hat and the red rubber boots and I walked around the block all by myself?”

“Of course I do. I called Mrs. Day over on Robie Street to see if she could see you out her front door.”

“I didn't know you did that.”

She cuts a thin slice of cheese and places it on her unbuttered toast. “Any mother would worry when her child walks away out of sight for the very first time.”

It feels sort of sad that Mom doesn't know I was out last night walking by myself. She would've been worried. And confused.

Even though it's sad and even though I'm potentially hurting her feelings, I know I'm not going to tell her.

Five

I haven't talked to Jenn for about a week and that's no coincidence. She drives Ronny to school now. I don't blame her. It's not like when we were in junior high and I'd go to movies with her and whichever guy had the hots for her that week. If I kept on doing that, I'd end up sitting in the backseat when she drives away on her honeymoon. Pathetic.

So I've been taking the bus to school. Most days Leo's there and I sit with him. We don't actually say much and I'm okay with that. When he's not there, like yesterday, I start wondering whether his mother is passed out and if he's getting Caroline ready for school. Guess there's no dad in the picture, but I'm not asking.

Today he's there at the back of the bus when I get on. I say, “Geez, I'm glad it's Friday.”

He says, “Yeah.”

“You doing anything this weekend?” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize that he could take it the wrong way. “I'm just asking. Not like I'm—”

“I'm hitching to my aunt's place tomorrow. Caroline's living there now. They came to get her yesterday.” Every word is loaded with some kind of anger mixed with desperation.

When I try to picture Caroline, she's still in that rabbit costume. I see her with a little suitcase packed and she's bawling and crying because she doesn't want to leave Leo. I know I'm right about the crying part because it was as plain as anything that she worships her big brother. And he adores her.

Life's for sure not simple.

After last class, Leo comes up behind me when I'm putting stuff in my locker.

“Wanna come to my aunt's tomorrow?”

“What?”

“I didn't think you would.” He starts to walk away.

“Wait! What're you talking about?”

“Thought you might be bored all by yourself. It's not like you and Barbie'd have plans.”

“Barbie?”

“Your old best friend. Barbie…and Ken.”

I half-laugh at this. Which tells me I'm not much of a friend if I'm so ready to laugh at Jenn. Then I realize I'm actually thinking of going to Leo's aunt's with him. Why not? “Where does your aunt live?”

“Past Hubbards.”

I don't tell Leo that I've never hitchhiked before.

It's still early and pretty cold when we get out on the highway. It's really strange walking on the side of the road like this. I feel like we're stranded. Cars whiz past like we're not even here.

My hands are freezing. I pull my collar up against my ears and hunch my shoulders. Hubbards is about an hour from here if we're lucky enough to get one ride that takes us all the way. For a second, I think of calling Dad and asking him to come get me. But I decide not to, mostly because Leo'd think I'm a wimp.

Leo gets me to stand in front of him. He says that's so he won't look like a criminal. I'm hoping whoever picks us up doesn't look like a criminal.

A car stops with a woman driver and a dog in the passenger seat. The dog's a Rottweiler.

“Don't worry. Nella's harmless unless I tell her not to be.”

Leo makes me get in first. The dog turns around and stares like she's figuring out who I am and if I have any weird plans. She has these cute little brownish spots above those dark scary eyes.

When Leo gets in, the dog makes a little rumble growl.

“That's fine, Nella,” says the woman. “Lie down. There you go.”

The dog obeys.

“Where are you going?”

“Exit six,” says Leo.

“I can take you to exit four.”

We're stuck at exit four for almost half an hour.

Then a van stops, with a guy driving and a little boy in the front seat. Leo slides the door open and we climb in. The little boy checks us out. The guy waits until we have our seatbelts on, then pulls out behind a truck.

“Where you goin'?”

“Exit six,” says Leo.

“Zak and me are goin' right past there.”

Perfect. The heater's blasting and already my fingers are thawing from being cramped-up claws in my pockets. Leo's sitting back, looking out the window. There's nothing to see out there but trees, trees, and more trees.

“You live in Hubbards?” the guy asks.

“No,” says Leo.

That microscopically short answer sounds a bit rude when you think this person just stopped and picked us up and saved us from freezing out there for who knows how long. So I get a bit chatty and say, “We're going to see Leo's little sister who's at his aunt's.”

Leo glares at me so I won't talk about something that's not my business, and I get his point.

“We're visiting too, hey, Zak,” the guy says with a sideways glance at the boy, probably to check how he's doing now with two strangers in the van. Zak doesn't say anything. He's only about seven. Maybe eight.

The guy keeps on talking. “We're going to see Mommy. We'll all go to our favorite restaurant and have pizza with the works, hey, Zak.”

Zak says, “Mm.”

And right now I know for a fact that Leo's thinking about Caroline and wondering about when she'll get to visit her mom.

The guy turns up the radio, which is a relief because now we can just sit back here and not talk. Leo's favorite thing to do.

I suddenly feel weird in this van with a bunch of people I don't actually know, going somewhere I don't know to see more people I don't know. I stare out the window and think about what Mom and Dad would do if they knew where I was right now. If they met Leo, maybe they'd be okay with it. Especially if I told them about how he takes care of his little sister.

I glance over at Leo and give him a kind of half-smile. He gives me a what's-with-you look. But I don't try to explain.

When the guy lets us out at exit six, I wave to Zak as they drive away, but he just looks at me like I'm cardboard. Then Leo tells me we have to walk down the ramp and start hitchhiking on the old highway.

“Where's your aunt's house, exactly?”

“North West Cove.”

“You said Hubbards.”

“Near Hubbards, I said.”

It turns out that North West Cove is only near Hubbards if you're getting there by helicopter. And it also turns out that not many people drive on this old highway. Before we get a ride, my body has lots of time to practically freeze.

Leo pushes on the doorbell over and over and over as he walks in. We're standing on a small landing with stairs going down into a dark basement and three steps up into a kitchen. There are boots and shoes and sneakers—a very small pink pair—left on the landing. Leo hauls off his boots so I take off my shoes.

We hear her voice, “Leo! Leo! Leo! Leo! Leo! Leo!” and then we see her. Caroline jumps into his arms before he has a chance to get all the way into the kitchen. She has dark hair with thick curls and two rainbow barrettes holding some of those curls back. Even though she's very little, she looks a lot like Leo. Same eyes. Same mouth.

Then she notices me and gets this serious look on her face.

“That's Emily. She's the one who tried to cop out on giving you candies on Halloween.”

“I was only joking,” I say a bit defensively. Don't little kids get jokes like that?

“Look what the wind blew in.”

Leo puts Caroline down and turns to me. “This is Emily. Emily, this is Jane.”

“Hi,” I say.

“Nice to meet you,” she says.

I can tell she's not trying to figure out who I am. I'm there. I'm with Leo for whatever reason. That's it. If this was Mom, there'd be question marks all over her face.

“I don't like when you hitchhike, Leo.”

“How else'm I supposed to get here? Besides, Emily was there to guarantee a ride.” He smirks at me like he just got away with something. One hand is still on Caroline's head and she's swivelling around like a dancer under his palm.

All his aunt does is sigh. “Take off your jackets. I'll make scrambled eggs and hot chocolate. Caroline, go turn off the TV and show Leo your spelling test.”

“You had a test already? Did you flunk?” says Leo.

“Silly,” says Caroline, and leads him by the hand out of the kitchen.

“I can help,” I say.

“Sure.” She takes eggs out of the fridge and puts a frying pan on the stove.

“Leo just started at my school a couple weeks ago. We're friends, not like girlfriend and boyfriend.”

“That I figured out.”

“Really?”

She smiles and says, “But I can see he likes you, so I like you too.”

I'm a bit disgusted with myself about feeling all warm and fuzzy because she thinks Leo likes me. There's nothing wrong with being liked. I like Leo too.

We stay for a couple hours and I entertain myself by guessing things about Leo's aunt. She's not married. No ring. She has a man in her life because on a shelf there's a picture with her and him hugging on a beach with winter coats on. She doesn't smoke. No ashtrays.

Caroline isn't asking anything about her mother, and Leo and his aunt aren't saying anything about her, either. Then, when Caroline's in the bathroom out of hearing distance, Leo's aunt says, “Your father wants Caroline to go live with him.”

“Crap!”

“Shhh,” she says. “Caroline…”

“That fuckin' idiot!”

“Leo, watch your mouth!” She says this in the loudest whisper she can manage.

“It's stupid. How's it gonna help anything? He's on the road all the time.”

“When he's away, she'll stay here.”

“Oh, great. Just great. Ping-Pong anyone?”

Caroline's still in the bathroom, and I'm thinking she's taking an extra-long time. Leo's aunt's thinking the same thing because she gets up and walks down the hall.

“The guy's a fuckin' idiot.” Leo says this to me like it explains everything.

Caroline comes back up the hall with Jane and it's obvious she heard the main points of the conversation. She's looking at Leo like he's already further away.

“Come here,” he says and hauls her up on his knee, even though she's almost too big for that. She leans her head against his chest. “Right now we'll do whatever Jane says, okay? She's got a good head on her shoulders. Not like her dumb-ass brother. And not like your dumb-ass brother, either.”

Caroline lifts her head and smiles into Leo's face.

This just about breaks my heart.

When we go to leave, Jane tells us to wait so Dan can drive us back to the city. But Leo says that there's lots of time to hitchhike back before dark.

I'm figuring Dan's the guy in the picture.

“At least let me call Angela. She'll drive you out to the 103.”

Maybe it's the relieved look on my face that makes him give in. “Tell her we'll meet her by the government wharf,” he says. “Save her coming over here.”

Caroline's all quiet as we leave. Leo's telling her he'll phone at the usual time and he'll see her in a few days. No one's mentioned the father again.

We get to the wharf and it's pretty windy. Whoever Angela is, she's not here yet. Lobster traps are stacked high in neat, tight rows beside where boats are tied up.
Rose Krista
.
Double B
.
Homeward Bound
. High waves are pounding against the breakwater that's protecting this little cove.

“That's you out there, Leo,” I say.

“What're you talking about?”

“When you get mad. All those waves crashing in, over and over and over, exploding on those rocks.”

For a second he doesn't say anything. Then he picks up a small rock and puts it roughly in my hand. “That's what getting mad feels like. Not waves crashing or exploding. It's a rock right here in your guts.”

A car horn toots behind us. Leo walks over and gets in the front. The driver, who must be Angela, throws a cigarette butt out her window. I get in the backseat, still holding the rock in my fist.

“This is Emily,” says Leo. “This is Angela.”

“Hi,” I say. “Thanks for the drive.”

“Sorry I can't take you all the way into the city.”

“We won't have a problem once we're on the 103,” says Leo.

This time he doesn't joke about me guaranteeing a lift. I know he's still fuming about what I said. Which sort of proves I'm right.

I open my hand and take a closer look at the rock. It's mostly white, with little gray and black flecks all over it. Some of them catch the light and sparkle. It's beautiful. I put it in my jacket pocket and look out at the gray ocean and the gray sky and the gray shoreline going past.

BOOK: Emily For Real
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