Enjoying the Chase (22 page)

“When Josh and I got back together, I was
six months pregnant. I knew he was with other girls. He hid it from me at
first, giving me excuses that he was going to a friend
’
s house to help them or something. He knew that I knew, but because
I didn
’
t say anything he got more
and more brash about it; actually to the point where he
’
d be sitting on the sofa next to me while texting other girls and
arranging to meet up. If I ever asked him where he was going, all he
’
d say was that he
’
d be home later.”

I sighed deeply
, staring
down at my hands.

“He actually missed his son
’
s birth because he was out with some girl. He
got to the hospital when DJ was twenty-six minutes old. But, stupidly, I still
forgave him.”

I had no idea why I was telling him this
personal stuff. I was ashamed of my past, of the person that I was, the girl
who let a guy walk all over her, let herself be used and hurt over and over
just because she was too weak to be on her own.

Nate
’
s fingers had tightened on mine, his jaw had clenched. He didn
’
t say anything though, so I continued.

“I let it go on for a long time because I
thought I was better off with him than on my own. I thought that DJ having his
dad there was worth me crying myself to sleep at night; I did it for DJ. I
would do anything for my son, and I thought having Josh there was what was best
for him,” I explained. “On DJ
’
s
first birthday I had a little tea party planned for the evening. My parents
came in from Barstow, my sister, Anna and Ashton, and Josh
’
s family came over too. I made little sandwiches and cupcakes, I got
everything that DJ would like, I spent hours slaving in the kitchen to make his
first birthday special. I was so excited about it.”

I laughed humourlessly at the memory; the
day of my son
’
s first birthday,
memorable for so many reasons, none of them good. It should have been one of
the most special days of my life and, in a way, it kind of was, because that
was the day I grew a backbone and finally started seeing what an idiot I was
being.

“Everyone was there. DJ was playing with the
toys people had bought him. I remember sitting there looking at the clock,
waiting for Josh to come home so I could light the cake. I sat there and I sat
there, and it got later and later. People suggested I call him to see what was
holding him up, but I didn
’
t need
to. I knew what he was doing. Eventually, DJ fell asleep and people started to
leave. I can still see the looks on their faces as they walked out the door, I
can still see the sympathy from Josh
’s parents’
faces. I can still see the anger in my dad
’
s eyes, and I knew I needed to do something. It was one thing for me
to put up with him hurting me over and over, but not
to
even show up to his son
’
s first birthday party…”

My face flamed at the memory.
Nate had
gotten really still, his back ramrod straight as he stared at me, his lips
pressed into a tight line.

“I put everything away and sat on the sofa
waiting for him. At just after one in the morning he crept in, trying to be
quiet. He didn
’
t need to say
anything, we both knew where he
’
d
been, and he didn
’
t even try and
apologise for it. He just smiled as if nothing had happened and asked me what I
was doing up.”

I laughed as I played out my exact words to
him in my head – how I had told him I was waiting up so he could try our son
’
s birthday cake, and then I
’
d thrown it as hard as I could at him.
Unfortunately, it missed and splatted on the wall. He
’
d just looked at me shocked because he wasn
’
t used to me being angry about what he was doing. He
’
d cheated on me the whole time I was pregnant
and for a whole year of our son
’
s
life yet he
’
d never thought
anything of it. I gritted my teeth.

“It was then that I told him I
’
d had enough. I
’
d already packed up his bags and had left them by the front door. I
’
d always thought I was doing what was best for
DJ, but that just made me see I was wrong. Having a dad like that, one that
would rather be off screwing girls than go to his first birthday, that couldn
’
t be the right thing for DJ. I hadn
’
t realised it until that point, but I knew
there and then that we would be better off on our own. Josh and I had a blazing
argument. He refused to leave the apartment, so I had to call Ashton. Ashton
had to literally throw him out, and that was it. From that day on I refused to
allow another man to hurt me or my son.”

I swiped at the lone tear that fell down my
cheek as the whole thing played out in my head. I
’
d never really spoken to anyone about it all before. I
’
d told Anna that he
’
d cheated a couple of times, but she didn
’
t realise the extent of it. It seemed like the only one who knew,
was Nate. I looked up at him, waiting to see his reaction. He just carried on
staring at me for a couple of minutes and we sat in an uncomfortable silence.
He seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

Finally, he seemed to gather his thoughts
enough to speak.

“I
’
m sorry for what he did to you, Stripes. You shouldn
’
t have had to go through that, and I wish I
’
d been there for you to talk to when you
needed it. But thank you for telling me the truth now.”

He bent his head and kissed my cheek. The
feel of his lips lingered there for much longer than his mouth actually did.

He pressed his forehead to mine, and my
heart seemed to thump in my chest. I
’
d not felt anything like this for so long that I almost didn
’
t know how to cope with it. Come to think of
it, I
’
d not even been kissed for
years, so this was all new to me. Actually, I wasn
’t sure
I’
d ever been kissed this passionately, this tenderly,
this beautifully. It made me feel like someone else, like I was living someone
else
’
s life, a person who got
everything they ever wanted, a person who never had to go hungry, or cry
themselves to sleep because of worry or loneliness. With Nate
’
s forehead pressed against mine, I felt like I
could do anything.

I hadn
’
t had that feeling of confidence or self-worth for so long that it
was actually frightening me. Sure, I put on an act for everyone, so people
thought I was confident, but they couldn
’
t have been more wrong. Nate seemed to be the only one that saw past
that front that I put up, and saw the scared, tired girl that just needed
someone to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. As
much as I never admitted it, I
did
need someone to take care of me for a
change. 

Looking into Nate
’
s blue eyes, I knew he was right in what he
’
d said earlier – I did want him. I wanted him to want me. I wanted
him to look at me just as he was, and make me feel things that I was too
frightened to even dream of since Josh. But I was still terrified to let go and
open my heart up completely. Nate Peters was not a long
-
term commitment kind of guy. It was surely only a matter of time
before he got bored and ran in the other direction. I couldn
’
t let him take my heart with him when he left.
I needed to be careful, if I didn
’
t
watch myself then he would steal my heart and I
’
d be left vulnerable and hurt again, and I couldn
’
t cope with that. Last time had been
unbearable, but I
’
d had a long
time to harden myself to being on my own. Josh and I broke up on
my
terms;
I
was the one that said enough was enough. When I looked into
Nate
’
s eyes, I had a sinking
feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wouldn
’
t end on my terms; this would end with him crushing me beyond
repair. 

Even with this belief in my heart, I still
couldn
’
t stop my face from tilting
upwards and pressing my lips against his softly. He responded immediately,
kissing me harder. His yearning was easy to feel in the passionate way he was
kissing me. My hormones were in complete control and, although my heart was
telling me to get as far away from this guy as possible, my body needed him
closer. I gripped his shirt and moved, settling back onto the sofa, pulling him
on top of me.

The way his tongue moved with mine, the way
his hands
slipped
down my side to grip my hips, the way
his body heat made me feel both hot and cold at the same time, everything he
was doing was making me feel a little crazy. I couldn
’
t get him close enough to me quickly enough. It was almost as if I
were drowning and clutching at that last breath, trying to keep my head above
water.

I
ran
my hands down
his back slowly, feeling him
shudder
under my
fingertips. When I got to the bottom of the T-shirt he was wearing, I slipped
my hand up the back. When his muscles tightened under my hand,
I felt a
rush of excitement
. Just as I started to pull it up higher so
I could tug it off over his head, I heard a door open. My blood froze in my
veins.

Please, no! Please, please no!

“Momma?” DJ said quietly.

I shoved Nate off me quickly, catching him
off-guard and causing him to fall off the sofa and onto the floor with a heavy
bump and a small
yelp
. I didn
’
t have time to apologise though; I couldn
’
t let DJ see me out here making out with a stranger. Luckily, the
couch was facing the other way so Nate was hidden from view.

I jumped to my feet and looked over the
back of the sofa towards the bedrooms, trying to act like nothing was going on
even though I could feel my face burning.

“Hey, Baby, what are you doing out of
bed?” 

From the corner of my eye, I saw Nate go to
sit up. Acting instinctively, I put my foot on his chest, pinning him to the
floor. He laughed
softly
, so I risked a glare down in
his direction, which
made him mime zipping his mouth closed
.

DJ pouted a little, giving me
his
best pouting face
so he wouldn
’
t get into trouble for getting out of bed. “I was thirsty, and my
arm hurts.”

My heart started to ache because my baby
was in pain. I held my hand
flat towards
Nate in a ‘don
’
t move
’
gesture, and then quickly headed to DJ, picking him up and taking
him to the kitchen to have some water and more medicine. When he was settled
back in bed, I made sure to close his door before heading back to the lounge to
Nate.

He was still lying on the floor in the
exact place I left him, looking adorable with one arm bent behind his head like
a pillow. Where he had his arm raised, his T-shirt had ridden up a little so I
caught sight of an inch of exposed skin just above his belt buckle. I gulped as
I caught sight of the little treasure trail there.

Oh man, what I wouldn
’
t give to trace that line with my tongue! 

Trying not to let the dirty thoughts show
on my face, I reached a hand down to him to help him up. His hand closed over
mine, but as I pulled to get him up, he pulled at the same time and I lost my
footing, stumbling down on top of him heavily, chest-to-chest, nose-to-nose. I gasped,
and his resulting smile told me that was exactly what he
’
d meant to have happen.

“I didn
’
t realise you were into roughness. That actually hurt, Stripes,” he
teased, weaving his fingers into my hair, pulling my face closer to his.

“Sorry.” I sighed at the silly little girl
that seemed to have taken over me entirely. I used to be so composed, but I
couldn
’
t be around Nate.

“Don
’
t worry about it. Is he okay?” he asked, stroking my face with his
thumb.