Ensenada Escapade: Destination: Desire, Book 6 (15 page)

“So,” he said, a cutting edge to the word.

Every muscle in her body was tense, and she had to force herself to relax. “So?”

“Your mom—” He cut himself off. “She walked out on a guy without telling him anything because the passion had fizzled?”

She ran a shaking hand through her hair. “Mom likes excitement, even if she has to generate it herself.”

That just made his voice harsher. “So was she just generating excitement to get him passionate again or was she really leaving?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“That’s…fucked up on so many levels.” He dropped her phone into her purse.

Remaining mute, she shrugged. There was no point arguing with the truth.

She could feel his gaze on her, but she didn’t glance his way. He tapped his fingers on his door. “You were nice the whole time, though. Even when she said she wished you were never born.”

“I told her what I felt was important to say. Engaging with her crazy doesn’t keep anyone sane.” She shifted her shoulders. “I dated a guy once who was absolutely appalled at anyone setting boundaries for their mother. Like, how dare a child try to limit the dysfunctional elements of her life? Mom gets a free pass.”

“Did you tell him that Anne was the one who’d done all the mothering?” he snapped. “And that Dinah only had you to keep your dad around? And that calling her batshit crazy is an insult to the batshit?”

Relief wrenched through her. She didn’t know why it mattered what he thought, but it did. “Yep. All that and more. Didn’t change his mind. I was still a monster.”

“You’re better off without him then. No one deserves to be manipulated, emotionally abused, or treated liked crap, even by their parents.” His hand smacked against his thigh. “There are no free passes on being a decent human being.”

Glancing over at him, she smiled. “It’s a good thing you don’t do criminal defense.”

He snorted. “It was pretty easy to decide against that as a specialty.”

Quiet filled the car for a few minutes, and then she said, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Not thinking I’m a monster.” This was an issue she’d learned to be wary of discussing with other people. Men, especially, since they tended to view their mothers in a much more worshipful way. She’d been surprised by the vitriolic reactions she’d gotten from a few of her boyfriends, and now usually avoided the topic unless the guy might warrant an introduction to her family. Which was rare. Because, really, how did you ease someone in to the idea of Dinah? What kind of warning could you give without seeming like an asshole?

But with Ben, she didn’t need to worry about that. He’d met her mother. Whether he thought Nora should pander to Dinah or not was something they’d never conversed about, but that was a lot simpler to bring up when the man in question was well-versed in Dinah’s theatrics.

How was it that the guy who’d always made her life harder had found so many ways in the last few days to make it easier? It was a revelation and still it baffled her. Something she’d have to think about more carefully later.

“You’re not a monster.” He reached over and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “You’re a lot nicer than I would be. Which isn’t saying much, I know, but…you were nicer than she deserved.”

“Even though she brought me into this world?” The words cracked a bit at the end, and she had to swallow. Her emotions were raw for so many reasons, and she didn’t know how to feel, what to think.

“No one has the right to hurt you. Period. No exceptions.” He cupped the back of her head.

“Thank you. Again.”

His hand slid down to massage the tautness out of her neck. “I’m sorry I never realized how shitty things were. I knew she was full of crazy and melodrama, I’ve seen her make a scene in public, but I was never witness to her being emotionally abusive to one of her daughters. That’s definitely what just happened here.”

God, what he could do with his hands was amazing. It was all she could do not to purr. “Anne deflected a lot of it, and I learned young not to engage. I don’t always manage it, but I try.”

“Good plan. I’m surprised you allow any involvement at all.”

“She’s my mother. I’ve never been able to make myself cut her off completely. I have very strict boundaries and I won’t let her cross them, but I don’t cut her out of my life.” Maybe she should. Maybe it would help, but she doubted it. Her mother was her mother. She loved her, but a lot of the time, she didn’t like her. And that was sad. She wished circumstances were different, but they never would be. “Anne and Hazel are in the same boat with me. Cami barely speaks to her, and only when forced during holidays.”

He shifted in his seat. “I admire how good you are at being firm but still remaining pleasant.”

“It’s a skill I use almost daily.” Perhaps she finally had something to thank her mother for—the ability to deal with petulant patients.

He tugged on her hair gently. “You mean the cantankerous elderly people?”

Grateful to change the subject, she nodded. “I had an old man launch a loaded Depends at my head once. I didn’t kill him.”

“Did it hit you?”

“Yup.”

He gagged. “I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

“Don’t ever switch to the medical field,” she replied cheerfully.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He shuddered. “I don’t think I could handle the excitement.”

Excitement. That was what she found with Ben. Hadn’t she thought that very same thing earlier? That he was the most exciting lover she’d ever had? And her mother was chasing the excitement she couldn’t find in her marriage, possibly imploding her whole life in pursuit of her thrills.

Was being with Ben a version of that? Pick the guy who’d made her life miserable for more than a decade and decide he was the thrill she liked best, even though it was the last thing she should do, her least healthy life choice?

Christ, that did sound like something Dinah would do, and it made her sick to her stomach.

She needed to end this thing between them.

But Ben had said he wanted to redeem himself, that he knew his behavior had been wrong and childish, that he wanted them to have a better relationship in the future. Why would he bother to lie? If forcing his way into this trip was just about scoring with her in bed, wouldn’t he have been a little more prepared on the condom front? He was the type to plan meticulously, consider every angle, and cover all his bases.

She didn’t want to lose this thing they were building. She didn’t know what it was, but she wasn’t ready to let it go.

Which was the wisest choice for her? And what did Ben want?

Her thoughts chased themselves in circles the rest of the way home. He caught up with work emails and read through some legal documents on his phone, so the atmosphere in the car was quiet and gave her way too much time to think. Once they passed through Santa Cruz, she was driving on automatic. She’d traversed these roads so many times she could navigate them in her sleep.

She turned onto her street, pulled into her garage, and sighed. Sliding the gearshift into Park, she pushed the button to close the garage door behind her. “Home. Finally.”

“Yes, but this is your home.” He tucked his phone in his pocket and flashed that deadly dimple. “Are you inviting me for a sleepover?”

“Yeah, I guess I am.” She wasn’t quite ready for this to end—that was all she knew. No matter how many times she’d dissected the situation, she hadn’t come to any final conclusions. She had no clue what they were really doing, but it was too soon, too abrupt to cut it off now. Tomorrow morning was soon enough. “Are you saying yes?”

“Is that even a question?” He popped open the door and went around to collect their bags from the trunk. “You might have a sadistic streak, but I’m no masochist. Saying no would pain me.”

She hit the button to lock her car. “Keep calling me a sadist and I’ll spank you just for the fun of proving you right.”

“I’ll try anything once.” His deep, rich chuckle sent anticipation skipping along her nerves.

“Anything?” She smirked. “I’m tempted to run through a list of possibilities to see if you’ve tried them or would really be willing.”

“Hmm.” He cocked his head. “Considering you spent some time as a psych major and have probably run across some freaky sexual shit as a nurse, I’m going to amend that statement. I’m open to discussing anything, and might be willing to try quite a bit of it once.”

She bit back a laugh. “Such a lawyer.”

“I’m sure you mean that in the most flattering possible way.”

“Naturally.” She unlocked the door that lead to her laundry room.

He crowded in behind her, pressing his front to her back. He bent to rumble in her ear, “So take me inside and show me your etchings.”

“My bedroom isn’t that exciting.” Excitement again. She tried not to cringe and shoved that thought away.

“Honey, if it’s got a bed you’re willing to share with me while we’re both naked, it’s pretty damn exciting in my book.” He nipped at her earlobe, making her shiver.

“You’re easy to please.”

“I try.”

She walked down the hall to the master suite, glancing around to make sure she hadn’t left the place a mess. She’d packed in a hurry. Other than a few discarded shirts on the end of the bed, it was relatively tidy. After scooping the clothes up, she set them on top of her dresser. “Just drop the bags against that wall. They shouldn’t be in the way there.”

“As you wish.”

He did as he was told, then swept her into his arms and that was the last thing either of them said for a very, very long time.

Chapter Ten

The scent of food teased Nora out of slumber. She took a deep breath. Bacon. Eggs. Mmm. Her stomach grumbled loudly.

“Well, I guess I don’t need to ask if you’re hungry.”

After opening her eyes, she found Ben standing in her bedroom doorway with a laden tray. His hair tumbled over his forehead boyishly, but his body was all man. He wore only a pair of boxer-briefs that left very little to the imagination. Just watching him walk across the room was enough to rev her up. Somehow she’d gotten used to that reaction since they’d left HMB. It was a strange new world she’d returned to, where the places looked the same, but the people were playing totally different roles.

Maybe her mother would turn normal as well.

Nah. That was too much to hope for.

A small jolt sounded down the hall, the distinct noise her washing machine made when it kicked into the final spin cycle. “Are you doing laundry?”

“Yep. If I wash stuff here, I can dress and have you drop me off at my car without having to shower and change at my condo.” He leered playfully. “More time for fun before the work starts.”

“What time do you need to be at work?”

“I have to be in court at eleven today.”

She glanced at the clock. It was just after seven. “So, you have a little while before you need to go?”

“Yep.”

“Good.” She pushed herself upright, and the blankets tumbled to her lap. His gaze zeroed in on her bared breasts, and lust tightened his features. Just to torment him, she linked her fingers over her head and bent her torso into a long, luxurious stretch. She even threw in a little moan for extra effect.

“Sadist.” He set the tray down on her nightstand and dipped down to suck her nipple into his mouth.

She sucked in a shocked breath as desire punched through her. She shoved her hands into his hair and held tight. “Ben!”

His tongue swirled around the beaded crest before shoving it against the roof of his mouth. When he bit down, she jerked, bolts of need spearing through her. The man could turn her inside out in a matter of seconds. It would be disconcerting if it didn’t feel so insanely good.

“More,” she gasped.

Pulling away, he shook his head. “Not yet. Breakfast first.”

“Now who’s the sadist?”

“I have my moments.”

Anticipation burned through her, but she could wait and savor the delicious ache for a while. “You’ll need to make it up to me later.”

“I intend to.” He popped a kiss on her mouth and reached for a plate. “Here’s your breakfast in bed. Coffee, scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast with strawberry jam. I worked with what you had in your fridge and freezer.”

It was better than what she usually cooked for herself. Making a big meal as a single woman meant she’d have to eat the same thing for a week. She took the plate and plucked a fork off the tray. “You seem to like to feed me.”

“I like doing a lot more than that.” His gaze raked over her nudity.

“Me too.” Probably more than she should.

“Good.” Taking the other plate, he rose and walked around to the other side of the bed to sit next to her. They ate in companionable silence, and the way his arm and shoulder brushed against hers just kept her appetite for him whetted.

He glanced at her a few times before he spoke. “What are your plans for the week?”

She crunched on a slice of perfectly crisped bacon. “Work, helping your sister prep for the baby shower, and I need to catch up on all my errands and shopping because my days off were spent running away to Mexico.”

“It sounds so much more glamorous when you say it that way.” He waved a piece of toast at her.

“Yes, the glamour of Tweedles Dumb and Dumber and food poisoning. Ah, the good life.” She forked up a bite of fluffy eggs. “This is delicious.”

“Thank my mom.” He licked a bit of jam from the corner of his mouth. “She insisted I learn how to cook the basics before I left for college. It helped me avoid gaining the freshman fifteen, unlike my roommate who ordered takeout every night.”

“Your mom rocks.”

“She does, indeed.” He polished off his meal. “What’s your work schedule like this week? I know it’s not nine-to-five, but I’m not sure if it’s regular or gets moved around.”

“It’s regular, just atypical. I work from midnight to noon every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I’m off the other days of the week.” She swigged the last of her coffee. “They’ve debated changing to eight or ten hour shifts for nurses, but that’s the hospital admin’s call. I’ve never had a problem working twelves, though I wouldn’t complain about switching either.”

“My schedule can be a little more flexible if I need it to be, though Tate strongly advocates for everyone to keep a good work-life balance, no matter how we arrange our hours.”

“I can see why he’d feel that way.” She took his plate and plunked their dishes back on the tray.

“One second.” He rose in one fluid motion. “Let me throw our clothes in the dryer.”

Her gaze glued to the flex of his buttocks as he walked away. “You did my laundry too?”

“Yeah,” he called down the hall. “It seemed the polite thing to do since I was commandeering your appliances.”

The dryer door slammed and she heard the rumble of the clothes beginning to tumble around. Ben strode into the bedroom a minute later, and she smiled at him. “Thanks for that. It makes for one less chore to catch up on this week.”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind you having a bit of extra time.” He cleared his throat, sitting beside her again. “I, uh, was wondering if you’d like to have lunch or dinner after your last shift this week.”

Her heart clenched. “Like a date or just as…friends?”

“A date.” He turned his head to meet her eyes, something terrifyingly tender in his gaze. “As potentially more than friends.”

Had they ever actually been friends? They’d jumped from enemies to lovers so quickly, they’d skipped that step. Was that a good idea? All of her uncertainties and questions from the night before came crashing through her mind, and her throat closed so tight she couldn’t speak. Worse, he seemed to see that on her face, because his expression darkened.

“I…don’t know.” She bunched her fingers in the blankets. “We’re home now, and I think I need to do all that analyzing and categorizing I put off during our road trip.”

Though, if she were honest, she’d already started that process as they’d been in the final stretch, and it hadn’t been pretty.

“I’d like to date you, Nora. In a very serious and non-casual way.” He held up his hands to stave off whatever she would have said. “I get that you need to think about it. I’m not trying to push you into something you’re not ready for or don’t want, but I need you to know what I want.”

Being naked now felt far too exposing and she tugged the sheets up to cover her breasts. “What happens when we break up? Our sisters are still best friends. We’ll still have to see each other for holidays.”

“Could it possibly be worse than it already was? I doubt it. We’ve had some pretty gnarly spats over the years.” His gaze remained steady, even though he had to have noted her defensive gesture. “And you assume if we break up, it’ll be ugly instead of a mutual agreement that it wasn’t working between us. Not every guy you love is going to ditch you in a raging huff because you wouldn’t leave your loved ones high and dry for him.”

“I wasn’t in love with him. I’ve never been in love.” She flushed, wishing she hadn’t confessed that. Shouldn’t someone her age have taken the big fall at least once? But, no. Not her. “I’ve cared a great deal for the men I’ve dated. I’ve loved them, but I was never in love with them, if that makes sense. To be honest, I’m scared to fall in love.”

His gaze softened with understanding. “With your mom as an example, who could blame you?”

“I’m scared I’ll end up codependent like my mother, addicted to being in a relationship. I’ve buried myself in school and work for years so I wouldn’t have to find out if those fears are justified.” And now an added fear with Ben where she was addicted to the utter excitement he made her feel, something no other guy had ever managed. She swallowed, licked her lips, and tried to verbalize the chaos that was spinning around in her head. “I’m scared if you and I dated, we’d break up and be as nasty and hurtful to each other as we once were, only it will be worse because we would know it could be really good between us.”

Pain spasmed across his face. “Are you scared you’d fall in love with me, and I’d be the sum of all your fears?”

“Yes.” The words squeezed from her tight throat. He’d hit the nail so squarely on the head, it took her breath away. Moisture burned her eyes, but she blinked back any tears that wanted to form. “I don’t think I can do anything serious and non-casual with you, Ben. And despite what we’ve been up to the last few days, I don’t do non-serious and casual. I’ve never slept with a guy without having that caring, loving, friendly relationship before.” A tear escaped and she swiped it away. “I…I could fall for you, and I’m scared to do that. And what’s wrong with me that the first guy to really make me think I could fall for him is a guy I’ve wanted to strangle more times that I can count? It’s crazy. It’s the kind of thing Dinah would do.”

“You need to stop lumping people in with your mother. First me, now you. It’s never a flattering group to be in.”

“I wasn’t trying to flatter anyone. I’m just trying to be honest.”

“I know.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. When he looked at her, there was a raw agony on his face that felt like a punch to the gut. “I want to argue with you about all of this. I want to force you to believe that we could make a real, loving, caring relationship work. Sure, we might not always see eye to eye, but the things we think are important are fundamentally the same. Family, friends, career, honesty, integrity. We work well as a team when we let our separate strengths complement each other instead of fighting over whose way is the best way.”

“Is this you not arguing?”

A laugh straggled out of him. “Yes, this is me not arguing. The bottom line is I could talk until I’m blue in the face, but if you don’t believe we can make this work, then my words would be wasted. I can’t force you to believe in me—in us. I can’t make you trust me or trust that you’d be safe if you fell in love with me. You either believe and trust or you don’t. And you don’t.”

“No. I don’t.” But even as she said the words, she wasn’t sure they were true. Nothing felt certain anymore. “I’m so sorry, Ben.”

He closed his eyes, dragging in a shaky breath. For one horrible moment, she thought he might cry, but when he looked at her, whatever he was feeling was tucked away again.

A wry grin curved his full lips, and he lifted a finger to trace the line of her cheekbone. “God, you’re beautiful. It’s going to suck not to wake up and see you all tussled beside me tomorrow.”

“Ben…” But there was no good way to end that sentence. There was no good ending in this for either of them.

His fingertip traced along her jaw, a longing in his gaze so powerful it shook her. “One last time?”

“Yes.” She threw herself into his arms, tilting her head back for the bruising force of his kiss.

He swept his tongue into her mouth, and she welcomed it with her own. They were on their sides facing each other, and she pressed herself as close as possible. She shoved her hand into his hair, letting the silky strands wrap around her fingers and tickle her palm. He nipped at her lower lip, devouring her. God, the man could kiss.

He jerked the sheet away from her, and the crisp hair on his chest chafed her nipples. A wave of tingles rolled down her limbs, desire slicing through her so quickly it made her head spin. She went hot and damp in seconds, but pain underscored her need. The knowledge that this would be the last time she’d ever feel this way making her heart skip a beat.

It was an inevitable conclusion she’d known was coming, but it still hurt to be confronted with it. All she could do was savor every single heartbeat of this experience.

Coasting her hand down his back, she enjoyed the flex of his muscles. She dipped under the waistband of his boxer-briefs, and dug her nails into his ass. He grunted, his hips jerking forward away from the sting. She grinned against his lips, and he chuckled, pulling his mouth away. “Sadist.”

“Should I get the belt?” But she didn’t give him a chance to answer before she reached down and cupped his erection through his underwear, stroking his hard length.

“Fuck,” he groaned.

Watching him shudder for her did nothing to cool her ardor. His green gaze burned into her and lust tightened his features. His cock pulsed against her palm, and she wanted him inside her. Now. She couldn’t wait. “How quickly can you get a condom?”

He was out of bed and out of his boxers so fast she was surprised he didn’t get fabric burn. He fished a rubber out of his bag, had it on in seconds, and rejoined her on the mattress before she could blink. He pulled her leg over his hip, opening her for him, and pierced her in one swift thrust.

Deep moans spilled from both of them. He was huge, stretching her to the limit, just the way she liked. A perfect fit. The thought made her soul ache, but she pushed that feeling away and focused on this moment with Ben.

He pulled back and drove into her again. She moved with him, tightening her leg around his waist every time he withdrew. Their breath rushed in ragged gasps, sweat slicking their skin. He palmed her breast and tweaked her nipple with each thrust, ratcheting up her need. Very, very soon she was going to spiral out of control.

She clamped her inner muscles around him, wanting to make him as wild as he made her. He groaned her name, driving into her swifter and swifter, deeper and deeper. It was too much, and she broke far faster than she wanted to.

Her body bowed in a hard arc, sealing her tight to the base of his dick. Inner muscles squeezing around his cock, she imploded in his arms. Intense pleasure seared through her, making her quake as spasms wracked her.

“Nora, I—” Whatever he would have said was swept away by the harsh groan that tore from his lips. He shuddered against her, in her.

She forced herself not to look away, to capture every single moment of this and never forget it. Just because she couldn’t trust, didn’t mean she couldn’t feel and so many emotions swept through her that there was no pinning them down. There was no control, no logic, no reason. A tear trickled from the corner of her eye, a sob breaking free.