Every One Of Me (12 page)

"You held me all night?" she asked and sniffed.

"I did."

"And the next morning, when I asked you about the black
eye? You told me it was an accident." She wasn't accusing or resentful
that I had misled her. She sounded grateful and relieved.

"It
was
an accident, sweetheart. I knew you
didn't mean it." No way was I going to let her feel guilty for something
she had no control over. For something none of us understood.

She raised her head and pulled back out of my arms. I let
her, even though it went against every cell in my body. She looked down at her
hands and then dropped her head into them, twisting her fingers in her hair and
massaging the sides of her head. Her eyes squeezed shut and she let out a long
breath. Minutes went by as I watched her rub her head and breathe over and over
again, like she was trying to contain some kind of explosion.

When she started to speak, I felt a strange relief that she
was still with me. "I need some time to process all of this."

Not what I wanted to hear at all, and I barely succeeded in
holding in my cringe. I couldn't force her to accept anything or even really
absorb everything I had told her. She knew that her mind had been experiencing
this disorder for a long time, but she didn't realize how far it had gone until
now. She had to feel some kind of betrayal from all of us. We had kept
everything from her thinking it would only protect her, but it only made it
take longer for her to find the help she needed.

She stood and started packing up the box of albums slowly,
taking in deep breaths here and there and shaking out the tremble in her hands
every few seconds.

I stood and handed her the album on the coffee table.
"I'm sorry, Tess. It shouldn't have taken this long to--"

Her hand went up to stop me. "No, I'm not mad, Charlie.
I'm just… trying to put it all together. I already had plenty to talk to my
doctor about, this just adds to it and seems a little more… significant."
She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me tightly.

I wrapped my own arms around her tiny frame and pressed my
cheek into her hair, inhaling that minty rain scent and finding myself even
deeper into her and not wanting to come up for air.

"Thank you for telling me, Charlie." Then she
pulled away and started toward the kitchen. "We better get the rest of
them before my mom's dinner is ruined."

She was trying to keep her emotions in control. Her jaw
twitched and her fingers kept fidgeting with anything she could get them on.
Knowing that she really did love me back then was enough for tonight. It was
her
that said it. Not an alter. Her.

I could hold on to that until she was ready to talk again.

"Will you explain things to me tonight, Tess? About the
alters?" It was a shot in the dark, but I had to ask. I had to trust that
she would let me in now, let me be a part of what she was going through.

"Of course. Let's go eat and I'll explain everything
I've learned. I'll blow your mind with the shit I've been told," she said
with a wide, forced smile.

I smiled back and followed her into the kitchen. "You
already blow my mind every day."

She laughed loudly and leaned in so I could hear what she
had to say, "Then I'll blow Ellie's mind, but I'm sure it won't be that
messy. I don't think she's got much in there."

We both laughed as we made our way to the back door and
found Sarah sitting on her hands and straining to keep them underneath her.
Ellie was talking about something to do with gardening and what Sarah could do
to improve hers. They looked up at us when we walked out and Sarah about jumped
into our arms.

"Oh, wonderful! Let's eat!" she exclaimed, then
scurried into the kitchen and put the bread in the oven.

Trevor grunted, "It's about time. I'm starving."

Before any of us could retreat into the kitchen, the psycho
slut made her voice heard, "Well, I
was
hungry until I smelled what
was cooking. I don't know how you eat that stuff, Trevy. You're going to get so
fat if you aren't careful."

I glanced at Trevor to see his reaction, and was granted the
usual one. He was just staring down her shirt and had his hand on her ass.
"I'm not going to get fat," was all he said back to her. Not "I
think my mother's cooking smells delicious" or "maybe you should
leave and never come back", either of which I would have been content
with.

Because he didn't say anything else to her, Tessa's instinct
was to step forward and say it herself. I knew this because it was what I would
do in the same situation. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and immediately
steered her into the kitchen. She glared at me before her face softened and she
smiled mischievously.

"You think you can stop me every time, Charlie?"
she asked innocently.

"Nope, I'm just too hungry to let you tonight. Maybe
next time, huh?" I winked at her and sat down at the table across from her
so I could see her face.

She threw her head back and laughed. It was the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen and from the look on Sarah's face, it hadn't
happened often enough since she had come back home.

This was a good sign.

***

Over the next week, my relationship with Tess started to
remind me of how it used to be. She beamed at me whenever I came over and
talked to me like she used to. The last 5 years had still happened, though, and
we both were very aware of the time we had lost.

Our friendship was mending, but that wasn't all that I
wanted from her and she knew it. Nothing more had been said about that night or
how we felt, now or in the past. Tess explained everything in detail to me,
about the alters, the time she spent moving around, and Benny.

The last thing she said before I left for home was,
"Think long and hard about whether or not you can live with this, Charlie.
It's not something that will ever go away. Especially if I can't figure
out…"

I just said, "I already knew that and I've already
decided. I'm just waiting for
you
."

She seemed to like that response and smiled shyly. I loved
that smile.

We spent some time each day together and she had even
stopped by the gym to see what all the fuss was about with Trevor and my
training. She only stayed a few minutes and watched me spar with my coach.
Then, after saying a quick goodbye and making an excuse about running errands
she left with a full body blush. At least, that's what I imagined it was, but I
really only saw her face and neck flush red and her eyes angle down to avoid
eye contact with me.

Trevor said she was probably just turned on, and coming from
him, well it was weird, but I tried not to think about that. I had enough
fantasies to last me a lifetime, one more would just dissolve all the control I
had left when I was around her.

It was Thursday night and she had just gotten back from her
session with Dr. Geoffrey looking glum and frustrated. I had been fixing a door
hinge for Sarah and didn't plan on catching her while I was there.

"How did it go?" Sarah asked the second Tess
walked into the kitchen.

She paused when she saw me, then smiled a greeting before
opening the fridge and pulling out a water bottle. "It was okay.
Disappointing. I don't know." She took a gulp and let out a breath while
staring at her feet. "I guess I'm just losing what little patience I
have."

"Oh, sweetie. I know you want things to move along,
just keep working at it. You are doing so well," Sarah praised and hugged
her daughter firmly before leaving the kitchen, but not before throwing me a
sly wink. You would think, knowing my intentions for her daughter, Sarah would
stick around when Tess and I were together. Isn't that what moms did?
Chaperoning and all that?

Not Sarah. She wanted us to be alone as much as possible, it
seemed. Something about years of tension coming to an end.

Tess turned back to me and saw me staring at her.
"Hi."

"Hi."

"So, Mom thinks you are some kind of handyman,
too?" she teased.

I shot her an arrogant smile, "Well, I
am
pretty
handy these days. She doesn't really trust anyone else either."

"That's understandable. She told me the other day that
she called a plumber last year to fix a leaky faucet and swears up and down
that he was flirting with her the whole time." She smiled and took another
gulp of her water, "I know for a fact he wasn't, but I would rather her
call you anyway."

I felt a surge of pride warm my chest. A quick idea ran
through my mind about breaking a few things around the house before I left,
then I would get a call to come back. That was stupid, though. Right? Well,
stupid or not, I was still undecided about it. Then I processed what she said
about the guy not flirting with Sarah and asked, "How do you know he
wasn't? Your mother is a good looking woman."

"Well, since the plumber she called has been completely
gay since junior high, it wasn't that hard to figure out," she smirked.

My mouth gaped open and a thousand memories came rushing
back to me, "She called Samuel Anderson."

She nodded.

"You are telling me that Sammy Anderson, star
quarterback through all of high school, breaker of skank hearts for even longer
than that, and also the only guy who has ever beat Trevor up, is actually
gay?"

She smiled at me playfully and, regardless of the topic of
conversation, it made all my muscles shift and blood rush where I didn't need
it.

 "Yep."

I tried to concentrate on what she was telling me, but lost
the ability to speak  for a minute or two. I hoped she couldn't tell how much
she truly affected me and that it was just the result of shock from this new
information. "Well, good for him. That must have sucked trying to hide it
all those years." Just like it sucked trying to hide my feelings for her
all those years.

"I called him out on it in the 8th grade and he spilled
everything. Made me promise to keep it quiet until he was ready, but I saw him
last week with his husband. They are great together, too. Really happy. His
husband, Mark, is actually from Boston and used to live near the facility I
was…" She paused and took another drink of water, her eyes shifting around
to avoid mine. "I'm actually surprised Mom hasn't figured it out, it's not
like he is keeping it a secret anymore," she said casually and moved to
the door I had just fixed to examine my work.

I felt a warmth rush through me with the comfortable silence
I had longed for. Years ago, we used to just sit together, not talking or doing
anything, and it just felt right. It was something I had missed. Her shoulder
brushed against my chest as she turned to look at the door.

The sudden close proximity of her body with mine made all my
muscles jump and more blood rush away from my brain. Not good. I needed that
blood up there so I could focus on being a gentleman. Or I needed to get out of
there before I did something she wasn't ready for, but before I could really do
anything, my mouth started flapping.

"Come to dinner with me tomorrow night," I blurted
out.

She hesitated, still looking at the door, then took a deep
breath and let it out slowly before turning those dark chocolate caramel eyes
my way, "Okay."

I blinked several times, worried that the blood wasn't going
to come back at all, and I was in the middle of a fantasy. "Okay?
Really?"

She chuckled and folded her arms across her chest,
"Well, yeah, Charlie. Unless you really don't want me --"

"No! I want you to. I'm just a little… surprised,"
I said quickly, and before she could change her mind I packed up my tools and
said, "I'll pick you up at six." I had to resist throwing a fist in
the air in victory. It was difficult, but I held back.

When I turned back to her, she was grinning with her arms
folded tightly across her chest. I leaned toward her slowly, wanting more than
anything to wrap her in my arms and kiss the hell out of her. Maybe one day
soon, but not today.

When my face was just inches away from hers, she stopped
breathing and her eyes glazed over. That was confirmation enough that she
wouldn't smack me afterward. When my lips touched her warm cheek, she relaxed
and didn't pull away.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I whispered near her ear,
then turned and walked away.

I reached the front door and heard her finally take in a
breath and mutter, "God, help me."

I was smiling until I got to my car and sat down, then I
realized that even though I won this round, I was just setting myself up for
torture. Being close to Tess, close enough to finally show her that I wanted
her, but not being able to
truly
show her yet, it would probably kill
me. The noticeable bulge in the front of my pants glared back at me when I
looked down. Just thinking about kissing her was enough.

It was going to be a long night.

Tessa

"Please tell me you are wearing something that shows
your cleavage." Benny sounded like she was about to have a heart attack. I
had spent the last 10 minutes telling her what had happened with Charlie so far
and when I told her he kissed my cheek, she about lost it. She always told me
that she could feel the sexual tension between us and she hadn't even met the
guy.

"God, Benny! I don't even own a dress let alone
something besides pajamas that would show anything like that," I said,
holding the phone against my shoulder while I rifled through my closet.

"When is he picking you up?"

I looked at the clock, it was only 2PM and I was already a
mess. Why did I agree to do this? It would only make more stress for me.
"At six?"

"Holy shit! You don't have much time, T!"

"Yes I do! I have 4 hours. It won't take me that long
to get ready," I balked.