Everything Left Unsaid (3 page)

I’m so ready for this day to be over, and it doesn’t get any better until last period when Tai slides a note towards me that says
My place after school? Beach walk tonight?
I nod.

Beach walks are practically an institution for us. When it’s just the two of us on the beach surrounded by darkness, we can talk about anything. Everything. Whatever we’ve got to say will be made easier by the wind and the waves, and I’m hopeful again. Even if we go on pretending like I never said anything at the party, I’ll get my best friend back tonight.

After school I go home and change out of my uniform. Mum is still at work, so I leave a note on the fridge telling her where I’ve gone, pinning it underneath a magnet shaped like an orange.

Tai’s place is closer to the beach than mine, which is why we always meet there first. As I’m walking up his driveway his little brothers see me and run over, then insist on dragging me away to show me their latest obsession: training grasshoppers to do circus tricks. Or they would if they could catch enough grasshoppers. River tells me they’re
very naughty grasspoppers
for refusing to be caught, and Hendrix, who is two years older than River, goes back to fiddling with string and sticks, trying to make some sort of net. His jeans are torn at the knees and he’s used a pen to draw eyes and hair above the ripped parts so they look like little monster faces.

When I step inside Tai’s mum sees me and abruptly stops knitting, mid-
click
. She grins. ‘How’s my future daughter-in-law?’ It’s a long-running joke that Mia finds hilarious.

‘What are you knitting now?’

‘Oh, I’m just working on Fred’s arm.’

‘Fred?’

‘For a customer on eBay.’ She grins, pleased with herself. Her passion is knitting lifesize toy people, which she then sells on eBay to lonely people who want someone to cuddle up to at night.

‘I see.’
Not really, crazy lady
. ‘So did you name him Fred, or did the customer ask for a knitted guy called Fred who looked a certain way, or what?’

‘No, I name them. Unless, of course . . .’

‘Special orders?’

‘Exactly.’

‘That’s too weird.’

I leave Mia with Fred and head off to Tai’s room. I know this house as well as my own; they’ve lived here ever since I’ve known them. Tai and I became friends at kindy, and have practically lived in each other’s houses since. Mum went crazy redecorating our house after Dad left, getting it all repainted white, changing the curtains, the photos on the walls, everything. Here, things have stayed the same for as long as I can remember – the pale blue walls, the old glass jars Mia insists on using for vases, our names pencilled into the doorframe of their linen cupboard, marking our heights every year. Even the huge old fig tree in their backyard. The familiarity is normally comforting – but not today.

I stand in Tai’s doorway, my throat dry, not knowing if things will still be weird between us. It’s like I can’t remember what Just Friends felt like. He’s sitting on the bed and I don’t know whether to sit next to him or not, worried I’ll sit too close or not close enough and he’ll take it as some kind of sign either way. In the end I sit on the floor, against his bed, glad he can’t see my face.

‘Comfortable down there?’

‘I guess.’
Except I can’t look at you. And I can’t quite remember how to talk to you without it being strange
.

Suddenly, his fingers are brushing my hair back, tucking it behind my ear, and he’s there beside me, his eyes staring right into mine. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Um . . . everything?’
Like, I kissed you and you seem to want to pretend it never happened?

‘Hey, do you want to have a handstand competition on the driveway?’ Hendrix and River are grinning at us from the doorway, and I kind of don’t really want to but it’s got to be better than this level of awkward, so I say, ‘Sure.’

We’re still out there when Mia calls us for dinner.

When we’re all sitting at the table, Mia asks me, ‘So, Juliet, how much did your mum hate that piercing?’ She waves her fork in the direction of my nose, just in case I wasn’t sure which one she was talking about.

‘Um, on a scale of one to ten, about a thousand.’

‘It looks kind of sore,’ Mia says gently. ‘Do you think it might be infected?’

That would explain why it still hurts. I touch the nose stud hesitantly. ‘I don’t know. I think it’s just healing.’

After dinner Mia tells the boys they’re on washing-up duty, leaving Tai’s dad Stanley to supervise, then makes me sit on the edge of the bath while she attacks my nose stud with cotton balls and salty water.

‘This is what I always used,’ she tells me, ‘and I never had an infection.’

‘On your . . . piercings?’ No. Way.

Mia grins at my look of disbelief.

‘I wasn’t always this ancient, Juliet. So you and Tai . . .’ she says, doing a super job of pretending to concentrate on my nose stud. ‘Is everything okay? You don’t seem like yourselves tonight.’ There’s silence for a second and then she adds, a little too quickly, ‘I’m not trying to pry or anything.’ She pushes a stray curl out of her eyes and peers at me.

I’m trying to work out what to say when Tai appears in the doorway. ‘You ready?’

The front door closes behind us with a thud. We walk faster than usual tonight.

When we’re sitting on the sand, I look at Tai, who’s pretending to watch the waves, and decide I can’t stand this anymore. ‘I need you as my friend, Tai. I don’t care if you want to pretend the party never happened, but we need to be friends still, okay?’

Tai looks at me. ‘Juliet, did you mean what you said on Friday night? Or was it just one of those things that happens after too many shots?’

The embarrassment has reached new heights now, and I’m silently cursing Gen for ever suggesting that I tell him, but I answer anyway. ‘I meant it, Tai.’

The faintest smile flickers across his face, but he doesn’t say anything.

There’s a long silence as we just stare at each other. Then curiosity gets the better of me and I ask, ‘When you kissed me . . . was that just because I was there and we were all liquored up? Or did you mean for it to happen?’

He keeps his eyes on mine. ‘I meant it.’

Juliet is quiet for a little bit, staring out at the waves.

Eventually I say, ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah. I’m freezing though.’ To prove her point, she slides her hands under my shirt, resting her palms just under my ribs, holding them there like two ice packs.

‘Right, that’s it.’ I grab her wrists and pull her icicle fingers out from under my shirt and pin her against the sand while she giggles and tries to push me off. I lean in, put my mouth right against her ear, so close my cheek brushes against hers, and whisper, ‘Do that again, and I’m sticking a dead jellyfish down your shirt.’

She laughs, wrenches one of her sandy hands free, and slides it straight back under my shirt. ‘Off you go and find one, then,’ she says, and I turn, ever so slightly, to kiss her.

On the walk home I let her wear my beanie because she’s cold, and she pulls a face when she puts it on, yanking it straight back off. ‘It’s full of sand, Tai.’

‘So are my undies, but you don’t hear me complaining.’

‘Ew.’ She runs her fingers through her hair, shaking out some of the sand.

I think about offering to let her inspect them in case she thinks I’m lying, but decide to keep my mouth shut. My little brothers would probably think it was funny, but Juliet . . . yeah, maybe not. Besides, there’s only one reason I want her hands near my undies, and it’s not to look for sand.
Stop it, Tai,
my brain instructs.
You’re on a high from kissing her, sure, but don’t start thinking about her hands there, don’t let your imagination—

‘Tai?’ Juliet’s looking at me oddly. ‘We walked past your place three houses ago.’ She points to the light spilling out from our windows onto the street.

‘Oops. I’d better go. See you tomorrow?’

‘Tomorrow.’

The next day at school Tai holds my hand, and the girls gleefully sing songs about us
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
. Gen’s only singing half-heartedly, though, and as we walk to class I ask her what’s wrong.

Her lips tighten. ‘Yesterday, after school, my olds sat me down, and they’re like,
Gen, we love you . . .’

I can guess what’s coming next. ‘But we hate each other?’

‘Exactly. Divorce. They’re pretending to be civil when I’m in the room, and fighting as soon as I’m not. Over who gets the lounge suite. Fuck. Who cares? And they’re even fighting over who gets me!
Genevieve, if you live with me you’ll have your own bathroom. If you pick me, I’ll let you stay out all night. If you pick me, I’ll buy you a fucking pony.’
Her voice is sarcastic but I can hear how close to tears she is.

As we enter the classroom our teacher gives us a disapproving look. ‘Ladies, you’re late.’

When he looks away I nudge Gen and mouth, ‘Get the pony.’

Poor Gen. At least both her parents want her. Dad might’ve left Mum, but he also left me, and that’s not the kind of thing you forget. He had this midlife crisis when I was ten, deciding he needed to wax his chest and buy a new car and move in with twenty-something Tina. Every couple of months he insists I go and stay overnight, but we’re all secretly relieved when the visit is over.

• • •

I find Tai waiting for me after the last bell and we catch the bus together.

‘Come over to my house?’ he asks.

‘Sure,’ I say, and he leans over to kiss me, but instead has a coughing fit.

‘Yuck!’ I push him away. ‘I thought we’d found a nicer way of germ-sharing.’

He grins. ‘Funny, Juliet.’

The second we walk through the door Mia pounces, a little green vial in her hand.

‘I saw my naturopath about your cough today,’ she says, instead of hello.

Tai groans. ‘No, Mum.’

She holds out the vial as if he hasn’t spoken. ‘Directions are on the label,’ she says cheerfully. ‘Put it somewhere that your brothers won’t get to it.’

‘As if, Mum – you couldn’t pay them to drink it. Hey, shouldn’t I get a bribe or something for taking this stuff?’

‘Nice try. Don’t you two have an assignment to do?’

We nod, and escape to Tai’s room.

‘I’m not taking it. I’m so not taking it.’ Tai looks at the little vial he’s put on his desk and pulls a face of disgust. ‘It tastes like . . . you know, I can’t even think of anything that tastes that bad. Not happening.’

‘You’re such a drama queen,’ I tease.

‘Oh yeah? Bet you can’t drink it without spewing.’

‘You’re so on. But what’s the bet?’

‘What do you want?’

‘A kiss?’

‘How about I give you one of those before you taste like that stuff?’ He smiles at me and leans in, and I’m wrapping my arms around him, pulling him close, when there’s a knock at the door.

Mia is standing in the doorway, looking amused. ‘I see,’ she says, passing Tai the textbook he’d thrown on the table when we entered the house. ‘I think you’d better do some schoolwork, you two. You can kiss after you pass your exams.’

She looks at us sternly then disappears back down the hallway. Tai picks up the vial of herbs and tips the contents out the window. ‘I’m so not taking that.’

On the weekend, Juliet and I abandon our assignments and meet up at the beach. In daylight, for once. It’s packed, but only the die-hard surfers and a handful of old guys wearing Speedos have braved the cold water.

We don’t care, though – or at least we pretend we don’t, but I catch Juliet wincing from the chill in the water as we inch our way past toddlers with buckets sitting where the waves can only just reach. I forgot that I handle the cold better than her, and once we’ve swum past the breakers, she wraps her arms around me, shivering.

‘I think I’m getting pneumonia or something. What’s that thing where you die from the cold?’

‘Hypothermia?’ I’m seriously trying not to laugh at her, but I’m failing miserably and she glares at me.

‘It’s all right for you; you’re one of those crazy people that jumps in the ocean in the middle of winter. I’m not like that. And who says, “Hey, let’s go on a date. Swimming. In winter.” Who does that?’

‘Do you want to get out, then?’

‘No, I want to stay here and complain.’ She smiles at me. ‘Warm me up, will you?’

She doesn’t have to ask twice. I press against her while treading water. ‘I watched this show on crab fishermen once,’ I tell her, holding her tighter. ‘One of them fell in, and the cold of the Arctic nearly killed him. When they hauled him out, one of the other guys ripped his gear off, and they lay there in their undies. They reckon skin-to-skin contact is the best cure for hypothermia, Juliet.’

‘Is that right?’ She does that just-for-you-Tai smile, and leans in to kiss me.

We don’t stay long in the water – she really
is
cold. I give her my towel and go to the fish and chip shop, where I order some hot chips and a bottle of Coke. We find a spot in the sun to eat.

‘I so can’t wait for school holidays this year,’ she says. ‘I’m trying to just relax and enjoy the moment but my brain keeps skipping over to whether or not I remembered to bring my biology textbook home, or that stupid history assignment.’ She sighs, passes me the Coke. ‘Is it like that in your head, too?’

I shrug. ‘I guess.’

‘Think about it, Tai. We’ll have, like, three months between when school ends and uni starts. Sleep-ins, the beach . . . awesome.’

‘That is if we actually get in to uni, right?’

‘Okay then, pessimistic one. Three months between graduating and when we either start uni or start flipping burgers or something. Happy?’

‘No. You forgot to mention schoolies.’ I poke out my tongue.

‘Are we still going together, or have you decided to abandon me for your mates?’

‘You wish. You’re stuck with me.’

‘What about the formal, then?’ She smiles, and it’s almost shy. ‘Are you planning on holding up your end of the deal?’