Fabulous Five 012 - Katie's Dating Tips (5 page)

"Yo, there, Your Honor," said Tony. He stopped
beside the table at Bumpers where The Fabulous Five sat and ruffled Katie's
curly red hair. "I'm glad you've joined the campaign to improve the food
in the cafeteria. It shows that you have great taste. Get it, guys?" Tony
added, waggling his eyebrows Groucho Marx-style.
"Great taste?"

"We get it. We get it," Katie said, rolling her eyes
toward the ceiling. "And what's this campaign I keep hearing about? These
letters are just class assignments. Nobody's going to read them but my mom."

"You mean they aren't going to be printed in
The Smoke
Signal
?
" asked Shane Arrington, who had joined the group, along
with Keith Masterson and Jon Smith.

"Get serious, man," said Tony. "If you figure
that Mrs. Shannon gave that same assignment in six classes yesterday, and there
are approximately twenty-five students in each class, that's . . . a lot of
letters to print in one small school paper."

"That's one hundred fifty letters," interjected
Christie. "And I hadn't thought about it before, but you're right. It
would take
The Sig
the rest of the school year to get them all in."

"Bummer," said Melanie, sticking her lower lip out
in a pouty expression. "Now how are we ever going to get coed gym classes?"

The boys all started whooping joyously and nudging each
other, all except Tony, who held up his hands for everybody to be quiet.

"Listen up, guys," he said. "If we handle this
campaign right, we could actually get better food in the cafeteria. I say that
when we get our letters back from Mrs. Shannon, we take all the ones
complaining about the food and send them to the newspaper right here in town."

Jana gasped. "The
Post
?
"

"Sure. Why not?" challenged Tony. "They print
letters to the editor. I checked in yesterday's edition. You just have to sign
your name when you send it in. Even then, they'll leave your name off when they
print it, if you ask them to."

"Let me get this straight," said Katie. "Do
you mean to say that you want everybody who wrote a letter about the cafeteria
food to send it in to the local paper?"

Tony nodded. "Sure. Don't you get it? The teachers and
the members of the school board read the
Post
every day, but so do our
parents. If they see that everybody is complaining and that the complaints are
serious, maybe they'll help us get something done. After all, it's their money
going into the garbage can."

Keith slapped Tony on the back. "Brilliant, Calcaterra.
Absolutely brilliant. Maybe we can actually get the school to serve edible
food."

"Yeah," said Jon, shaking his head. "I know
what the cooks do now. They look around the kitchen, see. And when they find
something, they sneak up on it. Then, if it doesn't move, they cook it."

"And serve it to us," said Beth, making a face.

Katie glanced appraisingly at Tony. The letters weren't a
bad idea, she thought. And she loved the way he was taking up a cause he
believed in and was fighting for it. It was no wonder that she thought he was
so special.

Everyone liked Tony's plan and agreed to turn their letters
over to him at Bumpers the next day after Mrs. Shannon had returned them in
class. Tony was going to mail all of them to the newspaper in one big envelope.

"It will get their attention and prove we're serious if
all the letters come in together. At the same time, they'll each be in a
different handwriting, which will prove they weren't written by just one person
with a grudge against the school cafeteria."

At home later, when she had time to think about it again,
Katie was glad that she had changed her letter. The first one was nothing but
an attack on Mr. Dracovitch. In it she had made a big deal about how
undignified it was for a teacher to wear a Dracula wig to school and how
sickening it was to gross out everybody with awful smells from his lab. She had
finished by saying that students needed teachers they could look up to instead
of laugh at. Even though it had been the truth and she had meant every word of
it, she was glad she had been able to think quickly on her feet and change it
to a letter about the cafeteria food. She had even scribbled down the words she
had said when she pretended to read so that she could hand it in. She would
have to find another way to convince her mother that Mr. Dracovitch was not
right for her.

At supper, she brought up the subject of dating again. She
waited until her mother was relaxing with a cup of coffee after they had
finished eating. She had also decided to pretend she didn't know that Willie
had had lunch with Mr. Dracovitch in the cafeteria.

"Mom," she began casually. "Did you take my
suggestion and mention the Ramses the Great exhibit in the teachers' lounge at
noon?"

Willie looked startled, and two rosy spots appeared on her
cheeks. "Um . . . well . . . actually no," she fumbled. "I . . .
um . . . didn't eat lunch in the teachers' lounge today. I ate in the
cafeteria."

Katie feigned surprise. "Really? It's a shame I didn't
go to the cafeteria today. I could have stopped by your table and said hello."
She was dying to ask her mother whom she ate with, but she couldn't. It would
spoil what she planned to do next.

"You know, I promised to help you with dating,"
she said, and Willie nodded. "Well, lots of women ask the guy instead of
waiting around for him to call. So let me give you an important piece of
advice. If you want to go to the Ramses the Great exhibit, you're going to have
to ask for the date yourself."

Color was creeping up Willie's face. "I don't know,
Katie. I mean, I call men all the time when I'm working on stories, but I
wouldn't know
how
to ask one for a date. What would I say?"

"There's nothing to it," said Katie. "It's
the easiest thing in the world. You would just bring up the Ramses the Great
exhibit and say all those things you said when you tried to get me to go with
you. You remember, that Ramses was the most powerful person on earth and people
actually thought he was a god, and that this show is supposed to be incredible.
Stuff like that."

Willie shook her head. "I don't know," she said
with a frown. "I mean, I read a lot about this sort of thing in the women's
magazines, but to actually do it is another thing entirely. Especially since I'd
have to ask someone I don't know very well. I'm not sure I could."

"Sure, you could," said Katie. "If you got on
the phone right now, I'd stay with you and coach you."

Willie gave her a horrified look.

"Okay. So I
wouldn't
stay with you. I'd go into
the other room where I couldn't hear a word you were saying if that's what you
wanted."

Willie peered into the brown depths of her coffee. Then she
picked up her spoon and stirred it busily.

Katie knew her mother was stalling. "What do you say,
Mom? Are you going to call?"

"Not right now, sweetie. I have to clear the table and clean
up the kitchen. Then I have some work to do for school tomorrow. Besides, I
want to think about it for a while."

Katie had to fight down the smile that was trying to push up
the corners of her mouth. She had known her mother would say these things. In
fact, she had counted on it. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.
It was time for her big move.

Sliding out of her chair at the kitchen table, she went
quickly to the wall phone over the counter. Then she began punching in the
telephone number she had memorized when she got home from Bumpers, telling
herself that she was doing this for her mother's own good.

At the same instant that the phone began to ring on the
other end of the line, Willie glanced up. A look of suspicion crossed her face.
"Katie," she said with a frown. "Whom are you calling?"

Just then the ringing stopped, and a man's voice said hello.

Katie couldn't hold back her smile any longer. "Hello,
Mr. Newkirk. This is Katie Shannon. Would you hold on a minute, please? My
mother wants to speak to you." Placing the receiver on the counter, Katie
ducked out of the room.

Katie danced up and down on her tiptoes, crossing and
uncrossing her fingers as she tried to hear her mother's side of the
conversation through the living room wall. She knew she was in trouble, but it
would be worth it if Willie and Mr. Newkirk actually made a date. Besides, her
mother would thank her later, Katie thought, nodding with satisfaction.

"Katie Shannon, will you come in here, please."

Her mother's voice sounded a little bit angry but not
furious, she thought as she uncrossed her fingers and headed for the kitchen.
The receiver was back on the hook, and Willie was pouring herself another cup
of coffee. She looked up when Katie came in the room and then gave an
exasperated sigh.

"What in the world made you do
that
?
"
she asked, sounding genuinely puzzled.

"I was only trying to help," said Katie. "I
knew you didn't have the nerve to call him yourself. Did it work? Did you ask
him to go to the exhibit?"

"I didn't have to. He brought it up himself. I almost
had the feeling that he already knew I wanted to see it."

Katie blinked and tried to keep her face straight. She didn't
dare let her mother know that she herself had talked to Mr. Newkirk before
school this morning. "Tell me everything both of you said. The whole
conversation."

"Well," said Willie. "After I got my wits
about me, I told him that I was only calling to tell him one more time how well
the classes were going. I really had
no intention
of asking him to the
exhibit." She gave Katie a wide-eyed glare before going on. "Then he
started talking about Ramses the Great and how he would like to be the one to
take me to see it."

Katie moved closer to her mother. "And what did you
say?"

"What could I say? Everything was happening too fast."

"Does that mean you accepted?" Katie asked
breathlessly.

Willie shrugged and nodded at the same time. "I didn't
know what else to do. I mean, you'll have to admit that was a dirty trick,
Katie. Just handing me the phone and expecting me to know what to say."

"I'm proud of you, Mom," said Katie, clamping an
arm around her mother's shoulders as if Willie were
her
daughter. "Asking
guys out will get easier with practice. You'll see. Just trust me."

"I do trust you, sweetheart. And I appreciate how hard
you're trying to help me. But there's one thing you're forgetting. I have the
right to choose whom I go out with just the same as you do."

Katie winced. Willie knew how much trouble she had had with
her friends over dating Tony Calcaterra.

"But Mom," she protested. "This is different.
I know Mr. Newkirk a lot better than you do. In fact, I know all the teachers
at Wacko better than you do."

"But Mr. Newkirk?" Willie shook her head. "He's
so . . . stuffy. And so . . . grandfatherly. He's probably the last teacher at
Wakeman Junior High that I would pick."

Katie knew what her mother was thinking. She was thinking
that she would much rather go out with Mr. Dracovitch. But why couldn't Willie
see how ridiculous she would look if she dated the weirdest teacher at school?
I guess I'll just have to keep working on ways to prove to Mom that dating
Dracula would be a major mistake, she thought.

Willie's date with Mr. Newkirk wasn't until Saturday
afternoon, so Katie knew she had three more days at school to sabotage her
mother's crush on Mr. Dracovitch. Then she could have a good time with Mr.
Newkirk.

When she and Willie got to school the next morning, Katie
asked, "Would you like for me to show you Mr. Dracovitch's science lab? It's
like a miniature zoo. He has lots of small animals in cages. He even has a
snake named Sirloin Snake." She widened her eyes innocently when she
looked at Willie, hoping that her mother wouldn't suspect that she had a plan
up her sleeve.

"Sure," said Willie. "I knew it was at the
opposite end of the school from the English department, but I wasn't sure
exactly where. I'd love to see it."

Katie chuckled to herself. Willie was playing right into her
hands. One whiff of Mr. Dracovitch's lab, and her mother would have a whole new
picture of the science teacher. She'd have to see how weird he was. Katie could
hardly wait.

They were only halfway up the stairs when the first faint
fumes reached their noses. What is it today? Katie wondered. Rotten fish, she
decided, and . . . smoldering tires. That was it, and the smell was not only
different almost every morning, but it seemed to be getting worse.

Willie made a face. "What is
that
?
"

Katie feigned innocence again. "Oh, that? That's just
Mr. Dracovitch, or at least it's coming from his lab."

"But what's he doing in there?" asked her mother.

"Beats me. It's some kind of big secret, I guess. All I
know is that he gets to school early every day to brew up something. Gross, isn't
it?"

Willie nodded and wrinkled her nose. They had reached the
top of the stairs, and Katie peeled to the left, happily noticing that the
stench was getting stronger as they got closer to the lab. For once she was
actually pleased at the awful smell. Finally they stopped at a closed door.

"Whew!" said Willie. "That really clears out
the old sinuses, doesn't it?"

Katie smiled serenely. "I'm sure it's for the cause of
science," she said, putting as much sincerity into her words as she could
muster.

"If it's this bad out here in the hall, I'm not sure I
want to go in there," said Willie. "Maybe we should come back another
day."

"Oh, come on, Mom. It smells this bad every day.
Besides, maybe he's in the middle of finding the cure for cancer or something.
You wouldn't want to miss out on seeing a thing like that, would you?"
Before Willie could respond, Katie raised her hand and knocked sharply on the
door.

Katie tried not to gag as they waited for a response. Willie
had turned slightly pale and looked as if she were ready to run. Katie knocked
again. This time they heard a chair scraping the floor and footsteps crossing
the room.

An instant later Mr. Dracovitch opened the door just far
enough to stick his head out. At the same time a wave of stench rolled out of
the room nearly bowling Katie over.

"Why, hello," Mr. Dracovitch said, looking
straight at Willie and smiling. "What a wonderful surprise. Won't you come
in?"

Katie had never seen her mother look more flustered, and she
glanced back and forth from Katie to Mr. Dracovitch as if she couldn't make up
her mind what to do.

"I'm working on a marvelous experiment," said the
teacher, still looking at Willie. "I'd love to show it to you." He
opened the door wider, and Willie didn't hesitate any longer, marching into the
fume-filled lab like a fireman heading into a blazing building.

Katie plunged in after them. She couldn't turn back now. And
besides, things weren't going exactly as she had planned. Her mother was
actually ignoring the terrible smell as she followed Mr. Dracovitch into his
lab and toward his experiment table at the front of the room.

"Oh, gross!" Katie whispered as the fumes stung
her eyes. When she could finally open them enough to see, she noticed reeking
piles of garbage lying around the table and a small pot bubbling above a Bunsen
burner.

Mr. Dracovitch pulled himself up to his full height and
looked proudly at Willie. "As you probably know," he began, "the
world is drowning in garbage. Not just ordinary garbage, but Styrofoams and
plastics that take five hundred years to decay." His voice was rising
passionately like a minister's delivering a sermon. "Can you imagine what
this planet will look like with five hundred years' worth of discarded coffee
cups and disposable baby diapers everywhere? There are scarcely enough
landfills to hold them now. In twenty years they'll be up to our elbows."

And this is what it's going to smell like, too, Katie
thought, but when she closed her eyes, she could see mountains of Styrofoam
fast-food containers and disposable diapers lining the city streets and covering
the rural landscape. She blinked away the sight. Mr. Dracovitch was talking
again.

"I've decided to do something about it. I'm working on
a chemical that will break down these products, reduce them to a harmless ash
that can be buried in the soil. There's one more step in the formula that I
haven't devised vet. Just one more piece to the puzzle, and if I'm successful,
I'll be able to use the experiment in my classes and make a real contribution
to the world."

Katie frowned at the piles of garbage on the experiment
table and the tiny pot bubbling on the Bunsen burner. Mr. Dracovitch was more
weird than she had thought. How could he expect to find something that
important in the science lab at Wacko Junior High? Now Willie must surely be
able to see him for what he really was. She would even understand why everyone
called him Dracula. It had been worth it to bring her up here, even with the
smell.

But when Katie glanced at her mother, Willie was smiling
radiantly at Mr. Dracovitch, gazing up at him as if he were a saint. The two of
them seemed to have forgotten that Katie was there. Mumbling something about
going to her locker, she hurried out of the room.