Fangs Rule (7 page)

You will have very powerful jaws, and so you should as this gives you the ability to hold onto prey by your teeth while your claws are ripping them apart ……

Eating out at night can be messy, but it's so much fun when your meal helps to give you an appetite by fighting back.

The rule is that no matter how good the kiss is, you must try hard to keep the fangs hidden. Just settle for kissing without tongues until you are sure you will not remove his lips with a loving bite. Remember that it is normal to turn the head slightly when you kiss. Nine times out of ten it will be to the right, which of course means that the first time you kiss a boy he'll be the 1 out of 10 sort, and you'll knock noses. And yes, also make sure your lips are moist (lick them) and without too many accidental bite marks.

Turning your head slightly to the right when kissing also means it is easy to move down to the boy's neck and take a loving bite. As I have said before, a girl can bite a boy on the first date - just don't let him bite back.

Not much to say about killing. If it's good to eat then it's fine to kill it, why else would it exist? As my Aunt always says: "If humans didn't want to be eaten, then they shouldn't taste so good" - and you can't argue with logic like that.

OK, well, we all know love in different ways. It's not just the love of the hunt or the love of the kill, but that romantic kind that makes your heart beat a little faster. Like when a Male lets you eat first from the prey he has just killed, or lets you bite him because you're hungry, or doesn't mind when you rub yourself all over him to mark him with your scent and warn off other Females.

Toys for boys - pet rings vibrate when the master summons a pet to him, they can't be removed by the pet and mark her owner so other Males don't try to borrow her.

These are made from old pet rings, and will electrocute anyone trying to take it off the owner. They can be used as a kind of pager between friends.

Alpha Girls wear them as the pendant shows their rank and household, and stops Males (a.k.a. Perverts) asking them to raise a nightdress to show the family brand and prove their position in the Nest (see SLAPPING).

As Vampires we are not born with these as these as natural gifts. Humans mistakenly think that just because we can climb walls and hang off ceilings, or leap long distances like they do in the Chinese films, that we can also break a pile of bricks with our head. Well, like a human, these things are possible but without training it will still hurt like heck and give you a very nasty headache!

As girls we get given an allowance, which a lot of us use for gambling on tournaments, along with a NestCard for shopping... but what to do when you leave the Nest? Money and investments were not a worry to a Female in the past, as it was normal to take money from your meal's wallet while you were dining off him.

Nowadays it is not so easy, as more and more humans live off plastic called credit cards (similar to our NestCard), so here is what a smart Vampire does:

First you kill someone and take their identity, being very careful to keep paying taxes to the appropriate government. You can then use that identity to make long-term investments. Don't forget to make sure you've always got a new, younger identity set up to inherit everything when you finally need to kill them off - you don't want to risk being found out if your fake person lives too long! It may take you three or four human generations to build up a good portfolio, but it is worth it. Yes, I know Mom and Dad say they will always keep you but after 100 - 150 years they will begin to start giving you hints about getting a job!

Movies on Vampires are normally very funny, and all Vampires should try and watch them. The humans have not noticed that the laughing and shouts of HE'S BEHIND YOU coming from the back of a cinema is from a group of Vampires enjoying a good Vampire film. Besides the comedy value, it's always worth keeping up with the silly ideas the humans have come up with.

As a Vampire you will have a very long and fancy name of Lady this or Mistress that, so it is now very common with younger Vampires to go by short nicknames. If your name is 'Lady Crimson Mortisha Blooddrainer D'Eath of the house of the Sucking Fangs' you could be known to friends as 'Red.' Only adults use the boring long titles, and they have to have business cards the size of posters or rolled up like a toilet roll.

Good nicknames can be almost anything, and the shorter and cuter the better - like Cyndy, Mindy, Sandy, Randy and the like.

Bad nicknames such as Buffy and Blade are just asking for trouble, you may as well have a tattoo saying I love Van Helsing. And as for Vlad as a nickname, well, it's like calling yourself Dracula - it's corny and people will laugh. If you're unlucky enough that it's your actual name, just pick another one.

Home! Underground living is best - forget about living in a castle with hundreds of windows, forcing you to spend the days in the cellar. You just end up expanding and expanding the cellars until someone says "lets sell the castle and build downwards."

There are lots and lots of rules, all designed to make us so intent on following them that we forget the urge to kill any other Vampire on sight.

First offence punishments for breaking the rules can be anything from being sent to bed early to having your fangs removed with a hammer.

The name refers to a special type of glass which stops a wide range of dangerous radiations such as UV. It is very expensive, and so only the richest and most powerful Vampires have it fitted to cars and office windows. The result is that you can have meetings or drive around in what looks like daylight, without the harmful side effects.

What all good girls are to their wonderful god given Male masters (as if) But we have to pretend sometimes...

It is also a good idea to smile and try to look cute,

Warning: this this only works on males.

My Uncle is my Lord and (cough cough) master as he is head of the Pink Bat family,

But he is like butter when I smile and look cute hehehehe

Parents are a problem to any teenager. No matter what they say about understanding you as they were once teenagers themselves (yeah … like, 300 years ago!), forget it, they don't!

These are the Males which protect the Nest and the Council. They are all very good fighters, and joining the Guard is a good way of advancement within our society. The title of Praetorian Guard is very much respected.

Personally I find them to be big, thick, and rude... and almost impossible to kill. I know as I once tried, and still have the bruises.

Pets are our day staff and can have a variety of jobs, doing anything like running Vampire businesses or helping out around the Nest. The day to day control of the blood banks is done by Pets, and they also give generously to the blood banks.

The other kind of Pets are kind of Vampire groupies - normally high school girls who think it's cool to wear black make up and go out with a Vampire with the hope that they will be turned into a Vampire in exchange for favors offered (that's code for sex). See TURNING.

They like wearing black and hanging about in graveyards at night, watching lots of Vampire films, and wearing plastic fangs. When they do get turned, it's almost never what they expected.

There are several animals that we have turned, the most popular being the cat. Originally we turned cats to get rid of the rats in the Nest, and now we just keep them as pets. Personally I have Tarquin, who is a loving little fellow that could fight a grisly bear and win. He is so, so cute and really loves me, it is so funny to watch him attack passing Males daring to come within a few metres of him. Tarquin and my uncle have a hate - hate relationship.

On to another personal issue, 'pheromones.' Nature has had its joke with our species, giving us a good sense of smell and at the same time making us rather smelly.

Forget about cutting your hair short, wearing ill filling clothes and farting. It's no good pretending to be a boy like they do in the movies, it will be the same as if you were walking about topless. Everyone will always know you're a girl because you smell like one.

Yes, I know it's very personal, but no matter how much we wash we smell as we leak pheromones from all over the body. Seriously, all over! This is why females bathe a lot but still want to kill other Females upon sight... or should I say smell.

Turnlings smell of dead meat - a pleasant smell, but not one that makes a girl go weak at the knees for a date.

Humans can smell different depending upon diet and race; generally it is mostly sweat, sour milk, and deodorant. When a Vampire says lets go out for Mexican it's not that the mix of Spanish and native Indian is anything special, but the diet they have gives a nice spicy kick to the blood.

Males smell musky. It's a hard smell to describe, stating they are male and have a few extra bits we don't. The best way I can describe the smell as is that of chocolate when you're feeling hungry. Males when they get horny can either smell like a bunch of flowers and a large box of chocolates, or like a rancid male baboon, depending upon the mood the girl is in. I think that's normal with all creatures, though, not just Vampires.

As Females we do of course smell good to Males, and as Males also have a good sense of smell they say they are almost physically hit with a hammer when we start to come on heat. Males tell me that once they knew of the dangers of Females in heat they would start to take precautions like cold showers and long runs in the woods, occasionally shouting as they go, "Please help me, I'm too young to get married yet!"

Just like all normal animals (not like the abnormal humans) we can only get pregnant when on heat. Being such a long-lived species it is often many years between episodes of coming on heat, but any sex when on heat will give you a 100 percent outcome of pregnancy. It is said that just walking within 10 feet of a Male when you're on heat can make you pregnant, but I expect the reason for this is that if Male is within 10 feet of a female on heat then she would be able to have his pants off before he had chance to say hello.

Something that does not exist in the Vampire world of Nest living. As my Aunt always says, privacy for a teenage girl is simply not allowed. This is usually followed by knowing comments like: if a girl is doing anything that she didn't want others to see, then she shouldn't be doing it!