Fire Always Burns (10 page)

"You are such a boy," I stuck my tongue out at him and he just smirked at me.

"You like it," he countered walking around to the front of the counter.

"Yes, yes I do," I said as he put his hands on either side of me on the counter. "How could I not?"

I felt a tingle of anticipation run through my body as his stomach pushed into my knees, his hands going to my hips. I leaned forward and closed my eyes, knowing he was mine. I felt our lips touch, electricity passing between us. Our tongues met, feeding the fire burning through my core. No one had ever made me feel this way with just a kiss.

"What are you two doing?"

I felt Andrew freeze, my own blood stopping cold. We broke apart like ice hitting the floor, each of us picking a random direction. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks and drain out of me at the same time. Luke stood in the doorway, his green work apron hanging limply from his hand. His hazel eyes full of betrayal. I slid off the counter, avoiding his piercing gaze.

"I said, what are you two doing?" He glanced back and forth between Andrew and me, his hand tightening on the apron.

"Luke, it's not what it looks like-" Andrew started, but Luke cut him off.

"Not what it looks like? It looks like you and Holly were kissing. Like you two have something going on. You want to lie to me about that, Andrew?" Luke's voice was cold, his knuckles starting to turn white on his apron.

"Luke, we didn't mean for you to find out like this," I said softly.

"So at least you did mean for me to find out. That's nice. How long has this been going on?" Luke's eyes blazed a cold fire.

"Not long. It just kind of happened, and we couldn't stop it," Andrew said quietly.

"Couldn't stop it? Yeah right. You chose not to stop it. We promised to never do this. You both promised me, promised each other to not do this," Luke said, frustration dripping off each word. He paused for a moment, the anger emanating out of him in waves as he kept his voice even. "Do you know how much I have wanted to break that promise? How close I've come to doing what you two were just doing? But I stopped. I kept the promise."

"What do you mean?" my mouth blurted out before I could stop. Luke rounded on me, his eyes fierce.

"Doesn't matter. Holly, you aren't ready for this. Neither of you have any idea what you are doing," Luke's voice was soft and low. I had never seen him so angry. It was a cold fury that scared me more than him yelling. He continued, his voice frosting the entire room. "I can't believe you two would do this. I didn't know our friendship, all of our friendships meant so little to you. Holly, I want you out of this shop. Tell your dad to get the parts he needs from another store. Andrew, your shift is done for the day. If you need to change your shifts, talk to my dad. I don't want to see either of you."

"Luke, please, we didn't mean to hurt you," I said taking a step towards him. He put up his empty hand to stop me, his other hand gripping his apron so tight I was sure it was going to break.

"Holly, if you didn't mean to hurt me, you wouldn't have done this. You would have kept the promise you made to your friends. I thought you were better than this- I thought you were smarter than this. I want you both out of my shop. Now."

Andrew and I looked towards one another, and back towards Luke. Cold fury and pain swirled around him, filling the room like a snowstorm. Andrew took off his work apron and set it carefully on the counter, putting his hand on my shoulder. He pulled me towards the front door, and I glanced back over my shoulder to look back. Luke stood in the center of the store, his hand still gripping his apron and a look of utter betrayal and loss on his face.

I had betrayed the one person who had always looked out for me. Andrew opened the door, and I felt a cold tear run down my face. The wind battered both of us as we walked to Andrew's car in silence, my heart growing heavier with every step. I slid into the passenger seat, the plastic leather cold and hard. The wind howled outside the window as we sat there in silence for a moment.

"I can't believe how bad I feel right now," I whispered as I wiped a tear off my cheek.

"I feel the same way," Andrew agreed quietly.

"What did Luke mean when he said he came close to breaking the promise?" I asked as Andrew started up the car.

"Britney. He has a thing for Britney. When you went away and Eli got his job in the city, it was just the three of us. I was still really busy dealing with all Dad's stuff, so I wasn't around much. He and Britney got really close. I didn't know just how close until today though. I feel terrible," he said quietly as he turned onto the main road.

The sun was setting, but instead of turning the world into shades of gold, it hid behind the clouds and simply dimmed the world to gray. A cold snow spitted at the car. It wasn't enough moisture to make anything wet, just enough to leave spots on the windshield and suck the heat from the world. Flakes hit the windshield like little angry bullets, evaporating as soon as they touched the ground.

"Can I come hang out at your place? I don't feel like going home," I asked staring out into the deepening gloom. Andrew nodded and silence filled the car. Neither one of us felt much like talking. Andrew punched the radio, looking for something to fill the quiet.

"In other news, this has been the driest winter on record. The national weather service reports that the drought is likely to continue. Officials are already concerned for the high fire danger present in most counties throughout the state," the radio reporter droned. Andrew switched the station to oldies. A snowflake hit my window, melting quickly and distorting the world outside. All I could see in the darkening night was Luke's face and the pain we had just caused him.

Chapter 9

Smoke darkened the skies like false clouds. Thunder rumbled in the distance, but the clouds refused to release their moisture. Ash and soot filled the air sucking what little moisture was left from the parched land, giving further fuel to the flames.

I woke up, the room unfamiliar. I panicked for a moment before realizing I had fallen asleep on Andrew's couch. A thin gray light was filling the room announcing dawn. Andrew was snoring gently, asleep on the recliner next to me, the TV flickering with an infomercial.

"Morning Holly. You want some coffee?" Audrey whispered, peeking her head around from the kitchen. I nodded and sat up slowly. My neck hurt from sleeping in a weird position on the couch. I rubbed it as I walked to the kitchen, following the smell of toast and coffee.

"Creamer is in the fridge. Want some eggs?" Audrey asked as she handed me a hot mug. I took a big sip, the bitter liquid filling my mouth. I nodded again and Audrey cracked two more eggs into a pan. I leaned back against the sink, watching her bustle around the kitchen. It reminded me of when I was little and I would spend the night. Audrey would make a special breakfast the next day and my dad would come over and we would all eat together. I had pretended that we were a family then, that Audrey was my mom and Andrew my brother and we were all going to live happily ever after. I missed that childhood optimism.

"I heard you had a falling out with Luke," she peered at me over her coffee cup. I sighed and nodded. News travels fast in a small town. Britney and Eli had already sent Andrew and me text messages letting us know exactly what they thought. I didn't mean to hurt any of them. I wished I could have at least told them myself. Audrey's lips pinched to the side as she thought for a moment before speaking. "But I also heard that you and Andrew are now an item."

I stared into my cup, trying to find answers in the dark liquid. She blew gently on her coffee and took a sip before continuing.

"I always thought you and Andrew would end up together. I'm honestly surprised it took this long. Don't you worry though, Luke will come around. Britney and Eli too. You've all been thick as thieves for as long as I can remember. Everything will work out, I have no doubt."

"Luke's never been this angry with me before. I didn't mean to hurt him, I really didn't." I looked up at her, Audrey's eyes full of understanding. "If you see him, will you tell him I'm sorry?"

"I'll tell him. But if he is anything like his father it won't matter. He will have to forgive you in his own time," she said focusing her attention on the eggs. I felt my shoulders droop as I realized she was right. This wasn't something that was going to be easily fixed. Luke felt like we betrayed him by breaking a promise. It didn't matter what kind of promise, just that we had broken it. My world felt suddenly very fragile.

"You ever do something you wish you hadn't?" I asked playing with the handle on my mug.

"We all have something we regret doing. It doesn't make us bad people. We're just human. We make mistakes. Living with those mistakes makes us who we are. Luke will forgive you in time, Holly. Promise," she said with a smile. She watched me for a moment, then added, "You didn't mean just this thing with Luke, did you?"

I shook my head from side to side. I didn't intend on her seeing through me that easily. Andrew's mother was the last person who should know my secrets.

"Do you want to tell me?" She asked quietly, setting her plate down. I shook my head. "I won't pry then. I know about the promise you all made not to date one another. You made it in high school and you all have changed so much since then. Perhaps it is time for the promise to grow up too. I know you are certainly different than when you left. If you ever do want to talk though, you know where I am," she said with a smile.

She glanced down at her watch and made a face. "I've got to get to work. Will you let Andrew know I'll be home late? I'll see you later," she said putting her cup in the sink. She grabbed her purse and tiptoed out the front door, waving to me from the driveway.

I stood in the weak morning sunshine of the window, sipping my coffee for a long time after she left. If I stood very still, I could pretend that I was just a ray of light; just a beam of energy that didn't have fights, worries, or mistakes. I could pretend life was simple.

"When did you wake up?" Andrew whispered into my ear, wrapping his arms around my waist. I hadn't heard him get up, but he felt good behind me.

"A while ago. I didn't realize how uncomfortable that couch is. I remember it being a better sleeping spot," I answered as I leaned into him. He felt solid behind me, comforting and secure.

"I think that's because you were a lot shorter then," he said softly into my hair. He kissed my head and held me against him, letting the sunlight stream over both of us. "What are you doing for dinner tomorrow?"

"Nothing special. I get off at three, why?" He felt so warm and strong.

"I'd like to make you dinner."

"Seriously? I didn't know you could cook," I smiled, liking the idea of him in the kitchen. He would look cute in an apron.

"I know my way around the kitchen. I've been practicing," he nuzzled his chin into my hair. "So you'll come?"

"Of course. Wild horses wouldn't keep me away."

"Excellent," he said. I could feel him smiling behind me. I wondered what he was up to.

I rubbed my shoulder, the stress of being the town pariah catching up with me. He moved his fingers to rub me there, and I leaned into his touch. "Oh, that feels so good," I said, my eyes closing.

He rubbed for a few moments, before pulling the hair from my ear. "I know the best remedy for tense muscles," he said.

"Oh yeah? What?" I said, ready to believe whatever he said.

"Hot water," he said. He sniffed the air a little bit. "Plus, you need a shower before work, Stinky!"

I turned to face him and looked into his eyes. I leaned in and kissed him gently, then pulled away and smiled. I nodded. He grinned from ear to ear and took my hand, leading me to his bedroom.

His bedroom hadn't changed much since grade school when I spent the night a few times. Plain walls, an X-Men poster over his bed, and the connecting bathroom. It was a little disorganized, but I didn't judge him for it. It was still much better than some other guys' bedrooms I'd been in. He sat me down on his bed, then went into the bathroom. I heard the water start.

Just as I was thinking about whether I should be concerned, Andrew came out of the bathroom. He was wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and I quickly checked out his body. Lifting boxes and doing inventory had given him strong arms and broad shoulders, but I could tell he worked out at the gym as well. His pectoral muscles were well defined, and I found my eyes drawn to them. I hadn't seen him without a shirt on since we went swimming our senior year of high school, and the years had been kind to his body.

"Well, what are you waiting for? I only have so much hot water!" he said.

I smiled and pulled my shirt off. I stood up and pulled my socks off, then worked my jeans off. His eyes were on me the whole time, enjoying what he was seeing. I blushed and hesitated for a moment before pulling my bra off. My breasts were a little on the small size but perky, and I had always liked the way they looked.

As the bra dropped to the floor, I swear I could see Andrew's eyes dilate. I smiled. No man had ever complained about their size, anyway. I walked into the bathroom, wearing nothing but my panties. I leaned into the shower to check the water's temperature, then slid my panties off. I knew his eyes were on my naked body, but without turning around, I stepped into the water and drew the curtain.

A moment later, Andrew entered in behind me. I assumed his boxers were off, but I didn't bother looking down to make sure. He reached past me, his chest pressing against my back as he removed the shower head from the bracket.

With his right hand, Andrew searched for the tense spots in my shoulders and back, while his left hand manipulated the shower head to massage those spots. He had the shower head on a pulsating stream, and every splash of water melted my tension away.

I leaned back into Andrew, and realized I had grown too comfortable. His erection poked me in my backside, and I tensed up immediately. He must have sensed exactly what happened, because he whispered in my ear, "Shh, if you just ignore him, he'll go away."

I giggled and relaxed a little more, and he continued to massage. I reached down and grabbed onto his cock, rubbing back and forth gently. He moved in closer, and I could hear his heavy breathing in my ear. The shower aimed down towards my breasts while he ran his right hand up my side. His hand eventually ending up cupping my right breast, pulling me even closer into his body.

I turned my head around and kissed him, and he grinded into my body a little more. My other hand went through his hair, pulling him into the kiss.

He pulled away from the kiss. "I almost forgot the most important part of relieving your tension."

I froze. Would I have to tell him that I wasn't ready? Would I just let him take me, right here in the shower? I closed my eyes, waiting for his next response. He handed me the shower head, then pulled away from my grasp. I looked at him quizzically. He grabbed his shampoo.

"I'm not sure if you wanted to smell manly all day, but nothing will put you in a better mood than getting your hair washed," he said with a smile.

I laughed. I couldn't believe a man existed who would shower with me just to make me clean without also using my body. I let the water run through my hair while he put some shampoo in his hands. As his fingers ran through my hair, all the way to the ends, the little pulls sent shivers through my body. With every movement of his fingers through my hair, I could feel myself falling more and more in love with him. As he rubbed his nails over the top of my head, I felt like I was right where I needed to be.

"Rinse, please," he said, and I let the water run through my hair while his fingers still tended to my scalp. It was the closest I had ever felt to a man. His dick rubbed against me a few more times, but I felt like my entire essence was concentrated within my hair and his fingers.

He stopped rubbing and I longed for his fingers more. He grabbed the shower head from me and put it back up in its bracket, then smelled my hair. As he breathed out, I felt his breath tickle my ear, and I shivered again.

"I was wrong, you don't smell manly. You smell like roses and lilac," he said.

I giggled again. "Andrew?" I leaned into him, drawing strength off of him. He murmured a yes into my hair.

"Kiss me. Make me forget for a little while," I said softly, turning to face him. He stared at me, his blue eyes dark today. He reached forward and cupped my cheek in his hand, gently pulling me towards him. His lips were soft against mine. His cock, fully engorged, rested against my belly. A hunger filled me.

As rivulets of water ran down our bodies, I began to kiss down his chest. His pecs felt great to kiss, and I continued to move downward. As I moved down to my knees, he seemed to realize what was going on.

"Hey, Holly, not right now. You have to get to work, remember?" he said.

What a gentleman, I thought, but I wondered if he really meant it. I stuck my tongue out, licking the end of his rod. He grabbed my chin and made me face upward, looking up at him as he frowned slightly at me and shook his head. The shower water splashed in my eyes, and I looked down to rub them. He laughed a little, then grabbed my arms and helped me to stand. He gave me a kiss, which I returned eagerly.

"You don't have to do that for me. Can't a man just wash a woman's hair without demanding payment?" he asked, a wry smile on his face.

I smiled and agreed with him, realizing that, before today, I had never met a real man in my life.

Chapter 10

Planes flew overhead, dropping red smoke to combat the black rising from the forest. Trees went up, burning like torches, lighting the sky. Thick black smoke rose, cutting into the blue sky like an evil sword, the sky losing ground the murky haze. The flames screamed and grew larger, trying to reach the sun. Ash rained down from the sky like rain, settling like soft snow on the burnt ground.

"Holly, you're the short shift so you're on restock. Aisle three," my boss called out to me as I walked in the store. I grinned as I hung my coat in the break-room and clocked in. I didn't particularly like restock, but I hadn't been able to get that stupid grin off my face since I met Andrew at the library.

I felt like I was keeping a wonderful secret. Like a kid who knows that they got their friend a perfect birthday present, I just wanted to spill the beans to everyone. I wanted to shout it on the street that Andrew Miller and I were a couple. Every time I thought about Andrew, I felt my body explode with happiness. Nothing, not even restock, was going to bring me down today.

I put my apron on and headed towards a mass of shopping carts filled with soup cans, ready to be shelved. It didn't take long for me to find a rhythm, my mind on Andrew, and I filled the shelves quickly.

"Hey Gorgeous," Andrew's voice whispered in my ear. I turned with a smile, wondering if my thoughts had called him to me. He grabbed my waist, and kissed me. I kissed him back, wanting more before remembering I was at work. I broke away, glancing around, nervous someone might see us.

"You are going to get me in trouble," I hissed, but I couldn't get the smile off my face. "I'm supposed to be working!"

He let me go, and pretended to look at the canned soup. "I just couldn't stay away. Working, huh? What kind of soup would you recommend then?"

I giggled, and kept stacking, "You are incorrigible. But I like it. I recommend the chicken noodle."

"Mmm, chicken noodle, good for the soul. I know something else good for the soul," he grinned wickedly as he tried to catch me again. I wiggled just out of his reach, poking my head out of the aisle and looking around.

"You are going to get us caught! My manager is one aisle over," I whispered, trying to frown at him. He put his hands up in mock defeat, leaning against his cart.

"Fine, I'll let you be. For now," he said as he looked me up and down. "I just can't help it. It's like this has just been bottled up inside of me for so long I can't contain it."

"Me too. I get off in an hour. You want to meet up?" I asked as I started stacking the cans again.

"Hell yes," he whispered, his eyes burning into me. I bit my lip and focused on the cans, trying not to admire the way his arms bulged in his shirt. "I'm so glad you are back. I missed you around here. You still haven't told me why you quit school, you know."

"It's not very interesting," I answered coyly, trying to hide how painful it was for me to remember. "Besides, a girl needs her secrets." He grinned, his eyes absorbing me.

"I want to know all your secrets. I want to know all of you," he said huskily. I could feel my temperature rising the closer he got to me. If we weren't in a public place...

"Excuse me, Holly- do you know where the prenatal vitamins are?" A female voice interrupted. I looked up to see Louise Fletcher at the end of the aisle with a basket on her arm. She looked exhausted.

"Sure, they're over by the pharmacy against the wall next to the cold medicines. I think we have ones with fish oil too. Do you want me to show you?" I asked, slipping back into work mode.

"No, I think I can find them. Thanks." She smiled meekly and headed towards the pharmacy. Something about her was different than I remembered. Had she put on weight?

"I can't believe that girl," Andrew said as I picked up a can and put it on the shelf. I turned to see a look of disgust on his face.

"What do you mean? Louise has always been a little weird, but she's nice enough."

"You haven't heard? She's pregnant. She got knocked up by Jimmy Haskins at a party a couple of months ago," he crossed his arms and leaned back against the shelf. "I mean, I heard rumors about her in high school, but seriously? How could she be that stupid? Birth control is pretty easy these days."

I felt the wind knock out of me like I had been punched in the stomach. "Maybe it was an accident. Accidents happen. That doesn't make her a bad person," I said carefully.

"No, it makes her stupid. She wasn't even sure it was Jimmy until he told her it was. She got so trashed at a party that she was flinging herself at anything with a dick. This isn't the first time she couldn't remember who she was with. I can't stand girls like her," he said with a grimace. "I could never be with someone like that."

I glanced back at him and wanted to run. His handsome face held such contempt and disgust. I felt the floor fall out from beneath me. If he knew what I had done...

"I'm glad you're not like that, Holly," he made a disgusted noise. He turned back towards me, sudden concern in his voice. "You alright? You look a little pale."

"I'm fine. I just don't feel very good. I think my lunch isn't agreeing with me," I lied as I kept putting cans up on the shelf, trying to keep my hands steady.

"I'm sorry. Can I do anything?" he asked, putting his hands on my hips. I felt disgusted with myself, unworthy of his touch.

"No, I think I just need a nap, maybe some fluids or something," I said. I couldn't look at him. If that was what he thought of sweet Louise, what would he think of me if he knew my secret?

"Do you want me to go get your manager? I mean, you don't look good at all," Andrew said, his face full of concern. "You look like you might hurl at any second."

"Yeah, I think I should just go home," I said quickly. He nodded and went to find my manager. I walked slowly to the break room, my guts twisting up inside of me. I had wanted to tell Andrew everything, but I couldn't tell him now. I couldn't tell him why I was back in Conifer without losing him.

"He says you can go on home. Do you want me to drive you?" Andrew asked as I came out with my coat. I shook my head, and smiled half-heartedly.

"I'll be fine. I'll see you later though, okay?" I didn't wait for him to answer as I headed to the door, passing Louise on my way out. She smiled at me, her eyes sad with a defeat she didn't know we shared.

▪▪▪

I lay in bed, my stomach rolling. Andrew had texted me twice to make sure I had gotten home and to see if I needed anything. I needed a new me. I needed my past to change or at least a way to forget it. I closed my eyes, the last year of my life haunting me.

I woke up, the room unfamiliar. My stomach felt awful and my head buzzed like a it was full of bees. A masculine arm lay draped across my stomach, the owner snoring softly into his pillow. I didn't remember his name, but it didn't matter. He had bought me the drinks and I seemed to remember thinking he was cute. But that could have been the guy two nights ago.

I carefully slipped out from under his arm, moving slowly- more to keep my stomach contents down than fear of waking him. His place was a mess- dirty underwear, empty bowls, pizza boxes, and beer cans littered the floor. I found my skirt tossed in a corner, a dark stain on the hem. Were we drinking red wine? I couldn't remember, but I slid the skirt on anyway and searched for the rest of my clothes.

I found most of them, grabbed my purse and my phone and snuck out of the room. I saw a bathroom at the end of the hall, my bladder about to explode. The bathroom was worse than the bedroom. I contemplated taking pictures to bring to my biology professor so he could identify a new species of mold.

Biology. The biology test was today. Shit.

I looked down at my watch and felt dread settle in the pit of my stomach like molten lead. The test was at 9am. It was already past 10. I was going to fail biology. I had never failed a class in my life.

Freshman year I started out like every innocent freshman, eager and ready to learn. The first semester I was a good student. How I wished I could have just stayed that way. I found I loved the freedom being on my own gave me. It didn't take long for me to realize that I could skip a class here and there and still pass. I slowly stopped going to class, finding going out more fun than studying.

Everything felt good. The world was spinning and he was kissing me. It was nice to be kissed. No one had ever kissed me like this. I took another sip, the golden liquid searing through me and giving me courage. I let my inhibitions go, the world mine to experience.

If I had just stopped there, it would have been alright. But I didn't. One party led to another to another. I felt free. I could do no wrong. Freshman year ended and I still made all A's and B's. I only felt a small twinge of guilt at the Bs, but I still had my scholarship. I felt like I was balancing work and play, the adult world opening up to me.