Fixated (2 page)

That girl had the power to heal me and
destroy me. And she chose the latter.

Why? What had I done? Even if I offended her,
didn't I deserve an explanation? All those years we were together,
and not even a single goodbye? She just left. Who would do
that?

A wicked evil bitch. Scarlett.

I simply would no longer give a shit about
her. She was a bitch! A witch! I hated her with every fiber of my
being. I loved her. I ached for her. I cried real tears from my
cock aching so badly for her. I wanted to fuck her with all my
strength. I wanted to fuck her until she lost consciousness. I
wanted to bury myself so deep inside her that I would no longer
know where I ended and Scarlett began. I needed her to breathe, to
live.

Come back to me, Scarlett. Come back,
please!

She did comeback.

On my wedding day.

SCARLETT

"You can do this Scar, trust me," my sister
Krystal says, brimming with satisfaction.

I fight the urge to shove my bouquet into her
face. She's the reason I'm standing here, about to make the biggest
mistake of my life.

When I left home three years ago, I vowed not
to return unless someone died or was gravely Ill. I never told
anyone about my vow, which is why I'm so puzzled that Krystal used
that exception to get me here.

By here, I mean the haven for the insanely
wealthy and famous: Greenwich, Connecticut. We are at one of the
chapels at my parent’s humongous waterfront estate. I grew up here,
and I'm sure my family has lived here for almost one hundred years.
Yes, they are that wealthy, old oil money. Around these parts, they
are a huge fucking deal. That means all their actions are in the
public eye and very susceptible to scrutiny. This is where I come
in. The whore. The black sheep. The adulterer. The thief. The porn
star. The baby killer. The home wrecker.

Now, you understand why I left.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely
innocent; I’m guilty of one, maybe two of those allegations. But in
Greenwich, I’m guilty of everything and more.

I can't breathe here. Everywhere I turn, I'm
faced with memoirs of my mistakes.

I tried to endure. After all, the person I
loved the most in the world, my grandmother, was here. She wasn't
getting younger and her health was failing. I wanted to spend as
much time with her as possible.

However, when she saw how much I was
suffering, she set her foot down. "You'll end up slitting your
wrist in my tub if you remain here. There's strength in admitting
defeat, Scarlett," my grandma said in her assured melodic voice,
holding me in her arms. "I want you to go Illinois. There's a small
city called Evanston. During Christmas, it's picturesque and
serene. It will help you find yourself, darling. Trust me, I just
know you will be okay, and you'll love Evanston."

My grandma was right about one part: I did
fall in love with Evanston and its beautiful streets with bordering
trees. However, I've been far from okay for the three years I've
been gone. Far from it. I thought distance would kill my feelings
for him, maybe even help me forget him. How stupid of me to think
that.

Now that I'm here again after three years, I
realize how utterly wrong I was. The helplessness I feel makes me
angrier with my sister. Why did she bring me here? Why today of all
days?

Yesterday, I received a message that my
grandmother was very ill and not responding to medication. I called
the number back; voicemail. I then tried to reach my grandmother,
but her cellphone was switched off - an instant red flag. I tried
to contact my other family members with little success.

It was expected; when I left, I did my best
to severe contact with everyone apart from my grandma. When I
couldn't get any confirmed details regarding her health, I couldn't
risk it. I would never forgive myself if something happened to her,
and I missed the last chance to see her because I was running away.
I got on the next flight to Connecticut.

I arrived just a few hours ago. And Lo and
behold, my grandma was fine.

The mysterious message was from my immediate
junior sister Krystal, who felt no remorse or shame for her devious
plot to get me here.

I was furious; until I heard the reason she
went through all of that to get me here in the first place. Then
the fight melted out of me. I just stood there, shaken to my core,
unable to believe, well accept, what she was telling me.

Our baby sister Nicole is getting married. To
him. To Drake Edgar. My Drake. This is what it has come down to;
this is it. Drake is going to be out of my reach forever. But when
has he ever been in my reach? Drake and I have always had a very
passionate relationship, but it was just that: passion. I knew we
couldn't have a forever.

His family will never allow it. To them I’m
damaged goods, and I’ll never be good enough for the heir of their
enormous fortune. But with Nicole, it’s a match in heaven. My
sister is the Virgin Mary herself, and I say that with good
intentions.

I turn and glance at her now. She looks
heavenly in the ambient white of her wedding dress and lovely
blonde curls tumbling down her face. So young. So innocent. Why is
Nicole getting married at eighteen? Why to Drake of all people?
Does she love him? If so, how long has she been in love with him?
Did it start when I was the one engaged to Drake?

She raises her head at that moment and our
eyes connect.

Nicole gives me a small tight-lipped smile
and turns away.

It hurts a bit. It's clear these past three
years haven't done much to repair our relationship. I'm not sure
why things have always been so awkward between my little sister and
me. There was a time when I thought the hefty four-year age
difference between us was to blame. However, Nicole gets along well
with Krystal, who's just a year younger than I am. It has to be
just one other reason: her dad.

The three of us have different fathers. My
dad was the mistake from a long time ago that no one speaks about.
Krystal's dad has passed away. Nicole's dad Robert is my mum's
current partner, and our de facto 'father'. The bad history my mum
had with my father has always made our relationship difficult. It's
no surprise that I'm the spitting image of my dad, curly black
hair, blue eyes, and tanned skin. I've always suspected that played
a part in my mum's negative feelings towards me. Every time she
looks at me, she sees the man she risked everything for, but still
went on to break her heart and run away with her assistant. Her
relationship with Krystal's dad wasn't so bad- when he was alive.
But Krystal can never see eye to eye with our mum.

With Nicole, it’s completely different. She
loves her more than anything else in the world. Krystal and I are
used to it. The fact that Nicole's dad formally adopted us, makes
her love Nicole even more.

My mum’s one of those old school women who
still see women with multiple kids by different men as promiscuous.
Therefore, Robert giving us his last name removed part of the shame
she felt for her situation. It also helps that he’s filthy rich and
powerful. Too bad the only thing he’s interested in with me has
absolutely nothing to do with a father daughter relationship.

I shudder visibly, just from thinking about
my so called father. Bile rises up my throat, bringing back
memories I’ve spent endless hours with therapists trying to
suppress.

What does Nicole know? What does she
believe?

I push the memories back because I can't do
this here. Not now.

My gaze locks with my sister's own again, and
it feels as if there is an ocean between us.

When she saw me earlier, the first time in
three years, her demeanor suddenly became hostile. There were no
hugs or kisses from Nicole. From the way she was glaring at
Krystal, I knew I was the last person in the world she wanted to
see. It hurt.

But my mum's disgusted reaction at seeing me
hurt even more. My mum almost passed out from anger just from my
sight. I should mention that although she is my mother, there is
absolutely no love lust between us. My mum was ready to call
security to have me removed from the premises, well the entire
state of Connecticut if she could, had Krystal not thrown a bomb
into the air.

Right before my cousins, aunts, and family
friends she faced my mum and challenged her (something that never
happened, considering the iron fist my mum ruled the family
with).

"I don't understand why you're in such a rush
to whisk Scar out of here. It can't be because you are scared
Drake's still in love with her?" Krystal said.

The room fell silent in an instant.

If my mum's fury could turn into a machete,
she would have butchered my sister in seconds.

My relatives and family friends shuffled here
and there, all feeling awkward now that Krystal had said what
everyone was thinking. You could tell they wanted to excuse
themselves, but they were witnessing what would be the juiciest
gossip in Greenwich tomorrow. No way were they giving up such a
free show.

"Hush Krystal! Don't say such vile things,"
my mum hissed back, clearly embarrassed.

"Then let her stay! We are her family; you
can't keep driving her away-"

"She left! No one drove her away," my mum
thundered in my direction.

I just stood there, unable to speak,
trembling. I wasn't very functional then, I mean I just heard that
Drake was getting married. That I was standing on my two feet, and
not bowing over a toilet as I retched my stomach out, or I wasn't
hiding under a table screaming and crying as I so desperately
wanted to do, was a miracle.

I knew I was holding it together out of
shame, because I didn't want anyone to pity me or see how much I
was suffering inside. These same people told me I was a failure,
disappointment, and mistake.

And in a way they were right, well at least
Drake was proving them right. I was the girl he claimed to love
more than the air he breathed, yet here he was marrying someone
else. I must have been too much of a failure for him. In my mind,
Drake was now amongst my naysayers. He was now the enemy. Yes, in
my book, I demanded absolute loyalty, there was no half way
business here. You were either my friend or my enemy. If you wanted
to be my friend then you were either with me or against me. And
from where I was standing, about to marry my sister was definitely
not getting him into my friend group. There was no way I was going
to give either Drake or my naysayers more ammunition by breaking
down in front of them.

My mum jerked me back to reality by suddenly
appearing before me, hands plastered on her hips. "Why did you come
back? Why today? You came to ruin everything-"

"How can she ruin anything if there is
nothing to ruin?" Krystal snapped.

Her words rang through the air, as if
intensifying their meaning to everyone in the room. It was not
needed. Her point was clear. If my mum was so certain of Drake and
Nicole's relationship, then she had nothing to fear about my
presence.

"Why don't we all calm down," Aunt Margaret
said. "Elizabeth, I'm ashamed of your behavior. You should be happy
to see your daughter after so long. Moreover, I have to agree that
Scarlett's presence at the wedding might be beneficial. Surely,
you've heard the rumors swirling around. There's no better way to
put a stop to those rumors, and present a united front to everyone
than by having Scarlett attend the wedding."

"I don’t care about any rumors. Drake is
marrying Nicole; that's all that matters," she said in a desperate
tone that showed just how much she cared.

"It's foolish to lie to us, Elizabeth. We are
your family," my grandma announced, sliding into the room in her
wheel chair.

I was still angry with her for conspiring
with Krystal to bring me here. It was obvious that I was here
because my grandma wanted me to be.

My Grandma and mum were the strongest women
in our family. Their word was god. Funny enough, the only two
people who were at odds with this were the both of them. And
because both women followed different principles in life, this
happened quite often.

My mum growled and cursed, burying her hands
in her hair. "I don't understand why you guys are doing this. This
is Nicole's day! She deserves for this day to be perfect. Not with
... Her here." My mum said her as if she was referring to
disgusting garbage, not me, her daughter.

"Elizabeth!" My grandma admonished.

"What mama? What is she doing here for fuck’s
sake?"

Ah, I got the prim and proper out of my
mother. Now, I became suspicious. My mum was one of those women
who’d had such a sheltered affluent upbringing that brainwashed
women into thinking there was something wrong with them if they
displayed bad temperament in public. Bullshit.

But I'd had enough. I didn't expect her to
welcome me with open arms, however, this was too much. "I'm
leaving," I said, already grabbing my coat and heading for the
door.

“Scarlett, stop right there,” my grandma
ordered.

If anyone else had given me that order, I
would have disobeyed it.

I endured the emergency family meeting that
followed for my grandmother’s sake. However, I almost lost it when
they decided that my sudden appearance in town was going to be a
catalyst for degrading rumors and gossips, so I must attend and
participate in the wedding.

They wanted me to be one of Nicole’s
Bridesmaids. In her wedding to Drake Edgar. Apparently, that was
the only way to stop people from talking. Was life looking for
another way to fuck me over?

As expected, my mum was not in favor of this.
It was my grandma and Krystal who kept pushing. They had always
been the biggest supporters of Drake and I’s relationship, so at
that point, I got what they were trying to do. Heck, Krystal was
almost screaming go get your man in every look and gesture to
me.