Forbidden Kisses (3:AM Kisses Book 9) (9 page)

“Not at all!” Lynette claps as if she’s just won the lottery. “I was hoping you’d ask! And how sweet that you’ve taken a liking to your new brother. Neither Bradley nor I have ever experienced a blended family before. But I just knew deep down inside that you’d start to feel that special sibling bond.”

“Oh, we’re feeling it.” Rex leans in and kisses the back of my hand, and I see nothing but the whites of their eyes from across the table.

“That’s very nice, dear.” Lynette motions for Rex to let the hell go. “No need to cause a scene. Let’s save the displays of endearment for holidays and such.” She offers a little wink my way. “So, where’s this boy who’s stolen your heart?”

Dad leans in. “Your sister has made it sound as if you’ve lost your mind. Give me the heads-up before he arrives. What’s his name? Have we met before?”

The only boyfriend of mine my father has met has been Duncan. It was Sabrina who brought another boy home every other week.

“Oh, you know his name well, and, yes, you actually have met before.” My skin prickles, my heart does its best to crawl right out of my throat and take a peek at what all the fuss is about out here.

Here it is, the moment of our redneck reckoning. “Mom, Dad”—it takes balls to do what I’m about to, and if this entire experience has taught me anything, it’s how to grow a pair—“I’m in love with my soon-to-be stepbrother.”

The two of them sit blank-faced, blinking quietly while looking from Rex to me.

Dad is the first to clear his throat. “We’re thrilled the two of you have such an affectionate fondness for one another. But perhaps you should stop holding hands.” He shakes his head and slits his throat with his finger.

The waitress pops by and lands four glasses of water onto the table.

“One more thing!” Dad catches her before she takes off. “We’ll need two extra seats.”

“Will do!” she bleats before taking off.

“No can do.” I look to Rex, perplexed at how wrong this is going so fast. “Do something,” I hiss.

“We won’t be needing those extra seats.” Rex looks straight into my father’s eyes with a hint of laughter buried in each. “
I
am your daughter’s date for the evening—for every evening. Scarlett and I are madly, deeply, oh so foolishly in love—
sexual
love.” Oh, wow, that was good and yet slightly uncalled for. I run my knee approvingly over his. Props for kicking it up a sexual notch. “This is serious, and it’s only getting worse.”

Okay, slight deduction for making it sound like an infectious disease.

Both Lynette and Dad gasp in horror. Their eyes jet out from their skulls like softballs.

Bingo! I give Rex’s hand a squeeze of approval.

My poor father’s eyes have rounded out with a look of sheer agony. Lynette’s mouth has squared off in some rendition of a silent scream. For all practical purposes, it’s mission accomplished, and here we’ve yet to warm our seats for five solid minutes. I’m a genius if I don’t say so myself.

Lynette leans in hard, her short yellow hair frames her face like a hay-riddled pyramid. “What do you mean you’re in
sexual
love?”

“You know,
doing it
.” Rex lays the unnecessary inflection on those last two words, and I kick him under the table, more of a reflex than a punishment—although in this case it’s sort of both. The point has been made. I see no good reason to shovel out my father’s grave.

“
Doing it
?” Dad’s voice hardens as he rises out of his seat with a special brand of rage, and Lynette is quick to pull him back down to Earth.

This is getting good. If I’m
really
lucky, my father will rip Rex Toberman’s balls off for even thinking of doing it with his daughter, and we’ll be rid of the Tobermans altogether. My stomach jackknifes as if protesting the idea.

“What do you mean by
doing it
?” Lynette gags as she says the words. The waitress comes by with the spare chairs, and my father growls until the extraneous staff disbands from our presence.

Rex shrugs. “We’re getting busy beneath the sheets.”

Lynette’s mouth turns into a perfect oval, but my father simply stews. You can see the steam streaming out of his every facial orifice. He’s going to blow to smithereens and take Rex right along with him.

“You mean you’re doing the horizontal mambo?” Lynette presses her hand to her chest, her eyes receding into the back of her head as if she’s about to pass out.

Rex gives a slow, morose nod. “And we dance all night long.”

“Shit!” My father slams his hand over the table. “For crying out loud.”

The waitress comes by again and insists on taking our order.

Lynette orders the special of the day without bothering to inquire what it might be, and my father, Rex, and I all follow suit. Once she takes off again, both Lynette and my father glue their distraught gazes in our direction.

“Batter Bits,” my father pleads with a disparaging look of heartbreak. “But we thought you were pure?”

Lynette exchanges her disappointment for something far crankier as she wrinkles her nose in disgust at the two of us. “Your father was so pleased to hear it. He bragged to all of his golf buddies what a rarity his little Batter Bits was.”

“Oh, but I like totally
am
still a virgin.” And, apparently, a Valley Girl. My face heats so hot I can qualify as my own solar surface. “I mean, Rex and I do everything but the actual deed.” My body temperature spikes to unnatural,
unsafe
levels. I’m pretty sure there’s not a person on the planet who willfully discusses their “horizontal mambo” with their father for fuck’s sake. What the hell was I thinking?

The color begins to return to his face, and for the first time all night, he’s actually breathing again.

I glance over to my partner in abstinence to find Rex shaking his head ever so slightly at the fact I’ve essentially set our plan in retrograde.

“Well, that’s a relief.” My father relaxes in his seat. Obviously, he’s not cut out for that kind of news. It was on the verge of causing a cardiac episode. And one thing is for darn sure—I refuse to kill my beloved father by way of rumors concerning my vagina, pristine as it may be.

“But I won’t be for long.” I pull Rex in even closer until our shoulders are crammed up against one another. His breath tickles over my cheek as he looks to me for what might come next. “I mean, we’re planning on doing the deed very, very soon.” I sweep my gaze to the floor when I say it. There’s no way in hell I’m looking my father in the eye while filling him in on the fact I’m devising a cherry popping party in the very near future.

“What do you mean you’re planning it?” Lynette spits the words out as if there were nothing so vile.

Rex and I exchange glances. Neither one of us anticipated this disarray of indelicate details to take place. This entire night has become a clusterfuck.

“I’m saving myself.” When the going gets tough, I’ve always doubled down on logic.

“For your wedding night?” Lynette nods as if encouraging me to admit to what might amount to the only detail that will set my father’s heart at ease.

I can see where’s she’s going with this. As long as Rex and I aren’t sleeping together, then we’re as wholesome as apple pie in her eyes. She’ll convince my father of the same, and they’ll practically be skipping down the aisle come August.

“For
your
wedding night actually.” Crap. So not what I had anticipated popping out of my mouth.

The entire table lurches as my father engages in a spontaneous coughing fit.

“
Shit
.” Rex runs his fingers through his hair in what I’m assuming is an attempt not to lose it. As soon as one of us breaks, they’ll realize this is all a big act and resume their happily-never-after status. We can’t lose it now. Everything is at fucking stake.

“That’s right.” I grab ahold of Rex’s hand once again. “We’re building up to the big night right along with you. It just so happens to be our one-year anniversary as a couple. It’s simply a coincidence.” I lean into Rex and smear a greasy grin. “Isn’t that right,
Goober
?”

“That’s right, Muffin Top.” He grimaces in lieu of a smile. “Once the two of you cut that cake, we’re hitting the sheets. So, where are we staying anyway?”

“
We
?” Dad’s jaw becomes physically unhinged. “Your mother and I are staying at the cabin. We were thinking of having a lakeside wedding in the afternoon. That will give the rest of you plenty of time to head back home.”

“The Happy Squirrel!” My voice pitches to unnatural levels. “That’s fantastic! You and Mom can have the downstairs, and Rexy and I will take the second level.” I bounce in my seat while swooning at the boy I’ve completely lost my sanity for quite literally. “We’ll try not to make too much noise.”

“Scarlett!” Dad hollers so loud half of the restaurant goes quiet. “There’s no way in hell I’m inviting you along on my honeymoon.” He shakes his head, perplexed at how far we’ve veered outside of sanity’s realm. “You can’t be serious about this boy. You hardly know him.”

“I’ve known him exactly as long as you’ve known Lynette.” I invoke her proper name in the event he needs a reminder at this point which mother I’m referring to.

“That’s not the same, and you know it.” His voice dips into its lower register as he gives me that I’m-in-charge-here-young-lady look. “You and Rex need to think long and hard before pursuing any kind of sexual relationship. You are brother and sister, for all practical purposes. Think of your siblings, how hard this is going to be for them, how embarrassing to have to explain this away.”

“Does this embarrass you?” I look to Lynette first. No need to wait for an answer—she’s beet red, cresting toward purple. This doesn’t just embarrass her. It’s shaved ten years off the back end of her life.

“It’s simply torturous.” She pleads to Rex with watery eyes. “Bradley and I have true love. I’ve found what I never thought I’d find again, something even purer than that. What we have is real. We’re both ready to live normal lives once again. And this, this
thing
between the two of you—it’s just not going to work. I understand the fact you’re both young adults, practically the same age. Of course, you found one another attractive, but I’m glad we’re able to nip it in the bud before it led to rather awkward places.”

Dad gives a furtive nod. “Now that this is behind us, we can all move on. Rex, I have a friend who has a daughter your age—med student. A real knockout, if you know what I mean.” He gives a hard wink and offers up the “okay” symbol. “I’ll have her meet you for coffee. You won’t regret a thing.”

Lynette waves me off with a flick of the wrist. “And don’t you worry, Batter Bait. We’ll find you a coffee mate soon enough. Before you know it, you’ll forget all about this little foible. A year from now, we’ll all have a laugh!”

The waitress comes by with four plates of glistening, glibbering…
vaginas
on a half shell?

“What exactly is this?” Lynette squawks at her meal as if it were about to attack.

“Steamed conch.” The waitress gives a little wink. “It’s rather bland if you ask me. Tastes like chicken!” she sings before taking off.

“Like chicken.” Dad’s lips make a myriad of shapes. “I’m all for trying something new.”

Rex leans in as our parents start in on the questionable feast. “Where’s the rest of the body that was attached to this thing?”

“I don’t know, but I get the feeling we should file a missing person’s report.”

We share a quiet laugh, and both Dad and Lynette look up in dismay.

Rex picks my hand up and places a tender kiss to the back of it, and we share a private smile.

There’s no way in hell we’re backing off, giving up on our budding non-relationship in exchange for “coffee dates.” Rex and I already have what we need—the disapproval of the two people we love the most.

I predict, come August, all four of us will be free agents once again.

I pick up my drink and toast Rex.

Unhappily ever after for all.

He gives a knowing nod and clicks his glass to mine.

Sometimes, teaming up with the enemy is a very good thing.

* * *

A
week drifts by
, and to my shame all I can think about is the way Rex Toberman’s hand felt against mine. It’s so childish, such a schoolgirl fantasy, it makes me want to vomit. But no matter how hard I profess to have loathed the physical aspects I was forced to commit that night—hand-holding being the limit—I can’t help but heat up with the fire of a thousand nuclear blasts. To say Rex Toberman has me in flames is the understatement of the millennium. I fully blame my lack of sexual adventure on that little incandescent issue. In truth, it’s not really turning me on per se. It’s just the opposite. Rex Toberman is vexing me both in and out of my dirty carnal dreams. I hate that it’s come to this. I hate that I have to lie to my father, fake a relationship with a boy who very well might be my brother. It’s demoralizing and dehumanizing and whetting my sexual appetite like never before. There, I said it.

“Whoa!” Roxy comes into the kitchen and holds her hands out as if trying to stop a steamroller bent on destruction. Actually, I am rolling, pin rolling this bright blue fondant into submission. I’ve been at Roxy’s apartment for the better half of the day helping her bake, frost, and package up her tiny little confections for a bat mitzvah later this evening.