Foreign Affairs (66 page)

Paula gave a wry smile, she knew she could be a snooty bitch if she didn’t get her own way. Nick wouldn’t take that from her and that was what made her want him so much. Nick would
never succumb to her flirting and coquetry. She’d tried that already and it hadn’t worked. Much to her dismay. Nick had just treated her like a silly teenager. Teasing her about her
boyfriends, and the length of time she spent on Helen’s phone to her girlfriends. And all the time she had badly wanted him to treat her like an adult. The way he treated Helen.

Paula envied her aunt those long conversations with Nick in the garden or over coffee. She envied their relaxed easy way with each other and the bond they shared because of being betrayed by
their respective spouses. She loved the way Nick kept an eye out for Helen. He was great for fixing her drains or cleaning gutters or starting her car when the battery was flat. He was a kind
neighbour, that was for sure, and her aunt was lucky to have him. Lots of men just wouldn’t bother.

A horrific thought struck her. What if she discovered that he had acquired a girlfriend during the time she was away? That would be her worst nightmare. And had been all the time she had lived
next door to him. He was such an attractive man, she couldn’t understand why women weren’t throwing themselves at him in droves. She’d never seen him bring a woman home to the
house while she’d worked for him. He’d never said that he was seeing someone or going to dinner or the pictures or the theatre with a date. But then he was consumed by that damned job
of his. And, she reasoned, after finding his wife in bed with his best friend he probably wanted nothing to do with women. Time healed all wounds, or so they said. Maybe when she was away,
he’d met a woman who would make him forget the hurt and pain he’d suffered.

Paula gave a deep sigh, her previous high evaporating rapidly. She wanted to make him forget his hurt and pain. She wanted to make him happier than he had ever been in his life. If only he would
give her the chance. She wouldn’t badger him about his working hours the way his wife had. Paula understood his commitment to his job. It was a very responsible job, it was part and parcel of
what he was, she could understand that. A nagging partner she would not be.

She’d have to give up being a courier though, if she and Nick got together. She couldn’t be off gallivanting on the continent. She wanted to be with him. When she got home she was
going to have a meeting with Kieran. She had suggestions to make. She’d kept her eyes open all the while she’d been working. There were policies TransCon could implement that would
increase their business. She’d seen some interesting concepts that she thought her boss should seriously consider. It was exciting. She was dying to get Kieran on his own and have a good talk
about her ideas. Miss Johnson insisted on calling him Mister Donnelly. It drove Kieran mad, none of the rest of the staff called him that. He always had time for a chat when he met staff and he
listened to comments and suggestions. Well she had plenty of comments and suggestions for him, she thought happily as the plane began its final descent into Dublin.

Bubbles of excitement fizzed through her as she peered eagerly out the window. She could see the coastline of Ireland on her left with its patchwork of green and earthy brown fields. After the
parched volcanic landscape of Tenerife, it was a delight to look at. Dun Laoghaire appeared and Paula could see a ferry sailing serenely towards the harbour. Then the twin red and white tipped ESB
chimneys in Dublin Port came into view, and she knew she really was home. Excitement mounted. ‘Wake up, Jenny, we’re home. Look, look, there’s Howth. Look at the sea, Jenny. Oh,
look, there’s the airport . . . ooohhh I can’t wait to see them all.’ The words tumbled out as she craned her neck to see everything. The plane was swaying gently from side to
side, the flaps were down, her ears were popping, but she didn’t care. Nick, Nick, here I come, her heart sang. A brainwave struck her. Helen was collecting her. They’d be home by two.
Nick was never home early on a Friday. So after she’d had lunch with her aunt and a good long chat, she could nip into Nick’s with the brandy and the gorgeous cashmere jumper
she’d bought him and leave it on the table for him and then he’d have to call into Helen’s to see her.

The edge of the runway appeared and then they were skimming over it, then a bump and they were down. The green perimeter whizzed past, then the jet began to slow and the terminal appeared. Paula
was so excited that she had her seat belt unfastened and her and Jennifer’s hand luggage and duty-free all ready before the plane drew to a halt. She was in a frenzy of impatience as she
waited for their luggage to appear. ‘Would you calm down?’ Jennifer grinned.

‘I can’t help it,’ Paula said happily. ‘It’s just great to be home.’

‘Do I look all right?’ Jennifer asked anxiously. ‘I hope Ronan was able to get time off, I’ll be terribly disappointed if he’s not here.’

‘Come on, let’s go freshen up. This place is a mad house,’ Paula suggested.

‘Well it is Christmas. It’s cold, isn’t it?’ Jennifer shivered. Their blood was thinned from months in the sun and, despite the stuffy air in the arrivals hall, she was
freezing.

‘It’s gorgeous,’ Paula declared over her shoulder as they made their way through the crowds to the loo. They brushed their hair, retouched their make-up, assured each other
that their tans hadn’t faded and headed back out to the carousel. The baggage had come through and they loaded their trolleys and headed for customs. Paula swanned along, head up, pushing her
trolley, her hand protectively on her bag of brandy bottles lying at the front so they wouldn’t clank. Jennifer, who looked as guilty as hell, careered along beside her, her trolley all over
the place.

‘Smile, for God’s sake,’ Paula hissed. Jennifer smiled, and almost collided with a pushchair.

‘Blasted yoke,’ she scowled. They emerged through customs, unscathed.

‘Ronan’s here!’ Jennifer squealed, pointing through the brown-tinted doors to the thronged barriers. Her face wreathed in smiles, she half ran towards the doors. Lucky you,
Paula thought enviously at the expression of pure happiness that shone in Jennifer’s face. Imagine having Nick waiting for her and to be able to run into his arms. She scanned the smiling
faces along the barrier and her breath caught in her throat. He was there! Nick was there! She couldn’t believe it. Nick was there standing beside Helen, smiling at her with that crinkly
much-loved smile which made her want to fling herself into his arms and say ‘I love you’ over and over again. He must have taken a half-day to come and meet her. He must have been
looking forward to seeing her as much as she was looking forward to seeing him. He must love her too, she thought, deliriously happy. Abandoning her trolley, Paula raced over and hugged the
daylights out of Helen. Then, with happiness sparkling in her eyes, she threw herself into Nick’s arms and felt his tighten around her. She buried her face in his neck and cheek and heard him
say, ‘Welcome home, Paula. It’s great to see you.’ The joy of hearing his voice, of having his arms around her, of feeling the reassuring bulk of his body against her was
indescribable. She knew this was the happiest moment of her life.

‘Paula, you look stunning,’ she heard Helen say. ‘Look at the colour of you!’ She was so glad she’d worn the peach cotton sweatshirt over her white jeans. It showed
off her tan. She drew away from Nick, who was smiling at her with those unforgettable deep blue eyes. She had to fight the urge to kiss him passionately. Being held in his embrace was the most
exquisite feeling. Paula felt utterly cherished.

‘I can’t believe I’m home,’ she murmured.

‘Thank God you are! This woman has been in a mega-tizzy. She’s hoovered the house umpteen times.’

‘Don’t mind him,’ Helen laughed, kissing Paula again. Paula put her arms around her and then looked at her aunt in surprise. Helen had put on weight. Paula could feel it as she
hugged her. Her face, which was usually on the thin side, was more rounded. Her skin was peaches and cream and she was glowing.

‘You look pretty stunning yourself, Helen. I’m glad to see you’ve put on a few pounds, it suits you.’

Helen blushed, and looked at Nick.

‘What are you up to, Helen?’ Paula laughed. ‘Have the pair of you been pigging out on Chinese takeaways?’ They both had a weakness for Chinese food.

‘It’s not Chinese food that’s put my weight on, darling. You won’t believe this. I can hardly believe it myself.’ Her aunt blushed again. ‘I’m pregnant,
Paula.’

Paula couldn’t believe her ears. ‘You’re . . . but I mean . . . I thought you couldn’t . . . Anthony . . .’ she stuttered.

Helen shook her head. ‘I didn’t think I could either . . . after all this time . . . It’s not Anthony, darling . . .’

Nick put his arm around Helen and smiled ruefully at Paula. ‘Your aunt and I are going to have a baby, Paula, and I know you’ll be very happy for us. As happy as we are
ourselves.’

Chapter Sixty

Paula stood, stunned. The noise of the airport dimmed around her. All she could hear was the sound of her own heart beating. A crushing grief enveloped her. She wanted to cry.
She wanted to run away by herself and curl up like a child and cry and scream the shock and grief out of her. Nick and Helen. Helen and Nick, the refrain ran through her mind. She felt as though
huge nails were being hammered into her heart. She wanted to die.

‘There! I knew she’d be shocked,’ Paula heard her aunt say as if from some great distance.

‘Paula, I love Helen. I’ll take great care of her, don’t worry,’ Nick said gently, mistaking the reason for her horror.

‘I love Helen,’ he’d said. The nails went in deeper, harder. She swallowed, tried to say something, and couldn’t.

‘Are you disgusted, Paula?’ Helen asked, distressed. Paula shook her head and with an immense effort of will managed to say, ‘Of course I’m not disgusted. It’s just
the . . . the . . .’ She nearly said ‘shock of it,’ but she said ‘surprise of it’ instead. ‘I didn’t think you could ever have children.’

‘Well I didn’t think so either,’ Helen said wryly. ‘So when Nick and I . . . well let’s just say at my age, I didn’t think . . . We weren’t very careful
. . . and here we are.’ Her voice trailed away.

‘We were as shocked as you are, believe me,’ Nick declared, smiling down at Helen. ‘But we’re very happy.’

‘You’re the first to know,’ Helen said, and there was pleading in her tone. ‘I didn’t want to write to you or tell you over the phone. I wanted to tell you myself.
I thought you’d be happy for me.’

‘Oh, Helen. I am. I am! Honestly.’ Paula threw her arms around Helen and hugged her close. She knew how much this meant to her aunt. All the years she had longed for a child. If it
had been anyone but Nick’s she would have been thrilled for Helen. Over the moon. Ecstatic. But how could she feel like that, knowing that the man who meant everything to her was her
aunt’s lover and father of her child? ‘Is everything all right? How far are you gone?’ Paula asked, striving to sound normal. After all, Helen was forty-one. A bit old to be
having her first child.

‘Everything’s fine. I’m as healthy as an ox. And Nick’s treating me like a queen.’ Helen laughed.

‘She is a queen, isn’t she?’ Nick said lovingly, giving Paula a hug.

‘Yes, yes she is, Nick.’ Paula smiled but the pain in her heart nearly took her breath away.

‘I’ll just pop over and say hello to Jennifer, and we’ll go. Nick’s going to treat us to lunch,’ Helen said hesitantly. She walked over to where Jennifer was being
greeted by her mother and Ronan and Grandpa Myles.

Paula fussed at her trolley, unable to look Nick in the eye. The last thing she wanted to do was to go for a meal. She’d choke if she tried to eat anything. Her throat felt so constricted
it was actually painful.

‘Paula, you’re not happy about this, are you?’ she heard his deep voice above her.

No! she wanted to shout. No, I’m not happy. You can’t love Helen. You love me. It’s
me
that should be having your babies.
I
love you.

‘I love Helen very much, Paula,’ Nick continued. ‘I honour and respect her. I’ll always look after her and the baby. We’re trying to get divorced so that we can get
married eventually. We both have another chance at happiness. Be glad for us. Don’t upset Helen by showing your disapproval. Is it such an awful thing to have happened?’ he asked
gently.

Paula’s lip wobbled. Don’t disgrace yourself, she told herself fiercely.

‘I am glad, Nick. Honest. Helen deserves every bit of happiness and love she gets. And so do you. I know you’ll be very good to her. How could I not be happy when she’s found
someone as nice as you?’

Nick put his arm around her and hugged her. ‘You’re a great girl, Paula. The best. Thanks for that,’ he said.

‘You’re welcome. It’s true,’ she whispered. She knew she was going to start bawling in a minute. ‘I’m bursting to go to the loo. Will you mind my trolley?
I’ll be back in a jiffy,’ she said hastily.

‘Sure.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll tell Helen.’

Paula walked towards the toilets as calmly as she could. Was this all real, or was she having a nightmare? She bit her lip, hard. It hurt. She wasn’t in a dream. Her world had just come
crashing around her and she didn’t know what to do. There was a queue. She stood behind a woman with a screaming toddler. At least he could give vent to his feelings, she thought. She badly
wanted to scream herself. She caught sight of her reflection in the long wide wall mirror. She looked very normal. Tanned, healthy, glamorous. She couldn’t see any evidence of the turmoil
that was raging inside. Nobody could point a finger at her and say, that girl’s life has just been ruined.

A cubicle became vacant. With the utmost relief Paula entered the tiny haven of privacy and shut out the world. She pulled down the top of the seat and sat with her head in her hands. She took
great deep breaths, trying to compose herself. If she started to cry she’d never stop. It was a luxury she could not afford.

Nick was lost to her, now. Paula knew that. If it had been any other woman she would have gone to battle. All was fair in love and war. She would have done everything in her power to get him to
fall in love with her. She should have taken her chance when she was at college. But it hadn’t seemed right then. He still saw her as a student. She’d gone abroad a girl and come home a
woman and now it was too late. Far far too late. Helen was in love with Nick. It was unmistakable. It shone from her eyes when she looked at him. There was no doubt. Paula was an authority on
loving Nick.