Garden of Sorrow (Book 4 of Psychic Visions, a paranormal romantic suspense) (9 page)

Stefan nodded toward the large deck beyond the open doors. Her gaze searched, slipped past, then locked on the silent man leaning over the railing. She didn't need to be psychic to know that something was wrong in Kevin's world.

Quietly, she asked, "Do you want me leave? We can do this another night."

"No, you might be good for him tonight."

Startled, she stared at him. "I doubt that."

A secretive smile played around the corner of his lips. She eyed him suspiciously.

"Go and say 'hi' to him," he urged. "Or better yet, sit here and try to read him telepathically. Figure out what is bothering him."

Soberly, she took up her meditative position. She distanced herself from the outside world and let her mind open like she'd been taught. Thinking of a beautiful waterfall, she imagined herself floating gently in the warm pool of water beneath, and she relaxed. She let her mind empty of all thoughts, accepted when something popped in, then gently released it again. Hesitantly, her consciousness stretched outward, past the walls and beyond. She floated lightly in Kevin's direction.

Keeping her concentration focused on Kevin, she said,
Hi, Kevin.

As if she'd opened a door, strong colors surged into her mind, stretching her ability to see them as the maelstrom filled her. The same reds, blacks and whites swirled around Kevin in an angry vortex. The force of the colors stunned her. She didn't need to open her emotional center to understand his feelings. They swamped her.

Fear! Pain. Anger. Frustration.
Something was wrong and he didn't know what. Police, children, death, torture, the words poured through Alexis's mind in an endless, horrific stream of ghastly movie clips that she couldn't turn off. She slammed that door shut immediately. The withdrawal jolted her painfully back to Stefan's living room.

Her hands trembled as she shifted her position. She tucked them under her thighs to calm down the tremors and her heart raced even as she gasped for breath. Elated yet shaky, she evaluated her success. She'd done it, but what had it gotten her? A glimpse into Kevin's nightmares? That she didn't need. She had enough of her own to deal with.

"Satisfied?"

Startled, she looked over to see a disgruntled Kevin, leaning against the doorjamb, staring at her.

Worried, she asked in a small voice, "Did I overstep some unspoken boundary?"

The darkness on his features lightened. He shook his head. "No, I would have bumped you out if you had. What did you find out?"

Slowly, she concentrated on formulating an answer. "That you don't know what's wrong yourself. You feel like something bad is going to happen, only you don't know what. Even if you did know, you couldn't change it, and
that's
what you really hate."

Cool gray eyes surveyed her. "Not bad, not bad at all."

She shrugged dismissively. "Those were the feelings that I could read. The words were much harder."

"What words?" He demanded sharply.

"Death, children, pain, torment, blackness, torture…" She recited the litany blindly, ignoring the look of utter astonishment on his face. She tried to stay detached, but the utter bleakness of the memory and of the words themselves, got to her. She fell silent as her throat clogged with emotion.

She closed her eyes and shuddered, wanting to ease his nightmare but not knowing how. It took several minutes to regain her balance. When the heavy emotion finally receded, she opened her tear-rinsed eyes to find Kevin crouching before her.

Not being able to help herself, she reached for his hand and held it up against her chest. She wished she could take his soul inside her own and chase his darkness away. She stroked his fingers, his arm. Wanting, wishing she could help him… Ease his pain, alleviate his sorrow…

"You have to grow a tough shell in this business, or it will destroy you." He spoke simply, but with conviction. "There's so much pain and suffering in the world, you must find a way to detach, or the knowledge of it
will
kill you."

"Have you? Found a way, I mean?" she asked shakily, staring into eyes that were windows to a world she'd never known existed. And now that she knew what his job put him through, part of her wished she could return to ignorance.

"Sometimes. And sometimes man's brutality is just too much for any of us to handle."

"How can you bear it?" she cried. "What outlet is there for all this poison?" Her heart ached with his pain. "How can you do this job? Live through these conditions?"

Alexis closed her eyes as emotions poured through her. Her fingers clenched then soothed his fingers with soft strokes.

"Don't do that. You're not strong enough." Kevin's sharp voice cut through her.

She tilted her head and frowned at him. She wasn't
doing
anything. "Do what?"

"You were absorbing his pain," Stefan said from the doorway.

Shock coursed through her. She turned to face Stefan, now standing behind her. "I'm what?"
Was that possible?

Both men's voices slammed into her mind.
Yes!

Startled, she looked one to the other. Had they both spoken in her mind?

They both nodded.

This so didn't make sense.

Stefan, his gaze on hers, crossed the room to squat in front of her. "You mentioned to Kevin how the doctors were surprised your sister held death at bay for so long. The seriousness of her condition would have put anyone else into their grave much, much sooner." Stefan sat down on the floor beside her, laying a gentle hand on her knee.

Alexis could only stare at him in distress. She lowered her trembling fingers to her lap, clenching them together. "She was always strong, even as a little girl," she whispered.

Kevin placed a soothing hand on her shoulder as Stefan continued, "She did so well…and you didn't," he said, then added, pointedly, "because you took her pain away. She held off death for those extra months because of
your
abilities. You activated the receiver in you. You received her pain, took it from her." He waited a moment for her to absorb his words. "But you suffered every day. You didn't know how to dump her pain from your aura or how to protect yourself."

"No, that's not possible!" Shock hit her. She shook her head violently. "No way." Except along with the wonderment and disbelief there was just a faint touch of understanding coloring her voice. He had to be wrong.

Still, a flame of hope that she might have helped her sister brightened inside. Lissa had suffered terribly. If Alexis had helped ease that for her – even a tiny bit – she was grateful.

"Not only possible, but in this case, definitely. You've probably been developing your abilities for years, first with the plants, then with your sister." Kevin dropped his hand and stepped back. "It's only now that you're becoming aware this is something not everyone can do to the extent you can."

"This is too much." The overwhelming concept besieged her. Memories, thoughts and confusion crowded in, saturating her already overloaded emotions. She wrapped her arms around her chest, rocking in place.

"No, it's not. It's just new. You can do this." Stefan smiled down at her. "You
are
doing this."

"Come on, you need a break. Let's forget your session with Stefan tonight and get you some fresh air." Kevin pulled her to her feet, half tugging and half pushing her toward Stefan's front door.

Stefan watched with a paternal benevolence on his face. "He's right. That's enough for now. Go home and rest. Give it a few days before we move on to other techniques." He stepped forward as if to return to his solarium but stopped and turned back. "Because your senses are open, you must protect yourself at the times you can't consciously deal with them. Before bed every night, you need to meditate and follow this ritual. It will allow you to sleep undisturbed."

She gave him a tired nod. "I'll remember,"

"The only reason it hasn't happened yet is because no one has tried," he warned. "Some of these people are desperate for help, and some are just plain evil. A door has been opened. From now on, you must take care."

Kevin tugged her outside. "Come on." Nudging her in the direction of his truck, he said, "I know a nice little café down the road a mile or so. I'll drive you back here later to pick up your truck."

Alexis nodded, too numb to talk. Her bones ached like never before. Fatigue lived inside her. Information overload had set in. She sat, silent as he maneuvered his truck down Stefan's long driveway then onto the main road. A few moments later, after the countryside had blurred into a collage of images and colors, he pulled up in front of a small building with several large patios.

"Come on. You'll feel better in a little while." He guided her into a small, cozy restaurant and on through to an open-air patio where he tucked her in behind a table located by a cheery outdoor fire. Even though summer air blasted around her, she welcomed the comfort of the flames.

Two frothy coffee concoctions arrived quickly. She hugged the mug while warmth slowly returned to her cheeks. Eventually, a deep sigh escaped, bringing with it a lessening of her tension.

"Don't think about it."

She didn't bother replying. How many people had to deal with this psychic stuff.

Lots.

"So you
can
speak in my mind, too?" At his nod, she added peevishly, "When do I get to speak in your mind? It's not fair that you get to do all the fun stuff." She winced. She sounded like a two-year-old.

He obviously agreed, if his deadly grin was anything to go by. God, she was tired.

"Did you eat?"

His question caught her unaware. She had to stop and think. "No, I don't think I did."

He shot her a disgusted look before getting up to grab a menu from the front counter. He tossed it down in front of her. "Pick out something."

"I'm not really hungry."

"It doesn't matter. You need food. Choose something."

It was easier to order than argue. Afterward, she sat mesmerized by the fire as he returned to the counter to place their order. There was an ironic element to this mess. As a child, she'd always wanted to be a witch with magical powers. As an adult, she knew better. Fairy tales were kids' dreams. Now she'd learned that the old adage was right – be careful what you wish for; you just might get it!

Anybody else would be excited to learn about these talents, wouldn't they? What was wrong with her? She should be happy that she'd helped her sister. Instead, this bothered her.
Why?

"What are you thinking?" Kevin studied her face. "And no, I'm not going to read your mind without your permission."

She couldn't help but snort. "These abilities terrify me." She slumped back as horrible fears filled her heart. "What if I screwed up?"

"You loved your sister very much. You were driven by your need to help, to ease her pain. Motive is everything here. If you came from a position of love, then love is what you transmitted and received." He studied her features. "And you loved her, didn't you?"

"Absolutely." The answer burst free. She smiled as relief blossomed inside. "Thank you. There is so much to consider. To deal with. It's overpowering."

He grinned. A carefree motion that let her know his earlier unrest had eased. That he could live with all the stuff, said a lot about his temperament.

"That's understandable. All your beliefs have been challenged. This isn't a comfortable, sit-back-and-enjoy-yourself type of ride. This is an intense, painful and downright unnerving process."

"Were you scared? You know, when you first found out?"

A twinkle shone from his gaze. "Terrified."

His honesty disarmed her. "Really?" She searched his features intently for any attempt on his part just to make her feel better. He radiated only sincerity.

"Any normal person would be alarmed if ghosts suddenly showed up in their world. In my case, the ghosts were all connected to my work."

She hesitated to ask then couldn't help herself. "You didn't have these talents as a child?"

"No, like you, I came into them after a major shock. In my case, I was shot. I died on the operating table. Luckily, I didn't stay that way." His face pinched.

She grimaced. "Yeah, I can see how that might do it." She
needed
to know more. "Tell me."

His finger traced the scalloped pattern on the iron table as he sighed and lifted his gaze to hers. "It was years ago. I was at the scene of a bank robbery. There'd been a standoff before the two perps gave up. On their way out of the bank to surrender to the police, one of them pulled out a hidden gun and fired off several rounds before being shot dead. Two of his bullets found targets – in me."

Silence fell over them. Alexis stared down at the table. Without knowing it, she'd cradled his hands within both of hers. Subconsciously, she'd reached out to remove his pain. Her hands froze.

Stefan and Kevin had been right.

She didn't know exactly what she was, a transmitter or a receiver – or both, as apparently they went together for some people – or whether she was something else again. But she did know she'd mentally been siphoning off his troubled energy. Easing his aura. His soul.

She sat back, disturbed by a reality she could no longer ignore. This was no quirky gift that she could play around with for fun. It was a part of her identity she hadn't known, hadn't understood even existed. A part of who she was.

During the lengthening somber silence, the waitress arrived with their food.

Alexis stared at her meal. She needed her strength, her health. With that new understanding, she ate ravenously. He sat back and watched. She barely looked up.

"Change of heart?"

"Maybe."

He watched as she polished off her sandwich and salad. When she eyed his remaining food, he quickly finished it.

"Just joking." She grinned hugely. That grin widened cheekily as she watched his lips quirk with an answering grin.

God, he was sexy. After years of celibacy, the awakening of her hormones was excruciatingly intense. Like everything else happening in her world right now. It was like nothing fit anymore. Or after a long winter, summer clothes felt odd, leaving her more exposed than she was used to. She suspected Stefan would explain that the awakening of her other senses had awakened these ones too.