GAY REALITY : THE TEAM GUIDO STORY (8 page)

CHET  

AS I sit across the table from Chet, it is the look in her eyes that gives her away. No matter that her husband sits in the next room chatting with Joe’s mom, Chet’s face has the all-revealing, turned-on glow. Recollections of Joe have completely consumed her.

“About four years had gone by when Joe called. We’d been talking frequently, but this time was different. ‘Remember when I said I thought I was gay?’, he asked. ‘Well, I am. You’re the only one I can tell. I called my college roommate and told him and he raised his voice at me and said, ‘You mean I spent all that time with a queer?’ and he hung up on me!’

“But, you see John, none of that matters to me. Our feelings for each other haven’t changed one little bit in over 30 years! We, together, are a couple. We kiss, we hold hands. It’s still there!

“Joe knows things about me that my husband doesn’t know. Joe never makes a judgment. We honestly think that we were together in another life—in Egypt. We really were! We, me, Bob, Joe and Bill, actually planned a trip there, to Egypt. But the Gulf War stopped it. Then Joe told me he was going to go without me! I cried for three days. He really got on the ship, but on the way out of the harbor the rudder hit a rock and they never got to Egypt. So, it’s still going to happen for Joe and me!”

Her words are gushing now. Who knows how often she thinks of what might have been or, better yet, what still might come to pass?

“When Joe and I eat together we eat off the same plate. I’d never do that with my husband. If something happens to Bob and Bill we’ll absolutely be together. I think Joe would say the same thing.

“Would he sleep with other guys? I’m sure that he would, but I could live with that. Of course I understand his lifestyle. It does not bother me at all.”

“But, how about today, the real world, you know, how is it now?”, I ask.

“When Joe visits back here, John wants to be with him, I want to be with him. We vie for his attention every time he visits.

“And I need to also say that Bill has been very, very good about my relationship with Joe. Bill’s always so gracious to me. He does the little, nice things. Like he makes sure I sit next to Joe at dinner.”

The most intimate of queries edges out of my mouth. “Would you _ _ _ _?” I pull back the rest of the question. The answer is already in her eyes.

E-MAIL AVALANCHE  

AS THE Race began to air Bill and Joe launched their own website: TEAMGUIDO.COM. Almost immediately e-mail started to flow in from all over the world and, as the aired episodes occurred, the volume increased dramatically. Just after the start of the series the Guidos knew full well that they had been cast as the villains. Combined with being unveiled as reality television’s first openly gay couple, they attempted to prepare for an onslaught of gay bashing. It came, but in smaller doses than they had imagined, and it was usually interspersed among notes with humor as well as admiration:

•
“Hello guys. How was Alaska? Say hello to your dog, Guido! He is way cuter than you guys.”

•
“Eight of us girls, in second-period history, want to know if you two guys would pose nude for some pictures? We think you are so-o-o-o-o cute!”

•
“I just wanted to tell you that after watching one episode I was hoping you would not win. When it was over I was happy that you lost. I have some experience with people just like you, all calm and nice, but actually lethal and it scares me to think, as I go on with my life, that I will meet more people like you. People who would sabotage other people.”

•
(From an on-line publication) “Team Guido did some pretty underhanded things during the Race and some of the stunts they pulled would get them labeled as terrorists in the post 9/ll world. Still, I hand it to these guys. They were great villains in a mediocre reality show. They were both great villains and also strong competitors.

•
In actuality Team Guido has maintained notably close post-Race relationships with many of the other teams in the Race.

•
“I admire your courage to go on the show and be yourselves. I’m sure you haven’t exactly got 100% feedback, but I wanted you to know that not everyone out there thinks y’all are evil. Good luck this coming week!”

•
“Bill, I’m twenty-three years old and I think you are hot! Sorry, Joe. Love, *Luis.”

•
“My wife and I would like to thank you. We learned a lot from watching you work together. You have a very special relationship. It is strong.”

•
“My partner, male, and I watched you every week. It was so exciting for us to see a happy, stable, gay couple on TV. I don’t think some straights will ever be able to understand what this means, and how important it was for us. You were great role models for gay couples everywhere. You seemed to really communicate with each other and to enjoy and appreciate each other.”

•
“Like Rosie O’Donnell, I thought you guys were great in the beginning, couldn’t stand you in the middle and thought you were great in the end. You

two mutually respect each other and that’s so very important in a relationship. Best of luck, *Mara.”

•
“You two are so in love, after all these years—it’s breathtaking. Hopefully I can find that. You are so cool. Best, *Gordon.”

•
“I was really touched by your expression of love for each other. I cried. My partner and I have been together for 14 years, so it really resounded for me.”

•
“My partner and I have been together for nearly seven years and what an amazing time it has been. I can’t imagine life without him. The stability of your relationship is really a model for all couples. We, like yourselves, have always operated on the premise of being an average, normal, couple next door. What a joy it was to see you validate our relationship in that way.”

GAY, BUT MARRIED  

“I WAS in 4
^th
or 5
^th
grade when I first was aware of being physically attracted to both sexes. When I was around 12, I had my first sexual experience. At a sleepover a kid showed me how to masturbate. I’d never known anything about that and it was terribly exciting. Not long after that I realized that I could feel closer to another guy, any guy, than I could to a female. It was much more comfortable. I guess I’d been searching for intimacy. I was always very shy; friends, but not many.”

*Cole Wiley and I are seated facing each other in his office inside his San Diego home. In the next room his maid is busily cleaning. His handsome, youthful companion, *Todd, ducks his head in and says a quick hello and goodbye on his way out to do errands.

Cole Wiley is tall, graying, fifty-something and strikingly handsome. He is totally self-assured and decidedly soft spoken.

“I was in 12
^th
grade when, on JFK’s assassination day I met this guy, Val. We hit it off right away and went to a football game. We ended up spending the night together. It was SO intense. No intercourse, but everything else.

“Six months go by and we’ve been spending every possible minute together.

“Right here I need to tell you, John, that I have two sisters. We three perceived that our mother’s devotion was to my dad and my dad’s devotion was to his work.

“So, my father and my mother gave the lecture on Val. ‘Flat out, give him up or we’ll disown you.’ My father was the boss.

“It was the most pivotal moment of my life! From then on I had total distrust and dislike for my parents. It was complete isolation and alienation from them. It had to be that way. My father actually had a clipboard and he matter of factly just went down his list of points. I knew it was wrong and unacceptable.”

Cole is just slightly emotional as I ask him, “And how were you, what was your demeanor, while your father delivered his message?”

He looks down for a moment, and then raises his eyes to mine. “Stoic, expressionless, total disbelief. But I knew what I was doing was wrong and unacceptable. Yet, I had no one to talk to about it. My sisters were too young. I also experienced a sense of relief. I knew that I was strong enough to weather it. Val and I had to break up—and we did.

“I also knew, right then, that I was more attracted to men, but I also liked women. I thought I was gay, but inwardly I wanted to see if I could make it in the straight world.”

“And what about Val?”, I asked.

“Well, I told him and he wanted to meet with my parents to plead our case. And that meeting really took place—without me!”

It is, by far, the most animated that Cole Wiley has been since the interview began.

“It meant a lot to me that Val really cared that much about me, about us. But my parents wouldn’t budge. Val wanted me to run off with him, but I refused. I couldn’t. My parents were accepting, but not warm, that I broke off from Val. The reality was that I wouldn’t talk to them about my feelings.

“So in high school I dated a very strong Baptist girl. That made sure that sex wasn’t a factor.”

“No more guys after Val?”, I asked.

“Oh no, in Junior College I met my future wife. She and her parents weren’t the warmest people around, but her dad took to me and taught me to fish, play golf and lots of things.”

He pauses, obviously recollecting.

“I fell in love with her parents every bit as much as with her. I loved all three of them so much!”

He anticipates my next question, but I ask it anyway. “And sex, after Val, with a female?”

“I was very much sexually attracted to her. Sex was good with her. I wanted a close friend, someone to be close to. Children were not a motivation to me, but she really was motivated toward having children and being a wife. She really craved social acceptance and it all felt very comfortable to me, except for one time.

“Now it seems silly, but my biggest fear, and it was very real, was that at my wedding, during the ceremony, someone would stand up and say, ‘Hey! He’s a faggot!’ It was troubling.”

Prior to this meeting I had become aware that Cole Wiley had achieved enormous success in the high tech world. A talented leader, polished executive, without a financial concern for multiple lifetimes. But here, across from me, he sits pouring it out, the emotional roller coaster that plainly was his life as a “heterosexual”.

“I absolutely had no homosexual contacts, none, from the breakup with Val until after my divorce. I was married for 19 years, so for a total of 25 years I was straight. I never shared anything to do with homosexuality with my wife—ever!

“Male pornography and videos were my release during all those years. My wife had no idea—none. During the 25 years, I denied myself. I had made a commitment and I had too much to lose. It was there, but I kept my mask on. And, I never cheated with women either.”

“Are you at all attracted to women?”

“I still find beautiful women attractive, but I don’t want to jump in the sack with them.”

“And your divorce?”, I asked.

“My divorce was 105% the result of my homosexuality. My wife was more focused on children and marriage than on me. I held back about my past. If I’d had a different wife I might still be married, or I might have been divorced sooner.

“Near the end I was really getting depressed.”

SUICIDE?  

COLE WILEY is edgy as he continues. How many times, if ever, has he recounted his deepest feelings, emotions, and vivid recollections?

“During the marriage I worked
all
the time. It was a great escape mechanism and, at the same time, I also abused alcohol.

“Just before Christmas, in 1985, we were living in Mission Beach. My wife had been buying and buying Christmas gifts, as she always did. She was downstairs bitching to her mother about how little I helped her. I could hear it all from upstairs and suddenly I felt really suicidal. I thought about it for a while, but I didn’t want to hurt the kids.

“I’d stayed on ten years past what I should have. I decided to do things I really wanted to do and then, if that didn’t work, I’d commit suicide. I really wanted to live the gay lifestyle, but I didn’t know how to do it.

“Two weeks later, in Rome on business, I met this guy. He had long, wavy hair and was very attractive. We went back to the hotel, one thing led to another and we had sex.

“The flood gates opened up, it was wonderful! But now what do I do?

“Right after I got home we left for a Caribbean cruise with some other couples. My wife always wanted to have sex when we were away from home, but I couldn’t get it up and we
never
had sex again!

“She even tried to give me a blow job; something she’d never, ever done before. She was really trying. She knew something was wrong and she sat me down and asked me if I was having an affair with another woman. I said ‘no’ and walked out!

“In 1986, around my 40
^th
birthday, I knew it couldn’t go on. I told her I was bi-sexual and she went ballistic. She yelled at me, ‘I’ll expose you to everyone!’ I told her it had to end and she told me that I had to tell her parents, our kids, my parents, not that I was gay, just that I was leaving.”

He rises and leaves to get us a soft drink. He’s been open, honest and straightforward, but I am certain that it has been a stressful revelation for him. Several minutes later he returns and continues.

“So, I told everyone that I was leaving. It wasn’t too bad. No one really asked me why. Only one comment really rocked me.

“When I told my mother, she actually said to me, ‘You know, I think we never should have said what your dad and I said to you all those years ago when you were so close to that young man. I know that you’ve been so unhappy through the years. That was a mistake that we made with you!’ All I could think was, Wow.

“I can tell you, John, that it was a bad mistake to not tell my daughters right then, that I was gay. I wasn’t gutsy enough, so even worse, I shunned them. Eventually I told the older one. She understood and she understands. The younger one was less accepting. Now we’re fairly close. They still go on vacations with me.”

“And your ex-wife?”

For the first time in close to half an hour he smiles. “Well, after 15 years, she just recently got re-married!

“Throughout those years I tried to stay involved with my ex and my daughters, like on holidays and special events.”

The smile is gone.

“But she, my ex, was very angry and very bitter. She hated me for deceiving her. To some extent I guess that I could be accused of that but, at least at first, it wasn’t a knowing deception on my part.

“My married friends, for the most part, felt deception. Only one of them ever seemed to understand me.” The smile re-appears. “Plus, another one, when I told him, he looked at me and said, ‘Oh, that’s no problem, I’m gay too!’

“I kind of left all that, or them, behind, on purpose. I’ve always been quite non-confrontational. Now, there’s no animosity from anyone. It’s great!”