GAY REALITY : THE TEAM GUIDO STORY (9 page)

BOOK: GAY REALITY : THE TEAM GUIDO STORY
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EMOTIONAL E-MAIL  

BY THE spring of 2002, e-mail to Team Guido had abated significantly. Then one letter arrived that hit home with both Joe and Bill:

“Hi, my name is *Erik, I’m 17, I live in a Rocky Mountain state and I’m a big fan of you guys. I need your help! Right now I’m trying to overcome my own homosexual feelings. The problem I have with this is that I’m a Catholic and my religion believes that it’s wrong to be gay. The thing is, I feel I am gay. Though I haven’t slept with anyone, or even dated anyone, I have strong homosexual desires and fantasies that I can’t get out of my brain. I told my Mom these things and, though she doesn’t approve, she says she will still love me. But if I do become gay, I will be disowned from my house and from my family. I will have nowhere to go. Please, I really need help! How can I become gay when I would betray my whole family and religion? PLEASE I BEG TO BOTH OF YOU, HELP ME!!”

Team Guido took a hard look at Erik’s plea. “We are not therapists,” said Joe. “This youngster is at a monumental point in his life and needs input from professionals. Bill and I immediately turned his letter over to an expert, who several days later sent a wonderful response to Erik, with a copy to us.”

The highlights:


The Gay & Lesbian Hotline helps people with information, local resources, and e-mail or telephone peer-counseling, regarding questions and situations like you have expressed.

Congratulations on taking the difficult step of writing abut your feelings. That is not easy.

Nobody is going to be able to tell you if you are gay, straight, or bisexual. Each person needs to come to their own understanding about that. As a guide toward that, think about several things: How long have you had these feelings? A long time, or are they new? Do you hardly ever think about guys, or do you think about them a lot? How do your attractions towards guys compare to those you have towards girls?

Just about all experts believe that being gay or bisexual is just as normal for some people as being straight is normal for others. Being gay may not be as common, but it is just as normal.

Experts believe that one’s sexual orientation, no matter what it is, is usually something that develops either before we are born, or within the first few years of our lives. It is not something one makes a ‘decision’ about. People don’t decide to be gay, or decide to be straight. We are whatever we are.

Unfortunately some religions do not understand that being gay is very normal for some people. You should know that many Catholic people are gay. You can be a good Catholic and be gay. There is a national organization called Dignity that is just for gay Catholics. Another organization that can help you is called PFLAG: Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

Within days Erik sent a follow-up note to Bill and Joe thanking them for their reference. Although he was appreciative it was apparent that he wasn’t buying into the pre-determination of one’s sexual orientation. Several times he once again wrote of his difficulty in deciding “whether to be straight or gay”. Near the end Erik wrote, “I feel like a weirdo, all messed up in my head about my sexuality. Everyone else has themselves all straightened out.” It was quite apparent that Erik was far from resolving his sexual identity.

LETTER TO THE EDITOR  

AT LEAST one Team Guido fan became so enraged by a USA Today negative column on his favorites, that he fired off a response in the form of a Letter to the Editor. It said in part:

“I would like to take umbrage with your back page snippet on Team Guido. Your television critic wrote that at first they were amusing, but now they are obnoxious. I take exception to the notions that either is correct.

“There was a time, a generation or two ago, when people laughed at ‘Amos and Andy’, but today the laughter has stopped. If any other married couple had decided to wear matching outfits, no one would have laughed. What is different for two people who have loved each other for almost 16 years as compared to any of the straight couples? The difference is that they happen to be gay. Hence, they are acceptable targets for the chides and jokes.

“Is your writer offended (after all he wrote that ‘We need to be spared from the obnoxious Team Guido’) because we have yet to see Bill and Joe hold hands and skip to the welcome mat at the various destinations, while singing show tunes?

“Team Guido is an easy target because they are ‘evil gay men’. Well, I have been in touch with Team Guido and they have become heroes to me, a gay teen in a rural area of an Eastern State. They are far from the annoying malcontents that you would have your readers believe.”

And the reaction of Team Guido to being made the Race “villains”? Bill summed it up with, “Joe had a great quote for this question: ‘The camera never lies, but editing tells its own story’.”

JOE—THE MAGIC  

AS WE sit at a poolside table, I ask Joe to tell me what makes Team Guido work so well.

“Not too much bugs me about Bill. He likes things to go his way, but don’t we all? We fought about wearing matching outfits during the Race and he won out. He doesn’t win all the time, but neither do I.

“Our relationship carried us very far on the Race. We were aware of other contestants bickering and even fighting. We prepared in advance, I’d take care of the money and Bill would work on ‘reading’ people. It was comforting to have my partner right there. And sex was available, whereas it wasn’t for some of the others.

“About the only thing that gets to me about Bill is money. I’ve got money. He doesn’t. He’s always been a spender; not me, I’m a saver. Thank God he’s getting more like me. So, we don’t share money or property. We’re each other’s beneficiary for property, but that’s it.

“Sometimes Bill lets his emotions run wild. It happened a couple of times during the Race, but I got carried away too because I was obsessed with not being eliminated.

“Bill used to scoff at my spiritual beliefs, but he’s tolerant now. He has his own way of meditation and I only pray in times of crisis. But we both kind of melded on my way during the Race. We really called on it.

“I totally believe that friends, relatives and others ‘helped’ us from the spirit side during the Race. I actually called on them, I know who they are, and it worked!”

BILL—THE MAGIC  

ONE MORNING I drive to Bill’s office in Laguna Beach. He escorts me to a small meeting room adjacent to his own space. As usual, he has just stepped out of GQ and I realize that on only two occasions have I ever been with Bill when he has not been wearing a tie. Conversely, I have never seen Joe wearing one, but then again I don’t wear them either.

“Please tell me what you and Joe are all about, not just on the Race, but in the real world.”

“Well, first the Race. Joe was our strength in all of those airports. The airlines, routing, ticketing. I did the physical things a bit better, and languages. Best of all we could decide on things instantly. That even surprised the crew.

“In fact some of the crew even told us that we weren’t like some, or most of the other contestants. We were
always
concentrating on the Race and winning it, while others were ornery, sleeping, et cetera.”

“Bill, what bugs you about Joe?”, I ask. With not a moment’s hesitation he responds.

“Well, during the Race, just like it happens in real life, there are some times when we argue. So we planned ahead for that. Whenever he, or I for that matter, would be too argumentative, the other person would say out loud, ‘Enough said.’ And there are times when Joe just won’t stop talking. So whenever he started to ramble I would very discretely, so the camera wouldn’t pick up on it, simply ‘draw’ a small circle on his pant leg. That tactic
really
worked well. And, once again, a few crew members actually said that they were going to institute it with their partners when they got back home.”

“It certainly seems apparent that you and Joe do have a very special bond.”

“We think so. Since the Race we’ve had lots of e-mails from wives who really appreciate our relationship with each other. Men would never comment on that, but women do.”

“And the magic?”

“Joe and I have always been very independent, but we also compliment each other so well. We’ve made it through a four year long distance separation, we’ve lived in a foreign country together and we finished The Amazing Race without any significant disagreement whatsoever. We seem to have a common purpose in life.”

“But it must take effort to make it work.”

“Joe’s more of the type to hold a grudge and internalize, but any disagreement, and we occasionally have one, never lasts more than 24 hours—ever. We talk it out right away. Nine times out of ten, when you’re in the heat of the battle, things seem so important, but they’re really not. We’re both really competitive, and it’s hard to say to another person that he’s right—but you have to! And Joe and I do.

“Life is too short. If you have someone who you love and enjoy, and I have that, why screw it up? I’ve lost too many friends along the way to not cherish and hold dear what I’ve got.

“On the way to the very first interview for the Race, I told Joe that it was important to me, if we got selected, that he understands that the one million dollar prize was not nearly as important to me as is our relationship.

“In the gay scenario there’s never any ‘contract’. One can leave at any time, so it’s different. Joe and I know each other so well. It just works. Fifteen years is the proof!”

Doctor Richard Levak, a pre-eminent expert on what makes couples successful, made the following appraisal of Team Guido to me in his office in Del Mar, California:

“They are a great example of an ideal homosexual couple. In fact, they are as perfect as any heterosexual couple that I have ever known or heard about. They have the same values, they solve problems together, they are absolutely together in every way. They are exemplary.”

GAYNESS—TODAY  

ALL THROUGHOUT the writing process I persistently solicited comments, opinions and observations from both straights and gays on the state of gayness in the United States today. No one held back as you are about to read:


Joel Herzer
/owner of Woody’s, a very popular and successful, primarily gay, restaurant/bar in Laguna Beach.

“The biggest advancement for gays is visibility. Growing up I didn’t know any gays. They were there, for sure, but they weren’t visible. AIDS forced so many people out of the closet. The gay movement wouldn’t have been as fast without AIDS, which is sad but realistic.

“Now there’s a feeling that the advancement may be over. People aren’t dying every day. I see people every day who are fighting the disease, but there is complacency. Everybody is burned out on it. People may be tired of being safe all the time. I liken the gay movement to the women’s movement, you know, struggling for equality. But I perceive burn out in that movement as well. Some women just want to be women.

“Minorities, and gays are certainly that, always needing to fight for what is right. There is resentment from some, maybe rednecks for example, so they prey on people’s fears and they are unrelenting.

“Laguna Beach has always been kind of a gay town, but even now, we still have the baiters who drive by here and yell ‘faggot’! They’re the same ones who, in other places, yell ‘kike’ and ‘nigger’.”


A Female CPA
(heterosexual)

“Over my lifetime I have seen the gay community come out of the closet. It is now possible to go to places like Palm Springs and Rehoboth, Delaware and feel totally out of place for being a hetero. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homophobe. I’ve been dancing a number of times in gay bars and wow, was I surprised who was there. The sheer numbers surprise me at times. I’m glad that the gay community is a little more comfortable and accepted than it was 30 years ago.”


A Former Newspaper Sports Columnist
(male, heterosexual)

“Growing up in the Midwest, I don’t recall ever knowing a gay person, or ever hearing of one. About 99% of my classmates got married and had families. After moving to the Bay Area the word homosexual, or gay, became very big. I have gay friends and they are great, but there always seems to be sort of a wall between us, imagined or otherwise.

“The gay lifestyle is out of the closet and the media stupidly makes too much of it. Who cares? It’s a non-story in my opinion. I don’t much care for gay marriages, or gays in the military, and I especially don’t want taxpayer money spent on promoting their lifestyles.”


Bill LaPointe
, Publisher, Gay Magazine (“The Blade”)

“Whether gays like it or not we are securely manacled to the AIDS crisis in the minds of straight America. If this country was
really
serious about eradicating AIDS there would be barrels of condoms at every high school social function! Radical? Yes, but how can we not do something radical? This is serious. What an awful situation, but it’s here. We need to stop blaming the victims and intensify our efforts to erase this horrible disease.

“What do we do and how do we do it? How do we get past the blocks that exist? The political and social realities have to be addressed—and soon!


A University Administrator
(male, heterosexual)

“On campus gay men don’t seem to be as visible as the lesbian crowd and they seem to be more afraid as well. I personally believe that AIDS/HIV has made it easier to become a lesbian for those even without the genetic propensity to do so. Because AIDS/HIV has become a female, heterosexual disease, the move to lesbian lifestyles has increased. A male without the HIV infection has a 19% chance of being infected when having unprotected sex with an infected female. Conversely, an uninfected female has more than a 45% infection rate if she has unprotected sex with an infected male. So, why expose herself to men when a lesbian lifestyle can protect her to a far greater extent?”


Thirty-Something Male Attorney
(heterosexual)

“My perception regarding the gay community has changed greatly since I was a teenager, probably because I had no awareness of gays during high school, but since then I have become friends with people who are active in the gay community. I appreciate that community and sympathize with the numerous struggles it faces such as discrimination and violence.

“It is a fact that gays are getting more influential in politics. Many gay couples have substantial double incomes, with no children to support, meaning they can spend it on politics. It definitely shows and it is getting some desired results.”


Cole Wiley
(formerly married gay)

“You cannot legislate acceptance, but the more that ‘normal’ gays are seen by the straights, the more progress than can and will be made towards acceptance.”

But, there is a vivid barrier to greater acceptance which seems overwhelming within the straight community and somewhat widespread among many gays. For simplicity let’s label it Gay Pride.


Bill O’Reilly
, Outspoken Television Commentator (heterosexual)

“I don’t care what anyone does behind closed doors, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone. But, I don’t want it thrown in my face. Why don’t we have bigamist parades or the S and M people have a parade?

“Militant gays are setting back the case of gay rights by putting it in everyone’s face. I don’t want to explain same-sex kissing to my kids. Keep it out of my face. I have tremendous amounts of problems with gay Americans defining themselves as sexual people. They are not considering the rights of 94% of Americans. Gays have an alternative lifestyle.”


Female Financial Professional
(heterosexual)

“I’ve swung back and forth on the gay issue for years. In the beginning, I thought it was terribly unnatural and an abomination to God. As I got older, and actually met gays and lesbians, my tolerances began to change. But these individuals
must
give me the same considerations that I give them. They should pursue their proclivities in private as opposed to insisting on demonstrating their sexual preferences in public. Like marching in the St. Patrick’s Day parade with a sign stating that you are gay. I don’t need to know that, nor do I want to.”


Cole Wiley
(gay)

“At first I was extremely excited to watch the parades and to go to them. Now I question them.”

Michael Isom
(gay)

“I’m not ashamed of Gay Pride events. Not at all. But I don’t need to throw it in your face. When I was younger I used to go because it’s a huge party, but I’m way past that now. That’s a sub-culture of our culture. We’ve come a
very
long way. Now, I would hug a guy in public, but I wouldn’t make out with him.”

Former Sports Columnist
(heterosexual)

“The Bay Area, a number of years ago, got a franchise for a women’s pro softball team. I took my family to a game and we resented gay women necking and fondling in the stands. We never went back. The league folded.”

Attorney
(heterosexual)

“I find it difficult to relate to radical gays, homosexuals who wear their sexuality on their sleeve and make every issue about their gayness. As with most issues I cannot muster support for ‘extremism’. Certainly not every issue can be defined as gay versus straight.”

Terry Breen
(lesbian)

“When I hear about Gay Pride events, or the Dyke March, I have lots of thoughts and the first one is anger! I don’t like to be labeled; we are all men and women. I would have the same objection to something called Black Day or Hispanic Day. It’s bad!

“I get angry because it just brings more condemnation. It riles the Christians again and that’s just dumb, a big step backwards.”


Bill O’Reilly
(heterosexual)

“You can’t force someone to accept you, but you can drive away potential allies. Just keep your sex lives to yourselves.”

Thirty-something Male Corporate Executive
(heterosexual)

“Established society has certainly done its part to try and extinguish homosexuality; be it through law or punishment. No established method has succeeded.

“What harm does homosexuality do? It is here, has been here, and will continue to be here. Two members of the same sex holding hands, or living together, or even raising a family together, certainly isn’t threatening to me. It just must not trespass on another’s life, liberty or pursuit of happiness. It may insult their beliefs, but does it rob others (i.e. Jerry Falwell) of their rights? I don’t think so.

“Likewise, on the opposite side of the coin, one’s personal choice regarding lifestyle is not an automatic entitlement to perceived rights. I may like blondes, but that doesn’t give me the right to walk down the street and accost any young blonde hottie, nor am I then entitled to government handouts or programs relative to this. Lastly, I shouldn’t have a parade about it either.”

BOOK: GAY REALITY : THE TEAM GUIDO STORY
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