Give Me a Reason (34 page)

“Oh...um...no, not at all. It was nice to have all that
stuff, but once I was disowned it didn’t take me long to realize I didn’t miss
it. I mean, family, yes, but not all the other crap.”

“So, you do miss them?”

“At times, yeah, but it passes,” Toni said. Pausing to take a
sip of coffee, she looked back at Laura. “I envy you, your relationship with
your mum. There doesn’t seem to be a day that goes by when you’re not talking
to her or emailing.”

“Speaking of my mother, I told her we’d be coming up for
Christmas.”

“Yeah? How’d she take the news that you were bringing your
weird friend with you again?”

“You’re not weird, and she was ecstatic. And she knows that
we’re more than friends.”

“She does? You told her?”

“Yes, but she actually figured it out for herself when we
were in Scotland.”

“How?”

Smiling, Laura said, “She knows her daughter.”

“And she’s okay with it?”

Thinking back to their chat in the garden, Laura said, “Yeah.
She just wants me to be happy, and she knows you make me happy.”

“Good to know.”

“Like you didn’t already.”

***

Toni’s nervousness didn’t reappear until they left the
restaurant, and the cab ride home was quiet and introspective. Knowing that
Toni had stepped way outside the boundaries of what she deemed familiar and
safe, anxieties were bound to show, so Laura left her to her thoughts until
they arrived home.

Walking in the door, Laura flicked on a few lights. “I’m
going to make some tea. Would you like some?”

Placing her coat on a chair, Toni said quietly, “No, none for
me. Thanks.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just…just tired, I guess.”

“I’ll bring it to your room, if you’d like,” Laura said as
she walked closer. “It’s the least I can do after tonight.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“I didn’t say I owed you, Toni. I had a marvelous time
tonight, and I just want to make sure you know it.”

Lowering her eyes, Toni said, “I do and...and so did I.”

“Good, because I’d hate to think our first date was our
last.”

Toni took a deep breath and then slowly raised her eyes.
“Normally...normally dates end in a kiss.”

All of a sudden, Laura understood Toni’s nervousness. “Is
that why you got so quiet when we left the restaurant?”

“I…I just didn’t know what you expected and—”

“Toni, I
expected
to spend
tonight at home, eating take-away and reading a book with you in one corner of
the sofa and me in the other. I didn’t expect to be taken to The Reading Room,
or for you to arrange everything, and with that being said, how could I
possibly expect anything else?”

“I guess you’re right about me being a lousy second-guesser,
huh?”

“Finally, she sees the light,” Laura said, raising her hands
up in the air.

Grinning, Toni ran her fingers through her hair. “Well, then,
I guess I’ll say good night.”

“Good night, Toni. Sweet dreams.”

Toni walked from the room, but before she made it halfway
across the lounge, she stopped and closed her eyes. Taking one long breath and
then another, she clenched her fists, opened her eyes and headed back to the
kitchen.

Looking up as Toni walked in, Laura held up the tea kettle.
“Change your mind?”

“Yes, but not about tea.”

In the time it took for Toni to stride across the room,
Laura’s heartbeat went from normal to thundering, and when Toni came to a stop
only a few inches away, Laura’s eyes were drawn to the lips lowering to meet
hers. Closing her eyes, she waited. Toni’s cologne filled her senses and when
their mouths touched, every nerve ending Laura owned sparked.

The kiss was soft and chaste, with just a hint of doubt, but
as far as Laura was concerned, it was the best kiss she had ever received.
Toni’s lips were soft and full, tasting of coffee and mint sorbet, and even
though she wanted the kiss to go on forever, when Toni pulled back, Laura
didn’t try to lean in for more.

Torn, her body craving the taste of the woman in front of her
while her fear ordered her to run, Toni stood still for a moment, her eyes
closed as she savored the flavor of Laura on her lips. Inhaling deeply the
scent of Laura’s perfume, Toni basked in the fragrance for as long as she could
before giving in to her anxieties.  

Opening her eyes to find Laura smiling back at her, Toni’s
face reddened ever so slightly. “Good night, Laura,” she said in a breath.

“Good night, sweetheart,” Laura said, lightly touching Toni’s
sleeve to acknowledge what Toni couldn’t put into words.

Chapter Thirty-Two

While Laura hadn’t had any expectations about the evening, Toni
had, and as she shut her bedroom door, she growled under her breath, “Fucking
coward!”

Since seeing Laura standing nude in the bathroom, desires
that had remained dormant for years awakened with a vengeance, and Toni’s
libido refused to remain silent any longer. It had become impossible to look at
Laura and not remember the feminine curves of ivory or the swells with dark
pink centers, and digging deep Toni had finally managed to find the courage to
kiss the woman she loved, but it was all she could do. Fear had won out again,
so Toni did the only thing she could. She escaped to the safety of her bedroom.

Angrily getting undressed, Toni yanked on a pair of blue
pajama bottoms and a white T-shirt, then stomped to the bathroom where she
glared at herself in the mirror as she scrubbed her face clean of makeup. After
making sure every speck of cosmetics had been washed away, she walked back to
her bed and slumped on its edge. Looking around the room, she shook her head in
disgust. This wasn’t what she wanted.

Just like she had with her flat, Toni had turned the small
bedroom into a sanctuary. She could close the door against the terrors of the
world, but Laura was no longer a terror and Toni no longer wanted to shut her
out. She wanted nothing more than to make love to Laura, to touch her, to
taste…to feel, but she needed nerve for that. She needed a backbone not warped
by memories of a filthy prison and despicable guards, and while over the past
week, she had convinced herself that she could take the next step, she just
couldn’t.

With a sigh, Toni got up and opened her bedroom door a crack,
hoping that the soft sounds of classical music could somehow ease her pain.

***

Lying on the sofa, her ankles crossed and her hands behind
her head, Laura came to the conclusion that it was pointless. She had tried for
the better part of an hour to rid herself of the smile she was wearing, but
nothing had worked, and she was tired of trying.

After changing into her pajamas, she had poured herself a cup
of tea, turned on the CD player and settled on the sofa. Believing that between
a not-so-good book and the melodic tones of Bach, the nervous energy that
filled her being would diminish, after an hour Laura gave up, tossed the book
aside, stared up at the ceiling and let out a quiet laugh. She had never felt
like this. Like a child high on sugar, Laura felt as if she could a run
marathon or climb a mountain, and it was all due to one simple, delicate kiss.

Breathing deeply, Laura thought back over the evening and
mentally patted herself on the back. She hadn’t had any expectations, at least
not any about a good night kiss. She
had
assumed that sometime during the night she would have to come to Toni’s aid,
helping her order food or drink, or possibly with a visit to the ladies’, but
that hadn’t happened. And while her thoughts had drifted at times, and her body
had quivered, Laura had pushed those feelings away, never once allowing them to
intrude upon the evening. Memories of their first date were much too precious
to ruin by pushing too hard or asking too much.

When Laura felt another flicker of awareness between her
legs, she chuckled to herself and climbed off the sofa. Deciding she needed to
burn off some energy if she planned to get to sleep before dawn, she headed to
the kitchen. Putting some water on to boil, she went about rearranging the
pantry, but when she saw a jar of heather honey on the shelf, her plans for tea
changed. Spooning a bit of honey into her mug, she added a healthy measure of
Scotch, and then filled it to the rim with boiling water. The scent of heather
filled the room, and breathing in deep, Laura hesitantly tasted the drink and
sighed at the familiar toffee flavor.

Carefully carrying her nightcap back to the lounge, when
Laura noticed Toni’s door was now open a crack, she debated for only a moment
before going over and tapping lightly on the door frame.

***

Hearing the knock, Toni looked up to see Laura standing in
the doorway dressed in gray and pink pajamas and once again, a ripple of desire
ran through Toni’s body.

“I thought you were asleep,” Laura said, stepping into the
room.

“No, I’m not tired.”

“Me, either. A bit wound up from dinner, I guess. I made
myself a hot toddy,” Laura said, holding up the mug. “I can make you one, if
you’d like.”

Shaking her head, Toni returned her gaze to the floor. “No,
that’s okay.”

Walking closer, Laura asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

“It’s nothing, Laura…really.”

Believing that Toni needed reassurance, Laura said, “Toni, I
was telling the truth. I wasn’t expecting anything else tonight. I really
wasn’t.”

“Maybe I was,” Toni said in a whisper.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Please stop saying that it’s nothing, and tell me what
you’re talking about.”

Looking up for a split-second, Toni’s heart skipped a beat
when she found herself staring into Laura’s eyes, and quickly returning her
gaze to the floor, she blurted, “I love you, Laura. You’re gorgeous, and I love
you…and…and I want you, but I can’t…I just can’t find the courage. Do yourself
a favor. Go find someone else to love, because I can’t take the next step. I
honestly can’t.”

With Toni’s words ringing in her ears, Laura placed the
steaming mug on the nightstand. Time seemed to stop as she stood there,
watching the woman sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, and while Laura had
told herself a hundred times that she’d never make the first move again, she
was about to do just that.

All Toni wanted was for Laura to leave so she could sulk in
privacy. Refusing to look up, Toni waited and waited…and waited, and just when
she was about to demand Laura’s exit, a gray and pink pajama top floated to the
floor in front of her.

A shockwave of want shot through Toni’s body at the sight of
the fabric on the floor, and the sound of her gasp filled the room. An eternity
passed as she stared at the rumpled top, and even though she had told herself,
convinced
herself that her fears would always win
out, they were about to be bested by an intangible thing called desire. With
her heartbeat pounding in her ears, Toni slowly raised her eyes.

Laura was watching for any sign from Toni that she had made a
mistake. Her palms were sweaty and her heart raced, but Laura didn’t move an
inch. Although a wee bit unnerved by her own nudity, when Toni looked up and
their eyes met, Laura let out the breath she’d been holding. There was a need
in Toni’s eyes...and it was carnal.

They were perfect
. In Toni’s
head, over and over the words kept repeating as she gazed upon Laura’s breasts.
Round and firm, with peaks taut and dark, they were absolutely the most
beautiful breasts Toni had ever seen, and swallowing the moisture building in
her mouth, she cautiously reached out and cupped one in her hand.

Laura had never added up the times she had made love, but
over the years, she had experienced the pleasures of sex with several different
partners. They had kissed her, plunged into her and made her moan. They had
groped. They had licked. They had tasted, and a few had even made her come, but
none of them with one touch had ever made her body rush with want. Feeling
Toni’s hand on her breast, Laura liquefied instantly.

Her hand surrounding the swell, with fingers split so as not
to touch the hard and erect tip, Toni marveled at the plump softness beneath
her palm. Caressing the fullness ever so slowly, she raised her eyes, and when
she saw the desire in Laura’s, something deep inside of Toni let loose.

She had never believed that she would ever find the strength
to escape the tomb that had become her life. She had never imagined that she’d
ever be desirable to another again, and she had never allowed herself to dream.
She had never had a reason until now, and the reality of it, the deep-down
truth that was unfolding in front of her caused Toni’s emotions to erupt.

Her jaw trembled as her eyes filled with tears, and leaning
forward, Toni rested her forehead between Laura’s breasts and began to weep.
She cried for the pain and the shame, and for the scars inside and out. She
wailed for the loneliness and abandonment by family and for a bottle of vodka
that she once believed would be her end. Tears flowed freely, falling from her
eyes onto Laura’s belly, and as she wept, Laura held her close.

Her body wracked with sobs and sniffles, it took Toni a while
before she could pull herself together. Sitting back, she looked up at Laura
and let out a ragged breath.

“You okay?” Laura whispered, wiping a tear from Toni’s cheek.

Nodding, Toni looked at the near-naked woman standing in
front of her. “You’re gorgeous.”

“So are you,” Laura said, running her finger down Toni’s jaw
line.

Laura was in an odd place. While she had never been with a
woman, she was smart enough to know she didn’t need any instructions, but Toni
had the experience and that fact caused butterflies to form in Laura’s stomach.
Part of her wanted to take the lead. To love this woman like she had never been
loved before, but another part, the novice part, wished Toni would make the
next move and teach Laura what she longed to learn.

Laura breathed deeply once and then again, hoping it would
help settle her nerves, but when she looked into Toni’s eyes for guidance and
saw desire staring back at her, it was all the guidance Laura needed. Her eyes
never left Toni’s until their mouths were millimeters apart, and as their lips
met, Laura slowly closed her eyes. The kiss was cautious and light, Laura
allowing her lips to touch Toni’s for only a few seconds before pulling away
and starting again. Over and over she kissed her, and with each touch, their
passion grew. In the back of her mind, Laura was preparing herself for when
Toni would pull away, but when she felt the tip of the woman’s tongue against
her lips, Laura’s center pulsed again.

When Laura had bent down to kiss her, fear caused Toni’s
heart to skip a beat, but then instinct and desire took hold. Her passion for
Laura so strong that it squelched fears and annihilated doubts, Toni found
herself wanting more. Sliding the tip of her tongue across Laura’s lips, she
asked for it, and when Laura opened them and invited Toni in, the silence of
the room was broken by a sensual rumble snaking its way up Toni’s throat.

Toni had never imagined Laura could taste so sweet. Her own
flavor mixed with that of heather honey and Scotch whisky, it swirled like
blended liquor and permeated Toni’s entire being. Tongues danced, darted and
teased as the kiss deepened, both women absorbed in the other’s essence as they
took from each other what both wanted to give. Finally, with lips swollen by
passion they parted, and as they pulled air into their lungs, Toni’s eyes
lowered once more.

Laura couldn’t move. She almost couldn’t breathe. She was
being devoured by Toni’s eyes, and it was the most erotic thing Laura had ever
experienced. She could feel her nipples harden, tightening at the want growing
inside, and when she saw Toni reach out to her, desire flowed thick from
Laura’s core.

Toni sighed, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she
cupped Laura’s breasts in her hands. They were to die for. She couldn’t help
but squeeze and fondle, for breasts this perfect were made for adoration, and
unable to wait any longer, Toni ran her thumbs over the dark coral centers.
Hearing Laura’s throaty purr, deep inside Toni’s psyche a leer was born.

Pebbled and erect, the hard tips rolled between her fingers,
and spurred on by the sound of Laura’s ever-increasing gasps for air, Toni
licked her lips and placed her mouth over one swollen bud.

Passion soaked through Laura’s knickers in an instant. “Oh,
my God,” she said in a rush of breath, instinctively arching in response. Enthralled
by the sensations raging through her body, Laura looked down at the sight of
Toni at her breast, and her knees began to shake as her imagination soared.

Tenderly, Toni suckled the tip, slowly flicking her tongue
over the hardness before gently placing it between her lips and applying just
enough pressure to make a difference. Between Toni’s legs, the ache of her
passion increased with each taste of Laura, and Toni knew one thing...she
wanted more.

Lowering her hands to the waistband of Laura’s pajamas, she
waited only for a breath before pushing them to the floor. The aroma of Laura’s
desire rose in the air, and breathing it in, Toni looked up as if to ask
permission. When she saw Laura gazing back at her, her face flushed and her
lips parted, Toni hooked her fingers in the elastic of the black silk knickers
and drew them down.

A feral groan escaped Toni’s lips as all of Laura’s womanly
curves came into view. Her eyes traveled past the beautifully formed breasts to
a belly with just a hint of roundness. They followed hips that curved
perfectly, down to legs, smooth and sculpted, but then they returned to a patch
of dark, curly hair and unconsciously Toni licked her lips again.

Laura had no idea how she was still managing to stand.
Between her thighs lay an urgency that took her breath away. She felt as if she
was being pulled into a vortex, a swirling paradise of sensuality that she
didn’t know existed, so when Toni guided her to the bed, Laura went more than
willingly.

Together on the edge of the bed, they kissed again. With
mouths opened, tongues glided in and out as they feasted on each other, but
when Laura moved her hand under Toni’s T-shirt, it was quickly pushed away.

Believing that their night was about to end, sadness swept
across Laura’s face, but when she saw Toni reach for the light on the
nightstand, the problem became all too clear. “No, Toni,” Laura said, grabbing
her arm. “The light stays on.”