Hard to Hold On (13 page)

Just as Tyler pulls his lips away and licks them, I look down at him and Nolan comes to mind. I
hate how being with Tyler makes me realize Nolan and I were more. If I could, I would make Tyler trade places with Nolan. I just hate what he’s done to me. I can’t figure out why he did it. Tyler spots the worry behind my eyes and places me back down. He fixes his lips to speak but I shake my head and grab his hand.

“About that party?”
I raise an eyebrow, avoiding discussion.

He chuckles, adjusting
his T-shirt and jeans. “Let’s go enjoy the rest of our night, shall we?”

Giggling, I follow
after him and we head downstairs for the party. The rest of the night is fun and I’m having a blast . . . but I can’t completely block my mind from
him
. I know this party is just a way to rid my mind of what’s really going on between Nolan and I but there’s no denying how hurt I am and no matter how many drinks I take, none of them can ease the pain. They help me forget for a little while but none of them are helping me cope with the fact that he may actually be with another girl in California. No part of me wants to believe he’s actually done this to me when he had promised me so many times he wouldn’t hurt me.

I put so much trust into Nolan that I feel stupid. Nolan is almost too go
od to be true and to think he may have actually wanted to settle with me for the rest of his life makes me feel even dumber because I knew from day one he wasn’t the kind of guy who remained devoted to relationships. I knew from day one he had plenty of tricks up his sleeves but I wanted to give him a chance. I wanted to be wanted by someone. I wanted
real love
. I enjoyed the time we’d spent together because it was real—we were real and there’s no denying it.

I love
him and I know for sure he loves me, too, but what made him want to do it? What did I do? What got in between
us
?

****

After about four hours of partying our asses off and sobering down, Harp and I are finally ready to go.

“Natalie?” Tyler calls from the front door. I turn to look over my shoulder as he steps past a
few people to get to me.

“I’ll meet you at the car, Harp,” I tell her.

“Great, but you’re driving.” She presses the back of her hand against her forehead and stumbles away. I turn slowly to look at Tyler who is only a few steps away now. “So, did you have fun tonight?” he asks.

“I did,” I say, smiling.

“Great. And I was right.”

I frown curiously.
“About what?”

“About how ‘happy’
looks good on you. You’re too cute to be down.”

I pull my lower lip in and nibble on it to suppress a smile. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yeah—hey, how about we hook up on Tuesday and study since we have that test on Wednesday. I can tell you like English and although I write the notes down, nothing really makes sense to me. I’m not really a “words” person.”

“Are you trying to spend
more time with me?” I tease.

Chuckling, he
runs a hand through his hair. “Ah, you got me.”

“Well,” I sigh, pulling my hair
back. “That sounds great. I’d love to. I’ll give you a call sometime tomorrow.”

Licking his bottom lip, Tyler looks me over a few times before finally stepping in and placing those plush lips against mine. “Don’
t drive me crazy,” he murmurs against my lips. Our breathing picks up and my stomach coils. “Don’t make me wait.”

I grin. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

Smiling, he takes a step back and slides his fingertips into his back pockets. “Well, I’ve got a house to clean. I had fun tonight. Can’t wait to see you again.” He gives me a wink then takes gradual steps backward. “Goodnight, Natalie.”

Biting on a smile,
I take a step back as well before spinning around. “Goodnight, Tyler.” He chuckles once more as I stroll away. I force myself to keep looking ahead but of course I give in and take a peek over my shoulder. He’s now standing on the porch and watching me, his fingers still tucked away in his back pockets. My cheeks burn but I toss a wave to play it off and hurry for the driver’s seat of Harper’s blue Mercedes.

As I duck in
and shut the door behind me, I’m still smiling. Why the hell am I smiling so hard? I turn to look at Harper whose head is pressed against the window, her mouth hanging open. She’s completely out of it and I’m partially relieved she’s sleeping because if she could see the goofy grin on my face, she would consider me a fool. She would know that I’ve enjoyed my night with Tyler a little more than planned.

I was supposed to come here, have a blast, and hang with Tyler with no feelings involved. That was my plan but of course it’s backfired and now he wants to spend more time with me. I guess I can’t deny it. I want to spend another day with him, too—just to get
rid of the burden I’ve been carrying. He really seems like he doesn’t want more. Just a casual fling and I can accept that. I can’t afford the “more” option right now.

Cranking the car, I put it in dr
ive and roll away from the lake house but in my mind, I’m eagerly awaiting for class on Monday and even for our “study session” on Tuesday.

My phone buzzes in the cup holder and I grab it as I
approach a red light. At the sight of Nolan’s name, I swallow heavily.

Nolan: We need to talk
now, Natalie. Stop ignoring me.

I scowl at the screen. How
in the hell am I supposed to stop ignoring someone that’s been seeing someone else behind my back—an ex at that. If I do respond to him I’ll explode but I don’t want that for him. I don’t want him to think I feel anything because I don’t want to. I hate that I still care but I have to let it go. I don’t want to put myself through the pain again because I deserve happiness. I deserve to smile for once in my damn life.

Instead of responding, I turn my phone off and breathe through my nostrils to relax myself. The light flashes green and
I hurry to the condo before I end up turning the phone back on and doing something I know I’ll regret in the future.

I can’t take him back. I can’t give i
nto him. I have to realize it’s who he is and it’s who he always will be. If he wants the change, he has to make it himself. I can no longer help with that.

Chapter Sixteen

Nolan

“I
f she doesn’t answer I’m gonna flip shit,” I grumble as I slouch down on the couch beside Mills.

He chuckles, bringing
the rim of his beer bottle to his lips and chugging down a few gulps. His feet are kicked up on the box in front of him and he has various colors of paint all over his arms, his grey T-shirt, and even his faded painter jeans. We had to repaint the living room and Mom’s room today. We also had to take all of the boxes to storage. Doing both of those took up our entire day. It’s around three in the morning and Natalie still hasn’t text me back. We leave tomorrow so if she doesn’t continue to answer I’ll just show up at her condo without a heads up. I really don’t give a fuck. I need to talk to her.

“Tike really put you in the shithole,” Mills says.

“Deeply,” I mutter. I finally turn the screen of my phone off and place it on top of one of the boxes. “She shouldn’t have thought anything negative, though. Her insecurities always take over her. I hate that.”

“The brain of a girl.” He reaches forward to place his
empty beer bottle on the floor and then stands. He stretches while gazing around the empty house. It’s bone-dry in here. Not even our beds are in the rooms. There’s nothing but walls and carpets now. It ripped us in half to have to put everything out but I know it’s going to be worth it. Mills went to the bank and sold the house which is good because we need the money. We just aren’t sure when we’re going to get it. As bad as I don’t want to leave just yet, I have to. I have to save my relationship and I have to do it right. I can’t take the misery I feel without Natalie.

“What if she’s met someone else over there already?” Mills takes out a pillow from the box in front of him and places it on the floor. He then grabs one of the sheets and spreads it out. “I mean, what if she doesn’t want a relationship anymore. She’s still young and she feels like she’s been stabbed in the heart
. . . twice. I know you didn’t do anything but she doesn’t know that yet and girls think fast. They move fast. They’re some sneaky creatures.”

“Don’t say shit like that.”

“Hey,” he shrugs. “Just saying. It’s life.”

“I don’t want to think
negatively. I love Natalie. I know if I talk to her in person she’ll actually listen. Of course she isn’t going to answer her phone right now after what Tike told her. She’s avoiding me because she thinks that I’ve cheated on her. If I tell her that I never cheated and that I’m there to stay, she’ll come back. It took me a hell of a lot to get her. I had to get past her insecurities—past her lack of trust in men. I don’t want to be a part of her past. She was just starting to open up to me—”

“And then you fucked up,” Mills says, completing my sentence.

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Well, tomorrow
we’re on the flight to Miami. We’ll take this couch and these two boxes to storage in the morning, hop on the plane, and tap some ass. I’ve been missing Lorie like crazy. Can’t wait to get back to her.” A smile spreads across his lips as he turns his head. I sit for five whole minutes before I actually hear him start to snore. I then grab the keys, pull the door open, shut it behind me, and then march for the car. I need some air and a few drinks and I know exactly where to go.

****

Cali Breeze
is a bar on the shore I had always enjoyed going to—especially when my dad had a gig here or just wanted to come for some fun. It’s also the last bar he had performed at on the night he died. Being here is bringing back harsh memories, but I miss him. I can’t be wimp about it anymore. I have to face reality. It’s not the bar’s fault he got shot. It’s those fuckers’s fault for popping their guns at the wrong man.

Grabbing my beer, I take a heavy gulp before staring ahead at the waves that are crashin
g in. A waitress comes up to me, asking if I’d like another drink but I tell her no. I should be heading out anyway. I’m going to see Natalie tomorrow but something terrifies me about it. What if Mills is right? What if she doesn’t want a relationship anymore? I don’t know why I always let him get inside of my head—especially when he’s drunk. But when he’s drunk is when he speaks his mind the most. He might be right about her wanting to forget about me. I’ve hurt her in more ways than I thought. I was so selfish to have let her go but now I want her back.

The breeze picks up and nips at my cheeks but I gulp down another swig of beer. “Nolan?” an airy voice calls from behind me.

I turn slowly, facing Sharon who has a glass of wine in her hand. At first sight of her I roll my eyes. “What do you want?”

She giggles as she steps
to my side. She pulls the stool back that’s to my right and sits with me. “You,” she says.

“Too bad. Go away.”

She studies me as I take another swallow of beer. “You’re being so rude to me,” she says teasingly. “I told you I was sorry.” My gaze shifts from the body of water to her. Her wide eyes blink at me as she presses her lips together. “You want to know something?” she asks.

I sigh heavily, hoping to get her to go away.

“I’m going to Miami for a visit as well.”

“Well I hop
e we don’t run into one another,” I sigh. “That’d be a joy-killer.”

She laughs, as if I’m joking. “Nolan, you have seriously manned-up. I
love it.” She touches my shoulder but I pull away.

“Sharon, I’m going to tell you
something. Not that it isn’t obvious, but I want nothing to do with you. I don’t care if you were my mom’s favorite student or that I was even in love with you—actually, yes. Yes I do. I do care that you broke my heart because it gave me the realization that you weren’t the one for me. I found the one and she’s waiting for me in Miami, where I’m supposed to be.” I sigh heavily, running a hand through my hair. “Just do me a favor and leave me alone. Don’t try to purposely run into me at Miami and don’t try to call my phone. I’m going to be with her and I don’t need anyone in my way—especially someone like you.”

Sharon swallows some of her wine as she stares
into my eyes. She then looks towards the body of water and her eyes glisten. “I told you I was sorry.”

“Sorry is just a word
. Not that I don’t forgive you, I just can’t stand what you did to me. We can never be friends. It’s just not going to happen.” I grab my beer to finish it off and then slam the empty bottle on the counter. “And don’t try your sneaky shit. I know you have a relative in Miami you’re most likely going to visit but I find it weird that you’re going on the same week as I am.”

“
Whatever, Nolan,” she grumbles, standing to her feet, her black dress rising and revealing a bright glimpse of her thighs. “But don’t think I don’t know you. All it takes is a few drinks and a bedroom to get you to break down.” She runs a hand across my cheek but I smack it away. Her eyes broaden in awe before she sips on her wine again. “The angry sex will be the best part. I’ll let you get it all out if that’s what it takes for you to want me again.”