His Best Friend's Baby (18 page)

“Good night,” Jesse mumbled. He patted his sister awkwardly and took off into the night, toward the woman and sleeping baby who waited for him.

“That went well,” Julia murmured. She leaned forward from the backseat.

He pressed a kiss to her head the way Mac had done to Rachel all night long. Jesse understood that kiss. It wasn’t sexual or friendly—it was a silent, reverent thanks. “It was the most painful dinner ever.”

Julia laughed. “I thought we did okay. There were a few awkward silences.”

He rolled his eyes and pulled onto the road. The wind, scented with lime and lemon, flooded the Jeep and toyed with Julia’s blond hair.

“Thank you,” he said. He didn’t look at her, concentrated instead on shifting gears, getting them off the mountain. He didn’t know if he conveyed everything he wanted to with those
words. They seemed too weak and feeble to carry everything he meant. But they were all he had.

“You’re welcome,” she said, softly.

He squeezed her hand where it rested on Ben’s knee as a weight blew off him in the breeze up into the night sky.

T
HE NEXT MORNING
, Jesse got up before Julia, put coffee in a mug for her and waited for Amanda, who arrived early looking like a zombie.

“Let me give you a ride,” he offered Julia.

“It’s okay, I need the walk to calm down a little.” She kissed his cheek and skipped out the door like a girl on her first day of school. She had a brown bag lunch and a smile a mile wide.

He felt a little drunk, and a little like none of his bones were doing their job, at the sight of her obvious enthusiasm.

She turned halfway down the block and blew him a kiss. He waved, feeling charmed and smitten from such a simple gesture—that she knew he’d be watching her warmed him. Wain, sitting by his side, barked.

If he’d been told three months ago, hell, three weeks ago, that he’d be grinning idiotically at the knowledge she would be coming home to him, he’d never have believed it.

“The sun’s not even up,” Amanda groaned, falling sideways on the old couch.

He told Amanda to take a nap until Ben woke up, then he spent a few hours in the garage, cleaning up the last of his work from the cradle and contemplating tackling another project. Did he dare? Would he be here long enough to see it to completion?

The cell phone in his pocket buzzed and he checked the number.

Chris Barnhardt.

His good humor immediately fled. Chris was a sharp reminder that this easy domesticity wasn’t his life. His life waited for him in San Diego. Yet he didn’t want to think about Chris, the job or the move right now. He considered not answering the call. He pressed the Talk button instead.

“I need more time, Chris,” he said right away.

“You’re killing me,” Chris howled. “I can’t keep holding out for you. I’ve got too much work to get done.”

“I know but things have gotten…complicated.”

Chris pressed for a reason and Jesse, thinking of Julia and her long legs and her sweet mouth and her soft sigh of pleasure against his chest in the night when he loved her, instead told Chris about the fight.

“It’s my eye, I can’t see out of it, yet,” he lied.

“You got in a fight? And lost?” Chris was clearly incredulous. “That’s not the Jesse I went to basic training with.”

“You should see the other guys,” Jesse smiled. “But I’m going to need more time.”

More time with Julia.

Chris sighed, his frustration clearly transmitting over the line. “All right. Just get here as soon as you can and I’ll try to patch something together.”

“Thanks, man.” He may have stalled Chris, but Jesse knew he couldn’t delay much longer. He had to finish up here. He had to end things with Julia and get on with his life, even if his plan no longer held the appeal it once did.

That night, over dinner Julia shared every glowing detail about her day. They put Ben to bed, then made love. Jesse never once mentioned Chris, San Diego or leaving. If he didn’t think, if he just let himself feel, then San Diego and Chris didn’t even exist.

And he liked—no, needed—it that way.

T
HE NEXT DAY
, Jesse headed to the lumberyard looking for roofing materials. He could get the basic green/gray asphalt tiles for next to
nothing, but for some reason he couldn’t walk past the cedar shake. It smelled so good on its pallets and he could picture how nice that yellow house would look with the wooden tiles.

Mom would have loved that.

It would take about double the time and work to install the cedar, which was ludicrous considering he needed to get to San Diego. But, he reasoned with himself, the wood roof would net a higher price when he sold the house, so the effort would be worth it.

He’d told Julia he was leaving. Maybe not last night as he’d intended, but she knew that, had known from the beginning. He simply had to get to the leaving part.

Still, Julia didn’t have the money for a place of her own. She seemed so fragile, so…in need despite all the strides to independence she’d taken. His sense of responsibility wouldn’t let him walk away from her right now.

Bullshit
, the voice of reality said.
You just
can’t walk away from her. At least have the
balls to admit it
.

A teenager with bad skin approached him. “Can I help you?”

“I’ll take three flats of the cedar,” he said and walked away before he could change his mind.

“Delivered?”

“I can take them today.” No time like the present to get started on this folly.

Later that afternoon, Jesse pushed himself off his knees and braced himself against the chimney that wasn’t attached to any fireplace. He stretched out some of the kinks in his back and wondered if he should bite the bullet and buy one of those compression hammer guns. It would make his life so damn much easier.

“Excuse me.”

Jesse ignored the voice and picked up his hammer, set another row of nails in between his teeth and bent back to work.

“Excuse me! You, up on the roof.”

Jesse peered over the eaves to see a guy wearing a suit and tie, standing beside a fancy SUV.

“What?” he asked, spitting the nails back into his hand.

“Are you a roofer?”

Jesse nearly laughed. “Currently.”

“Great. Do you have a card or something? A phone number?” The guy walked into the yard and Jesse heard Wain on the porch start barking. The guy took a quick step back to the sidewalk.

Good dog
.

“I’m not in business. I’m just doing my own roof.” Jesse shrugged.

“Oh, man. I’ve got this leak and I can’t figure out where it’s coming from. Do you think you could take a look?”

Jesse blinked, taken aback by the stranger’s boldness.

“I’m over on Cherry Avenue. It wouldn’t take five minutes.”

“Sure,” Jesse finally said, surprised by his capitulation. The guy’s face lit up in relief and gratitude and Jesse smiled. “I’ll just hop down and wash my hands,” he said.

J
ULIA CHECKED HER WATCH
. Again. It was her third day of work and she was going to be late. It was ten minutes before six and still no sign of Amanda. She now realized how stupid it was that her whole schedule hinged on the timeliness of a sixteen-year-old girl. The milky pink light of predawn slid in the windows she checked as she paced.

No truck
. Three steps.
No Amanda.
Three steps.
I’m gonna lose this job
. Three steps.

She was exhausted from her late night, from the series of late nights she’d been having. Each
night after they put Ben to bed they made love for hours. And they talked about making love. And they laughed about what they talked about and then they made love again.

Her body ached in ways she’d forgotten she could ache.

She smiled despite her stress and her weariness. Changes in her life came like earthquakes. Meeting Mitch, getting pregnant, getting married and moving to Germany. Mitch dying. She moved from one shifting plate to the next and waited for the next disaster to strike.

But this move—across the neighborhood under her own power with nothing but her son and what she could carry—felt different. Hope had settled into this little house. She could see it, feel it, taste it. And she knew Jesse could feel it, too. She saw it in the way he looked at her, watched her, cared for Ben.

Now, if she could only get to work.

“What are you still doing here?” Jesse asked, stepping into the living room.

“Amanda’s late.” She shrugged.

“Well, go,” he said, his forehead furrowed. “I’m here.”

“Right, but he’ll be up soon and I don’t want to impose.”

“Impose?” He smiled. “You stole all the covers and snored all night.”

“Liar.” She laughed. She grabbed her bag from the couch. It was a ten-minute walk and if she left now, she’d make it.

“How’d you know? You were asleep.”

She hopped over to him, kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered.
I love you
, her heart sobbed.

J
ESSE WATCHED
J
ULIA
run out of the house.

What am I doing?
he wondered. But he knew the answer. He was leading on a good woman. He was pretending. Playing a game he had no business playing.

But maybe it’s real
, a quiet voice within him said.
Maybe you don’t have to pretend
.

He heard a soft thud from the bedroom and braced himself for Ben’s arrival. He’d been spending a lot of time with the boy, but never without Julia in the house. Ben came walking out wearing a pair of Spider-Man pajamas that looked like an updated version of a pair Jesse had worn when he was a kid.

“Mama?” He shrugged and looked around.

“She’s gone to work,” Jesse said and waited for the waterworks.

Ben just yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Hungry,” he said.

“Let’s see what we’ve got.” Jesse led the boy into the kitchen.

“I like your dog,” Ben said as Wain nearly pushed him over with his morning greetings.

“I think he likes you, too.”

Ben laughed as Wain licked him. Jesse had to admit he’d never seen anything so sweet.

“After breakfast, let’s play fetch in the backyard, what do you say?” Jesse asked and Ben nodded, his curls waving.

Jesse set about gathering a breakfast for both of them.

Ben was an amazing child with all of Julia’s good cheer and smiles. Simply looking at him made Jesse feel like laughing. He saw bits of Mitch in him—sudden temper tantrums, a certain look of mischief from the corner of his eye that was all Mitch Adams.

Amanda called when they were part way through their meal and said she’d be there in a second. She sounded panicked and scared and he told her to relax that everything was fine.

He surprised the hell out of both of them when he told her there was no rush. She could take her time. Sleep a little longer.

“Thanks, Uncle Jesse,” she said. “I owe you.”

“No problem,” he told her. Ben handed him a soggy Cheerio from his bowl.

“Thanks, buddy.”

Jesse wondered what would happen to the kid. How he’d grow and change. If he’d keep his generous nature and curiosity.

He wanted to see Ben grow up—the urge surprised him. Ben would surely need a man to teach him how to throw a ball and how to pee standing up. How to fight if he needed to and how to walk away when it was smart. Girls, math class, team tryouts, driving. He’d need help with all of it.

Jesse wanted to be that man.

That quiet voice got louder.
Why couldn’t
you have this? What’s to stop you?

J
ULIA NUDGED
one of the shrubs into place on the asphalt and directed the shower of water from her hose over the new shipment of roses. The sun was hot on her neck and her shoulders ached but she couldn’t remember the last time she felt this…good. This was the best week she could remember having.

She wiped her arm over her forehead and released the trigger on the hose.

“Hey, Julia.” Virginia Holmes stood at her elbow, riffling though envelopes.

“Hey, Virginia. The new roses look good.”

“Thanks to you.”

“Doug’s new.” Julia stuck up for the young man. He was a nice guy and he knew Virginia was getting tired of his mistakes. “I’ve just been helping him along. He didn’t realize which pesticide he was using.”

“Doug’s your boss, Julia. And he’s been here longer. He’s supposed to be correcting your mistakes.” Virginia stopped paging through the envelopes and handed her one. “You’re doing really good work for us. We’re glad you’re here.”

Stunned, Julia took the white envelope in her gloved hand. “Thanks,” she murmured.

“Next week we’re sending some staff up to Lawshaw to take a class on herbs. You want to go? We pay.”

Julia blinked at both the irony and the offer.

“Of course,” she stammered. “That’d be great.”

Virginia nodded. “If Doug doesn’t shape up here, you’ll get promoted,” she said, before heading off to deliver the checks to the rest of the employees.

Promoted!
She’d been working a week.

All the other guys were taking their checks and finishing up. Julia checked her watch and hustled into action. It was still a long walk to Jesse’s house and Amanda was waiting on her.

She rolled up her hose, punched out and grabbed her uneaten lunch from her cubby in the staff room. She’d been too busy to eat lunch. Again.

She said goodbye to Sue and the other cashiers and walked through the parking lot to the bike path that led into town. She fished an apple out of the bag. Yesterday Jesse had told her that she was wasting away.

Of course, what they’d been doing at the time indicated he didn’t much care. She flushed thinking of that man, and his hands and his wicked mouth.

Jesse burned slow, all night, as though he couldn’t get enough of her. He watched her, tortured her, stole her breath in ways she’d never thought were possible.

She dodged a pack of kids on bikes and put her apple core back in her bag.

But there was more going on between them than sex. The emotional connection grew with each beautiful meaningful moment they spent
together. Every minute with him in that house filled her with secret knowledge. Powerful, intimate knowledge about things such as how he liked his coffee and what he looked like asleep on the couch.

He talked back to the news on his radio in the garage.

He hated onions.

She grew enamored by this knowledge. She studied the airplane posters on his childhood bedroom walls. She touched the small whittling knives lined up like soldiers on his desk. She found the markings on the doorframe that recorded his growth spurts to adulthood. Each memento of his past, each indication of his humanity and his secret heart thrilled her.

She reveled in their domesticity—the shopping lists and dinners, the laundry and cleaning. Each task she performed was a little thing to make up for all that he’d done for her. She liked doing them, liked caring for him.

She liked loving him. While he might be slow in the process, she knew he was coming around. In time he’d realize that something more—something long-term and permanent—could happen between them. He’d understand
that Mitch and the army and the accident didn’t matter to her.
Jesse
mattered to her. Jesse and his giant heart and his wounded spirit and his battered beautiful body. She wanted
him
and he just needed some time to come to grips with it.