His Best Friend's Baby (21 page)

A headache blasted between Jesse’s eyes and he winced against the light and Caleb’s words.

“Mitch took on those risks. I know it doesn’t change the outcome. I know how bad it feels to be to be alive when those—”

“You don’t,” Jesse growled. All of those barriers and walls, the feeble sticks he used to hold himself up, crumbled under Caleb’s words. He was the wreck, the wretched jellyfish of a man in need of rescue. It happened so
fast, like a tsunami. One minute he was fine, his ghosts managed, his demons caged, and the next he was a boy, defenseless and lost. “You don’t know what it’s like. To be alive when you shouldn’t.”

“Are you kidding me?” Caleb tilted his head and laughed at the ceiling. “Do you see me here? Do you see my face? I could take off my shirt and show you my chest. Every day I wake up in pain,” Caleb said, “like I’m being hit with a sledgehammer all over again. The doctors say it might get better.” He shrugged. “Or it might not. Those Iraqis did a lot of damage.”

Jesse watched, silent. He’d pulled Caleb out of that rat hole. He knew the damage that had been done to him.

“But every day, before I even open my eyes I think, ‘Thank God for Vicodin and Jesse Filmore.’”

Jesse laughed, incredulous. But something weird happened at the end of that laugh. His gut churned and his eyes burned and it felt almost as if he were crying. He lifted his hand to his forehead, at a sudden loss, like he’d been cut adrift.

“How?” he asked.

“Well, clearly you don’t love Vicodin as—”

“No,” Jesse gasped. “How can you wake up that way? I wake up and all I think about is the damage I’ve done.”

Caleb smiled, sadly. “It’s easy. Because I’m alive. Because every day I wake up and get to cause trouble and write about it. I get to eat enchiladas and look at women. They don’t look back quite as much as they used to, but I can live with that. Every day is a gift, man. And you gave it to me.”

Caleb limped over and clapped him on the back. “Mitch, Dave, Artie—they were soldiers, not school teachers. They knew the risks.”

“It doesn’t make it any easier to live with.”

“Nope.” Caleb nodded. “I don’t suppose it does. But at least you get to live with it.”

Caleb hobbled over to the couch then eased himself onto it. Jesse’s body buzzed with static electricity, like the air before lightning strikes.

“Your niece said you had a girlfriend.” Caleb groaned as he lifted his leg up on to the couch. “Julia or something.”

“Julia,” he murmured. He stared out the window at the street.
Girlfriend?
What a ludicrous word to apply to Julia.

“You’ve got a girlfriend. Good-looking dog.”
He yawned. “Crackerjack niece. Nice house in a nice town. Sounds like a good life to me.”

It was. It
was
a good life. And it was his. He just needed the balls to go after it. He’d nearly thrown it all away, and why? Because Ron Adams said he didn’t deserve it? Because Jesse himself thought he didn’t deserve it.

He groaned and stared at the ceiling.

He did deserve it. And more than that—he wanted it.

Finding out that Dave fired first and that Mitch pursued the enemy didn’t change anything, but Caleb with his injuries and hope…well, it was inspiring.

“I’ll do the story,” he said as he turned and caught Caleb with his eyes drifting shut.

“The story?” he said. “Good, because part one comes out tomorrow morning. Front page of the
Los Angeles Times
. Papa wants a new Pulitzer.” He rubbed his good hand over his face and through his hair. “Hey, you don’t mind if I just take a little nap here do you? My driver isn’t coming back until tomorrow morning.”

“You need anything?” Jesse asked. He pulled the old green afghan from where it had been folded for decades over the back of the couch. He draped it over Caleb.

“A blind, warm and willing woman?”

Jesse laughed, he really laughed from the gut through his chest. He was oddly humbled by Caleb. Who was he to pity himself so much when Caleb had real gratitude and a sense of humor as sharp as a knife?

He felt ashamed, almost. For the time he’d lost in self-pity.

Julia had been right. She’d been right from day one—you’ve got to believe in the good things, or what’s the point?

“I’ll go hit town and see what I can dig up.”

Caleb smiled, though his eyes were shut.

“I’ve gotta take off for a while,” Jesse said and Caleb’s one eye popped open.

“Bring back some burgers. And fries. God, I’d kill for some grease.”

“You got it.”

Jesse hit the door running.

RACHEL AND MAC
wouldn’t give Jesse the time of day when it came to Julia’s whereabouts. But Amanda, for the price of an exclusive interview with him and the drugged-up journalist on his couch, ended up giving him Julia’s address.

He parked the Jeep on the curb and took the
outside steps up to 3C, two at a time. He’d wasted enough time. He’d caused her enough grief.

He knocked and the minute’s wait between his fist on the door and the sound of Julia’s footsteps was the longest minute of his life. He died a thousand times, his heart stopped, his vision blurred, he couldn’t get his breath.

God
, he thought,
love is killing me
.

But when the door opened and Julia stood there with an expression of thrilled joy she couldn’t quite contain into something far more mundane, it was all worth it.

He heard Ben in the other room yelling “Swiper no swiping!” Jesse wanted to step into that room, shut the door behind him and hoard this family all to himself. He wanted all their screams, their laughs, their broken strollers and foolish optimism. He wanted their futures, every moment that was going to come their way. He wanted to be there for all of it. The good, bad and boring.

He wanted them to heal each other.

“What are you doing here?” Julia asked. She crossed her arms over her chest and this time her stern expression was believable.

So believable that all the easy words tied
themselves in knots and all he managed to say was, “Caleb Gomez is on my couch.”

“He is?” Julia asked. “He’s okay?”

“He’s pretty beat-up and in a lot of pain, but, yeah, I’d say he’s good.”

“That’s great.” She stared at him and he stared back for a long breathless moment. He wanted her to understand why he was here.

“Is that why you’re here?” she finally asked.

“No.” He nodded. “I mean, sort of, but it’s not. No.”

She leaned against the doorframe. She clearly wasn’t going to ask him in. He hated having this conversation in the hallway, but she wasn’t giving him an alternative.

“I want to start over. Brand new. Like you’re opening that door in Germany all over again.”

She sighed. “Why? What would be the point?”

“We’re the point. You and me and Ben. We deserve a new start.”

“I’ve started so many times, Jesse, I can’t even keep track anymore. I don’t want a new start.”

Well, that stopped him in his tracks. “Okay, how about a middle? We deserve a new middle.”

“A new middle?” She laughed. “Who are
you?” She looked over his shoulder. “Where’s the old Jesse?”

He grabbed her hands. “He’s gone.”

She eyed him carefully, taking her time and he let her right in. He let her look at all the scars, the ugly things he’d kept hidden, even the boy he’d forgotten he still had in him. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he told her.

Finally after a long moment, she bit her lower lip. “I can’t let you into my house only to have you decide you can’t do this in a few days or weeks.”

“I won’t.” He shook his head.

“How do I know that?”

“Because I love you,” he whispered. He pulled on her hands. She resisted briefly and then stepped toward him. “And I love your son. You love my sister and my niece. And you love me.” He smiled at her. “We’re a family, that’s how you know. We’re the family you traveled around the world to find. And you’re the woman I’ll wait for, forever, if I have to.”

“But San Diego—”

“I’m here.”

“But you don’t like this town—”

“It’s growing on me.” He smiled.

“I’m not joking, Jesse.”

“Me, either. I’m staying right here. I’ve got a journalist on my couch and a garage to rebuild and maybe a business to start. I’m going to help my niece and fix things with my sister. I’m going to help Ben grow up, teach him how to whittle. I’m going to give you more babies and watch you grow old. That’s my plan.” Tears bloomed on her eyelashes and multiplied until they toppled down her cheeks. “But—” he swallowed “—I know we have to go slow. You need a chance to figure things out on your own. You’re just getting your feet under you. Maybe in a week, a month, you’ll decide that I’m not right for you. That you don’t love me like you thought—”

She threw herself into his arms, stopping his words and his air supply. “Never,” she whispered. “Never.”

He held her close, hoping he could absorb part of her. Some of her molecules, a bit of her beauty and grace. One of her smiles, so that he could carry her with him all the time.

“So what are we going to do?” she asked.

“Well.” He leaned back and brushed some of her blond hair from her forehead. “First I think we’ll see if Amanda can babysit next weekend and I’m going to take you to the movies. Maybe get some fried chicken.”

“A date?”

He shrugged with one shoulder. “If you’re lucky I’ll take you up to the rock quarry and let you make out with me.”

“If I’m lucky?” She laughed and it echoed like bells around his whole life. She rained kisses on his face. “I think we’re both pretty lucky.” She sighed in his ear.

“But I’m serious, Julia. We have to go slow.”

“Oh,” she said, “we’ll go slow.”

“Jesse!” He turned to see Ben running across the hardwood floor to latch onto his legs. Jesse pulled him up, held him in his arm so Rachel could pull her son close, too. They made a good circle that way. Strong.

He still saw Mitch when he looked at Ben, but he saw the best of him. All the possibility Mitch had.

“He’s a good boy,” Jesse whispered.

“The best,” Julia cooed, kissing Ben and then kissing Jesse.

“There’s going to be a story about the accident tomorrow morning in the
Los Angeles
Times
.”

Julia looked stunned. “Caleb doesn’t waste any time, does he?”

“Apparently not.”

Ben patted Jesse’s lips. “Kiss,” he said. And Jesse gave him a loud wet raspberry on his forehead until Ben squealed with laughter and pushed him away.

“I want to go talk to Agnes and Ron tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Julia nodded.

“Kiss!” Ben shouted and Jesse leaned down again and raspberried the boy until he screamed.

“I want you to go with me.”

Julia took a deep breath. “Of course. We’ll do it together.”

“Together.” Jesse sighed, and he’d never heard a better word.

“Kiss!” Ben yelled and Julia and Jesse leaned through the small space that separated them and kissed each other on the mouth, the first of a million kisses just like it.

JESSE HOPPED OUT
of the Jeep and checked his watch.

Five minutes late.
Julia is going to have my
hide
.

He reached around the back bumper and grabbed the object of mental anguish that had caused his delay.

He was a smart guy, good with his hands, but putting together the blue bike with a red banana seat and silver streamers off the handlebars had him tearing his hair out.

But the finished product was really something to behold. Shiny and new, not a training wheel in sight. Just the sort of thing that would make a five-year-old’s birthday.

Ben was going to love it.

He swung the bike clear of the Jeep and jogged across the street toward Ladd’s.

Hopefully, Julia would be so high on fried
chicken that she wouldn’t notice he was five minutes late. Everyone invited to the party knew the only reason it was at Ladd’s was because all Julia, six months pregnant, and Rachel, four months pregnant, could think or talk about these days was fried chicken. Luckily, Ben was pretty fond of it, too.

Jesse and Mac, on the other hand, were getting pretty tired of it.

Once inside the dark interior, he headed toward the sound of Ben and Margot—his toddler niece—laughing in the back room. He pushed open the door and nearly ran into Agnes, carrying an empty plastic pitcher.

“Hello, Agnes,” he said with a smile. Julia told him he had to smile more with Agnes, make more of an effort at being friendly because the scrooge of his youth was actually scared of him, now.

“Jesse.” Her eyes darted to his then away toward the bike. “Oh, he’ll love that.”

“Let’s hope so.” He stepped aside so she could get past him.

“Thank you, Jesse. For having us today.” She said the same thing at every family function, as if she were out on parole and it could all be taken away from her with one wrong move.

He knew the feeling, had lived with it every day for the first year he and Julia were married. But every day after that, it had gotten easier to believe that what he had was real and his.

“Agnes,” he said and could barely believe it as the words came out of his mouth, “you’re part of my family now.”

He felt Julia looking at him from across the room, could hear Ben laughing. Rachel and Mac stood in the corner, tying a balloon to Margot’s pudgy wrist. Nell and her boyfriend were there, too, as well as the other women from Petro and Holmes Landscaping with their kids.

This is my family
, he thought, never tired of the realization.

Mills & Boon
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In Married by Mistake Casey Greene is scared
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Turn the page for a sneak peek at this
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