Hold Me (16 page)

Raphael storms into the room, his face a mask of fury. Jade presses herself closer to Caleb on the couch, and he puts his arm around her. Ever since the cops raided Raphael’s last party, everyone has been in fear of his reaction. There’s nowhere to run now since all the guards are in the room with hands on their guns, awaiting Raphael’s sign.

Caleb can’t help but feel his throat constricting. He doesn’t even want to consider that one of them is responsible for the raid.

“You’re lucky I know none of you had anything to do with that little disruption in my business,” Raphael says, his voice perfectly calm, but Caleb can tell by the tic in Raphael’s jaw that he’s furious.

Jade is still trembling in his embrace and he isn’t sure if he’s hearing the beating of Jade’s or his own heart.

“Sir, we would never say...” one of the girls speaks up, and Caleb closes his eyes, cringing. Then he looks up at Helen, who is now cowering under Raphael’s piercing eyes. Raphael steps toward her and backhands her so hard that she falls to the floor. Everyone watches in silence, not daring to get in Raphael’s way.

“Quiet. I don’t want to hear any nonsense. I have far more important questions, and I need those questions answered.” His gaze rakes over Helen who is sobbing quietly on the floor, then he focuses on Caleb and Jade. “You two. My office. Now.”

When Raphael storms off, Jade starts to whimper and Caleb pulls them both to their feet.

“Shh. It’s okay. We didn’t do anything,” Caleb says, squeezing her hand, but she gives him a desperate look.

“What if he thinks we did? Why’d he call us first?” Jade blurts, her wide eyes full of tears.

“I don’t know, but calm down. Please. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He leads her down the hallway. Making Raphael wait is a terrible idea, and the sooner they get there, the sooner they’ll be out. Or at least that’s what Caleb hopes.

Jade stumbles but keeps walking. She clings to Caleb as they step into the office. Raphael ignores them for a while, busy with something on his phone. When his feverish gaze lifts to them, Caleb doesn’t look away.

“You two have had new clients recently,” Raphael starts. “Noticed anything strange about them?”

“No,” Caleb says and Jade shakes her head, but a soft whimper escapes her lips.

Raphael cocks his head, glaring at Jade. “Why are you crying?” He gets to his feet, stalking forward until he’s standing in front of her. She lowers her gaze, but he tips her chin up. “Are you hiding something from me?”

“No, sir, there’s nothing...” she chokes out, but then she bursts into tears, which makes Raphael’s brow crease.

“I’m not sure I believe you when you cry and cling to Caleb like a demented child.”

Caleb grits his teeth, then decides to do the stupidest thing he could ever do. “She’s crying because you’re scaring her for no reason,” he says, lifting his eyes toward Raphael’s.

“No reason?” Raphael’s face is turning red, but his focus is now solely on Caleb.

“Yeah,” Caleb says, letting go of Jade and crossing his arms. “You vet your clients really well. You would’ve known if it was one of them. You’re just doing this because you’re angry.”

Just as he finishes the sentence, Raphael grabs him by the throat and shoves him against the wall. Jade gasps, and Caleb hopes she won’t interfere because he has Raphael exactly where he wants him—away from Jade. He can feel Raphael’s fingers tightening and he fights the urge to panic, and just stands there staring back at Raphael, who screws his nose up.

“Don’t push it,” Raphael says through his teeth. “And don’t look at me like that.” His grip on Caleb’s throat weakens, and Caleb knows he’s right. All Raphael wants is to take out his anger on someone, and Caleb would rather he do it on him than on Jade, Helen, or anyone else.

Raphael turns around and leans on the table, his shoulders tense.

Caleb slowly steps forward. “Maybe I can help you,” he says.

Raphael lifts his head, turns around, and just watches him for a moment. “We’ll see.”

Before Caleb can move or do anything, Raphael pushes himself off the table and roughly twists his fingers into Caleb’s hair. Caleb winces as Raphael slams him down on the table and presses his head against the wooden surface, sending pens and papers flying.

Raphael lowers himself until his lips brush Caleb’s ear. “I’ll beat your ass and fuck you until you scream, you little bitch.”

Caleb takes a deep breath as Raphael tugs down his pants. He stares at the wall, trying to block out the feel of cold breeze on his bare skin and the sound of Raphael’s belt pulling out of the loops.

“You, get out!” Raphael snaps, and Caleb can hear the door open and close.

Caleb sighs in relief that at least Jade won’t have to witness what will happen. The first slap of leather against his skin jolts him up, but then he grits his teeth, determined not to give Raphael the satisfaction of hearing him cry out. As the blows rain down on him, he closes his eyes and pictures Lilith’s beautiful face, as if she were an angel who could take away the pain.

When I open the door of my apartment and see Caleb’s serious face, tears nearly well up in my eyes from relief. I usher him inside, but as I come closer, he backs away.

“I need to talk to you,” I say.

His usual fake smile slips onto his lips as he tilts his head, his fingers going for the buttons of his shirt. “Talk? No, you don’t need to talk. You need something else.” He stalks toward me until his lips almost touch mine. I place my hands on his chest, swallowing hard.

“I’m sorry about what happened at that party,” I say, and he just blinks at me in confusion.

“Sorry? Why?”

“What Raphael did to you because of me...” I search his face for any reaction, but he gives me nothing. “And because I didn’t do anything to stop that man from hurting you.”

“What are you talking about?” He frowns. “You saw me have sex with a man. Is that what bothers you?” The corners of his lips quirk up. “Are you jealous? Do you want me only for yourself?”

“No, it’s not that.” I run my hand through my hair. “I know you didn’t enjoy yourself.”

“Ah, because you know me so well, don’t you?”

“I don’t, but I know what I saw. And you can’t convince me that it’s okay that Raphael treats you like that just because you didn’t want to talk to me. Does he always do that? Hit you when you don’t act like he wants you to? You don’t have to stay with him, you know. You can go off on your own.”

“I told you, you shouldn’t have come to that party. It’s not a place for you. You don’t understand how things work there.” He presses his forehead against mine. “I can take you to another one. Show you just how much you don’t understand what’s going on. You were standing way too far away to see if I was enjoying myself or not.”

“But...”

“Shh.” He places his finger across my lips. “You don’t know what I like, and I appreciate your concern, but I know what I’m doing.” His other hand finds my thigh and his fingers trail up. “And I know what
you
like, so...”

“I...” His hand slips into my panties and a soft moan escapes my lips. My fingers gently close around his wrist. “Stop. I don’t want you to touch me.”

He immediately lets go and steps away from me, but his calm mask is cracking a little. “Then what do you want?” he asks.

Katherine is right. No matter what I say, Caleb will find an excuse for Raphael or anything that happened. And really, why should he trust me? For all he knows, I could be Raphael’s spy. But no matter what, I can’t sleep with Caleb again. “I want you to help me make a pizza.”

“What?” He gapes at me. “Don’t tell me you asked to see me just so we could make food together.”

“Why not?” I shrug. “I like your company.”

He gapes at me as if suggested something absolutely crazy, but his eyes are soft and filled with an inner glow. “Okay, I can try to help you. I guess.”

“I give up.” I sigh, holding up my hands that are caked in flour. There’s dough all over me, and I’m sure I have bits and pieces of it in my hair. “This was a terrible idea. Let’s just call the delivery.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t give up so early. See? It doesn’t look so bad.” He shows me the dough he’s rolled out, a big grin on his face.

“But it’s all over me!” I look at my fingers with tiny bits of dough under the nails, and I can’t get it off. Too late I realize I just wiped my sweaty forehead with the floury back of my hand. Now I probably have flour on my face. “Fuck.”

Caleb looks up at me and bursts into laughter so hard that he nearly doubles over. “You look like you’re going into a battle.”

“Oh shut up!” I grab a handful of flour and throw it at him, sprinkling half of the kitchen floor with it.

“Hey!” He ducks, but the flour ends up in his hair and on his shirt. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I can.” I grin, and throw another handful of flour.

“Stop it! Who’s going to clean up all this mess after?” He picks up a bit of dough and rolls it into a small ball, then chucks it at me, hitting me in the arm.

I laugh, tears prickling my eyes. “Damn it. You discovered my secret. That’s exactly why I called you here. To be my housekeeper.”

“You didn’t!” He rushes toward me before I can throw more flour and grabs my hand. I back up until my ass hits the counter, and then I look up at him, my lips parting. He’s just looking at me, and his dark eyes seem endless. It’s so easy to forget the time around him. It’s so easy to act natural and not be judged.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the people who wouldn’t get all judgy on me and accuse me of acting like a child, as if it were a bad thing to have some silly fun from time to time. Suddenly he lowers his head and presses his lips against mine into a soft, gentle kiss. My eyes close for a moment and I drop the flour from my hand and place it on Caleb’s back. He pulls away, and I’m gasping for breath.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I shouldn’t have...”

“No, don’t be.” I place my hand on his face until his eyes meet mine.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he says, his eyes filled with pain.

“What? Have fun? Why not?”

“You should find a real friend or someone who can be there for you at all times. Someone who can have fun with you and laugh with you and make you happy. You’re wasting your time and money on me.”

“Caleb... but I’m happy with you.”

He covers my hand with his, and rubs his face along my fingers. “I know, but this has to end. You’re not supposed to be with someone like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” A frown creases my brow.

“You shouldn’t call me anymore,” he says, and moves away from me. “Not for anything.”

“Why? Is it because you don’t like me?”

“No, of course not.” His eyes shoot up, and he wraps his arms around himself. “I just don’t think we should be seeing each other anymore.”

“Okay.” For some reason, the idea of never seeing him again makes tears sting in my eyes, but I don’t plan to give up on him, even though I hate myself for lying to him. “If that’s what you want.”

He offers me a weak smile. “Thank you.”

I smile back at him. “Let’s finish the pizza.”

“Sure.” He goes back to the table, and busies himself with the toppings.

As I watch him, another idea springs to my mind. Maybe there is a way for me to help Caleb, even if he’ll hate me for it later. I’m not even sure I can begin to understand his relationship with Raphael, but I have to find out the truth. Maybe, just maybe, I can do it without looking suspicious and ruining everything.

Caleb turns over in bed, careful not to hit Jade who is nestled next to him, her face serene. Since he can never sleep on his own without having nightmares, someone always has to be with him. This time, however, sleep doesn’t come. Lilith keeps plaguing his thoughts. What does she really know about him?

Her questions were too close to home and he isn’t sure if he was convincing enough. If Lilith starts to poke around, she can put everyone’s lives at risk, including her own. But what if she’s actually working for Raphael and the whole thing was a test for him to see what he’d do? It wouldn’t be the first time Raphael did a test like that.

At least two people he used to know are dead because they failed the test. And Lilith... as innocent as she seems, maybe she isn’t. Raphael would have never let her near if he thought she’d call the cops on him. Still, maybe her innocence was why Raphael let her meet him. Maybe Raphael wants him to fall for her to show him what he can never have. And he’ll lose her... just like he lost Heather.