How I Lost You (7 page)

Levi hurried back and put his arm under Kya's. She whimpered and shrank away and he glanced at me for guidance. I shook my head and he let her go.

“Grace. I'm scared,” Kya said, wrapping her arms around me. A raunchy song in the background added a sinister feeling to her voice.

“It's okay, sweetie, I'm taking you home.” I turned to Lucas. “Asshole,” I said through gritted teeth. “You are an asshole.”

He blinked, his eyes open wide, contrite.

“I'm sorry.” He hurried closer and picked up the towel as it slipped off her shoulders again. He put his arm around her. “Hey, Kya. Don't cry. Why're you crying?” He adjusted the towel over her shoulder and said something in Kya's ear but she only sobbed louder.

“She's not very big, but I didn't know she couldn't handle her liquor,” he said to me.

“Not such a tough girl now, is she?” Steve called from his lawn chair.

“I will hose you down the next time I see you,” I promised Steve through gritted teeth. As if spraying him down with paint in a game of paintball could somehow help Kya now.

“I'm scared,” he said in a taunting tone.

I shot him a look meant to freeze his dark soul, but he merely grinned. Lucas patted Kya's arm but Levi moved in, and this time she let him and he started to walk her away.

“Is she okay?” Lucas asked me.

I glared at him. “Does she look okay to you?”

She looked like a TV with no reception. Broken. I turned my shoulder, cutting him off with my body.

“You should take her home,” he said in a low voice. “I didn't know they gave her pills.”

“Gee, thanks for the advice. And for taking such good care of her.” My mama-bear instincts flared.

“Where're her clothes and stuff?” I demanded. Lucas scooped up her fake Gucci purse and a pair of shorts and T-shirt from the grass and brought them to me, and I joined Levi to walk her slowly toward the gate.

“Where're we going?” she asked. Her shoulders hunched over and her eyes were hooded and glossy with tears. My heart broke for her a little more.

“Tell her I'll call her,” Lucas called as we left him behind us.

“Yeah, why don't you not do that,” I growled over my shoulder, trying to help steady Kya and walk her to Levi's car.

Between Levi and me, we managed to shove her in the backseat. I leaned down and strapped her into the seatbelt. “I should sit back there with her,” I told Levi. “To make sure she's okay.” I crawled over Kya and sat on top of the middle seat, tucking myself in beside Kya and fastening my own seatbelt.

She moaned and grunted. “Do you hate me, Gracie? Please don't hate me.”

“I don't hate you,” I said and she snuggled up beside me, her bare skin hot and her smell rank. She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. She slurred a few words, but in a matter of seconds, her face went slack and she seemed out.

Levi jumped into the driver seat. “Where to?” he asked, turning his head back. “She going to be okay?” He pulled out of the driveway and drove away from the house.

“I think so. She needs to sleep it off. God, I can't take her home like this,” I said. “My parents would have a complete fit. And her parents can't deal with it.”

Our eyes met in the rearview mirror. “She can come to my place,” Levi said. “There's no one home. We could put her to bed for a while, let her sleep most of it off. She have a curfew?”

A motorcycle roared past and I glanced out the window. “Not really. But she is expected to come home.” I thought about his offer and shook my head. “What about when Lucas gets back? I don't want her waking up there. It would be awkward. And no offense, but I don't trust him with her in this condition.”

Levi pulled up to a red light and stopped, turning back to look at us. “I'd like to kill him,” he said, “for his part in this. But I don't think he would do anything to a girl who was passed out. That's sick.”

I nodded as the light turned green and he turned his attention back to the road.

“One thing I've learned is that there's a lot of sick in our world,” I said.

We drove in silence for a couple of seconds. “I'm sorry you had to learn that,” he said.

I didn't respond, even though it sounded a little like a question. “Can you unroll the windows back here? She stinks.”

He pressed a button and opened both windows in the back a smidge and fresh air filtered in.

“She get like this often?” he asked. I heard judgment in his voice.

A spark of defensiveness flared up for my friend. “No. Not like this. Whatever they gave her knocked her out.”

Kya snorted a piggish snore as if to agree. Silent conviction floated to the backseat.

“She's a good person,” I felt compelled to say, and then a sudden flare of anger sparked up. “And what about you?” I snapped, irrationally angry and directing it at him. “Why're you worried about cops?”

“None of your business,” he snapped back.

He took a deep breath then and let it out slowly. “Sorry,” he said softly. “I made a mistake. I had some trouble with the cops. I'll tell you about it another time if you want. But this isn't the time or place. This isn't about me.” Behind us, a car honked and Levi lifted his middle finger at the driver. “I'm going the friggin' speed limit,” he snarled, even though no one could hear him but me.

Remorse washed away my misplaced anger. “I'm sorry. You're right.” I glanced down at my sad-looking best friend. I reached over and pushed back her hair from her eyes. She didn't even flinch. “She's been through a lot. I mean, I know it's not really an excuse. I'd never get this way.” I wanted to protect her, but a selfish part of me also wanted to let him know it wasn't something I'd ever do.

“It's okay.” But his reflection in the rearview mirror kind of told a different story.

My heart raced. I also wanted him to like me. My mind bounced back and forth. Self-interest. Protection of my friend. Levi. “She was raped,” I blurted out.

Then my eyes opened wide and my hand flew up to cover my mouth. My pulse pounded and guilt mixed with blood whooshing to my head. An instant headache blasted me. I stared down at the unresponsive lump who was my best friend, waiting for her to suddenly come to life and crucify me for betraying her.

I'd never told anyone before.

What had I done?

 

My heart thumped and guilt swirled heavily through my body. My head pounded even harder. The radio DJ chirped at a low volume in the background.

“For real?” Levi asked.

“Unfortunately. Very real.” I kept my gaze on Kya but she didn't move. “I never told anyone that before,” I said quietly. “I shouldn't have said anything.”

My parents knew, but only because they found me a crying mess in my room after the trial. I'd never told another soul. Yet, with this boy I barely knew, the secret spilled out.

My face burned. I pressed my lips tight, placing my hand protectively on Kya's arm, though she was completely unaware. Her head tilted back, her lips were open with drool coming out one side of her month.

It wasn't the image of the girl I loved. But. It also was. I swallowed an incredibly powerful urge to cry.

“Man.” Levi swore under his breath. “I'm sorry.”

An overwhelming need to talk brought tears to my eyes. “It happened before we met.” I stopped. Waited for something bad to happen. I half expected Kya to open her eyes and scream at me. But there was nothing. No repercussions.

“It's okay,” Levi said softly. “If you want to talk.”

I took a deep breath. Maybe it was because we weren't facing each other, or maybe I trusted him. I did. I wanted to talk.

“When we were fifteen, she asked me to come with her to the rape trial. She'd only been thirteen when it happened. I'd had no idea.” I took a deep breath. “She didn't cry. She pretended it was no big deal. She said she'd never told anyone else. Not James. None of her friends. Just me.”

I paused, closing my eyes to keep tears inside. Flashes from streetlights danced like tiny fireworks under my eyelids.

“I'd do anything to protect her.”

He nodded his head. “I get that, Grace. I do.”

I took another deep breath and continued, “It was awful, the trial, but at the same time, I was so proud of her for taking him to court. She tried to keep it from happening again. It took a lot of bravery to do that.”

“It must be hard,” he said. “Keeping her secret.”

“No. It's not. I'm her best friend.”

Silence.

“I can't believe I told you,” I finally said softly. “Please, don't say anything. Especially to Lucas. No one knows. Not even James.”

He looked at me in the rearview mirror. “You have no idea how good I am at keeping secrets.”

Something about his attitude, something in his voice, made me want to cry again and my breathing came out in short panicky hiccups.

“Seriously, Grace. Trust me.”

“Okay.” And for whatever reason, I did.

Silence hung thick in the air.

“It makes more sense now, why she kind of went off the rails today,” he finally said.

“Yeah.” I glanced out the window as we passed by a mostly abandoned strip mall. Real estate signs littered weedy grass in front of it. “The worst of it is that the guy got off light.” I looked back to Kya. Sprawled out, looking half-dead in her bikini. She was a mess. But how could I blame her? “He wasn't convicted. He was put on probation, but only for statutory rape.”

Levi shook his head slowly back and forth.

“She'd had a fight with her dad on the way to their cottage.”

Kya made a noise and rolled her head to the side. I touched her shoulder. She groaned but didn't wake up.

“Anyhow, she'd demanded to be let out. To walk the last mile. So her dad pulled over and let her out. It was cold and she had on a thin hoodie. He'd wanted to teach her a lesson.”

Levi didn't say anything but whistled between his teeth.

“It wasn't the lesson he intended. I mean, even now he can't deal with it. Her dad sold the cottage. Her whole family is a mess. Her mom hardly talks and she gained, like, a hundred pounds. Her sister moved out. Her dad is angry all the time and never without a beer in his hand. Kya pretty much does whatever she wants and they don't say a thing about it.”

I caught sight of a big white house on a corner. We were close to my street. “Would you mind driving around for a while? To see if she comes around?”

“Sure,” he said. “Of course.” He made a sudden turn to a street leading in the opposite direction and Kya's head rolled again. I moved it so her neck wasn't at such an odd angle.

Levi slowed the car down, someone honked, and he swerved to the right.

“Jerk! Sorry. You guys okay?” The passing lights lit up his profile. He had beautifully shaped lips and an interesting nose. Kind of bumpy, but it suited him. Embarrassed by my thoughts, I glanced down at Kya.

“Yeah. Fine.”

Kya and I never talked about the rape. Or the trial. The only time she brought it up afterward was to tell me that he got off. I reached for her hand, but it was limp and she didn't move or respond to my touch.

“At the trial, he told the judge he turned to religion,” I told Levi softly. “He talked about all these great things he'd done in the name of God since the ‘incident' two years before. As if that made a difference.”

Kya's head flopped to an uncomfortable angle again and hair caught in her mouth. I fixed her. She reminded me of a sleeping little girl, a hurt little kid acting out. I blinked back new tears. I understood. The innocence she'd lost.

“Did she ever get help? Like a psychologist or something?” Levi asked.

I looked up, surprised by his question. “A couple of times. But her dad comes more from the ‘suck it up' school of philosophy. She says she's fine, but of course she isn't.”

We drove in silence for a while and I saw the old rundown house that James was convinced was haunted when we were kids. I think he still believed. One could never be sure with James. I patted Kya's bare knee at the thought of our friend and it gave me an idea. “Hey, can you throw my purse back to me?” I asked Levi.

“Sure.” He reached across the passenger seat, grabbed my purse from the front floor, and tossed it over his shoulder. I pulled out my phone and pressed two on speed dial.

“Do you know where Cowrie Road is?” I said to Levi, waiting for James to pick up the call.

“Turn right on MacLeod to 194th and down past Reesor Park?” Levi asked.

“Yeah. And then turn left at the first stop sign past Reesor Park.”

“Hello?” answered James on the other end of my phone.

“James?” I repeated.

“Who you know and love,” he answered.

Levi pulled a U-turn at the four-way stop.

“Is your mom sleeping?” I asked, leaning into Kya with the rapid turn.

“Out like an overloaded circuit,” James answered.

“Good.”

“Good? When did you begin to harbor such dark thoughts about my mom, Graceling?”

“No. I didn't mean it like that. It's…well…Kya.”

There was a pause. Then he groaned. “What'd she do now?”

I glanced down at her. “Not sure exactly. Beer for sure, and some pills. She's passed out. We need to take her somewhere where she can sleep it off.”

“Good lord, the dereliction is tragically on schedule. Boozy stage. Check. Just what we need…an alcoholic Kya.”

“She's hardly an alcoholic.” I avoided Levi's eyes watching me through the rearview mirror.

“Give it time. Did you inform her it's not even ten o'clock yet?”

“I said she was passed out, James. So it's not like we're having in-depth conversations about time. It's a long story. Anyhow. Can I bring her to your place tonight? Your mom won't hear anything, right? I thought she could crash there? Sleep it off. If I take her to my place, there will be hell to pay from Mr. George Black.” I glanced at the street sign we passed. We were getting close to home.

“How're you going to explain her absence to her parents? I think even they'll notice if she doesn't show up at home.” There was an edge in his voice. More than anger.

If anything, it might do her whole family good if I dumped her off at home in her current condition. Make them face the mess. But Kya would kill me. And it wouldn't change anything.

“I'll use her phone and text her mom. Pretend I'm her and say I'm sleeping at Lola's. They won't check.”

“And therein lies the key to the problem,” James said with a sigh. “Parental neglect.”

“I know. But, James. She needs our help.”

“She needs psychiatric help.”

He didn't know the half of it.

He sighed. “Fine. Bring her over here. But you both owe me.”

“You're the best.”

“Tell that to my karmic advisor.”

I hung up and put my phone away. “We can take her to James's. He lives next door to me. If you don't mind, you can leave me there and I'll pick my car up tomorrow.”

I glanced out the window. We were heading toward our street.

“Sure. If that's what you want to do.”

I told him where to turn and he pulled up to the front of the house when I pointed at it. “Remember, James doesn't know. About…Kya.”

Levi glanced at me in the rearview mirror. I patted Kya's shoulder. “She doesn't want anyone to know.”

Except now Levi did.

If he couldn't keep a secret, I was in big trouble.