How to Raise a Jewish Dog (2 page)

As soon as we made this discovery, we realized it made perfect sense because all of us at the Seminary were from essentially
the same background: middle- or upper-middle-class assimilated Jewish American families. Our childhood experiences were quite
similar; our parents’ assumptions, their child rearing skills (or, as some said, their “so-called skills”), and the manner
in which they related to us as children were almost identical. And the ways each of us adapted and responded to his or her
childhood (through the use of psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, group therapy, antidepressants, and so on) were practically indistinguishable.

With so much in common—our personal histories, our outlook with regard to discipline and authority, our shared experiences
concerning food, obedience, obligation, punishment, blame, betrayal, guilt, and all the other essential aspects of raising
either a child or a dog—it was no wonder we were able to combine our insights into a single coherent, effective program.

This, then, became the Boca Raton Theological Seminary Program for Dog Training and Care. We offer it to our clients and,
now, to the reading public because it
works
. Study its principles, follow its instructions, and the result will not only be a fairly obedient and reasonably well behaved
dog, but also a very special bond between you and your pet.

We call it “the bond that lasts a lifetime—and beyond.”

T
he question we are most often asked by prospective clients interested in our Program is, “What do you mean by ‘raising a Jewish
dog,’ and why would anyone want to do such a thing?”

It took us thirteen years of discussing and arguing and revising until we finally came up with an official answer to this
that everyone at the Seminary could agree on.

How to Raise a Jewish Dog:

The Four Questions

1. Why is a Jewish dog different from all other dogs?

A Jewish dog has three important traits that an ordinary dog doesn’t have: an exaggerated sense of his own wonderfulness,
an exaggerated sense of his own shortcomings, and an extremely close relationship with his master.

2. All other dogs are praised when they are good. Why does a Jewish dog possess an exaggerated sense of his own wonderfulness?

A Jewish dog is not only praised when he is good, but he is praised
to other people
(“Look at what a good dog. Did you ever see such a good dog?”). This causes the dog to believe that he is good not only in
his master’s eyes, but in the eyes of the entire world. He thinks that
everybody
thinks that he is good.

A Jewish dog is also allowed to do things other dogs are not, such as eat table scraps, jump up on the good sofa, and sleep
in the master’s bed. These techniques—public praise and unconditional love and pampering—combine to bestow upon the dog a
self-image of being excessively wonderful, which leads to the dog being happy.

3. All other dogs are scolded when they are bad. Why is a Jewish dog “guilted”?

The function of “guilting” is to make the Jewish dog feel doubly bad about misbehaving. He knows he has been bad, and he also
knows that his badness has made the owner feel bad, which also makes him feel bad.

When he is bad, a Jewish dog is not only informed that his behavior may be bad in and of itself, or even possibly dangerous
to his safety, but that his badness
harms the owner.
This explanation takes place in private (“You went through the garbage again? Why do you do this to me?”) or in public (“I’m
calling you and you’re not coming? Fine. We’ll stay here. I have nothing better to do and God forbid you should do anything
for my convenience”).

In addition to making the dog feel twice as bad as a non-Jewish dog would feel, this public scolding leads the dog to feel
that
the whole world
sees what’s going on—not only what a bad dog he is, but how thoughtless and hurtful he is to his master, who loves him so
much.

Dog tragically out of touch with her feelings. We can only imagine her inner torment.

4. All other dogs have relationships with their masters. What is so different and special about the Jewish dog’s relationship
with his (or hers)?

Traditional dog training programs call for the master to assert him- or herself as the “alpha,” the dominant “dog” among the
“pack,” leading to a “boss-employee” or “parent-child” relationship between owner and dog.

We reject this approach for several reasons. First, we find it crude and unenlightened. In our opinion, it has led to a generation
of dogs out of touch with their feelings, too eager to please the master and too afraid to explore their true potential.

Second, it leads to an obsession, on the part of the master, with obedience for its own sake. In our Program, we don’t care
so much about obedience or wielding power over the dog or bossing it around. We care about
solving problems.

Third, the owner-as-alpha concept creates what to us is a very one-sided and, frankly, boring relationship, resulting in thousands
of dogs being turned in to shelters and pounds each year because their owners find them incompatible or “untrainable.”

Instead, we use a technique in which the owner and the dog
take turns
being the alpha—so much so that there are times in which no one is sure which is which! This keeps the relationship exciting,
dramatic, and fresh—for everyone.

Once people understand the basic approach to raising a Jewish dog, their next question invariably is, “I like your system,
but is it right for my particular kind of dog?”

Happily, after extensive study with literally hundreds of different kinds of dogs, we can give an unequivocal “yes” to this
question. Our system will work with any dog, whether purebred, crossbreed, or “mutt.”

Each breed of dog has its distinctive traits. For example, if you throw a stick for a dog to fetch, the response you get will
vary greatly depending on the breed of dog you’re dealing with.

•
A Labrador retriever will run after the stick, pick it up, and bring it back.

•
A Rhodesian ridgeback will look at you as though to say, “Good. Now that your hand is free, you can use it to give me a biscuit.”

•
A fox terrier will spin around three times, jump up and down, and look at you as though to say, “You just threw that stick
over there. That’s so exciting! Now what are you going to do?”

Accordingly, while any breed can be raised Jewish, each one’s special traits will be transformed in unique ways as a result
of the training. The following table lists breeds recognized by the American Kennel Club, along with their primary characteristics
and how they will be affected by our training program.

American Kennel Club Dog Breed Groups: Effects of Being Raised Jewish

Most dogs are mixed breeds or, yes, “mutts”—i.e., dogs whose ancestry includes a variety of different breeds (and different
mutts). Now, it is no secret that in certain social circles mutts are held in somewhat lower esteem than purebreds. There
may even be certain exclusive (or “restricted”) kennels in which mutts are ever so subtly made to feel that they’re not entirely
welcome.

We deplore this kind of attitude, and it goes without saying that it has no place here at BRTS. When we encounter an owner
with this sort of outlook, we remind him or her that “all mutts can be traced back to purebreds, and all of your precious
purebreds can be traced back to—guess what? That’s right.
Wolves
. So just let it go.” Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don’t, but what can you do? People are people.

In any case, all mutts are perfectly suitable for being raised Jewish.

In recent years a new technique has become popular—the deliberate crossbreeding of purebreds to create so-called designer
dogs. The results of this procedure—in which the cherished traits of two different (and often highly disparate) breeds are
blended into a single hybrid—can be delightful. Their names are, fittingly enough, formed by combining the names of the original
parent dogs.

Some Common “Designer Dog” Crossbreeds