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Authors: Jess Oppenheimer,Gregg Oppenheimer

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BOOK: I Love Lucy: The Untold Story
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Photo caption (next page):

At my farewell party Lucy (with Desi, Vivian, and Bill seated behind her) assures me and the rest of her guests that “We don’t feel we’re losing a producer. We feel we’re gaining a parking space.”

Six months after I left
I Love Lucy,
Lucy and Desi sold all of their rights in the show to CBS for what they considered an excellent price—$4.3 million. After all, they figured, the reruns couldn’t last more than a few years.

For my part, I had a hunch that repeats of
I Love Lucy
would be around longer than most people expected. A year earlier, in the fall of 1955, CBS had begun airing
I Love Lucy
reruns at 6:30 p.m. on Saturdays, and in December an astonishing thing had happened. The Saturday reruns of
I Love Lucy
had placed in the top ten shows on television, tying with
first-run prime-time
episodes of
The Honeymooners!
So when CBS offered to buy out my ownership interest as well, I told them I wasn’t interested. I had been lucky enough to be part of a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon, and my instincts told me to let it ride.

And I’m beginning to think that that wasn’t a bad idea.

 

Part Two: The Play
I Love Lucy: The Untold Story

Script for
I Love Lucy: The Untold Story,
written by Gregg Oppenheimer. First broadcast August 6, 2011, on SiriusXM™ Satellite Radio. On October 15, 2011, the 60th anniversary of
I Love Lucy’s
TV debut, the following cast (listed in order of appearance) gave a benefit performance at the Motion Picture & Television Fund’s Louis B. Mayer Theatre in Woodland Hills, California:

WALTER WINCHELL, DESI ARNAZ
:
Phil Proctor

BOB LeMOND, ELIOT DANIEL, CBS EXEC
:
Gregg Berger

SINGERS
:
Dora Pearson
,
Phil Proctor
&
Melinda Peterson

JESS OPPENHEIMER
:
Alan Oppenheimer

BETTY
:
Janet Waldo

LUCILLE BALL
:
Amy Pietz

RICHARD DENNING
:
Michael Weston

HARRY ACKERMAN
:
Ivan Cury

WILLIAM S. PALEY
:
Dick Van Patten

HUBBELL ROBINSON
:
Richard Herd

DON SHARPE
:
Stuffy Singer

MERCE
:
Lea Gould
(a.k.a. Lea Vernon)

HAL HUDSON
:
Tom Hatten

RALPH LEVY
:
Dann Cahn

MILTON BIOW
:
Tommy Cook

MARTIN LEEDS
:
Tony Lawrence

TELEPHONE OPERATOR
:
Shirley Mitchell

ROBINSON’S SECRETARY
:
Connie Sawyer

SOUND.
(
Telegraph key tapping—continuing under.
)

WINCHELL.
(
Rapid-fire, staccato delivery.
) Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let’s go to press...

SOUND.
(
Telegraph key tapping stops.
)

WINCHELL.
The romance and high-flying success of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz are well known to the public. Tonight I offer a sneak peek at
another
story—the fascinating
untold
story—of how
I Love Lucy
got on the air in the first place. The story begins in 1949. It’s been just six months since movie actress Lucille Ball ventured into the broadcasting world with her CBS radio sitcom,
My Favorite Husband,
about the socialite wife of a bank vice president. The show struggled at first, but then gained popularity and a sponsor after head writer Jess Oppenheimer transformed Lucy’s society wife character into a childlike schemer and a loveable scatterbrain. (
Pause.
) It is now Friday evening in Studio B at CBS Columbia Square in Hollywood...

MUSIC.
(
Fading in.
) (My Favorite Husband
theme song, with applause—continuing under.
)

WINCHELL.
...
where the cast is just finishing a live broadcast:

MUSIC.
(
Fade slightly for...
)

LEMOND.
You have been listening to
My Favorite Husband
, starring
Lucille Ball
with
Richard Denning
. Tonight’s program was produced and directed by
Jess Oppenheimer,
who wrote the
script
with
Madelyn Pugh
and
Bob Carroll Jr.
Be
sure
and listen to
Lucille Ball
in
My Favorite Husband
again
next
week, brought to you by the
Jell-O
family of
red letter
desserts.

MUSIC.
(
Jell-O jingle accompaniment—continuing under.
)

SINGERS.
(
Singing.
)
Oh... The big red letters stand for the Jello family. Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jell-O Family. That’s Jell-O. Yum yum yum. Jell-O Pudding. Yum yum yum. Jell-O Tap—ioca Puddings, yes-sir-ree.

(
Applause.
)

LEMOND.
This is CBS, the
Columbia
Broadcasting System. Bob LeMond speaking.

JESS.
(
Filter, reverb.
) (
Over intercom.
) And we’re out. Thanks everybody.

SOUND.
(
Overlapping.
) (
Audience members talking—continuing under.
)

BETTY.
(
Off—calling.
) Lucy! ...Lucy!

LUCY.
(
Calling.
) Betty! Come on down here!

(
Pause.
)

SOUND.
(
Audience noise fades slightly.
)

BETTY.
Hi, Lucy.

LUCY.
I haven’t seen you in
ages.
How are you?

BETTY.
(
Happily.
) Pregnant.

LUCY.
You lucky
bum!
Desi and I’ve been trying.

BETTY.
Put your feet up against the wall afterward. It worked for us.

LUCY.
(
Laughingly.
) Okay, I will! (
Pause.
) So what else is new? Are you still at Metro?

BETTY.
Are you kiddin’? As soon as they found out I was in a family way I was out on the street. Don’t you have the same pregnancy clause?

LUCY.
Oh yeah, that’s right.

BETTY.
Say, can you and Desi join us for dinner?

LUCY.
Desi’s not here. He’s on the road again with his band. But he said he’d be back in a couple of weeks—if he doesn’t get any more bookings.

BETTY.
I hate to break this to you, Lucy, but trying to get pregnant works a whole lot better if you’re both in the same city.

LUCY.
Yeah, well... But what can I do? Oh, here comes our director. I’m sorry Betty—let’s get together soon. You’ve got my number, don’t you?

BETTY.
Sure do.

LUCY.
Then call me tomorrow.

BETTY.
Okay. Bye, Lucy.

LUCY.
Bye bye.

SOUND.
(
Betty’s footsteps fading, man’s footsteps fading in.
)

LUCY.
(
Overlapping.
) Well, Bossman, how’d we do tonight?

JESS.
You were both fine.

DENNING.
Here comes the other shoe.

JESS.
What do you mean?

DENNING.
I get the distinct feeling you’re not telling us something.

JESS.
No, really, Dick—it was very good. It’s just that I know you can do better.

DENNING.
See, Lucille, what did I tell you? What exactly do you
mean,
Jess?

JESS.
Well... you could start by loosening up more. Have more
fun
with it! Ham it up!
Dramatize
what’s going on instead of keeping your eyes glued to the page.

DENNING.
I’m
sorry,
Jess. That’s something I just can’t do.

JESS.
Why not?

DENNING.
Because if I ever take my eye off that script, I’ll never find my place again!

JESS.
How do you know that until you try it?

DENNING.
I
did
try it. A couple of years ago.

JESS.
And?

DENNING.
Let’s just say it was an experience I’m not eager to repeat.

JESS.
But if–

DENNING.
(
Interrupting.
) Now don’t bother trying to change my mind on this, Jess. You’re just wasting your time. Anyway, I’ve gotta get going. I’ll see you Monday at the read-through. Bye, Lucille.

LUCY.
Bye bye, Dick.

SOUND.
(
Denning’s footsteps—fading.
)

JESS.
(
Overlapping.
) What about you, Lucy? Are you afraid of losing your place, too?

LUCY.
No, but I just don’t see the point, Jess. This is
radio,
not theatre. The people listening at home can’t see what I’m doing, no matter
where
I look or how
much
I move around.

JESS.
You’re forgetting the studio full of people right here, who
can
see you.
They’re
your audience. The folks listening at home take their cue from
them.
Believe me, the moment you look up from your script and start
acting
things out, the listening audience will
know
the difference. And they’ll
love
you for it.

LUCY.
(
Skeptical.
) I just find that hard to believe.

JESS.
Did I ever tell you about my first job in Hollywood?

LUCY.
I don’t think so. Why?

JESS.
I was writing for Fred Astaire’s radio show. Every week the highlight of the show was Fred’s big dance number.
Dance.
On the
radio
. And the only people who ever saw it were the ones in the studio.

LUCY.
Wellll–

JESS.
(
Interrupting.
) Then I went to work for Jack Benny. You know, Jack always gets bigger laughs
between
the lines than he does for the jokes themselves. Know how he does it?

LUCY.
How?

JESS.
He lays his hand against his cheek. Then he opens his eyes wide and looks out at the studio audience, slowly turning his head, like a comic lighthouse. And the longer he looks, the more they laugh.

LUCY.
(
Worried.
) But what if they don’t laugh when
I
look at them?

JESS.
Don’t worry, they will.

LUCY.
Well, I’m just not convinced.

JESS.
But–

LUCY.
(
Interrupting.
) Listen, Jess, we’ve finally got a sponsor, our audience is growing, and CBS is happy. Why risk changing anything when we’re doing just fine?

JESS.
Because “just fine” just isn’t good enough. Not for me. And it sure as hell shouldn’t be good enough for you. You could be the best comedian in the business. But not if you keep performing with one arm tied behind your back.

LUCY.
Sounds more like you want me to perform with my
script
tied behind my back.

JESS.
Well... It couldn’t hurt... (
Pauses to dig in his pocket.
) Here, I’ve got something for you.

LUCY.
Jack Benny tickets? What are
these
for?

JESS.
I want you to go to
school
.

MUSIC.
(
Jack Benny Theme
(
“Love In Bloom”
)
with applause—fade for...
)

WINCHELL.
Lucille Ball went to the Jack Benny Program that Sunday, and when she showed up for rehearsal Monday morning she couldn’t wait to try out the new, emancipated attitude she’d discovered. She started using her body more, turning to the audience. And Oppenheimer was right. The studio audience roared its approval. And sure enough, the show’s popularity skyrocketed. (
Slight pause.
) CBS soon began making plans to star Miss Ball and her radio costar Richard Denning in a TV version of the show. (
Pause.
) It’s December, 1949, as powerful CBS head William S. Paley meets with two of his top executives, Hubbell Robinson and Harry Ackerman, who has just made the TV offer to Lucy’s agent, Don Sharpe:

BOOK: I Love Lucy: The Untold Story
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